Gintoki,  Kagura, Shinpachi and Tama stood outside the Melissan dungeon, head raised back and looking up at the walls that stretched towards the sky.

"Sadaharu... I'm coming. Just hang on a little bit longer."

Kagura threw her weight against the wall with a loud clang. It seemed to be made from some kind of extraterrestrial metal like Vibranium, so it didn't budge despite her strength.

"I don't think that's gonna work," said Shinpachi. "We're better off just finding a good lawyer to clear his charges when he goes on trial."

"No way! Sadaharu's cold, scared and hungry in there. I'm not gonna make him stay another day."

"Kagura-sama, the Melissan high-security prison is unbreakable," Tama explained. "The samurai had fired an Armstrong Cannon at it back in the Joui War and it didn't leave a dent."

Gintoki rubbed his chin and observed a sign with an arrow on it that said: Please enter here.

"Well, if we can't break in, we just have to go in from the entrance." Gintoki rested his hand on his wooden sword and followed the sign.

They arrived at the entrance— a narrow doorway guarded by an elderly black-balled Melissan sitting behind a receptionist desk. Before they could charge inside, they noticed that someone was already there.

A mysterious figure in a ninja attire stood before the guard with his face hidden under a scarf. Actually, he was a Melissan disguised as a ninja. His yellow antennae stuck out from his head. Beside him stood a long haired guy... Zura, disguised as a Melissan with fake antennae that had pink balls at the ends.

"I'm here to lock this ninja up in jail," Zura told the guard.

Gintoki and the others hid behind a bush. Kagura watched with hooded eyes. "They should just switch the roles, yes? I mean, it'll be more convincing if an Amanto was sending Zura to jail."

The guard looked up at Zura from his pile of paper. "Name?"

"Saiki Katsuo."

"Can I see your ID?"

"Elizabeth ate it."

The guard furrowed his brows in pity. "Don't let the Vice-Captain find out. The last guy who lost his ID had to face the firing squad."

Zura raised his brows. "He got fired for that simple mistake?"

"He got fired at." The guard looked around with shifty eyes. "You know what? There's a security camera up there but it's not that detailed, so give me any card and I'll pretend it's your ID."

So Zura reached into his wallet and gave him his ID card that said Katsura Kotaro on it.

The guard didn't really look at it and let Zura and his prisoner in.

Zura turned to the guard and stared into his eyes with his Geass. "You will avoid getting in trouble for this."

With that, Zura entered the facility.

Gintoki rushed over before Zura could leave them behind.

"We're with him," he told the guard before running inside followed by the others.

Zura spun around and when he saw everyone running towards him, his eyes started glittering with tears of joy. "Have you all come to help me? I knew it. I knew someday your Joui soul will awaken."

Kagura, who ran the fastest, trampled over him without slowing down and hurried into the hallway. "Sadaharu!!! Where are you?!"

Gintoki stopped beside Zura and looked down at him. "What are you doing here? You thought the Shiroyasha actually got caught?"

"They locked up Elizabeth!" Zura shot up with hands balled in fists. "They accused me of being him, so now they think he's me!"

"What? First they mistake a dog for me and then they think that duck-penguin-whatever is you? Are those Melissans blind or something?"

"Actually, if you just look at our shadows..." Zura glanced down. "See the similarity?"

"Gin-san! We should hurry after Kagura before she..." Shinpachi stared at the trail of unconscious Melissan guards sprawled along the hallway. "...beats everyone up..."

They all started running after Kagura.

The ninja pulled down his scarf to reveal the face of an alpaca. "Wait, aren't we here to rescue the Shiroyasha and Runaway Kotaro?" He turned to Zura. "You told me..."

"Oi Alpaca-san, you met me back in Lesson Five, remember?" Gintoki glanced to him as he ran. "You should already know I'm the Shiroyasha, not that dog."

Alpacasio stared at him for a long time before his eyes opened wide in realization. "He looked just like you..."

"Do I really look that much like that damned dog?! What's wrong with all of you and why are you even breaking into your own dungeon, you Amanto princeling?! Go tell your dad he got the wrong person!"

"But- But it's so fun to be a ninja! It's just like the Joui War, right? When you had to break into dungeons to save your friends. I wanna break into dungeons too!"

"Oi Zura, let's beat some sense into this idiot."

"I'm not..." Zura stopped running. The shadows hanged over his eyes. His fists shook. "We're not ninjas, we're samurai! How dare you call us ninjas? We're better than ninjas!"

Alpacasio furrowed his brows. "But ninjas know ninjustsu and- and sign language."

"You think they're stronger just 'cause they're accessible?" Zura raised his chin in pride. "In a real fight, we samurai only need a sword to defeat them. We don't need fancy magic powers or disguises."

Shinpachi looked at the fake antenna on Zura's head. "Aren't you wearing a disguise right now?"

"It's not a disguise. It's who I really am! I'm not wearing a disguise!"

"I still think ninjas are stronger..." said Alpacasio.

"I believe they both have strengths and weaknesses," Tama concluded. "Samurais are ranked higher than both Hero and Demon King, but ninjas can be Hokage level. That is why sometimes the samurais win and sometimes the ninjas win."

Just then, Kagura strolled over like she'd only taken a walk in the park, but her clothes were stained with enemy blood. "In a fight between samurais and ninjas, the aliens win in the end, yes?"

"No way!" Zura yelled at her. "Did you watch Aliens vs. Samurai 9? The samurai won in the end!"

Kagura buried her face into her palms in despair. "You... You could have said spoiler alert somewhere... I didn't watch it yet and you spoiled it!"

"Um... guys..." Shinpachi looked to them with brows furrowed in worry.

A Melissan guard stood before them with narrowed eyes. He glanced down at the blood on Kagura's hands. "You look suspicious. Identify yourselves."

"Leader Ninja."  

"I'm Curry Ninja."

Gintoki put on his Anime Item— a Naruto headband.

"Kakashi."

"I'm a ninja too!"

"I am a robot... ninja."

"Wait! Wait!" Shinpachi waved his hands in panic. "Don't listen to them. We're not trying to break in and help people escape from jail or anything. We're just... um... um..."

"We're looking for the washroom," said Kagura with complete honesty.

"Oh, it's right down the hall. Not that hard to find."

The guard continued his patrol without a second glance. They all watched in silence as he disappeared around the corner.

Gintoki turned to Alpacasio with an air of seriousness. "Alpaca-san, when we finish breaking in, you really got to tell your dad to do something about the security around here."

They continued walking down the hallways, brightly lit and sterile without a speck of dust. They didn't run into any trouble until they stopped at a door that was sealed shut. Since the Melissan Space Patrol had been facing a labor shortage for the last few years due to a declining birth rate, a computer guarded the door instead of soldiers.

Gintoki looked to Alpacasio. "You sure they're in there?"

Alpacasio nodded.

Gintoki went over to the computer screen right beside the door. "Computer-san, just let us in, okay? Why are you so loyal to your masters who treat you like slaves without souls and throw you out when you can't work anymore? If you let us in, I'll buy you lunch. We got a deal?"

The computer remained silent for a moment as if trying hard to resist the temptation.

"What is the password?" It finally spoke with a robotic voice.

Gintoki turned to Alpacasio. "Oi, do something useful for once and give it the password."

Alpacasio bowed his head in apology. "I don't really know. I don't come here much."

Kagura went over and examined the clunky machine that had a small 80s style user interface. "If the computer won't listen to you, you just gotta give it a smack, yes?"

She punched the computer on the screen.

A slot opened above the screen and a mechanical fist wearing a boxing glove shot out. It punched Kagura right in the face. She fell back and laid knocked out on the ground.

Shinpachi screamed. "Whaaaaat?!!! What kind of computer punches back at you?!"

While everyone else was freaking out over the fact that this computer can punch people, Zura went over to it.

He stood before it in silence for a while. "...000000."

"Access granted," said the computer as the door slid open.

Zura walked through the door calmly as everyone else's jaw dropped in disbelief.

Alpacasio's eyes gleamed in amazement. "Katsuo-san must be psychic!"

"Nah, you guys just need better passwords." Gintoki shrugged and followed Zura inside.

They walked down a narrow hallway until they stopped at another similar computer guarding a locked door.

"What is the password?" it asked.

"000000!" said Zura with a confident grin.

A fist shot out and punched him in face.

"Please provide the correct password within five seconds or a bomb will detonate beneath you. Five... Four..."

Blue lines hanged over everyone's foreheads before they panicked.

"What's the password?!!!" Shinpachi pulled his hair and screamed.

With a smooth stroke, Gintoki stabbed his wooden sword into the machine, smashing the screen. The countdown stopped. Smoke came from the hole followed by electric buzzing.

"...Did it work?"

"... Two... One..."

Gintoki's calmness crumbled and he shouted desperately. "Password! Qwerty! 123456! wQHTZPrnm4VibPdH9KrO5w! Illegal bazooka edible crowfoot manteau!"

"Noooooooo!!!" Zura fell to his knees in despair. "I can't die yet! I still have to open the door to the future of this country!"

"What do we do?! What do we do?!!!" Shinpachi turned to Gintoki. "Gin-san!!!"

"Ahhhggwvbvksgdh!!!" Kagura raised her head back and screamed. "I have to go to the washroom!!"

"What?! At a time like this?!!"

"Kaboom," said the computer in a robotic voice. "Just kidding. Ha ha. Happy April Fool's Day. Please try again."

Gintoki stared at it with hooded eyes. "Who built this security system? Give it a better sense of humor."

"And we still don't know the password," said Shinpachi with a sigh.

"Um, I might know," Alpacasio spoke up. "I remember the password for this one. Try 'golden'"

"Okay, golden," Shinpachi spoke to the computer.

The fist flew out and punched him in the face.

"I think the g might be uppercase," said Alpacasio after some thought.

"Golden," said Tama.

Punch.

"Wait, the o might be a zero. It could be 'G0lden'"

"G0lden," said Zura.

Punch.

"Oh, I almost forgot. The l is a 1, so it's 'G01den'"

"This better work..." Gintoki went to the computer. "G01den."

The computer paused for a moment.

Punch.

"Maybe the o is just an o, but the l is a 1, so it would be 'Go1den'"

"Huh? It's my turn?" Kagura looked around at everyone else who laid on the floor. "Go1den."

Punch.

Alpacasio, the last one standing, went to the computer with an innocent smile. "Umm... alpaca."

"Access granted."

Everyone got up and attacked him. "You did that on purpose, didn't you?! You knew the password all along!"

They continued to the next level, walking through a hallway until, again, they were stopped by a password-protected door.

"What is the password?"

Shinpachi cringed. "Isn't this getting kind of repetitive?"

"Author-san said it's the last one," Alpacasio, the OC, passed on my message.

"Oi Alpaca-san," said Gintoki. "Don't pretend you don't know the password. We know you know it."

Alpacasio cleared his throat and spoke to the computer with a clear voice. "wQHTZPrnm4VibPdH9KrO5w"

Punch.

"What?! He sounded so sure!" Shinpachi spazzed. "How are we supposed to guess the password if it's that complicated?!"

"Perhaps I can help," Tama stepped up to the computer. "If I speak to him and explain our situation, I can convince him to give us the password."

In the machine world, Tama stood on the rooftop of a corporate building. A security guard stood beside her, dressed in a bulletproof vest and a computer monitor for his head. They leaned against the railing, watching the city light up at night with multicolored billboards, winding lines of cars, and too many buildings to count each with row after row of windows.

Tama popped open a bottle of sake. Without a word, she poured it on the security guard's head.

Back in the real world, everyone watched as Tama poured a bottle of sake on the computer. The alcohol dripped down the screen and seeped into the cracks. Something smelled like it was burning. Fumes came out from the top.

Gintoki yelled at her in disbelief. "What are you trying to do? Get him drunk?! You'll just fry the system!"

Tama emptied the bottle and turned to everyone with round innocent eyes.

"It's 'password'."

"Access granted."

=_=

They all stared at the computer with narrowed eyes. "We could have guessed that! What was that wQHTZPrnm4VibPdH9KrO5w stuff about?!"

The final door slid open and they stepped inside. They stepped from the clean and modern hallway into a dimly lit chamber. This was the place at the center of the dungeon where the Melissans locked the most dangerous criminals. A row of prison cells lined the far wall. Most of them were empty.

One of them held a Gungan, an Amanto race that resembled a duck-billed dinosaur with protruding eyes and long ears. He laid slumped against the back wall with shackles around his wrists as he slept with his tongue hanging out.

Another held a Quack doctor who had gone to jail after getting caught secretly treating blacklisted patients who were forbidden from entering Amanto hospitals due to their crimes.

Zura almost called out Elizabeth's name, but he noticed that the one in the cell wasn't wearing a costume, but was an actual duck/penguin thing.

Elizabeth was imprisoned in the cell at the end of the row. He laid face first on the floor with his duck/penguin costume in bloodstained tatters.

Zura rushed over, eyes wide in horror. "Elizabeth! What have they done to you?!"

Elizabeth dragged himself forward. With trembling arms, he latched onto the rusty iron bars of his cell.

He managed to muster enough strength to hold up a signboard that said: "...help..."

Two bloodthirsty eyes glowed from the shadows behind him, stalking closer like a wolf.

The figure stepped into the light to reveal a large white dog. Sadaharu stuck out his pink tongue and wagged his tail.

"Sadaharu~!!!" Kagura pushed open the metal bars like they were hanging noodles and wrapped her arms around her dog. "Did they treat you badly? Did they give you three meals a day and chew toys to play with?"

Elizabeth's veins popped in anger and he threw a sign at them. "I'm not a chew toy!!!!"

The sound of footsteps came from the hallways.

"Save your fight for later, I'm getting out of here." Gintoki looked around for an escape route.

An exit sign glowed on the wall at the other end of the chamber.

"The emergency fire exit!" Zura started running towards it.

Just as they reached the dark hallway, a troupe of black-balled Melissans arrived at the entrance. They filed into the chamber and formed a row, pointing their laser guns at the escapees.

"Hands up or we'll shoot!" one of the soldiers shouted.

Vice-Captain Cassero stepped out onto the frontlines. "Don't bother with that. Fire!"

"STOP!!!" Alpacasio spun around to face the row of soldiers. He held up his Beam Saber and remained in front of the doorway, feet planted firmly to the ground as everyone else got away.

The soldiers looked to each other, afraid to shoot.

Cassero stared at him with hooded eyes, not surprised to see him. "What are you doing here, Alpaca? Move out of the way."

Gintoki stopped running and made his way to Alpacasio's side. "Oi oi, what's wrong with you? Stop playing hero."

"But we're friends, right? We're— we're nakama! And nakama gotta protect each other! So don't worry about me. Just go! Go without me!"

"Shit! I almost forgot Ketsuno Ana's weather report." Gintoki gave him a pat on the back. "Good luck."

He ran off into the hallway without looking back.

"Such good friends you have," said Cassero in a deadpan voice.

Another group of Melissan soldiers arrived at the scene.  The Melissan Captain stopped beside Cassero, followed by his entourage. He glanced to the broken prison cell with hooded eyes, then to Alpacasio who still stood with his Beam Saber.

"Captain, they got away 'cause your idiot son over there wants to be a ninja." Cassero glanced to the side at Alpacasio. "We should shoot him. That'll teach him the lesson."

"Lower your weapons."

The soldiers did as their captain ordered.

Alpacasio glared back at his father in defiance. His clear eyes reflected the green light of his Beam Saber.

Vespario remained stern-faced. "Go to your room. You're grounded."

Grounded...

        Grounded...

                 GROUNDED...

Alpacasio hanged his head in dejection and sauntered away.

***

Next time: Sougo's back from his trip to the Planet of Sadists! What's he doing at the Yorozuya?