A row of muscular men stood in attention in the courtyard of the Shinsengumi Headquarters. They all wore dog ears on their heads, collars around their necks and stuck paper cut-out circles all over their uniforms.

Kamiyama walked along the lineup, dressed in the same costume as everyone else. He made checkmarks on his clipboard. "Dalmatian #47!"

"Bark!" A First Squad officer called out.

"Dalmatian #48!"

"Bark!" said the next one.

Kamiyama stopped in front of Kumanaku who didn't get the memo and wore a vampire costume with a cape and plastic fangs.

Kamiyama took out a paper circle from his pocket and stuck it on Kumanaku's shoulder. "Vampire Dalmatian #49!"

"Bark..." said Kumanaku with a stern face.

Hijikata walked into the scene, dressed up in his Shinsengumi Vice-Commander costume as usual. He stopped before the row of men and only stared at them with a blank look on his face as smoke rose from his cigarette. "Let me guess. The 101 Dalmatians?"

"We are Commander Okita's dogs!" Kamiyama shouted with enthusiasm.

"Bark! Bark! Bark!" The officers joined in a chorus of people trying to bark.

"Howl." The guy with an afro at the end of the row held up his notepad.

Third Captain Saito also wore pointed dog ears on his head but he didn't have polka-dots.

"You too?" Hijikata turned to him. "What are you? A werewolf?"

"Wolfuro." Saito wrote on his notepad.

Hijikata stared at the absurdities in front him and a vein throbbed on his forehead. His inner otaku felt a dangerous urge to join them, but he clenched his fist.

"How old are you guys, still dressing up for Halloween?!!" He screamed at everyone before stomping away, eyes narrowed in irritation. "Why are we even celebrating a holiday for little kids?"

He didn't have to walk around the Headquarters for long before he came across a gorilla squatting in the corner beside a fire pit.

Technically, it wasn't a gorilla, but just a man dressed head to toe in a gorilla-suit. He was busy rubbing two twigs together in an attempt to start a fire in the pile scrap paper, as if the ability to harness fire could turn him into a human.

Hijikata sighed in relief. "Kondo-san, at least you're not wearing a costume."

He squatted down beside him, seeing him put so much effort into starting the fire with no avail.

"Are we having a bonfire tonight?" Hijikata took out his mayonnaise bottle lighter and clicked it. "Here."

The flames engulfed the pile of paper. Hijikata stood up and walked away.

***

Knock knock.

The doorbell rang at the Yorozuya office. It was nighttime, but the streets were lit bright by the moon and the lanterns. The Kabuki District bustled with people in Halloween costumes, just as hectic at night as in day.

Gintoki and Kagura sat at the coffee table unable to stop themselves from eating all the candy that they were supposed to be giving out to trick-or-treaters. Kagura dressed as Gintoki in a white robe that had swirly blue patterns on it.

Gintoki wore... a giant strawberry.

Kagura answered the door with her mouth full. "Who's there?"

"Boo," said the guy outside in a flat voice, not trying very hard to be scary.

"Boo who?" Kagura slid the door open.

A man with long black hair stood at the door dressed in a long-jacket. He wore an eyepatch over his left eye and had a fake scar on his cheek.

"Yes, I know the state of the world right now is something to cry about," Captain Katsura said in a deep voice. "But everything will change after—"

Gintoki looked up from his dinner. "Oi, Zura, isn't that getup kinda old by now? I thought you had more imagination than that."

"It's not Zura, it's—"

Before he could finish, a young man with bright red hair pushed him aside. "Out of the way! I'm Captain Katsura!"

Kamui stood at the door, smiling until his eyes squeezed shut. He was dressed in a pirate captain's costume (the clothes he usually wore). "Arrr! See? I'm a pirate."

"Baka Aniki!!" Kagura tried to punch him. "You're obviously Kamui!"

Kamui stopped her fist with his hand, still smiling. "Okay, then I'm Captain Kamui!"

Gintoki walked over, picking his nose. "You could have at least worn a wig, you know?"

"Hmm?" Kagura tilted his head. "But Captain Katsura doesn't wear wigs, does he?"

Gintoki and Kagura turned to each other, not sure about that.

"You here for candy or something?" Gintoki glanced to the candy jar on the coffee table that only had candy wrappers in it. "It's all gone. I mean we already gave everything away... Really."

"Aww, no more candy?" The shadows made Kamui's smile look sinister. "Then just gimme your Anime Item. I want a Death Note so baaad~~!"

"I don't have it," said Kagura with brows furrowed in annoyance. "Go pick a fight with that sadist if you want it that much."

"You mean your boyfriend?" A menacing grin stretched across Kamui's face as he started cracking his knuckles. "You must be blind to fall for a weak human like him."

A vein popped on Kagura's forehead. "He's not my boyfriend, stupid! He's just a sadist!!!"

She slammed the door shut on his face.

Gintoki stared at her with dull eyes. "Oi, if you keep denying it like that, people will think you like him."

Kagura didn't care. She only gritted her teeth as dark fumes surrounded her. Just as she started stomping back into the living room, the doorbell rang again.

Knock knock.

Kagura spun around and slid the door open so hard it flew off the wall and crashed to the other side of the room. "I told you HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND!!!!"

"Property damage!" Gintoki pointed at the broken shoji door, at the ripped up paper panels and the splintered wooden frame. "I'm deducting it from your salary!!"

It wasn't Kamui who rang the bell. Shinpachi stood at the doorway, petrified in fright and holding up his hands in defense as sweat flowed down his face. He was wrapped head to toe in white bandages even though he had no injuries.

"You can't do that, Gin-chan-san!" Kagura and Shinpachi both yelled at Gintoki. "It'll be negative!"

"A boyfriend, I heard?" Tae appeared at the door and turned to Kagura with a polite tilt of her head. "So you've finally found yourself a manservant?"

Kagura's scowl turned upside-down into a bright smile. "Anego!"

Tae and Kyuubei stood behind Shinpachi. Tae was dressed not much different from her usual clothes, except her hair was tied up with a blue ribbon. You wouldn't be able to tell it was a Halloween costume if not for the person standing beside her.

Kyuubei dressed like Himura Kenshin, complete with red on top and white samurai pants on the bottom. The katana that Kyuubei carried looked identical to the one that Kenshin had.

"O-Oro..." said Kyuubei, trying to stay in character but couldn't stop blushing from the embarrassment.

Kagura turned to Shinpachi and stared at him with hooded eyes. "Oi Glasses, what are you trying to be?"

"Isn't it kinda obvious?" Shinpachi displayed the white bandages that completely covered his body.

Kagura stared at him for a long time before the lightbulb lit above her head. "Oh, I get it! You're a glasses with bandages... Nerd glasses, yes?"

"What?! I'm a mummy! A mummy!!!"

Kenshin and Kaoru and the nerd glasses made their way inside, but something followed them. The black lumps on it dripped onto the floor in a trail of slime as pungent fumes rose to the air. It could only be described as one thing:

A giant pile of Dark Matter... growing legs and walking around.

"W-What— What the hell did you cook?!! It even came to life!!" Blue lined appeared on Gintoki's forehead as it loomed over him as tall as he was.

"She's reached a whole new level of bad cooking," Shinpachi muttered, but too loudly. A bead of sweat dripped down his forehead when he sensed the dark aura emitting from his sister. "I- I mean Kaoru! I was talking about Kaoru! It's there to show how Kaoru's bad at cooking. It's- It's just part of the costume!!"

Tae punched him in the guts anyways and sent him smashing against the wall.

Gintoki walked away from her with quick steps, glad that Shinpachi took the hit this time instead of him. Before he could get away, a flurry of white cloth fell down from the ceiling right on top of his strawberry costume.

"My hubby!!" Sacchan squealed as Gintoki tried to shake her off, but she latched on like a koala.

"Get off me, you curtain!" Gintoki shouted as he finally threw her off, free from her octopus grip. "What are you even supposed to be?!"

Sacchan stood covered in nothing but a white flowing bedsheet draped over her head. Only her red-framed glasses revealed her identity.

"She must be a bedsheet ghost," said Shinpachi.

"No way!" Kagura shook her head. "She's Elizabeth, yes?"

"I'm milk!" Sacchan waved the bedsheet around. "See? I'm so flowy~~"

Shinpachi stared at her with an awkward smile. "Um, wouldn't it be better to dress up as a cow or milk carton if you wanna be milk?"

"But I'm not a cow or a milk carton. I'm milk and I'm so lonely without strawberries!" She threw herself at Gintoki. "Let's be strawberry milk together~~! I know you like it!"

Gintoki tried to push her at arm distance away. "Aren't you already paired up with that butt-hemorrhage ninja? Go annoy your partner and leave me alone!"

"You jealous? Stop pretending~! I know you're jelly~!!"

In the corner, Sadaharu woke up from his nap at the sound of strawberry milk. He walked over and sniffed them before opening his mouth wide enough to fit both of their heads inside. He chomped down with his sharp teeth.

"Gin-san!!!" Shinpachi screamed in horror.

"Sadaharu!!!" Kagura screamed in horror. "Don't eat them! It's bad for you!"

Gintoki pulled his head out of Sadaharu's mouth with blood flowing down his grumpy face.

Sacchan's clinginess pissed him off so much that it put him in a bad mood. "Why does everyone keep coming here? Is there a Halloween party at my place that I don't know about?! Get out!! All of you! Out!!!"

He threw Sadaharu outside because Sacchan was still in there and the flying dog knocked away Tae and Kyuubei who stood near the door.

"The Yorozuya closes at five!!" he yelled at them.

"Noooo!!! Sadaharu!!" Kagura reached out to her dog with melodramatic tears.

Just as one Kenshin got thrown out, a second Kenshin appeared at the doorway. This one had long light brown hair tied up in a high ponytail and sucked on a straw clenched between his teeth. He glanced to streets below with round red eyes at the pile of Gintoki-love-interests and a dog, and thought nothing of it.

Rurouni Sougo turned to the Yorozuya with an innocent look on his face. "Trick or treat. Lick my feet. Give me all your goods, you NEET. If you don't, I don't care. I'll pull out all your underarm hair~."

"Gahhh!!!" Shinpachi covered his ears to hear no evil. "The original version is already inappropriate enough!!"

Gintoki stared at the red and white kimono that Sougo wore. "Wait... That costume..."

"It's my Ruroken cosplay," said Sougo with a grin.

"... It looks strangely familiar..." Gintoki's mouth twisted in disbelief as the realization dawned upon him. "D-Don't tell me the whole time in that Be Forever Yorozuya movie, you were dressed in cosplay! The whole world was falling apart and you were cosplaying?!!"

Sougo shrugged. "You see, after everything fell apart five years into the future, all the BDSM clubs in Yoshiwara closed down so I got really bored. You should try cosplaying sometime. You don't know how fun it is~."

"But Kenshin's gotta have an X-shaped scar on his cheek, yes?" A mean smile stretched across Kagura's face. "Don't worry, I'll give you one."

Sougo looked to her unfazed. "Then do you want to be that guy who dies by my sword*, or the one who dies as my human shield*?"

[* the two characters responsible for Kenshin's scar]

"I'll be Watsuki-sensei**!"

[** the mangaka responsible for Kenshin's scar]

Kagura took out a G-pen that shounen mangakas liked to use and held it like a sword. She attacked him with it and they wrestled on the ground as she tried to draw a scar on Sougo's face.

Sougo held her in a headlock, so she curled her fingers into his long hair it gave it a sharp tug.

His ponytail came right off.

Kagura freaked out. The long strands laid limp in her hands, coiling around her wrists. She stared at it with bulging eyes, jaw hanging open and mouth twisted in horror.

"Y-Y-Your hair..." Goosebumps crawled down her arms and she dropped it. The shapeless brown mess sat on the floor.

Sougo picked it up and reattached it to the back of his head. "I hope you get nightmares from this."

"Oi oi, stop fighting in my house," said Gintoki with a bored look. "We're out of candy if that's what you're here for."

Sougo tilted his head with round innocuous eyes. "You ate all your candy? Okay, let's go get more."

He turned and headed out to continue his trick-or-treating death threats.

"I don't mind having more candy." Gintoki shrugged and followed him outside.

Blue lines hanged over Shinpachi's forehead. "Hey... aren't we too old to go trick-or-treating?"

"You're never too old for anything as long as you're young at heart," said Gintoki, sucking his thumb like a baby.

"Yup, ageism is a form of discrimination, you know?" said Sougo with an honest look.

Kagura followed them out. "Oi Sadist, since when did you have such a sweet tooth?"

"I'm not eating it. I'm selling it later." Sougo grinned proudly as he explained his brilliant scheme. "It's a cycle. I take it from people this Halloween, then sell it to them the next Halloween and take it back again. It's the same bunch of candy, but I get to keep milking money from it~."

***

The streetlamps flickered in the park at night as a few hobos and a madao slept on the benches. The Yorozuya trio and Sougo slouched on a bench in exhaustion. They had only a few measly pieces of candy sitting at the bottom of their sacks.

There had been more people giving them weird looks or even closing the door at their faces than those who actually gave them candy.

"What was I thinking, going trick-or-treating with you guys," said Sougo with a sigh. "Should have gone with some little kids."

Two young boys stood down the path not far away. They both dressed in Kenshin costumes. The two little samurai faced each other, filled with vengeance as they fought a duel under the moonlight.

"I'm Kenshin!" One of the boys yelled.

"No, I am!"

"No, you're a nilly-willy!"

"No, you are!"

The boy pushed the other boy. "You suck!"

"No, you suck!" The other boy pushed him back.

Shinpachi turned to the others beside him with blue lines on his forehead. "Um, I really think we should stop them."

Sougo stood up and walked over to the children with his arm slung over the katana at his waist.

"Stop fighting, both of you." The big Kenshin loomed over the little Kenshins with a mean grin on his face. "Only I can be Kenshin."

"Gahhhh!! Don't join them!!!"

"Look, Kyuu-chan." Tae entered the scene with Kyuubei. "It's a Kenshin costume contest. Win it!"

"But I don't think we should be competing over—" Kyuubei didn't finish before getting pushed forward by Tae.

"Another Kenshin..." Sougo smiled as he drew his sword. The sharp edge gleamed in the darkness. "My sakabatou* is thirsty~."

[* Kenshin's reverse-blade katana]

"Gaahhh!!! That's no Sakabatou!" Shinpachi screamed as he pulled at his own hair. "There's no way you could become Kenshin. You're like the complete opposite of him!!"

Kyuubei drew the real sakabatou (Kyuubei x Tae's Anime Item) and held it ready, thinking hard about what Kenshin would say. "The sakabatou is a sword of peace... Um... With this reverse-blade, I'll... uh... I'll protect Kaoru-dono from dangerous samurai like you!... Um... oro."

"Hold it! We can't just be swordfighting for no good reason. Let's settle this in a Halloween spirit." Sougo put a helmet on his head and held up his katana. "The First Annual... Kenshin-Wannabe Faceoff!!!"

"That has nothing to do with Halloween!!" Everyone screamed at him.

"Let me explain," Sougo continued. "In the Kenshin-Wannabe Faceoff, you play one round of rock-paper-scissors... then you draw your sword and fight 'til everyone's dead and only the winner is alive. Anyway, it's something like that. It's a wild and aggressive game~."

Shinpachi screamed in disbelief. "What?!! A fight to the death over something so stupid?!"

"People die for stupider things than this," Sougo stated.

"Oi, what's even the point of the rock-paper-scissors in the beginning?!" Gintoki yelled at him. "And you can't just swordfight out in the open with innocent civilians nearby like me!"

"I'm not a policeman anymore, remember?" Sougo shrugged. "Public safety's got nothing to do with me~."

He faced his opponent, smiling with unshackled sadism. 

A bead of sweat dripped down Kyuubei's face, but Kyuubei stood, sword held ready, not backing down.

Before the fight could start, a man with green hair walked over. Bansai dressed in his usual leather trench coat and carried his shamisen on his back.

"I heard there's a Kenshin-Wannabe Faceoff." His sunglasses reflected glare of his opponents' blades.

"You wanna be Kenshin too?!" Gintoki turned to him in incredulity. "You don't even look like him."

"I don't need to dress up as Kenshin," said Bansai without emotion. "I am Kenshin, or should I say Kenshin is me*? I've come to claim my rightful title as the man behind the legend."

[* Kenshin is based on Bansai's historical character]

Bansai stepped forward and drew his blade from his shamisen to face Sougo and Kyuubei.

"Someone... Someone stop them..." Bead of cold sweat dripped down Shinpachi's clammy face. "It's getting more and more dangerous by the second!!"

"Please don't draw your sword so easily, my little fox." A voice came from the grove of trees that lined the path. "It's not nice to kill people."

A man with a paper bag over his head stood motionless in the shadows as if he had materialized out of nowhere. He dressed in the same red and white kimono as the other Kenshins and wore a katana at his waist.

"A sword is a weapon." The Paperbag Man stepped onto the moonlit path. "Swordsmanship is learning how to kill. That is its true nature."

Sougo stared at the Paperbag Man with unblinking red eyes, no longer smiling. 

The three Kenshins no longer pointed their swords at each other, only at the newcomer.

"Whatever pretty words you use to speak of it is play-talk that only those who never stained their hands can say." The Paperbag Man slid his sword out of its sheath, slowly as the blade scraped against the metal. "But I prefer this playfighting over its true nature. I wish that in the world to come, this playfighting shall become its true nature."

The Paperbag Man held his katana loose in his hand. The silver blade reflected the moon like a mirror.

"That— That's not playfighting..." Shinpachi stared at the Paperbag Man with a really bad feeling in his guts. "Gin-san, we have to stop this. Someone's really gonna get killed... Gin-san?"

A guy dressed like a strawberry appeared behind the Paperbag Man. Without a moment of hesitation, he swung his wooden sword down on his enemy's head.

"Oro." The Paperbag Man tensed up.

He fell over like a stiff plank, face-first to the ground and just laid there.

They all stared at the defeated enemy in silence. A dried leaf blew past in the chilly autumn wind.

"G-Gin-san... you know what you just did?!" Sweat dripped from Shinpachi's forehead. "You knocked out the main villain... and in a special chapter!! What are we gonna do for the rest of the book?!!"

Gintoki only picked his nose.

A grin appeared on Sougo's face. "One Kenshin down, two more to go~."

"Screw it, make that three." Gintoki stopped Sougo with his sword. "I got Kenshin's employment history, so count me in."

The entire fight became a cloud of dust with arms and legs sticking out and people tossing stars at each other. It was impossible to tell who was winning or even who was who, because choreographing a fight scene was too much work.

Shinpachi stood with his face in his palms, unable to look at the mess this had become. He shook his head in despair.

Tae watched behind the bench with a polite smile on her face, covering her mouth with her dainty hand. Her pile of Dark Matter just sat behind her.

Kagura's eyes sparkled in excitement as she pounded the bench to splinters. "Fight! Fight! Fight!" The urge to punch someone boiled over inside her. She could no longer stand to watch from the sidelines. "I'm a Kenshin-Wannabe too! I got his hair color!"

She leapt over the bench and contributed to the chaos with her fists.

The wind rustled the autumn leaves and crickets chirped happily in the grass, unaware of the fact that winter was coming.

The two boys who started this fight only stood at the side of the path staring at the violence before them— their first glimpse into the cutthroat world of adults. A heavy atmosphere weighed down on them.

One of the boys turned to the other boy. "I'm sorry I called you a nilly-willy."

"That's okay. I'm sorry I said you suck."

"That's okay." He held out his hand to the other boy. "Let's both be Kenshin."

"Okay."

The two little kids shook hands and left the park together while the grownups kept fighting.

***

Hijikata stood in front of a park bench, the moonlight shining against his back and casting a shadow over the brown-haired rurouni.

Sougo sat slumped on the bench, panting hard with scratches all over his body, but the widest grin on his face.

"I heard some thugs were having a brawl in the park... only to find it's you!!" Hijikata grabbed Sougo by the collar and screamed at his face.

The Shinsengumi had come to break up the fight. The other officers were talking with the other Kenshins... or trying to. Whoever came within contact of Kyuubei got thrown into the air. Kyuubei was surrounded by many officers flying off in all directions like the repelling poles of magnets. Gintoki and Kagura just stood picking their noses beside a gorilla, and Bansai had scooted off before he could get caught.

"That's it!" Hijikata yelled to everyone who could hear. "You're all under arrest for public disturbance!"

Sougo looked to the side with hooded eyes and a casual smile. "Kondo-san~, that mayo bastard said he wants to arrest me. Can you do something about it?"

Hijikata narrowed his eyes at Sougo. "Who are you talking to?"

Tae stood beside the bench with the pile of Dark Matter right next to her.

The Dark Matter uncurled itself. It stood up to reveal a man, naked and dripping in black gunk... no, a gorilla.

"Otae-chan~~," Kondo held out his open arms. "I'm your shadow!"

"Aww~..." Tae covered her smile with a hand. "How fucking gross!"

She high-kicked Kondo right in the face sending him flying back.

"How dare you call my shadow a pile of Dark Matter?! How dare you?!!"

Sougo and Hijikata only watched from where they were with bored looks on their faces as their Commander got beaten up by his stalking-victim.

"Wait... If Kondo-san's over there..." Hijikata turned his gaze to the man in the gorilla-suit. "Then who's that gorilla?"

"It's not gorilla," said the gorilla. "It's Commander Katsur— AhhhhhHHHH!!!"

Hijikata slashed his katana at Zura before he could finish. Zura ran off and Hijikata chased him with his sword in the air.

"But... if Zura's a gorilla..." Gintoki remembered that guy dressed like a pirate captain who stood at his door a few scenes ago. "Who's Captain Katsura?"

"It's not Captain Katsura," a dark voice came from behind.

Everyone spun around.

"It's Takasugi."  

Takasugi stood down the path with his back to them, dressed in a pirate costume and long black hair that reached his butt.

"What?! Then the eyepatch was real?!!" Gintoki yelled at him in astonishment.

Takasugi raise his head back to look at the moon. "The moon is shining so pale tonight. How could such light exist in this corrupt world? A light pure like the untouched skin of a young maiden—" He raised his head too far back and his wig slipped to the ground to reveal a half-bald samurai haircut. "Oops."

"You're that pedo-feminist?! What the hell is this? Henpeita pretending to be Takasugi pretending to be Captain Katsura?!!"

"Author-san made this chapter way too long," said Sougo with a shrug. "Everyone's too tired to think properly.  Let's just scream."

So they all screamed.

AHHHHWFHPRSGPNIHRPSROEHUSGFRRGHWHFDRHGIWEGBFIDSHVSWHGSGSDWGURGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

***

Next time: "Is it too hard to understand? Since it's a fanfic, we can do things we're not allowed to do in the anime." Sougo glanced to Kagura and smirked.