Flashback: Some days ago

The Shinsengumi had conducted a statistical survey a few years back to determine that there was a 0.01 probability that a Shinsengumi member would want to take a shower. Given that there were 100 members, how many shower stalls did they need to install in their Headquarters to ensure that the probability that there would be a lineup was less than 0.4?

[ Sougo: What's this math question doing here? I know the koala promised a shower scene, but this is too much... There should be a trigger warning. ]

[ Kumanaku: I think the answer is 3. By the binomial distribution, the probability that more than 3 out of 100 people want to take a shower is 1 – ((1-0.01)^100 + 1*0.01^1*(1-0.01)^99 + 4950*0.01^2*(1-0.01)^98 + 161700*0.01^3*(1-0.01)^97) = 0.38. If there were only two stalls, the probability of a lineup would be greater than 0.4... ]

[ Sougo: Pastaaaa~~ ]

And so, according to Kumanaku's math, the Shinsengumi Headquarters had three shower stalls. However, as time passed, the number of members increased to much more than a hundred. Due to this increase and the unrealistic assumption that the probability of someone wanting to shower was the same at each time of day, they often found themselves waiting in long lines for their turn.

Hijikata stood first in line at the showers that night, bare-chested and wearing a towel around his waist. A long line of officers waited behind him, some of them grumbling, but Kumanaku remained stern-faced as usual as he waited in the middle of the line.

Hijikata gritted his teeth, clenching and unclenching his fists as he paced in circles through the puddles on the bathroom floor.

All three stalls were occupied. He glared at the closed doors as if he could send a telepathic message if he stared hard enough. The sound of the showers like constant rainfall showed no signs of stopping.

The corners of Hijikata's lips twitched uncontrollably until he couldn't stand it anymore.

"HURRY UP, would you?!!! You've all been in there for an hour! What are you even doing?"

"Sorry Toshi," Kondo's voice came from the first stall accompanied by wet squishing sounds. "I'm almost done here. I just have to—"

Hijikata covered his ears. "Don't tell me what you're doing!"

Hijikata made his way to the second stall and banged on the door. "You! Get out! You've been in there long enough."

Silence.

"Hey! I'm talking to you! Did you fall asleep or something?!"

"Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..."

Hijikata narrowed his eyes. Saito wasn't going to wake up anytime soon.

He sighed in defeat and went over to the third stall.

He stared at the door, silent for a moment as a bead of sweat crawled down his face. "Who's in there? Denami-san? Just because the readers don't know you yet doesn't mean you can hide in the shower for the whole scene."

"Ayayayaya, please give me a few more hours," said Denami with an air of calmness. "I'm meditating under a waterfall."

"Waterfall?!" Hijikata's face twisted in disbelief as a multitude of veins popped up on his head. "Stop wasting water dammit!"

"Now now, Toshi," said Kondo from his stall. "Let Keisuke have some peace and quiet after a long day. The tax-payers pay our hydro bills so it's alright."

"What?! Go find a real waterfall!" He turned to all the Shinsengumi members waiting in line. "That's it! I'm turning off the main tap. From now on, no one can shower without written permission!!"

Hijikata pushed aside the men at the door and stormed out of the bathroom with his face red in anger and steam erupting from his ears.

End of flashback

***

Kumanaku let out a long disheartened sigh. He knelt before Sougo at the Princess's villa with his head hanged in despair.

"...and so, by Shinsengumi Regulation #53, all members of the Shinsengumi must obtain a letter of permission signed by the Head of the National Police every time we want to take a shower."

Sougo paused from polishing his sword, grinning ear-to-ear at their misfortune. "Yup, sounds like a rule that mayo bastard would come up with."

"And Matsudaira-san takes forever so it's a huge bureaucratic mess and— and—" Kumanaku look to Sougo with shell-shocked eyes like two black holes sunk into his skull. "I haven't showered for three days..."

"Three days?" Sougo tilted his head. "Is 'forever' just three days for you?"

"It's not just me. Everyone else is too lazy to bother with the whole process and they've all become giant Staphylococci bacteria!" Kumanaku grabbed Sougo's shoulders and shook him. "STAPHYLOCOCCI BACTERIA, Leader!! We can't go on without you! You have to save us!"

Sougo slid his sword into its sheath and laid it on the floor beside him. "Kumaku-san~, I made you substitute First Squad Captain. If you want to solve the problem, you gotta think like a captain."

Kumanaku clenched his hands over his knees and lowered his gaze. "I don't know how, Leader..."

"It's the solution to all the problems in the world." A sadistic gleam flashed in Sougo's eyes. "Kill Hijikata."

Kumanaku looked up at Sougo with honest eyes. "But I don't believe killing our Vice-Commander would solve the problem."

"Who came up with the rules?"

"Vice-Commander Hijikata."

"Then just kill the guy who made the rules and ask someone like Denami to change it," said Sougo with a shrug. "It's that easy."

"I see... Denami-san could change that rule..." Kumanaku paused in thought for a while before standing up and giving a salute. "Thank you Leader!"

He turned and hurried out the door. For the first time in days, he knew what he had to do.

"Wait, the important part is killing Hijikata!" Sougo called out after him, but Kumanaku had already left the room.

***

Kumanaku walked down a dirt path at the outskirts of Edo, covered with a thin layer of newly fallen snow. The trees along the road had lost all their leaves. Their bare branches swayed against the gray sky.

The crunch of footsteps came from behind. Kumanaku stopped in his tracks and grabbed the hilt of his katana. He spun around.

A shady figure walked towards him dressed in light armor with a hood, two katanas at his back, gauntlets around his wrists and a cape of black feathers.

The Assassin's Creed cosplayer made his way closer to Kumanaku, leaving a second pair of footprints in the snow.

Kumanaku remained stern-faced as he stood in a defensive stance.

"That uniform... you must be an officer of the Shinsengumi." The assassin reached into his pocket and took out his smartphone. "My phone's crappy GPS has no signal so I'd just like to ask some directions."

Kumanaku relaxed. "The video game convention is that way."

"There's a video game convention?" said the assassin in surprise. "Is it any good? Maybe I'll go after the job's done, but first I'd like to know where I can find the former Captain of your First Squad, Captain Okita I believe his name is."

"He's—" Kumanaku narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "Why do you want to meet with Leader?"

"I'm simply running an errand for a client. Can you give me his address?"

The assassin raised his head and the shadow of his hood retreated to reveal a dark mole in the middle of his forehead. Kumanaku's face softened. This guy had a mole just like himself, and just like that, he felt as if he knew him better, as if they weren't strangers anymore. He knew what he had to go through— all those times Sougo treated his mole like a speck of dirt, the person standing before him must have experienced the same. He felt like he could trust him.

"You could find Leader at Princess Soyo's villa," said Kumanaku. "The postal code is 162-0842, latitude/longitude 35.6895° N—"

"That'll do."

The assassin thanked him and continued his way.

Kumanaku stood at the middle of the path with a terrible feeling that he shouldn't have told him all that. He shrugged. This guy couldn't be that bad. Even the Buddha had a mole on his forehead.

***

The hallways of the Soyo's villa were dark at night.

Sougo sat by the door to Soyo's room with his eyemask over his eyes as drool dripping from his mouth. He clutched his katana tight in his arms as he slept.

The wooden floorboards creaked. He opened his eyes and stared into the darkness.

A hooded figure materialized from the shadows. He stood before him looking down with cold eyes, just standing there like the Grim Reaper tasked to collect a soul.

Sougo eyes opened wide in astonishment."Could this be? Assassin's Creed is finally getting set in Japan?! Who sent you? The Brotherhood?"

"That's not something I'd tell you."

"Oh, I don't care who it is, just if it's always the same person." Sougo started doing some stretches. "I mean, how many times do they have to fail before they stop sending them one at a time and try sending a whole group at me?"

"My client's stupidity is none of your business," said the assassin in a professional tone. "But perhaps you would like to know who I am before I take your life."

"Nope, I already know you." Sougo pulled himself up to his feet. "Doesn't matter if you're Ezio or Altair or Connor, you're all Desmond." He paused when he realized something he never thought of before. "...Could this be why Utsuro's got all those split personalities?"

"Why does everyone mistake me for this other guy at my company? I'm only dressed up like an Assassin to show that I'm an assassin!" The assassin took off his hood and pointed to the mole on his forehead. "My name is Hokuro, the Guy with the Mole. All who heard this name have trembled in fear..."

At the mention of the name, Sougo took a closer look at him. The hood really did a good job at hiding his identity, making him look like some video-game self-insert character who could be anyone. But now that he could see his face...

"Hokuro-san?" Sougo's eyes lit up in recognition. "Don't tell me... you're that guy I whipped at the leather festival!"

Hokuro stared at him in silence with a solemn expression. "...What an unfortunate coincidence it is that we have to meet here. I bear no hatred towards you, but my client wants you dead, so you will die tonight."

Hokuro reached back and with the sound of scraping metal he drew his two katanas, holding one in each hand.

Sougo stared at the blades— how sharp they were... And he started chucking.

"What's so funny? Do you wish to die?"

"Finally..." Sougo glared at his enemy with the eyes of a starving wolf, seething with bloodlust as he slid his katana out of its sheath.

Hokuro held up his swords until the blades formed an X.

Sougo circled him with a sadistic smile on his face, holding his sword with both hands.

"The whip's too tame for you, isn't it?" Sougo's blade gleamed in the darkness. "How about something more hardcore?"

***

Next time: Sougo fights this guy he met at a BDSM event