[ 002 ] smoke and mirrors
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A GOOD WAY TO stop thinking about everything was getting punched in the face. A lot. Davina couldn't hide how shaken she was when she and Edward met up after school, and she had taken more blows than she had given in the hour they had been training, her head pounding and lip bleeding steadily.
Edward, as always, was unfazed and consistent, a far cry from Davina's experimental and aggressive attacks. The pair were mostly left alone, no one their age wanting to stick around after the Aptitude Test, and even fewer staying at school longer than necessary. Except Erudite kids, of course, but they were reduced to the labs and library where they were considered useful, not in the gym exchanging punches.
Davina hit the ground, the wind leaving her from the impact as Edward pinned her, arms twisted as she looked up at him through narrowed eyes. "Give up," he sighed, a bead of sweat on his forehead.
Davina lazily slapped his hands, scowling. "Get off," she hissed.
Her friend released her as she pushed into a sitting position, arm slung over her knee and head looking at the floor. Edward's eyes softened. "What's going on?" he asked her directly.
He must have gotten Amity, with his default kindness and warmth to everyone around him, the ability to see when someone was struggling. But then he also thirst for knowledge, she had seen him over the years, she knew that about him. Was he also Divergent? Just how rare was it?
Davina was so busy being paranoid it took her a few moments to actually respond. "Yeah, yeah," she said, nonchalantly. Edward clearly didn't believe her as he gazed down at her, dark eyes narrowing.
"That's not what I asked," he told her. Davina only scoffed and pressed her cold water bottle to her lip. Edward sat opposite her on the gym floor, legs crossed. "Was your result... not what you expected?" he asked, slowly. It was common knowledge people weren't supposed to share their results with anyone before the Choosing, but Edward was trying to find a way around it.
"One way of putting it," she replied, briefly, not wanting to dwell on the test or their results or anything to do with that day. She had mulled over everything so much already, and she had wanted the punches to knock them away, but if anything it had only been made worse. "Where's Myra?" she swerved the conversation around.
Edward looked confused by the sudden topic change, given that Davina didn't really care much for Myra, but he relented. "Study group."
Davina resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Naturally."
"Where's Viviane?" Edward countered.
"Who knows?" Davina replied. "And Nic's at a friend's," she added before Edward could ask.
Her friend nodded, bracing his hands against his knees as he got to his feet. "C'mon. I'll walk you home."
Davina blinked up at him. "Ed, that'll take forever," she pointed out.
"Well, then we should leave now," he said simply. "Just get changed and meet me out the front."
Davina felt very small at his words as they split for the change rooms, the blonde removing the sweaty layers and throwing a loose shirt over for the walk home. Her knuckles were red and the cut on her lip had clotted, leaving behind a small split once she washed the blood off in the mirror.
Standing before the long bathroom mirror, Davina did not see her twin as she so often did. The girl that stared back at her was a shell of the person her mother idolised so violently, green eyes hooded and hair twisted from the exertion, lip split down the middle and bruised knuckles gripping the sink.
Eighteen years she had spent less than her twin, trying to amount to something worth the same level of attention. And as the mirror stared back at her, she knew she would never be Viviane.
Davina scowled, features twisting in her reflection as she swung her bag over her back and left the changerooms. The gym was dead quiet now, and her footsteps squeaked as she moved through the empty school hallways, her eyes lowered.
In her distraction, she slammed into a boy walking the opposite direction. He was dressed in Candor clothes; black and white, like how they saw the world. She briefly looked over her shoulder at him, eyes meeting as she wondered why someone else would be here at this hour. She only blinked at him, finding his eyes to be a darker shade of green hers, more similar to the forests Davina painted rather than the meadows reflected in her irises.
"Watch it, Nose," he jeered at her.
"Original," she said, dryly, in response to the Erudite nickname.
Davina hardly batted an eyelid and kept going, turning away from the Candor boy who she could feel watching the back of her head before she turned a corner.
Edward was already waiting outside for her and the pair silently started walking together, Davina's eyes trained ahead. Maybe she should have been scanning the neighbourhood she may never see again, maybe she should have confided in her best friend, the only person who favoured her over her twin, about everything swirling in her.
But she didn't. She pushed the Aptitude Test to the back of her mind, as best she could, and focused on putting one foot in front of the other.
The sun was dipping below the horizon by the time they reached the Todd house, Davina's cheeks hurting from how much Edward had managed to make her laugh during their time together as they talked about everything and nothing all at once.
They trotted up the stairs to the front door, Davina fumbling in her jacket pocket for her keys. She wasn't sure if her parents would be home from work yet, and Viviane and Nic couldn't get home without being driven, unless they also had a friend caring enough to walk them.
Davina sighed as she inserted the key, and turned to look at her friend, whose face lacked much of the amusement it had held moments ago. Her hand slipped from the door as she angled her body to face Edward.
"Well, thanks for walking me back," she said, softly.
"It's nothing," Edward responded just as softly.
And then they hugged, something commonplace in their friendship, but was now unknown in the future.
"See you tomorrow," he called over his shoulder, waving at her in a way that made her feel like they were in elementary school all over again.
But they weren't. They were eighteen now that meant they had to choose at the end of the week where their life would go. Tomorrow would mean Tuesday, and so on until Friday arrived, the morning of the Choosing Ceremony.
As she stepped inside, Davina looked at the calendar hung on the kitchen wall, mentally counting down the days and the hours.
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DAVINA could no longer ignore what was going on when Thursday night closed in on her. School had been quiet, the teachers left with nothing else to teach the seniors in their final week, and so Davina had been left to her own devices. The cut on her lip was a scab now, but her mother pointed it out everyday as if she were stupid, and the weight on her shoulders had only increased tenfold.
The calendar had almost laughed at her as she passed it after dinner. Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow!
Her last day of her school had been that day and it had just passed her by like any other. It could be the last time she ever had dinner with her family and her mother had acknowledged nothing. It felt as if everyone had moved on and already made peace with it, while Davina agonised over it and carried it under her eyes, dark and curved.
She held off on slamming the door behind her, rummaging through her desk for a lighter. The room she shared with her twin was almost split down the middle. Viviane's side was immaculate, with little clutter and only a potted plant beside her bed to say anyone actually slept in it. The bed was always made and tucked around each side, and the sun always made it glow as it sunk down.
Davina's wasn't messy, but it would never be Viviane's.
Stacks of books on the desk, some even stored under the bed. A jacket was almost permanently flung over the headboard, and the walls were dotted with some of her paintings from over the years. Some of her best pieces were the ones she painted of nature, when she would hike out of the Erudite sector and set up for the day, painting what she saw and mixing landscapes together.
They were the only pieces she thought were worth displaying, but she had boxes of discarded ones that no one but her and her mother had seen.
Davina pushed open the window and slung one leg outside, the cool dusk air caressing her cheek as she cupped the cigarette with a hand and clicked the lighter.
The door opened, but when Davina would usually jump to attention, she only lazily tilted her head to see her twin entering their room, shooting Davina a glance.
"You really should stop smoking," Viviane chastised.
"Whatever, Viv," Davina huffed. She didn't need a final lecture.
Her twin didn't respond, moving until she was standing above the other blonde. "Move over," Viviane told her.
Davina raised her eyebrows, lowering one of her legs so there was room for her twin to join her. Viviane sat across from her, shifting so her shoulders were comfortable against the wood.
"I guess the world is ending," Davina mused.
Viviane held out her fingers. "Shut up."
Davina passed it over, watching as if through a mirror as Viviane inhaled steadily and gazed out at their Faction. "What're you thinking about tomorrow?" Davina asked quietly.
"That I don't think I'll ever be old enough to make that kind of decision," Viviane replied.
"Isn't it easier to just... stay here?" the younger twin asked, cautiously.
Viviane's features scrunched up, as if it wasn't that easy for her. "I don't know," she said after a while.
Davina regarded her twin and the unclear answer, fixated on her. Viviane's blue eyes were glazed over, somewhere far away from the white house and the square rooms and the hedges and the paved roads.
If it wasn't for the blue, they'd almost be identical. Not quite from the same egg, but it would look like they were.
Davina would never be Viviane. Viviane was perfect scores and logic, she was calloused-thinking and searching for knowledge. Viviane Todd was a perfect Erudite, and Davina was only a shell dressed up to try and fulfil her family's wishes. Parts of her were blue, those parts of her belonged to Erudite.
But she had long strayed from them. She had lashed out in an attempt to get her mother to look at her, she had made herself easier to hate in her quest to be loved. Was that what had twisted her into being Divergent? Was her very need to belong what had made her stand out?
Davina didn't think she'd ever know, not at this rate.
Was Viviane happy? Did she want to keep Erudite as their home? Sitting before her and rebelling like Davina had been for years? Was this what it meant to be their mother's favourite? A tidy side of the room and throwing blows at their little brother, never with time for the hobbies she enjoyed and only what their mother loved.
Davina would never be Viviane because she didn't want to be. She knew it as she got older, as she found more joy in her artwork and the sessions she spent with Edward, as she accepted substances at parties she had attended in the first place, as she continued to act out to get the attention she had craved since she was a child. Did she do these things out of spite? Bitterness? Desperation?
Had she truly wasted her potential chasing affirmation? Or did the Dauntless result she got speak to a part of her she had never truly accepted? She didn't know. And the Erudite in her was terrified of that.
"You already know," Viviane said, abruptly. The cigarette was burning to the end now. Davina didn't say anything, finally pulling her eyes away and looking at the wood. "You have that look on your face whenever you make a decision. Like you've already made up your mind, even if you don't realise it yet yourself," Viviane elaborated.
"You don't know me that well," Davina replied.
"Of course I do. I'm your sister," Viviane responded indignantly. "You belong somewhere, Davina."
The softness of the words clutched at Davina's chest, and she found her throat tightening at the sentimentality of it all.
She hadn't failed. She could still thrive in Erudite and her results would not say otherwise. She could spend the rest of her life how she had started it and try to make something of herself as a doctor or an engineer, follow the expectations she knew would come after initiation. She knew she'd pass initiation, that wasn't even a thought.
But then she would look across at her twin, smoke filtering from her lips, and she would realise that she knew what would happen if she chose Erudite. Nothing would change. She would not be happier or less untraditional just because she chose to stay. It would prove nothing to their mother or to Viviane, who saw right through her.
Davina could see her future if she chose Erudite and she hated it. Viviane had become a shadow that Davina had destroyed herself trying to escape, and whether or not she childishly blamed her for it anymore, she could not spend the rest of her life bitter and falling short. Was it giving up? Or was she choosing for her for once?
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IT WAS THE first time in eighteen years that Davina thought maybe Viviane could be her sister. That night Davina had gone to sleep not feeling as if she were sleeping next to complete reflection, and it only made the following morning taste more bitter. Viviane said nothing else to her as they rose out of bed and got dressed, like every morning.
But this was not like every morning.
They had the day off school to wrap up everything they needed, say their pre-empted goodbyes, if some kids had the strength, and in general give even more time alone with their thoughts. Davina hated it, as the clock ticked into the PM and she counted down the hours until they were to head into the city for the Choosing Ceremony.
The anticipation had frozen her, leaving her unable to paint a single stroke or change into anything worth training in, her head swollen from everything going on. She could not do anything until the worst part of her life was over. Dramatic? Probably. Accurate? Yes.
Viviane acted as if nothing had happened, the same level of coolheadedness she always maintained, eyes barely lingering on her twin as usual. And it was that that pierced Davina in the ribcage, as evening finally began to creep in and the household sprung to life as they headed for the car.
Nic had insisted on coming, curious about what the Ceremony was, and with some careful bribing, their parents had let him. Davina had been the last out of the house, glancing back at it, taking everything in. Nobody had seen the way her face had fallen, lips pressed together as she tore her gaze away from the place that had raised her.
The drive into the city was silent and the tension was palpable. Davina continually fingered a button on her blazer, while Viviane silently tapped her fingers on her thigh. Nic seemed to be the only one not feeling dread, sitting between his sisters, and Davina wondered if the severity of the situation had properly settled on him.
When they arrived at the Hub – the tallest building in the city – Davina avoided looking up. She had to focus forward, putting one foot in front of the other as they headed inside and for the elevator. An Abnegation held the door open for them as they filed inside and headed for the twentieth floor.
"Everyone nervous?" a Candor man asked lightly. Beside him, his daughter looked ready to fall into the ground.
Only the Abnegation responded to save him the embarrassment, as Davina rolled her eyes and looked back to the doors as they slid open.
The room was arranged in concentric circles, with rows of chairs for each faction for the families to sit and watch. In one of the circles were the bowls, five of them, made of metal and huge. They all contained a substance to represent the chosen Faction, and Davina knew she could no longer avoid thinking about it.
She swallowed thickly as her and Viviane took their place on the edge with the rest of the eighteen-year-olds of every Faction, and shuffled against the crowd to arrange themselves in alphabetical order according to their surnames.
It placed them towards the back, as the family stopped and Davina could feel herself shrinking behind her twin's shadow, knowing what was coming. "Make us proud," Callista said, placing a hand on Viviane's shoulder.
Davina watched the interaction, waiting. Callista let her gaze drift to the other sister, only nodding once at her in acknowledgement. And then she was gone, moving off to take a seat before Davina could say her final peace or yell at the woman who had twisted her. At her sides, Davina's fists clenched, nails digging into her soft palms.
Their father, Zachariah, moved forward. "Good luck," he told both of them, noticeably warmer. He was a tall, slim man, with dark hair and green eyes. He brought Viviane into a hug first, the pair hanging on for a few seconds, before he reached over to Davina.
The younger blonde hugged her father tightly, valuing the rare display of affection and simply the warmth of another person, fingers digging into his clothes. She almost didn't let go as Zachariah pulled away.
"Yeah, whatever." Nic swung an arm around each of the sisters' shoulders, hugging them both at the same time. He grinned up at them when he pulled away. "I'll see you soon," he chirped as he headed over to where Callista had taken a seat. Davina's mouth flooded with that bitter taste again, Nic's certainty of seeing her again in Erudite hitting her with a fresh wave of nausea.
Zachariah hadn't moved, watching his son go before turning back to the twins. "Remember, Choosing Ceremony."
"He sounds like you," Viviane said as their father left, too.
Davina decided to take it as a compliment, as the nausea twisted harder as she saw Edward through the crowd, waiting up the front of the initiates where his name Diaz placed him. She watched him for a moment, tugging on her bottom lip, hoping he would look her way and she could wave or smile at him or something.
See you on the other side.
His words from the Aptitude Test rang in her head, but he did not look her way, enamoured with Myra beside him and an unnaturally wide smile on his face considering the circumstances. Davina's eyebrows pinched together and she looked away, considering their last day of school the last time she'd be able to see him and appreciate him for the last decade they'd been friends.
Davina took a deep breath as the room began to quieten and come to order. This was it.
"Did you mean it?" Davina asked suddenly, just over a whisper.
Viviane frowned. "Mean what?"
The room was quietening down. "That I'll belong somewhere."
"What would it matter if I didn't?" Viviane said abruptly. "It has nothing to do with me."
Davina regarded the answer, swallowing thickly as the room finally came to order. Marcus Eaton of Abnegation stood on the podium at the front, waiting patiently for eyes to turn to him.
Responsibility to conduct the ceremony rotated each year, and this time it was the Stiffs. Davina snapped to attention as he spoke, even if it felt like she was listening underwater, her heartbeat in her ears taking over.
"Welcome," Marcus said, loud enough so everyone could hear. "Welcome to the Choosing Ceremony. Welcome to the day we honour the democratic philosophy of our ancestors, which tells us that every man has the right to choose his own way in this world." Five predispositions, Davina thought bitterly. "Our dependents are now eighteen. They stand on the precipice of adulthood, and it is now up to them to decide what kind of people they will be."
"Decades ago our ancestors realised that it is not political ideology, religious belief, race, or nationalism that is to blame for a warring world. Rather, they determined that it was the fault of human personality– of humankind's inclination toward evil, in whatever form that is. They divided into factions that sought to eradicate those qualities they believed responsible for the world's disarray." Davina had heard the story before in history, but it suddenly felt a lot heavier.
"Those who blamed aggression formed Amity. Those who blamed ignorance became the Erudite." Davina swallowed thickly at the mention of her home faction. She was Erudite, she valued logic and thinking, she hated ignorance. "Those who blamed duplicity created Candor. Those who blamed selfishness made Abnegation. And those who blamed cowardice were the Dauntless."
Davina didn't dare glance over to the other Faction her results had suggested. The Faction that jumped off trains, tattooed and pierced each other for fun and wore black and red in all styles. They were reckless and impulsive, but had the strength to jump.
"Working together, these five factions have lived in peace for many years, each contributing to a different sector of society. Abnegation has fulfilled our need for selfless leaders in government; Candor has provided us with trustworthy and sound leaders in law; Erudite has supplied us with intelligent teachers and researchers; Amity has given us understanding counsellors and caretakers; and Dauntless provides us with protection from threats both within and without."
"But the reach of each faction is not limited to these areas. We give one another far more than can be adequately summarised. In our factions, we find meaning, we find purpose, we find life."
Faction before blood. Davina glanced over to Viviane, who was watching Marcus intently, blue eyes unblinking and almost oblivious to her twin's gaze.
"Apart from them, we would not survive." Silence followed. "Therefore this day marks a happy occasion– the day on which we receive our new initiates, who will work with us toward a better society and a better world."
There was applause, but Davina didn't lift her hands from her side. And then Marcus began to read out the names, one by one.
She did not have to wait long for someone she knew and cared about to stand up. "Edward Díaz," Marcus announced.
She watched him, steady and confident, as he always was in their fighting sessions, approach the bowls and accept his knife from the Stiff. Without so much as a wince he cut his palm, held out his hand, and the blood burned on the Dauntless coals.
"Dauntless!"
Davina could only stand and watch him take his place with the other Dauntless initiates, and the pair met eyes as he passed. She looked away first and refocused on the Choosing, her shoulder slumped but jaw clenched.
One by one, the eighteen-year-olds chose, some people she knew, most she didn't. If anything, she was counting down the alphabet with dread for her turn. It was disappointing but not surprising when Myra chose Dauntless and went straight to Edward, but Davina supposed she wasn't one to judge.
And then the worst. Another pair of siblings, brother and sister, Beatrice and Caleb. Except Caleb went first, alphabetically backwards opposed to their surnames. Davina didn't even care to watch their results, all she could feel was her heart rate and shaking hands, eyes moving to her twin.
Viviane would go first. Whatever Davina chose would be stood up and marred, yet again, by her twin.
The numbers were dwindling by the time Marcus reached 'T', and the words Davina dreaded were announced. "Viviane Todd."
The blonde's lip was trembling, but she did not give her twin any form of last look or reassurance, stepping into the circle. Davina watched with bated breath as Viviane cut into her palm and stared at the blood pooling in her hand.
She took a few deep breaths, her eyes scanned all the bowls, before she quickly snapped her hand out, and turned her head away. Davina's face fell as Viviane's blood hit the water.
"Erudite!" Marcus announced, and the crowd applauded as Viviane headed over to the rest of the initiates. Davina's heart pounded against her ribcage, as she watched her family's pleased smiles and Viviane's body relax significantly as she melded back into the blue-clothed citizens, greeting people she knew from school.
But Davina did not have time to dwell.
"Davina Todd."
She squeezed her hand so tight she felt her nails bite into the skin, as she walked towards the bowls, her movements stiff and her eyes only focused on the knife she would be offered. She accepted it, not meeting Marcus' eyes and turned to face the bowls. Water or fire.
Davina bit her lip to diffuse the pain as she cut into her palm, dragging the knife across her skin. Like Viviane before her, she watched the blood pool in her hand, but her eyes drifted. Everything she had ever known was in one place, but as she risked a glance at her twin, she found maybe that was the problem.
Her twin would always be first, always more Erudite than Davina could ever be. But Davina was not all Erudite, and taking calculated risks and choosing unknown paths was a part of what had separated her from them.
If she could not be first in Erudite, as the past eighteen years had been, she could be her own first.
Davina moved her hand forward, her blood sizzling on the coals.
"Dauntless."
There was applause but Davina felt numb to it as she let her hand fall at her side, the remaining blood dripping onto the carpet before she was given a small plaster to cover it. Her movements were still stiff as she moved forward, towards the black-clad portion, the Dauntless, her choice.
Davina dared to look at her family. Her brother's face had fallen, as expected, and beside him her father looked solemn but proud– the way their mother had always looked at Viviane. And the woman in question had the coldest eyes Davina had ever seen, focused on her in that moment. From where she stood, Davina could almost feel the cold, and the ensuing weight of the shadow she had built out from Viviane.
Davina turned away from her family and joined her chosen Faction.
The mirror shattered.
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well this was supposed to be a shorter chapter but words got away from me
i hope this cleared some things up about how davina acts and feels and also what her divergence means to her on a psychological level.
anyway the good stuff is coming next chapter as we get into dauntless and (officially) meet the prettiest of assholes
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