It was a sunny day at the Melissan Embassy. The white marble columns of the Grecian-style building loomed tall over the lawn. A neat row of ornamental trees lined the path to the entrance.

Alpacasio stood before one of the trees. His eyes gleamed in determination as he stared at the snot on the trunk.

"I wish I was a ninja!" he announced to the booger god.

"What the hell are you doing, you alpaca?"

Alpacasio turned around to see Vice-Captain Cassero looking down at the glob of slime with hooded eyes. The older Melissan dressed in a formal military uniform, as if ready to accompany his Captain on a meeting with local officials.

"It's an important samurai ritual for making wishes." Alpacasio grinned proudly. "I learned it from Shiroyasha-san himself!"

"Shiroyasha? You mean the Shiroyasha?" A hungry glare lit up Cassero's eyes as a triumphant smile stretched across his face. "Where can I find him? Perhaps I'd like to pay him a visit..."

"You should!" said Alpacasio, glad that someone cared to listen to his travel stories. "He started a travel agency and the Good Good Edo City Tour was awesome!"

***

The Yorozuya trio had egg-on-rice for lunch. Shinpachi ate his bowl politely with his chopsticks.

Gintoki had already finished eating. Due to the ban on reading Shounen Jump in this fanfic, he lounged on the couch reading Gintama fanfics on his phone. 

Kagura downed bowl after bowl of rice as if it were a drink. She slammed down her empty bowl on the coffee table.

"Oi, why are we still Yorozuya?" said Kagura with her mouth full. "I mean, in the manga, we disbanded after that Final Arc, yes? Why is Sadist still alive? He's supposed to commit seppuku! SPOILER ALERT!!! And Zurump supposed to be prime minister now but he isn't! Are we in some kind of AU where everything's still normal?!!"

"No, I think this fanfic just got jossed*," said Shinpachi, finishing up his rice.

[* when new canon material disproves a fanfic, causing the two storylines to diverge]

The TV suddenly turned on by itself and the Evil Koala appeared on the screen. "Hey! Who says I got jossed? This fanfic takes place one year after the Final Arc. The latest manga chapters take place two years later. A lot can happen between now and then!"

"Stop trying so hard, koala." Gintoki looked up from his phone. "It might end up like the last time we had a Timeskip Arc where everyone's actually a boil, or it might just all be Patsuan's dream."

"Glasses! How dare you not make me appear in any chapter of your dream?!" Kagura threatened to punch him.

"And give me back my clothes," Gintoki added. "Stop trying to cosplay as me."

Shinpachi held up his arms in defense. "Ah... It's— It's not my fault..."

Without warning, a loud knock came from the frontdoor.

"I'll get it!" Shinpachi hurried away too eagerly, glad to be saved from their wrath.

He slid the door open. His smile disappeared to be replaced by a look of disbelief and a bead of sweat dripped down his face.

A crowd of more than a dozen Amanto had gathered before him. They were all Melissans like Alpacasio, except they had black antennae instead of yellow ones and they all wore plain military uniforms. Lately, they've been getting some Amanto customers here for the so-called Good Good Edo City Tour and Shinpachi had to turn them away before they got scammed by his boss. It must have gotten more popular, because there had never been this many people before.

Shinpachi gulped. "Um... Sorry, but we're not really a travel agency..."

Cassero pushed him out of the way and stomped inside leaving dirty footprints with his boots. "Where's the Shiroyasha?!!"

Gintoki strolled over and leaned against the wall with his arms crossed. "Oi oi, are all of you here for that Edo City Tour? I should let you know beforehand that we only accept payment in Japanese yen."

"Are you the Shiroyasha?" Cassero glared at Gintoki as he curled his fingers around the Beam Saber at his waist.

Gintoki stared back with hooded eyes that never wavered. A tense atmosphere filled the hallway like a fight could break out with a single spark.

"...Oh, that guy?" Gintoki shrugged. "He rented this place before us but never updated his address after he moved, so we keep getting his junk mail. That lazy bastard..."

Cassero narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "But my sources say he lived here in Chapter 5 of this fanfic so he must be still living here, and I don't give a damn if you're actually innocent." He motioned to his men with a tilt of his head. "Arrest him."

With a jolt, Gintoki's face twisted in nervousness and cold sweat started flowing down his forehead. "O-Oi..."

The army of black-balled Melissans filed in and charged at Gintoki to subdue him. Shinpachi and Kagura watched from the side with watery eyes filled with worry.

"Gin-san..."

"Gin-chan..."

Gintoki stepped back with hands held out in defense as the Melissans approached him. "W-Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait... You got the wrong person here. I'm not the Shiroyasha. Um... the Shiroyasha is him!" Gintoki pointed to Sadaharu who sat innocently in the corner. "See how white his fur is and that demonic look in his eyes? He's the White Demon!"

"Sadaharu?! How can you point fingers at poor Sadaharu?!" Kagura pointed to Shinpachi. "He's the Shiroyasha! He's just a pair of glasses, so he's the Shiroyasha!"

"What?! How can I be the Shiroyasha?! When the Joui War ended, I was just a toddler!" Shinpachi pointed franticly at Gintoki. "The Shiroyasha is over there!"

"No, he is."

"What?! No! You are!"

"It's you!"

"Her!"

"Him!"

"It!"

"They!"

"Me— I mean, you!"

"Bark."

"Gin-san!" Shinpachi yelled. "Stop throwing a fuss and go with them honorably like a samurai!"

"No way! If I'm going down, I'm dragging everyone down with me!"

"Just take his place, Glasses. You're a normal-looking character, so you're expendable, yes?"

"What?! I'm expendable just 'cause I'm normal?! There's no way I'm sacrificing myself for that half-assed samurai!"

Cassero looked back and forth at their exchange until it made him cross-eyed. "That's it! All of you! You're all coming with me! If one of you is the Shiroyasha, we'll just have to treat all of you as the Shiroyasha."

***

The four members of the Yorozuya stood in a criminal lineup at the Melissan Embassy. A harsh white light shined down on them, filling the small room. Shinpachi glared back in defiance, Kagura munched on a riceball she managed to snatch before getting arrested, Gintoki stared ahead with deadfish eyes, and Sadaharu gave a cute smile that revealed his sharp teeth.

Captain Vespario sat on a leather chair in an adjacent room, watching the suspects through the one-way mirror. He had ordered his Vice-Captain to catch the Shiroyasha— not four Shiroyashas.

Cassero entered this dimly lit room and stopped behind his Captain's seat.

Vespario gave him a cold glare. "I told you not to involve innocent civilians in this."

"They all look the same to me, Captain. They all look like Shiroyasha."

Vespario sighed and let the matter go.

He leaned towards the mic to speak to the suspects. "You on the left, you can go home. You're too normal-looking."

Shinpachi's glasses fogged up. "Really? Am I... Am I really that normal...?"

A black-balled guard entered the room to lead Shinpachi out.

Vespario turned to the next one in the lineup. "You with the red hair, you can go too. If it were you, they'd call you Red Demon."

"Oi! Don't discriminate against my hair-color. I can be Shiroyasha too if I wanted!"

The guards had to drag Kagura out kicking and screaming.

Vespario stared at Gintoki. Gintoki stared right back at him with lackluster eyes even though he couldn't see the Melissan through the mirror. The sound of the ticking clock on the wall echoed in the silence. Gintoki started picking his nose.

Vespario finally spoke. "The Shiroyasha wouldn't fall so low to become you. Go home and brush yourself up. Start contributing to society."

"Oi, I might look like this now, but I used to be a fearsome samurai, you know?" Gintoki examined his booger before flicking it away. "You can't judge the color of someone's soul just by how they look on the outside. I might actually be the Shiroyasha, you know? To hell with it. I am the Shiroyasha, okay?!!"

Vespario remained stern-faced. "Nice try. I've seen too many men like you who call themselves the Shiroyasha. Don't rely on someone else's name for fame and glory. Make a name for yourself if you have the guts to do that."

"..." Gintoki became silent with hooded eyes. He turned and left the room. "Oh well. At least I won't have to miss Ketsuno Ana's weather report."

Vespario turned to the final suspect.

Sadaharu sat before him, sticking out his pink tongue and panting. His round black eyes glimmered in the light. There was something menacing about his unmoving gaze, like the stare of a predator fixed on his prey.

"Mr.Shiroyasha, we finally meet..." Vespario spoke calmly, unfazed by his threat. "All the Amanto you killed, all the crimes you committed, do you feel a single shred of remorse? Do you have no conscience, Mr.Shiroyasha? Or should I call you... Inuyasha?"

"Bark."

***

Next time: Sadaharu's in jail, wrongly accused of being the Shiroyasha! The Yorozuya trio teams up with an unlikely ally to rescue him