The Yorozuya sat on the couches, staring intently at the coffee table in the center. Sougo crossed his arms and sat back with a proud smile on his face.

A katana laid in the middle of the coffee table with a gunmetal black hilt and a blade that glowed cold like morning dew. It trembled under their stares, unaccustomed to so much attention.

"Kiyomitsu-chan~, you don't have to be shy around them. They don't bite." Sougo glanced to Sadaharu, then to Kagura. "Most of them don't."

Gintoki narrowed his eyes at the sword, suspicious. "What is he? An Excalibur? Maganagi's successor?"

"Nope, Kiyomitsu's an incubus I met on the Planet of Sadists."

Shinpachi's face twisted in disbelief. "An incubus?!"

"Yup, they feed on pain and despair, you know? This one won't stop following me around, so I made a deal with him." Sougo held it up to admire the sharpness of the blade. "Become my sword and never go hungry again~."

The blade gleamed unblemished silver. Sougo slid Kiyomitsu back into its sheath before putting it away.

"But incubus are supposed to shapeshift into hot guys when they're not floating around as one-eyed octopus, yes?" said Kagura as she picked her nose.

"Yeah, but he dropped out of Shapeshifting School, so he only knows how to turn into inanimate objects." Sougo turned to the camera. "That's why, kids, stay in school! Or you'll never learn how to shapeshift into a hot guy!"

"What kind of school did you go to?! They never taught me about that!!!"

Gintoki stared at the two katanas at Sougo's waist— his Kikuichimonji and now this new one named Kiyomitsu.

"Oi, how could you carry those swords around on the streets like that? Didn't the Shinsengumi take away your sword license when they kicked you out?"

Sougo glanced down at his swords. "Well, the Shinsengumi's in charge of enforcing the Sword Ban so..." He raised his head and shouted confidently. "It's the Power of Friendship!!"

"What?! How corrupt are you guys?!" Gintoki yelled at him. "That's not how the law works!!"

"Oi Sadist, are you just here to show off your sword? Does Author-chan like you that much that she has to make almost every chapter about you?"

"The readers like me that much." Sougo turned his gaze downwards. "Just look at the stats for chapters that aren't about me."

Gintoki was too busy picking his nose and examining his booger to look. "If you want us to be your sidekicks for a chapter, you better pay us good."

"And pay me lots and lots of sukonbu!"

"I'm not here for a job request." Sougo stood up and stopped before Gintoki, bangs hanging over his eyes. He laid his résumé down on the table. "You hiring?"

Gintoki stared at the sheet of paper. The "Skills" section listed his areas of expertise: assassination, bondage, blackmail, voodoo, sleeping at work, killing his supervisor, backstabbing, brainwashing, racketeering, and torture (both physical and psychological). It was the most impressive résumé he had ever laid eyes on.

Gintoki looked up at Sougo with deadfish eyes. Sougo remained pokerfaced, but Gintoki saw through him. He saw something in his soul that he'd seen somewhere else before but couldn't remember where— the scars, the dreams shattered from a long fall, the shame, weariness and desperation that he knew too well. Ah yes, he'd seen it before in the Madao. But there's something else... Fear, like a wild animal on constant alert for predators.

Gintoki turned to Kagura. "Oi, what's our hiring process?"

Kagura put on a business suit and wore a stern expression on her face. She carried a pile of paper in her arms.

Sougo sat down on the couch with his hands on his lap as if this was a formal job interview. Kagura sat on the opposite couch, organizing her papers.

"You ready for the interview, yes? Um, first question." Kagura held up her script and read off from it. "Have you ever been in an institution? Cells."

"Cells," Sougo answered dispassionately.

"After you killed your Overseer, did they keep you in a cell? Cells."

"Cells."

"When you're not performing your duties do you sleep in a closet? Cells."

"Cells."

"Interlinked."

"Interlinked," Sougo repeated.

"What's it like to hold the hand of someone you love as they die? Interlinked."

"Interlinked."

"Are you still able to feel finger to finger? Interlinked."

"Interlinked."

"Do you long for having your guts interlinked in a human centipede? Interlinked."

"Interlinked."

"Do you dream about being... um, you know... interlinked?"

"Interlinked."

"What's it like to hold a princess in your arms? Interlinked!"

"Interlinked."

"Do you feel that there's a part of you down there that's missing?! Interlinked!!"

"Interlinked."

"How many girlfriends do you even have?!! Interlinked!!!"

"That's an illegal question!" Shinpachi interrupted. "You're not allowed to ask about his love life in a job interview."

Sougo ignored him. He stared at Kagura with his deep crimson eyes and his lips curled up into a grin. "Why do you think I'm here? Interlinked."

"Eh? I dunno." Kagura glanced down at the next question in her list. "Why do you want to work here? Within cells interlinked."

Sougo cleared his throat. "It has been my dream ever since I was little to become someone who can help others by doing odd jobs. Within cells interlinked. Within cells interlinked. Within cells interlinked."

A vein popped on Kagura's head. "Don't say something so BS!!"

He looked back at her with round innocuous eyes. "What do you mean? Every kid wants to be an odd jobs when they grow up."

"No way! You think I'd believe that? When I was a kid I wanted to be a fairy princess magic girl!"

"That's not the problem here," said Gintoki, visibly shaken by the whole exchange. "He... He passed... He passed the Baseline Test! What are you? A Replicant?! Did you feel no emotions through the whole thing?! Where's your humanity?!!"

"I'm a sadist," Sougo explained with a proud grin.

"But really, why do you want to work here?" said Kagura.

"You still don't get it?" Sougo smirked at her. "I want to spend more time around you... to get more scenes~."

"Oi, if you missed me, just say it." Kagura stared at him with hooded eyes. "Stop making up excuses to come here."

"Why would I miss you? I'm here 'cause the readers missed me. See, I didn't get to show up at all for the last two chapters. That was a whole arc about you and your Yorozuya, but not about me. If I become a part of the Yorozuya, every scene will be mine!"

Kagura balled her hands into fists, about to punch him. "You already have more scenes than anyone, you attention-whore!!"

With on swift move, Sougo took his bazooka out of his pocket. He held it over his shoulder, ready to shoot.

Kagura stared at the barrel pointed right at her.

"Duck."

"Huh?" Kagura crouched down.

Sougo fired a projectile from his bazooka. It zipped through the air. With a loud explosion, he blasted a gigantic hole in the wall.

"Gahhhhh!!! The wall!!!" Shinpachi screamed, still curled up on the floor with his hands over his head.

"Oi, what was that for?!" Gintoki grabbed Sougo by his kimono and yelled at his face. "Pay me the damage fees!!"

Sougo slipped out of his grip. He walked over to the hole in the wall and cautiously peeked outside. Smoke came from the edges. Some severed wires made zapping sounds. The passerbys in the streets below stood gawking at the sudden explosion. There was no enemy in sight.

"I don't have enough money." Sougo shrugged and grinned. "Guess I'll have to work off the debt now~."

"No way!" Gintoki shouted. "You think we'd hire you after you did this?!"

Sougo walked back and sat down on the couch.

He looked to the three Yorozuya members and his expression became serious. "Some assassins are after my life. Now that I've talked to you, they'll come after you too. So let me stay here, and in exchange I'll keep everyone safe. Deal?"

"You're the reason why they're here in the first place, you Assassin Magnet!" Kagura yelled at him.

"Maybe we should let him stay." Shinpachi glanced nervously at the hole in the wall. "His life might actually be in danger."

"You're the Prince of the Sadist Planet, yes?" said Kagura with a pout. "Just go home and surround yourself with your sadist army or something."

"Sadists drop dead from exhaustion if they got no place to land, you know?" Sougo glanced to Kagura, then to Gintoki. "There's no place in the whole universe safer than this den of monsters."

A sudden clatter came from the direction of the door. Sougo jolted. He stared at the entrance with wide unblinking eyes and his fingers curled tight around the hilt of his sword.

Gintoki watched him from his desk with a deadfish look on his face. He shrugged.

"I guess the Yorozuya could use another employee."

"Easy for you to say!" Shinpachi yelled at him. "You don't even pay us!"

"But we don't have any job openings here, yes? I mean I'm the Queen, Gin-chan's the Boss, Sadaharu's the security guard and Glasses is the cleaning lady."

"A cleaning lady?!! Cleaning lady?!!! Is that all you think of me?!"

Kagura rubbed her chin in thought. "Well, I guess we still need a guard dog."

"What?! Why isn't the actual dog the guard dog?!!" Shinpachi pointed desperately at the big white dog sleeping in the corner.

"Sadaharu!" Kagura went over to the Yorozuya security guard. "You gotta take good care of your new dog, got it? Make sure to feed him lunch and dinner and take him on walks every day."

Sadaharu continued sleeping, completely ignoring her.

Sougo buried his face into his hands in shame. "I'm a dog's dog now? How low have I fallen?"

Kagura grinned about his situation.

She stood before him with a sinister gleam in her eyes. "Sit doggy!"

Sougo looked up at her and a kinky grin stretched on his face. "You sure you wanna play this with me?"

He sat down cross-legged on the floor and waited for her to make her move.

Kagura tied a dog collar around his neck. "Now bark."

Sougo stared at her with his unblinking gaze. "I don't bark. I only bite~."

"Sadist!" Kagura held up her fist, about to punch that infuriating smirk off his face

Cough.

Kagura stopped.

Sougo started chuckling. "Ah, this works so well~."

A vein throbbed on Kagura's forehead. "Stop coughing already. The readers get it. You have a death flag."

Cough.

Sougo's eyes opened wide. He covered his mouth and doubled down coughing some more.

"Oi! Sadist?!" Kagura knelt down before him, not sure what to do. "I-I'm not gonna punch you anymore. I'm not gonna punch you, so... um... you can stop coughing now, okay?"

Sougo fell forward into her the warmth of her arms. Every breath sounded raspy like a clogged drinking straw. She put her arms around him and looked to the other two Yorozuya with pleading eyes for help.

"Okita-san...?" Shinpachi hurried over, numb from the shock of seeing the strongest of the Shinsengumi in this condition.

Gintoki's face twitched in panic. "I-I-I'm calling the ambulance!"

"Don't—" Sougo winced as he spoke. He struggled to breathe between his hacking coughs. "I... I just choked on my own spit."

"Liar!" Kagura's face scrunched up as if about to cry. "You're really dying from it, yes? You're really gonna die! Stop joking around!"

Sougo remained silent for a while with his face buried in her shoulder. He reached up to wrap an arm around her. Kagura furrowed her brows in worry, but stopped talking.

His chest heaved up and down, his body shaking as the air entered his lungs. His breathing slowly became smoother, but he remained in her arms. A faint smile appeared on his face.

"It's not that bad yet, Chinagirl," he said in a soft voice, still leaning against her shoulder. "I'm not gonna die, so stop looking at me like I'm dying. All of you."

The two of them sat side by side in silence as the clock kept ticking. He leaned against her, his weight against her body. His breath grew softer, brushing against her neck, as he recovered from his coughing fit. Kagura yawned. She made herself busy by picking her nose.

"Oi Sadist, you better now? How long are you gonna lay there?"

Sougo slung his arm over her before she could get up.

"I haven't slept much 'cause of jetlag, you know?" He opened his eyes and glanced to the door warily. "Now sit still, Chinagirl. Pillows aren't supposed to move by themselves."

With that, Sougo pulled down his eyemask. He laid down on the floor and made himself comfortable with his head on Kagura's lap.

Kagura looked down at the peaceful smile on his face– a rare sight. Just seeing him sleep, she could almost forget how much of a sadist he was.

A stream of drool dripped out of his mouth. It left a silver trail on his cheek as it traveled down his face. His drool continued to overflow from his mouth, not just a single stream anymore, but many interlacing rivers like the wetlands of the Nile Delta. A stain spread on Kagura's clothes.

Kagura's eye twitched. A multitude of veins popped up on her head. Unable to endure it any longer, she smashed her fist down on his face.

The sirens of an ambulance echoed down the streets.

***

The Shinsengumi showing off their swords:

Next time: The villain from Sougo's past makes his entrance!