Clack!

Clack!

Clack!

The lonely clacks of wooden swords echoed across the training hall. Most of the Shinsengumi policemen had gone out on their morning patrols, so the Headquarters were nearly empty.

Overseer Hambertio huffed in exhaustion as he swung his shinai, a bamboo practice sword, again and again at his opponent. Ever since arriving at the Shinsengumi Headquarters a few days ago, the Amanto practiced his sword every morning and every afternoon in this training hall.

Hambertio held his shinai with his pudgy hands and faced his sparring partner. Despite being an Amanto, this wasn't his first time practicing kendo. As the son of a Melissan police captain, he had to study sword styles from every culture in the galaxy. The Beam Saber was a sword after all.

His opponent, dressed in Shinsengumi uniform, blocked his clumsy attacks. Takeda Kannensai, Fifth Captain of the Shinsengumi, had a bulbous nose, oily black hair cropped to his shoulders and round glasses over his eyes.

Kannensai waved his shinai around in a complicated series of poses: a leap, a lunge and a pirouette. It looked like some weird form of ballet, but this was a legendary sword style passed down through the centuries from an ancient book. A true master swordsman would understand the meaning behind his moves.

"Male Female Darkness Light Fire Water Tiger Dragon Blast!!!" he called out his attack and charged at Hambertio, sword in the air.

Hambertio held up his sword and just stood, gaping like an idiot, too slow to react. Even with such slow reflexes, he managed to block Kannensai's ultimate move. All he had to do was stand still.

Kannensai fell to the ground in defeat. He reached out towards the light, groaning like a dying animal, even though he was never even hit.

"You're strong, so strong," said Kannensai. "You might be the strongest person I've ever fought!"

"R-Really?" Hambertio looked to Kannensai in surprise. He regained his composure. "Actually, I was born stronger than everyone else. It's 'cause of my golden balls!"

Hijikata stepped into the training hall. He leaned against the doorway with his arms crossed, watching the ridiculous swordfight with hooded eyes.

"You run off and hide whenever we're in a real fight," said Hijikata glanced at Kannensai in annoyance. "Of course he's the strongest person you've ever fought."

Hambertio furrowed his brows at Kannensai in suspicion. "What? Didn't you say you defeated all those bad guys?"

"N-No! No! That was part of my strategy." Kannensai became flustered and stumbled over his words. "I'm only pretending to run away to catch the enemy off guard. It's strategy! Strategy! That's how I defeated all those rebels!"

"You won all your fights like that?" Hambertio laughed at Kannensai. "Only a coward would depend on something like strategy! I would never run away from those weak little rebels."

Kannensai grimaced, his face boiling red, as the insult got under his thin skin.

"Some people fight with brawn and some fight with brains," he said in a voice shaking with anger. "A man as strong as you has no need for brains!"

Hambertio threw down his shinai. It clattered hard against the wooden floor of the training hall. "Shut up, coward! I'm thirsty! Get me some water!"

"You—!"

"You heard him, coward." Hijikata motioned with a tilt of his head. "Go get the water."

For a split second, Kannensai glared at Hijikata, but he quickly regained his façade of respect for his superior.

"Yes sir!" Kannensai gave a quick salute as he rushed past Hijikata.

Kannensai marched down the halls towards the cafeteria with the hardboiled face of a soldier, but inside, he fumed in anger at the Vice-Commander for ordering a great man like himself to fetch water like an errand boy, a coward. Only the late Advisor Itou understood his true value as the best strategist in the Shinsengumi— no, in all of Japan! But Itou was dead, executed for the foolish act of starting a rebellion, leaving behind no one intelligent enough to appreciate his talent.

As he poured the water from a kettle, a brilliant scheme materialized in his mind. He stared at the water sloshing in the cup and his lips curled into a proud smirk.

He glanced around with shifty narrowed eyes before reaching into his pocket to take out a small envelope. He poured the contents of the envelope into the cup of water, a white powder that became invisible when dissolved.

It was a slow acting poison that wouldn't kill right away. This way, no one would suspect him. The men who worked at the cafeteria would take the blame since Hambertio would collapse at lunchtime if he drank this now. That Amanto brat who called him a coward deserved to die... and so did the Vice-Commander.

Kannensai grinned, revealing his crooked yellow teeth. He hurried back with the glass of water, pleased at himself for coming up with such a great plan. If he could eliminate the Overseer who everyone hated so much, it would be another one of his great accomplishments. Strategists usually worked behind-the-scenes, so their achievements always ended up hidden in the shadows, but he knew for sure that sooner or later, the entire universe would come to recognize him as a genius.

Hambertio waited for his drink at the training hall with brows furrowed in impatience. Hijikata stood beside him with an irritated look on his face as he'd rather be anywhere else but someone, either Kondo or that stupid Author, told him he had to be in this scene.

Kannensai knelt down at Hambertio's feet and held up the cup. He raised his eyes and smiled in anticipation as Hambertio took the offering.

Hambertio stared into the water. He narrowed his eyes and furrowed his brows.

Kannensai's smile disappeared. He held his breath. Could he tell? There's no way he could know it was poisoned. There was just no way...

His mind raced for an excuse in case he got caught. He needed someone to blame.

"I said I wanted cold water!" Hambertio snapped. "You call this cold?!!"

Without the slightest bit of hesitation, the Hambertio threw the water all over Hijikata's uniform.

Kannensai let out a cry of surprise.

Hijikata's gaze drifted down to his dripping clothes. His face turned deep red like a volcano about to erupt. He glared at Hambertio with demonic eyes that should have sent chills down anyone's back... if they were paying attention.

"Do you not understand what cold water means?!!" Hambertio screamed at both of them, spraying spittle on their faces. "You humans can't do anything right!!"

Hijikata gritted his teeth. His fingers twitched but he stopped himself from drawing his sword. It took everything he got to keep the blade in its sheath. How badly he wanted to just forget about everything and cut down this asshole... but it wasn't only himself who would face the consequences. If anything happened to the son of an Amanto Police Captain, the entire Shinsengumi would receive punishment.

"Don't worry about it." Hijikata spat out those words even though he wanted to say something much meaner.

He stomped outside with his uniform drenched in water, mouth twisted in disgust at the bitter taste those words left in his throat.

***

Only a few days had passed since the Overseer arrived, but Hijikata had already reached the end of his patience.

He stood in the corner of the courtyard under a maple tree, swinging his sword through the air. Dark fumes bellowed out of his ears as he grinded his teeth in frustration. He didn't think he could last another day of attending to that Amanto brat's needs.

A red leaf drifted down in front of him. The blade of his katana sliced through the leaf in midair, splitting it in half across the middle. It looked like something only a master swordsman could pull off to show their skill, but if you really think about it, slicing through a falling leaf wouldn't be that hard at all. It was easier than hitting a baseball with a bat. After all, the leaf moved much slower than a baseball.

Kondo stopped beside Hijikata and smiled.

"Toshi, you look tired. Would you like a day off?"

Hijikata kept swinging his sword. "I swear, if I don't end up cutting him down, someone else will."

"Now, now." Kondo gave him a pat on the back. "Keisuke said he could take care of him from now on so you don't have to worry about it anymore."

"How long is that Overseer brat planning to stay here anyways? All he does is complain."

Kondo chuckled. "He might not say the nicest things, but he's trying really hard to become a better policeman. He's got an honest heart."

Hijikata stared at Kondo with hooded eyes. His mouth curled up into a slight grin as he slid his sword back into its sheath. "Only you could see something good in a spoiled prick like him."

Before Kondo could reply, the man they were talking about appeared from around the corner. Hambertio and his entourage of black-balled Melissans made their way down the hallway in a flurry of black and yellow uniforms. They resembled a swarm of bees.

Kondo waved at Hambertio with a big stupid smile on his face. "Hamu-sensei! How's everything going?"

Hambertio stopped under the maple tree.

"You!" He pointed at Kondo. "How do I say your name again?"

"It's Gori- I mean Kondo."

"Okay, Condom. Tell your underlings to stop sitting around. Father's got a mission for you."

He shoved a binder full of paper into Kondo's arms.

"Some rebels are planning to raid some warehouses at Port Curry Ham tonight," said Hambertio. "They're trying to steal some cargo that will get exported to some other planets."

"You mean Port Kurihamu*? My men and I could guard it in case they come," Kondo offered.

[* based on Kurihama, a real-life harbor located close to Edo/Tokyo]

"Good. It's a weak joui group, so even humans shouldn't have a problem, right?"

"Don't worry. We won't let anything happen to the cargo." Kondo gave a reassuring smile.

Hambertio glared at him in distrust before turning to leave. "You better not fail, or else—"

A tree root caught his foot. He lurched forward with a cry of shock and fell flat on his face.

"Hamu-sensei!" Kondo rushed over to help him up, while the black-balled Melissans just stood and watched with lackluster eyes. "Are you okay?"

Hambertio pushed Kondo away. He stomped over to the tree that dared to trip him and kicked at the trunk in fury. The tree didn't budge.

"Cut it down! Cut down this stupid tree and dig it up by the roots!!"

Hijikata grimaced at him. A vein throbbed on his forehead.

"Of course!" Kondo smiled with endless patience. "We'll get it done right away."

***

A gust of wind rippled across the dark waters of Port Kurihamu. The cold draft blew into one of the warehouses from the open garage door. It was chilly at night despite being warm during the day. 

The Shinsengumi had stationed themselves inside the cavernous storage chamber to guard the towering stacks of metal crates that lined the walls. The lamp hanging from the ceiling swung back and forth in the breeze, causing the long shadows to sway and tilt.

Symbols on the sheetmetal warned of the danger of exploding if not handled with care, one of them being: Do not place near open flames. A few of the crates were open... and filled to the brim with Justaways.

The Justaways stared into emptiness with dull half-lidded eyes. They looked innocent, but each one was as dangerous as a hand-grenade.

Sougo lounged on top of a crate, aware of the fact that it was filled with explosives, but didn't seem to care. An important character like him didn't have to worry about dying from an explosion.

Yamazaki sat cross-legged on the floor beside him. He munched on a bun filled with red bean paste known as anpan. He had a whole plastic bag of it by his side.

"What are the Amanto doing with all those Justaways?" Hijikata looked around with wary eyes. "Are they in cahoots with that Joui factory* or something? They could bomb a whole city with these."

[* the Justaway factory that Gintoki worked in after he lost his memory in episode 32]

"It's Gintama merchandise," said Kondo. "The report said the Zunboran otakus collect them."

Hijikata sighed in exasperation. "And you believe that?! How could there be Gintama merchandise when we're inside Gintama? You really need to stop believing everything people tell you."

Hijikata had lost count of all the times Kondo got in trouble for trusting people who shouldn't be trusted. If their Commander had one flaw, this was it.

He sighed and put a cigarette in his mouth. He had quit back in Kyoto and he knew he should really stop smoking, but... He clicked his mayonnaise bottle lighter.

"Hijikata-san~, can't you see we're surrounded by explosives?" said Sougo with a mean smirk. "You're putting all your men in danger for your own bad habits. You should step down as Vice-Commander."

Hijikata put away his lighter, feeling just a little guilty. He glanced to the side at Sougo and his eyes opened wide in horror.

Sougo knelt beside a campfire that he had started in the middle of the warehouse. He fed firewood to the growing flames like there was nothing wrong.

"What the hell are you doing, starting a bonfire in a place like this?!"

"It's cold in here," said Sougo like the reason was obvious.

"But the explosives!! You're doing something I-don't-know-how-many-times more dangerous than me!"

"Ahhh~ So warm~~" said Yamazaki as he held his hands near the flames with pleasure written all over his face.

The Shinsengumi policemen ignored Hijikata as they rushed over to gather around the fireside.

"Thank you, Leader," said an officer with a mole on his forehead.

"Our Commander Okita is so kind and considerate," said a man with swirly glasses. "To care about his men this much, he is truly a model samurai!"

"...zzz..." said an afro samurai.

Only Kondo could talk some sense into this room full of idiots. Hijikata turned to his Commander for support, only to find him curled up in a blanket by the fire, sucking his thumb and staring mesmerized by the dancing flames.

Sougo glance over at Hijikata. The orange shadows twisted and warped. His innocent face transformed into a grin filled with cruel satisfaction at having won everyone to his side.

"You... you..." Hijikata stammered, lost for words.

He stomped his foot and cursed, before turning to walk outside.

"Someday..." he muttered under his breath. "Someday, I swear I'll make that sadistic bastard commit seppuku... someday..."

***

The smoke from the cigarette rose to the night sky as Hijikata strolled across the shipyard. The seawater, like a pool of ink, lapped against the side of the pier. A row of cubic warehouse buildings stood like a wall of brick and rusted metal, separated by an occasional alleyway.

Port Kurihamu, once a bustling harbor, had been abandoned after the Amanto came. The corpses of wooden ships rotted in the water, having lost their value in an age of flying ships made of glass and steel. It was here in the sky right above where he stood that the first Amanto ships arrived decades ago.

The moon and the flickering street lamps gleamed in the water. A faint glow at the edge of the dark sky came from the lights of distant skyscrapers. The night was silent, away from the bustle of the city. He could hear laughter from the building he came from. The Shinsengumi were making merry despite being on duty.

Hijikata shrugged. Usually he'd supervise them to make sure everyone stayed alert, but it should be alright to relax a bit this time. According to the report, the Joui group was started by a bunch of bored delinquents who had never fought in a battle before and thought it was cool to be rebels. Unlike the Kiheitai or the Anti-Foreigner Faction, they barely had any members or weapons. Three out of the ten squads of the Shinsengumi were more than enough to fight such a weak enemy. That was if they even dared to show their faces.

The sound of footsteps interrupted his thoughts. Hijikata raised his eyes.

Five ronin samurai stood in his way. They grimaced at Hijikata as they held their katana ready to attack.

Hijikata glanced back. A few more enemy swordsmen came behind him, surrounding him on all sides.

They looked way too muscular and battle-scarred to be the inexperienced group of rebels described by the report.

Hijikata grinned, cigarette clenched between his teeth, as he slid his blade out of its sheath. He fixed his demonic glare on his enemies.

"Looks like it's finally time for some action."

***

A man stood on the roof of a warehouse, silhouetted by the full moon.

He wore bandages over his left eye, partly hidden under his long dark bangs. His purple yukata fluttered in the wind, decorated with patterns of golden butterflies.

His gaze remained fixated below as sipped smoke from his thin pipe. Like a god watching over the folly of mortals, he watched Hijikata slash his sword at the ronin samurai.

"I thought there'd be Amanto guarding this place, but it turns out there's only a pack of dogs."

His mouth stretched into an unsettling smile that resembled a wide gash across his face.

"I'll simply destroy everything."

***

Next time: The start of an epic battle...