I love food.

Don't get me wrong, I can diet if need be. But I'm a sucker for anything sweet and bready.

Before our outdoor fan meetup, I stuff myself with pastries. I may be eating my feelings, because it's not at all appropriate for me to be falling for a member of my group. Nonetheless, the cherry Danishes and the little bites of Japanese cheesecakes aren't going to eat themselves.

"You're really that hungry?" Jesstina says from behind me.

I flinch. I turn around, wielding an anpan in my left hand.

"Don't bother me," I say, turning back around.

Jesstina whistles through her teeth. She seems to be done with the display of pastries. The cafe near our fanmeet has offered us this space, along with their food and drinks, for the hour before we actually get to meet our fans.

"Is this about Jungkook?" Jesstina says.

I do a quick survey of our surroundings. Jungkook and Nabi are at a corner table, getting their makeup done again while sipping iced Americanos. The rest of the team is scrambling, carrying props outside for the fanmeet. We're safe for now, and I should tell the truth—like I always do with Jesstina and Nabi.

Instead, the instinct to keep my feelings secret, to protect the team and this shaky debut season, wins out in the end. I take a large bite of the anpan. "No," I say. "It's just the craziness of today. And this is natural for me—you know I can't resist a good pastry."

"Okay...." Jesstina doesn't sound thoroughly convinced, but she doesn't press me. "But girl, you are doing an amazing job as leader. I never knew you had it in you to put Jungkook in his place!"

I swerve around, wielding the anpan like a shield. "That is not what I'm trying to do."

"Well it's necessary," Jesstina says. She picks out a strawberry dipped in white chocolate. "I'm not saying you need to be a tyrant. But you're doing a good job, leading us—that's all."

Her smirk tells me more than the surface of her words. But I turn back to the pastries, watching as Jesstina heads off to the counter to order a drink. Despite Jesstina and Nabi knowing me better than anyone else on the planet, surely they couldn't have noticed my budding feelings when I just became aware of them myself?

I shake myself. I can't let myself forget that Jungkook could hurt me—just like the boys back in my high school.

As I take a seat, belly full with bread and sugar, one of the makeup artists promptly meets me, addressing the spots that have faded since the livestream earlier today. As she works, I can't help but recall one of the boys. He will go unnamed, along with the other boys, because I don't want to give them any more power.

He once addressed me in front of the class, saying that no one would ever want to date me because I looked like a sloth. I didn't know what he meant by that, but it hurt nonetheless, and for years after that I wondered whether there was something drastically wrong with my looks.

That boy continued to taunt and degrade me when the teachers weren't around. I sunk more and more into myself, trying to ignore the way the class easily laughed at my expense. When his taunting grew more extreme—mostly when we were alone in the halls—he called me names that I would never want to repeat in my head.

Jungkook may not be that boy, but he still has the power to hurt me. I can't let the fickleness of my feelings control me.

Once it's time for our fan meet, I lead the way toward the miniature stage that's been set up in front of the cafe. As I ascend, I cast my gaze toward the two hundred fans who were invited to meet us in person for the first time.

The screams are deafening, and even more so when Jungkook makes his appearance. Jesstina and Nabi have their own share of stans, with many fans chanting their names. I even hear my name along the mix, which is more than disorienting.

I clasp my hands together. "We are!"

I bow along with the rest of my members. "The Fates!" we call out together, interlinking our arms to create Xs—three in total.

The screams probably carry for a mile or so. When I take a seat, I address the fans with my microphone, thanking them for coming, telling them how we'll forever be in their debt for their supporting our debut. I mean every word, and soon, I can't help the pressure behind my eyes from building.

A single tear falls, and that's all it takes for me to cast spittle into the mic and crumple into myself. The fans gasp and cry out variations of "it's okay" and "we love you, Karma!" As I cry, I feel Nabi and Jesstina's hands circle on my back. Jungkook's hand joins theirs.

And I don't flinch away. In the hardest times, and in the brightest times like today, I felt their steady support. It won't be any different now that we've made our debut.

*

Backstage at the debut showcase, Nabi approaches me.

We both look stunning in our black and yellow skirts—the one I chose out—along with our pastel tops. We'll perform "Weavers," along with "The Girl Who Flew" and "Greek God." The word nervous won't do it for me. I'm practically shaking with every tiny step.

Nabi also cried at the end of our fanmeet. When she catches my eye, she smiles. "Are you ready?"

I ascertain multiple meanings. Ready not just for this showcase, but also for the career that we've been dreaming to begin for years. I nod, but my throat chokes up before I can reply.

In the dim lighting of backstage, Nabi glows as she grips my shoulder. "I know it's been hard on all of us. But with Yuna leaving, I saw you struggle so much, Karma."

I know that I was the last to completely accept that she was gone, that she wouldn't return to our group. Nabi also knows that I was the only one opposed to Jungkook joining.

"Thank you for leading us," Nabi says. "I couldn't do it, and neither could Jesstina. It's because of you that we made it to our debut day."

I stride forward and wrap her in my arms. I tell myself not to cry again, and thankfully my eyes remain dry as I pull away. "Nabi, I have to thank you too. I can't lead without you anchoring me down to earth."

Nabi hugs me again, and then it's time for us to enter the stage.

Jungkook and I share an almost imperceptible nod as we head out, greeted by the cheers of a thousand fans. As I take my place, I wait for the first chord of "Weavers" to echo out.

When I sing my first note, all my limbs controlled by the music, I look out into the sea of fans and am invigorated to give them more than a hundred percent. With every note and movement, I put everything I have behind it.

I'm sweaty by the time we make our first official greeting. We answer a few questions, many of them about what it's like to debut with Jungkook, and I answer every question honestly.

I don't have to fake anything. Truly, I'm just grateful.

"The Girl Who Flew" and "Greek God" also go without a hitch, although I almost break out into a sob fest during the former song.

When it's time to say goodbye, I take in the pressure of my hand against the microphone, the stage which seems to press up against my feet. I try to meet every fan's eye, laughing when they call for Jungkook to give them a kiss or to do a hair flip with his pink wig.

I catch his gaze again. Even with the emotions of the moment overtaking me, I can't help but laugh. He truly looks ridiculous, and equal parts beautiful.

I leave the stage with the weight of my first day as an idol, piercing through my lungs—and it doesn't kill me—it gives me life.

A/N: Would you say that you're a natural leader? Or not so much (like Karma)? I can't imagine being the leader of a group like the Fates, with so much pressure put on your shoulders!

I hope you're as excited as me for what's to come for the Fates.