(Jia's journal)

I will try to deprive myself of you; to distance myself from you.

I will try not to look at you too much. Nor to initiate a conversation.

I will try not to mind how you look. Nor to mind how you speak.

I will try to resist breaking your walls; to resist trying to approach whenever you are alone.

I will try to look at what's bad about you—your inability to move on, your coldness, your indifference, your offenses.

I will try to ignore you each day in hopes that I will not hope for you.

I will try to calm my heart whenever you're near.

I will try not to swoon. I will try not to admire your smarts.

I will try not to dream about you at night

I will try not to sneak a peek.

I will try to protect my heart from you.

But don't go looking at me, too. With those gentle eyes of yours. It makes all of these futile if I catch you checking on me.

You're a tease, boy. Don't make this so hard on me.