Sougo stood in barren wasteland with dunes like the waves of the ocean. A few boulders and dead trees littered the bleak landscape of the Planet of Sadists, and the sun glowed like a red orb behind the haze. Instead of birds, occasional flocks of incubus drifted across the flaming red sky with tentacles trailing behind them, searching for unsuspecting prey to feed on its suffering and despair and drain away its lifeforce.

Sougo trudged ahead leaving a trail footprints in the red sand. He was on his way to the Citadel, only a short walk from the Galactic Public Transit Stop where he got off the spaceship. A sun-bleached skeleton laid half buried in the sand, wearing rags that he could still recognize as the Shinsengumi uniform. Sougo walked past without more than a glance.

In the distance, two incubus wrestled on the ground. One of them had its tentacles wrapped tight around the other trying to suffocate it, and the other one squirmed desperately in pain. Their main prey consisted of humans but when food was scarce, they had no qualms about resorting to cannibalism.

From the corner of his eye, Sougo could see another one of those octopus creatures floating behind him stalking him. It had been following him ever since he got off the spaceship.

He wasn't too worried about becoming its victim since it was probably a weak and inexperienced youngster who would only posed a threat if he was unconscious or otherwise unable to fight it off. An incubus more skilled at shapeshifting would spend most of its time in human form to blend in with its prey rather than its original octopus form.

Without warning Sougo spun around, expecting the incubus to shapeshift into a rock or a piece of wood as camouflage like they usually do to prevent their prey from noticing their presence.

He raised his brows. The incubus before him was neither a rock nor a human, but a sword. A fine katana stood staked in the ground. The cloth wrapped around its hilt blew in the wind.

Sougo stared at it for a while with his crimson eyes. The dust carried by the dry wind pelted his skin. His lips stretched into a grin. "Damn... I'm starving..."

He curled his fingers around the hilt and plucked it out of the ground before continuing his way.

Two figures stood at the edge of the scene, one had vermillion hair and the other had sandy brown hair. Kagura and Sougo— another Sougo— stood watching as the first Sougo walked out of the scene.

"Oi, why are we seeing how you met your pet incubus?" Kagura turned to Sougo, squinting in confusion. "That happened six chapters ago, yes? Are we in a flashback?!!"

Sougo shrugged. "Different universes have different timelines, I guess. That guy's just me from a parallel universe and there are lots of other Sougos 'round here. Why do you think it's called the Planet of Sadists?"

"You mean there's more of you?!!"

Sougo paused for a moment. His expression became serious. "China, make sure you remember this. We're from Gintama* Dimension C-137. There's a whole bunch of other who look just like me. If you get lost and forget which Sougo I am, you won't be able to find me anymore and we'll never see each other again. So you gotta memorize it, okay?"

"Uh okay... Gintama* Dimension C-132, yes?"

Before Sougo could confirm, he pointed in excitement at someone behind Kagura. "Look Chinagirl! Isn't that... Isn't that the Canon Sougo?!"

He hurried over to the canon version of himself who wore a black suit and fedora hat: the Sougo from the manga who became a mafia boss.

"Yo! Canon Sougo! Where's your Chinagirl? I got something important to ask both of you."

The Canon Sougo turned to him with round innocent eyes, neither surprised nor excited to see him. "China's travelling around in space trying to turn a pebble into a dog. What d'you want?"

"Let's trade places," the Gintama* Sougo offered. "I'm from a fanfic where Hijikata got assassinated. So how about it? You and your Chinagirl come over to my universe and we'll go to yours."

The Canon Sougo's eyes lit up in interest. "Hijikata's dead in your universe?!" He stopped himself to think more carefully about it. "Why? Why would you want to trade places when you have it so good?"

The Gintama* Sougo lowered his head until his bangs casted shadows over his face. He used all of his acting skills to give a smile filled with sadness and regret. "The Shinsengumi's just not the same without Hijikata-san..."

The Canon Sougo stared at him closely through narrowed eyes. The corner of his lips curled up. "Yeah right. Who do you think I am? Some fanfic Sougo who's OOC enough to believe you?"

"But you are a fanfic Sougo, yes?" Kagura pointed out. "You can't be canon if you're here in a fanfic doing things you didn't do in the manga!"

"I'm the Gintama* version of the Canon Sougo. It's not like there's only one canon version of me. There's the Manga Sougo and the 4:3 Anime Sougo and the 16:9 Anime Sougo, the Be Forever Movie Sougo and the Live Action Sougo, and they're all canon!!"

"Dammit, I should have known you'd see right through me," the Gintama* Sougo muttered. "You wanna know for real why I want to trade places?" He paused in suspense. "I need another Sougo to replace me in my universe." He coughed into his sleeve. "See? I'm from this historically accurate fanfic where I'll die from a cough instead of Sis."

Kagura turned to him with brows furrowed in confusion. "Isn't you're sister already—"

Sougo punched her in the face before she could say more and turned his attention back to the other Sougo. He looked to the Canon Sougo with earnest eyes. "There's not much time left and it's only gonna get worse. I don't want Sis to see me sick. I don't want her to cry when I'm gone... That's why."

The Canon Sougo stared at him, listening attentively with an unaffected look on his face. His lips stretched into sadistic grin. "Good luck with that~" He turned around to leave. "There's no such thing as a parallel universe where Sis is still alive. If that existed, I'd be there already."

He gave a wave as he left the Gintama* Sougo and Kagura to their fate.

Kagura turned to Sougo with an amused smirk. "Oi Sadist, don't quit your day job to become a con man."

"Looks like I won't get to become a mafia boss..." the Gintama* Sougo sighed in disappointment. "If this was in sync with canon, I should be a badass gangster by now, not in some dead-end job at the Yorozuya. And I don't even get to be free from you for two years!"

"Author-chan gave up on keeping this fanfic in line with canon, yes?" Kagura's eyes opened wide when she realized something. "Wait... don't tell me this whole arc is that Koala's excuse?! She's pulling this elaborate explanation just 'cause she wouldn't say she gave up?!!"

"I see, so that's what it is... We must have diverged somewhere in the Silver Soul Arc. No I think I know exactly where. That flash of light when the spaceship fell on us was actually this universe branching off from the canon universe, and next thing you know, everything's back to normal. No wonder Boss is still a bum and Megane-san is still glasses. That explains why this fanfic suffers from the Mandela Effect in some places when you look back. And that must be why you still got no sex appeal unlike your sixteen-year-old self in the manga~."

"Oi! I might be a late bloomer compared to canon, but just wait! In a few more years I'm gonna be feminine and graceful and so OOC that I'll be just like any other female anime character!"

Sougo looked her up and down. "That's a lot of character development to get from here to there."

"I'll show you! I'll start developing my character right now!" Kagura clenched her teeth and focused so hard that she became crosseyed.

"Don't change."

"Huh?" Kagura turned to him, brows raised in surprise.

"Don't stop being a stupid Chinagirl. I'll lose my favorite torture victim~."

Kagura furrowed her brows darkly. "Sadist!! You're the one who needs character development the most!!!"

***

After a trek through the desolate wasteland, they made it to the Citadel without becoming lunch for the incubus.

A few of those octopus creatures sat perched on the branches of a dead tree following Sougo and Kagura with their single eye that bulged from their heads.

The thick stone walls of the Citadel rose towards the crimson sky like a fortress from Feudal Japan. The Japanese castle loomed above the walls, many storeys high with roofs that curved upwards.

Sougo and Kagura stopped at the front gate. Only a Yato like Kagura was strong enough to push open the heavy metal door. They stepped inside and made their way into a dim hallway.

Kagura looked around as she walked. The place was well-maintained. The maplewood floor was recently scrubbed and the ricepaper walls on both sides were spotless. Candles on bamboo stands lined the hallway, casting a warm glow. The floorboards creaked with each step.

"From here on, watch your step," said Sougo. "You might fall into a trap— AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

A rectangular section of the floor slid open right beneath Sougo and swallowed him. It closed shut before Kagura turned her head.

"Eh? Sadist?" Kagura looked side to side but Sougo was nowhere to be seen. "You playing hide-and-seek with me? You think I can't find you, yes? I'll find you, just wait!"

She stomped ahead, determined to beat him up once she found him for leaving without a word.

***

Kagura walked through the hallways of the Citadel all alone. It was getting chilly. A draft blew down the hall extinguishing the candles. She shivered. Not a single sound could be heard but the creaking of the floor beneath her feet.

"Oi! Sadist! Come out!" she called out to the silence. "Come out or I'm gonna go home without you! I'm gonna go home..."

Kagura stopped and looked back. Not only had she lost Sougo, she couldn't even find the exit. All the hallways looked the same. She suspected she'd been walking around in circles for a while.

"Stupid Chinagirl, you got lost?"

Kagura spun around at the sound of Sougo's voice. "I'm not lost, Sadist! ...Sadist?"

She expected to see her sadist, but she was still alone in the empty hallway. Only a pickle laid in the middle of the floor. Kagura hurried over and picked it up.

"Sadist! I found you! Stop hiding inside a pickle!!"

"I'm not hiding inside a pickle. I am the pickle." The pickle turned around to reveal that it had a face consisting of a miniature eyemask and a mouth. "What? You've never seen a person turned into a pickle?"

Kagura stared at it with hooded eyes like there was nothing surprising. Her stomach growled. "Oi, I'm hungry. Can I eat you?"

"You sure you want to put me in your mouth?" Pickle Sougo's lips stretched into a kinky smirk.

Before Kagura could talk back, the voice of a child interrupted her. "China-neesan~!"

Kagura looked up. A small boy stood at the end of the hall with silky light brown hair and meek red eyes. His plain kimono glowed in the firelight. He was a younger version of Sougo, no older than ten.

Sou-chan ran over to Kagura with his tiny feet pitter-pattering against the floorboards, holding a plate of cake.

"China-neesan, do you wanna eat some cake? My big sister made it for me, but I want you to have it."

Kagura narrowed her eyes at the cake on the plate. It looked like a chocolate lava cake covered with a red sauce. Sou-chan only looked up at her with the large eyes of a child not yet tainted by sadistic thoughts.

"You better not eat that." A voice similar to Sougo but deeper and more solemn made Kagura freeze just as she was about to take a bite. "Don't trust him just 'cause he's a kid. I didn't become a sadist. I was born one."

The long-haired Rurouni Sougo from the Be Forever Yorozuya Movie leaned against the wall with his arms crossed. He didn't look in Kagura's direction, only stared into the distance with a serious look on his face.

"I knew it!" Kagura pointed at the cake. "That's hot sauce, yes?!"

Sou-chan looked up with watery eyes. "But it's not... I'm not like the others yet. China-neesan, I'm cold..."

To Kagura's surprise, he wrapped his small arms around her and buried his face into her clothes. His innocent expression twisted into a lewd grin as he rubbed his cheek against her.

"Out of the way, brat." Rurouni Sougo picked Sou-chan up by the collar and tossed him aside. He leaned in close until Kagura could feel the warmth of his breath against her skin and he looked down at her, studying her with cold red eyes.

"Let's go, Boobless China." He turned around and started walking.

Kagura furrowed her brows. "Oi, at least I got more boobs than you!"

"You gotta see the gender-bent version of me." Rurouni Sougo didn't slow down. "Now hurry up. The others are waiting, Boobless."

A vein popped. Kagura charged at his back and threw a punch.

Without turning around, Rurouni Sougo stepped to the side. Kagura, unable to slow down, charged right through the shoji door, punching a hole through the ricepaper.

Kagura staggered forward and managed to regain her balance without falling on her face. She stood at the center of a meeting room with expensive-looking scrolls hanging on the walls and paper lanterns lighting up the space.

Three more versions of Sougo had gathered in the room: a normal-looking Sougo dressed in his Shinsengumi uniform sat slouched on the floor, Bakaiser sat on a gold-gilded throne, and the gender-bent Souko stood next to the throne.

"My my~, that door's expensive, y'know?" Bakaiser glanced to her with a condescending smirk. "You owe me eight-million yen* now. Can't pay it back? Don't worry, there's always a way~." Bakaiser patted his lap. "Sit."

[* the cost of a vase owned by Ouran Academy]

Kagura furrowed her brows and was about to yell at him when she felt a tug on her shirt.

Sou-chan looked up at her with his puppy eyes. "China-neesan, when you sit on his lap, can I sit on your lap?"

Kagura imagined the three of them stacked on top of each other.

"No way! We're not doing a threesome!" She snapped at him. "You're just a kid, yes? Stop thinking like that dirty pervert!"

Sou-chan took a step back from her harsh tone of voice and whimpered as tears welled in his eyes. He buried his face in his hands and bawled fountains of tears.

"Stupid Chinagirl, look what you did," said the Normal Sougo with a sadistic grin. "You made a little kid cry."

Kagura turned to Sou-chan with brows knitted in worry, feeling just a little guilty, until she saw the grin he was trying to cover with his hands.

"Oh yeah?!" She turned back to Normal Sougo. "Let me make you cry too!!"

With that, she threw her fist at him and the two started wrestling.

"Stop fighting! Both of you!" Souko stepped in between to separate them.

Kagura and Normal Sougo faced each other with fists ready, but put the fight on hold for now.

Souko turned to Kagura with a serious look. "Kagura, do you know why you're here?"

"I dunno, but it doesn't matter, yes? Nothing makes sense in this chapter."

The six versions of Sougo all lined up in a row before her: Normal Sougo, Pickle Sougo, Rurouni Sougo, Sou-chan, Bakaiser and Souko.

"The six of us are Princes of the Planet of Sadists," Souko explained. "Only one of us will inherit the crown. The King has decided that whoever gets a Chinagirl first will become Crown Prince, so Kagura-san, be my princess~."

"Huh?! You mean a random person like me gets to decide the future king who carries the fate of this planet?!!"

"Just go with it. Otome games aren't known for their logic." Souko shrugged. "It's a hard decision, but you gotta choose."

"Don't waste your time thinking you have a choice," said Bakaiser from his throne. "You belong to me~."

Normal Sougo place a hand on her shoulder and whispered into her ear. "All-you-can-eat egg-on-rice every day. What do you say?"

Kagura pouted in annoyance. "That again?!!"

Rurouni Sougo, who stood by the wall, diverted his gaze and looked pensive as he spoke. "...The Chinagirl I knew had bigger boobs..."

Kagura felt a tug on her shirt. Sou-chan stood behind her with large puppy eyes and a pleading smile on his face. "China-neesan... I wanna spend more time with China-neesan."

"Give her some space, all of you," Souko chided. "Stop swarming around her like a pack of dogs in heat."

"Pick the pickle, China. Pick the pickle."

Large captions suddenly popped up on the screen.

WHO DO YOU CHOOSE?

They all held out a hand towards her, waiting in anticipation for her answer.

Kagura surveyed the faces of all six sadists: the cold and brooding Rurouni Sougo who had a thing for boobs, the underage Sou-chan, the domineering Bakaiser, the gentlemanly Souko, the Normal Sougo who was just a normal Sougo, and the delicious Pickle Sougo.

"I choose..." Kagura closed her eyes. "I choose... sukonbu! Sukonbu-chan is all I need!"

"You can't choose that!" Souko yelled at her. "You have to choose from the six of us! If you pick me, you won't have to deal with those annoying guys."

Normal Sougo whispered into Kagura's ear. "All-you-can-eat sukonbu every day. What do you say?"

Bakaiser laughed at the offer. "I'll give you more sukonbu than you can eat every day if you become my slave!"

"China-neesan, let's eat sukonbu together." Sou-chan gave a hopeful smile.

"Pick me!" said Pickle Sougo. "I taste like sukonbu!"

"Sukonbu, huh?" Rurouni Sougo looked into the distance. "You really are just like her."

Kagura surveyed the faces of all six sadists. She smiled, confident she finally had an answer. "Okay I've decided. I want my sadist, my sadist who's too stupid to give me sukonbu. I choose Sadist from Gintama* Dimension C... C... something, uh huh."

Kagura turned and walked away without hesitation in her steps. The sadists in that room were all just facets of the sadist she knew. Her sadist was all of them put together.

***

By some Deus Ex Machina, Kagura managed to find the exit of the Citadel after much wandering around and she didn't get lost as she trekked through the wasteland to reach the Galactic Public Transit Stop.

The stop looked like a regular bus stall or a small train station. The tiny building stood alone in the flat expanse of land like an oasis in the desert.

Kagura had figured that if she waited at the bus stop, Sougo would eventually get bored of hiding and try to find her. He'd definitely come here when he couldn't find her anywhere else. Like this, he couldn't leave the planet without her.

Kagura went inside and sat down on a bench.

She waited...

And waited...

The sun started to set. The orange light flowed in from the doorway, caressing Kagura's sleeping face. Her eyelashes casted long shadows down her cheeks. She let out a loud snore. She dreamt that Sougo was sitting on the bench beside her, also sleeping.

When she opened her eyes, her heart rose in joy, but she tried to hide it. There he was, standing before her.

"I found you, Chinagirl." Sougo grinned.

Kagura rubbed her sleepy eyes. There was something off about his grin. It's wasn't really a smile of relief, but instead—

Without warning, Sougo wrapped his arms tight around her, almost suffocating.

Kagura froze. "Huh? Sadist?"

"Where were you this whole time? I was gonna go home without you." His voice sounded monotone like he didn't feel any of the concern.

Kagura struggled to get out of his embrace, but he had the grip of an octopus. She knew she could throw him off with the strength of a Yato, but she had already hurt him so many times when she lost control in their fights. She didn't want to hurt him again.

Sougo's shirt ripped at the collar, revealing his shoulder. Kagura furrowed her brows. She remembered one time when she stabbed him with her umbrella when he failed to dodge. He was supposed to have a scar on his shoulder. It wasn't there now.

Sougo pushed her down on the bench and slid his arm under her shirt. No, it wasn't an arm. It was long and boneless and had suction pads.

"Hungry... So hungry... I'm starving..." Sougo breathed against her neck. His tentacles slithered down her back.

"What you doing?! You'll get this fanfic rated M! Sadist!!!"

"Shhhh... Don't worry~. This fanfic could use some non-con tentacle porn to spice things up."

Kagura reached for her umbrella. She didn't care what happened to him anymore. This wasn't Sadist, not her sadist. Before she could blast him into space, the flesh on Sougo's face bulged and warped until it was no longer recognizable as a human, transforming into the blob-like body of an octopus. He raised his head back and let out a high-pitch scream as blood erupted from a gaping wound down his back.

The real Sougo stood behind him, holding a katana after having cut the imposter down. Blood dripped down the blade, red like a human's. The incubus returned to its original form and fell to the ground squirming in a bloody tangle of tentacles.

"Keep your hands off her. She's my Chinagirl~," said the real Sougo with a smirk.

The incubus dragged itself smearing red streaks across the floor as it struggled to get away from its attacker.

Sougo stomped on one of its tentacles, pinning it in place.

The incubus, unable to escape, turned back at Sougo. The mass of flesh twisted into the form of Sougo's face sitting on top of all the tentacles. Blood streamed down his forehead and his eyes were bulging in madness as he stared at Sougo.

Kagura furrowed her brows, disturbed by such a deranged expression on the face of someone she knew to be level-headed.

"How much longer can you stay in character before you get hungry?" The incubus grinned like a madman at Sougo. "No, you're already starving, aren't you? You think you're that much better than us?! You and I, we're all the same! We're all—"

With a swing of his blade, Sougo finished him off.

Kagura gaped at the dead incubus. Its crimson eyes stared up into emptiness— Sougo's eyes.

They're all what? What was the incubus trying to say before Sougo silenced him?

Kagura turned her gaze to Sougo. His expression remained neutral as if he was bored. He swung the blood off his blade and slid it back into its sheath.

A strong gust of wind blew into the station from the entrance, carrying dust and sand that whipped against their skin. A spaceship landed outside with a loud rumble that shook the earth.

"Let's go home."

Sougo made his way to the doorway. The wind blew hard against the sleeves of his kimono.

As Kagura stood up to follow him, she remembered why they came here in the first place.

"You found a replacement?" said Kagura with a tilt of her head.

Sougo stopped at the doorway and grinned. "The other Sougos all managed to get rid of their Chinagirls, so no one wants to trade with me cuz they don't want to be stuck with you~."

Kagura narrowed her eyes in annoyance. "Just admit it, Sadist! You don't wanna leave me behind, yes?"

Sougo shrugged and stepped outside. "Believe that if it makes you happy."

A ramp slid out from the spaceship to the ground. Sougo started walking up.

Kagura took a step towards the spaceship. Before she stepped off the surface of this planet, the last words of the incubus echoed in her mind: You and I, we're all the same...

Kagura hesitated. "Oi, how do I know you're not an octopus too? What if... what if you're all octopus?!! You lied to me! The other Sadists, they're not from a parallel universe! They're all octopuses that look like you cuz you only know how to shapeshift into one human form, yes?!! Is that what you were from the start, one of those creatures that feed on people's pain?! No wonder you're a sadist!!!"

"Don't put me on the same level as that OOC excuse of a sadist. I'm a Prince of this planet~."

"Eh? You're a royal octopus? That's still an octopus!"

"I'm Okita Sougo of Gintama* Dimension C-132. That's who I am since the beginning." He glanced back at her with nonchalant red eyes. "You coming? The next ship doesn't arrive for three hours."

Kagura hurried after him. Regardless of Sougo's identity, she didn't want to wait three more hours to get home.

Sougo stopped her. "Just making sure. You're also from C-132, right?"

Kagura's face turned blank. "...uh huh."

And they boarded the ship to go home to their dimension.

***

Kagura sat at the window seat beside Sougo as the spaceship flew across the galaxy. She stared outside at the stars that passed by, thinking about what she learned at the Planet of Sadists.

They're all octopus. The thought couldn't go away.

She imagined herself years from now with octopus children Yuki and Ame*. She saw herself running down the Edo streets one day when the clouds were gray and the rain soaked her clothes, in such a hurry that she didn't even bring her umbrella. She splashed through the puddles with her infant son Ame strapped on her back.

[* Ookami Kodomo no Ame to Yuki]

On the bridged over the canal where they once vowed to become stronger many years ago, Kagura leaned against the railing with rain streaming down her face. A food cart sat by the bank of the canal. There he was, her sadist, turned into takoyaki.

That was how hard it would be for an octopus to live on a planet of humans. She'd have to raise her Octopus Children when she didn't know anything about how to raise them, and when they grew up, they'd have to choose between the life of a Yato or the life of an octopus.

Kagura stared outside with a glum look on her face. It was already hard enough to fit in as a Yato, much less as an octopus.

"Cheer up, China," said Sougo with a grin. "OkiKagu is a ship between a flying octopus and a Cordyceps. There's no OTP in all of anime more badass than that!"

"I'm not a Cordyceps!! My penis sheaths are just hair accessories! They're not controlling me!"

"And I'm not an octopus."

A flight attendant who was just passing by gave him an incredulous look before remembering she wasn't supposed to judge the passengers who came from all walks of life.

"Eh?! You're not an octopus?"

Kagura grabbed the sleeve of his kimono and gave it a tug. She stared at his shoulder, at the scar. He had scars all over his body, some from their skirmishes, some more serious once from his enemies. None of them were missing. If he was one of those shapeshifting octopus, he was a very good one.

"Stupid Chinagirl, you actually believed something that stupid?" Sougo turned to her with a troll face. "I'm such an awesome Sadist~. Even if some parallel universe like the Gintama manga comes to an end, you won't be rid of me any time soon, cuz it's official, China. Seventy more chapters, China. You and me. Seventy more, China, of me being awesome in this fanfic! Muhahahahaha!!!"

He laughed at her until she pounced on him and pummeled him on the aisle, adding a few more scars to his collection.

***

Teach us!! Ginpachi-sensei!

"Everyone, time for a pop quiz." Ginpachi-sensei stood in front of the blackboard of Class-Z dressed in his usual white labcoat with a smoking lollipop in his mouth.

Hijikata took out his pencil case with dispassionate hooded eyes. Kondo, despite being held back a few grades, narrowed his eyes in determination as if about to fight a life-or-death battle. Takasugi sat in the back, staring out of the window with a bored look on his face like an anime protagonist. Sougo, dressed in a Superman t-shirt, kept sleeping with his head on his desk and his eyemask on. 

Kagura, an exchange student with swirly glasses who sat in front of him, turned back and poked him. "Sadist, you sure we're in the right place? This isn't Gintama* Dimension C-something, yes? We're in the 3z AU!"

"Oi, pay attention, it goes like this." Ginpachi-sensei started writing on the blackboard. "The hare and the tortoise are having a race. The hare had a head start and wrote forty chapters of Gintama* on Wattpad while pretending to be an evil koala. After that, she decided she got far enough, so she got lazy and only writes about one chapter a month. The tortoise, deciding it's about time to get going, started uploading one chapter a week to both Fanfiction.net and AO3 under the same alias. How long will it take for the tortoise to catch up to the hare?"

"Sensei!" Kagura raised her hand. "Why are the tortoise and the hare writing fanfics? In my country, everyone dies in a forest fire in the end*."

[* https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/tortoise-and-hare-versions]

"And why are we even having a pop quiz in the first place?" Shinpachi shouted the teacher. "You're supposed to answer questions, Sensei. Not ask us questions."

Ginpachi-sensei turned back to the comment sections of the last few chapters. "Well, there hasn't been any questions lately. If you got questions, ask them so I could teach Gintama instead of math. So, Onishi or Saito or whoever it is now, go stand in the hallway!"

***

Next time: