23.

9 YEARS BEFORE THE WAR

Lotte followed Mr. Henri into the house.

"Did you see the coroner?" Mrs. Treebald asked the moment he was through the door, but he said nothing, as if he couldn't hear her.

"Is it her?" Mrs. Treebald continued to ask.

"Do they know what she is? Did they say anything? Henri..."

Like a sleepwalker, he went into his study and sat behind his desk, staring ahead into space. Mrs. Treebald let him go and have privacy.

Only Lotte was with him, but he didn't know she was.

It didn't take long for him to think about Lotte and begin crying again.

Lotte had heard the word 'grief' before, but she didn't know what it looked like. She felt wretched. Would she have been this way if Mr. Henri died?

She somehow didn't think so. It made her feel terribly cold.

Mr. Henri suddenly paused. He reached down and pulled up Lotte's tear that had fallen into the fold caused by the flap over his jacket pocket.

He stared at the glinting red gemstone. "What...?"

He could see her tears.

Lotte dumped a handful of tears onto his desk. They hit it with dozens of little clatters, spreading over the dark mahogany surface, red stars against a brown sky.

"Sera!" Mr Henri cried, jumping to his feet. "Sera come see this!"

Mrs. Treebald ran inside. "Henri, what is it?"

She stopped when she saw the gems on Mr Henri's desk. There were so many, Lotte had done a lot of crying.

"Nine gods, are those..." She picked one of to examine it. "Rubies?"

"They're tears," Mr. Henri said, voice cracking. "Poppin's tears."

Mrs. Treebald instantly threw aside the tear she held, face twisting in horror and disgust. "Her tears? Where did they come from?"

But Mr. Henri wasn't listening. He was crying again, hand to his chest. "My Poppin... My little Poppy..."

Lotte began to arrange the tears on the desk into words.

"Henri," Mrs. Treebald said. "Henri..."

"I'm sorry Poppy...I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you."

"Henri!" Mrs. Treebald cried. "Look!"

Mr. Henri looked.

I'M ALIVE, Lotte had written in red tears on his desk.

Mr. Henri gaped, they both did, as she scrambled the word ALIVE.

I'M HERE, she wrote.

***
PRESENT DAY

Why didn't Poe tell her? After all the things he said about keeping balance within her own body, why didn't he tell her about the seal?

In the end, all she had ever been to him was a casual fancy. An interesting project to be forgotten about when things were no longer convenient for him. More than leaving the home she always knew, what hurt most was the fact that she'd never see him again and he didn't care.

Did he know that she'd probably be dead even before reaching Serades?

Blue had insisted that he didn't really know what would happen once the seal vanished. He told her that he didn't know which part of her was sealed away. He told her, hopefully, that there was a chance he was wrong.

But Lotte could feel it. Not that she was dying, but unravelling, breaking apart one little piece at a time. There had always been a pull and push inside her, but being at odds with oneself was nothing unusual. It existed in everyone she met.

"Lotte," Blue said when she came to visit him in her dream the next afternoon. She couldn't bare to see the hopeless look on his face. No, she couldn't save him. She couldn't save herself.

"Let's not speak," she said, although she had spent the entire day, from the early hours before dawn till now, in complete silence and solitude. "Please, Blue." She moved up to him, taking his hands in hers. "I just need you to hold me."

And Blue was happy to hold her.

It made time pass with ease. Lotte had always wanted to love someone. She had always dreamt of someday, somehow, finding romance.

She hadn't wanted it to be tinged with sadness or to happen inside dreams. But a creature like herself couldn't be picky. This helped her. Blue helped her.

While Maloru was busy being a tree, Lotte learned to love Blue. She slept for as long as she could, prowling the dark hours of night alone like a wild beast. The Nahilian cultists accepted her behaviour, of course. She was a Leilan elf.

And then it was time to leave. The transformation enchantment was, thankfully, still going strong. Lotte waited outside in front of Maloru as the sun's first raws touched the sky somewhere behind the cover of clouds.

Maloru stood and stared at her. She'd missed his company when he was a tree, and not just because he was the only person she could talk with when awake.

Maloru, she thought.

"Lot—Sylv-something-something..." he said.

Are you still mad?

Maloru sighed, looking away from her. "I wasn't mad before," he said. "I was just...shocked."

I'm sorry...

"Don't be, it's fine." He still didn't look at her.

So she walked up to him and put her hands on both his shoulders.

Maloru... she began, but completely lost her line of thought when she noticed that something about him was different.

"What?"

Were your trousers always this short?

Maloru jumped back, looking down.
There were a full three inches of brown skin showing. "Wh—at!"

Maloru examined his arms. His sleeves were too short as well. "Aaaah!"

For a moment, everything was forgotten. Maloru beamed as brightly as the sun as he flung his arms around Lotte and then bounced away to look at his now longer limbs. "I'm growing!" he cried. "I'm growing! I'm growing!"

"What's all this racket?" Rowan said.

"Rowan! I'm growing." He waved around his arms and legs to show her. "It's all thanks to Lotte," he said, grinning at her. "She did this!"

"Lotte? What Lotte?" said another voice.

The three of them spun around. It was that boy, Igador, he had been standing behind them and with all of Maloru's yelling, Lotte hadn't heard him approach.

"Oh... n-no one, just some Lotte I know," Maloru said hurriedly.

"Why're you growing thanks to them?"

"It's... It's complicated."

"I thought you needed to get to Serades to grow?"

"No, I need to get to Serades so that the other elves will—"

Lotte put a hand on Maloru's shoulder and turned to glare at Igador.

"Excuse me, kid," Rowan said, crossing her arms. "But who're you to question Lord Maloru? Are you really a Nahalist or do you just pretend."

"No one is as dedicated as me," Igador cried, tapping his chest. "I've studied elves my whole life. I even know that your name means child," he said to Lotte. "It's clear to me who the real gods are. Not the weak Yomi elves. It's the Leilans. Nothing compares to them."

"You idiot, we're the same species!" Maloru called, his face darkening.

"You need to show humility next to her," Igador said, gritting his teeth. "How dare you talk about Lottes next to an enchantress. The only reason you're growing is Enchantress Sylvarnan graces you with her pre—"

Lotte felt the strange surge of overwhelming rage followed by a buzzing of power, exactly as it had happened that night when she spoke through Maloru. The boy, Igador, was suddenly on the ground, gurgling as he clutched his throat. As if something was choking him.

But there was nothing there, nothing but Lotte's anger. His legs twitched and kicked. He was looking right into her eyes, begging her to release him.

And she did, in horror. Lotte had never been violent. She'd only ever fought to protect herself.

But this wasn't her. This was the transformation. She wasn't only a Leilan elf in body, she also had Leilan magic at her fingers.

It was dangerous, deadly.
Igador coughed, rolling onto his side, chest heaving. "Thank you," he spluttered. "Thank you, goddess."
Trembling, he brought his knees underneath him and pressed his forehead to the soil. "Thank you for sparing my worthless life, goddess. I'm yours forever. I'm—"

"She wants you out of her sight," Maloru said. "You disgust her."

He stiffened, but he didn't argue. He got onto shaking legs and made his way back to the house.

They didn't discuss what had happened. Not while Maloru went to change into clothes that actually fit him, not in the tense car ride to the train station.

Not when they later had to see Igador again in his train conductor uniform when he snuck them onto a compartment on the train. While both Lotte and Maloru wore hoods to cover their heads and faces, Igador advised them tartly not to leave the compartment for the duration of the journey.

Their compartment had two rows of seats that folded into beds and another bunk near the ceiling. It took exactly a step and a half to walk across to compartment door.

Lotte had never been on a train before. It was a lot quieter and smoother than the tram.

The scenery flashed by. Green fields, brooks, bridges, houses, trees and hills, accompanied by the never ending clack, clack, clack.

She liked it.

"You know... trains aren't so bad." It was the first time Maloru spoke since that morning.

Lotte grinned, and nodded.

"Naah, I'm bored." Rowan said. "I prefer driving places."

Maloru crossed his arms. "So, I guess we should seriously stop calling you Lotte, huh?"

Lotte stiffened, raising her eyebrows.

"You're really an elf now, aren't you?" Maloru said "Gold magic blood and everything?"

Rowan's jaw dropped. "For real?"

Not exactly, Lotte thought.

"Then what was that?" Maloru demanded. "I felt it." He tapped a fist to his heart. "I felt it in here."

Lotte explained about the transformation, but not how she knew so much about it.

She didn't want to have a conversation about Blue yet.

She also didn't think it was the right time to bring up the matter of her seal. It was better just to pretend that it wouldn't happen, that it wasn't happening. She didn't want Maloru to start crying or for Rowan to be sad.

Self-transformation can leave permanent damage, Lotte concluded. That's why I'm worried.

"What kind of permanent damage?"

Lotte burrowed into herself. If I'd have changed myself into a fox I'd return to be me but only more foxy.

Maloru laughed. "Foxy Lotte. I like that."

"Oh? Is she being foxy?" Rowan asked. While she proved to be perspective, Lotte could tell she was irritated at being left out of the loop.

"Well, you were already pretty elf-y to begin with," Maloru said. "What could be the harm of a little more?"

Lotte didn't know what would happen. She didn't really need to worry about the long-term repercussions when she probably didn't have that long anyway.

Rowan gasped, eyes going wide. "Lotte?"

Lotte stiffened.

"I just got a message from the future..." Rowan grabbed hold of Lotte's hand. "If you save them, then the seal will fade."

Fintan crawled from where he was lying in Lotte's lap to her shoulder, his claws digging into her skin. She could feel his apprehension.

"Is that important?" Maloru asked.

"It has to be," Rowan replied, craning her neck as if listening to something. Probably to messages from her future self. "Great. I couldn't specify who you're going to save and what this seal is? And when will this saving take place? Hm?"

Rowan looked from Maloru to Lotte as if they would have the answers.

"Honestly, future Rowan is so sloppy," she finally said, tossing up her arms. "Any idea who you're saving, Lotte?"