Zac

As I laid beside Cate on the mattress, so close yet not touching, I felt like weeping. My heart slammed miserably against my chest, demanding with each punishing thud for my stupid ass to take back venomous words I spat at her. Babygirl looked like she was about to break.

She didn't cry, though.

Instead, the light dimmed inside her beautiful hazel eyes. Her lower lip quivered. Her entire face grew pale with distress.

But she didn't cry.

It took every ounce of willpower to hold myself in check. To not wrap her back into my arms and apologize over and over again for hurting her. I still wanted to love her. I still wanted to be with her. I still wanted to fuck her. I could feel myself falling apart as well. Everything about this moment felt so wrong. It made me want to vomit.

"Then," she whispered shakily, "let's break up. If that's what you want."

My stomach twisted into painful knots. I didn't know what else to say except, "I'm sorry, Cate."

She gave me a watery smile. "It's okay. In a fucked-up way, I actually understand where you're coming from."

I mumbled, "Thanks, I guess."

I hated how calm and reasonable she was being about this whole thing. It drove me a little nuts because, unlike her, I could barely breathe at the moment. Every cell in my body was screaming in protest. In truth, I didn't want to break up at all. But I no longer had it in me to pretend like everything was fine. It was time to pull my head out of the sand. In a way, I'd been deceiving myself for the last few months, ignoring the fact that Cate lied to me time and time again. She fucking lied about everything from the moment I opened my eyes in that goddamn hospital room. She was going to continue lying if I didn't walk away.

I could accept the fact that my memories were gone and might never return in full. What I couldn't overlook was the reality that all the people who were supposed to be my closest friends and family kept refusing to help me find my footing again. They claimed to care when, in truth, they had only been manipulating me from the get-go. I deserved more from them. I deserved more from Cate. At the end of the day, I had to draw the line somewhere.

My self-respect demanded it.

I refused to be yanked around like some pathetic puppet on a string. From this moment on, I could only trust myself. Anger and resentment continued to simmer inside me. I knew those feelings were toxic and destructive, but I couldn't let them go. They fueled my overwhelming need to unfuck this clusterfuck of a situation I now found myself submerged in.

"It doesn't change how I feel about you, though," Cate spoke up again, "I'm still your friend. I'm here for you, Zac, even if I'm not your girlfriend anymore. I meant what I said earlier. I'll share everything I can if you give me a chance to make things right."

Her soft, sweet words drifted over me like a warm summer breeze. She sounded so sincere. I wanted to give in to her. To believe her once more.

I needed a distraction.

My gaze drifted down to her naked breasts. I swallowed, hard, at the sight of Cate's perfect, rosy-tipped tits.

Fuck!

This wasn't the distraction I needed right now.

I reached for my boxers and pulled them on to tuck away my hardening cock. In clipped tones, I ground out, "You should, um, put on some clothes, or something, now that we aren't together."

"Point taken," she muttered.

Cate reached for her bra and panties. For the life of me, I couldn't seem to rip my eyes from her as she got dressed. Her body was so beautiful. Every curve, every swell, and every dip begged to be worshipped. I yearned to claim her as mine again. It made me even more depressed. Aggressively, I pulled on my shirt and trousers.

Once Cate was fully clothed, she turned to me and said, "You may not trust me, Zac, but I had my reasons for keeping shit from you. None of those reasons were intended to harm you. If anything, I want to help you find the answers you're looking for."

"Bullshit."

She shrugged with a pained expression. "Obviously, I can't force you to believe me or accept my help, but please don't go chasing after the past without knowing how far this rabbit hole might stretch. The last thing I want is to see you get hurt again."

I raised my eyebrows.

She didn't want to see me get hurt again?

"What do you mean by that?" I demanded.

Her jaw set with determination. "You said—you hated how everyone's been handling you with kid gloves over the past few months, right?"

I didn't know where this conversation was headed anymore. It made me a little nervous. "Yes?"

"Well, I'm taking off the fucking gloves off. Now."

"Uh..."

A troubled gleam entered her eyes. "I know you started cutting, Zac, right before the accident."

My breath caught. Instinctively, I moved my hand over to shield the scars on my arm. "That's none of your fucking business."

"Don't worry about me or my business," Cate murmured, "what you should be worried about is the reason why you started cutting again. And whether or not you're ready to hear the truth."

The haunted look on her face left a sinking feeling in my chest. Again, my heart screamed at me to believe in her even while my head fought against it bitterly. All of my muscles constricted with anxiety. Conflict thrummed inside me. Curiosity got the better of me.

I tried to convince myself, "It can't be that bad."

In a small, fragile voice, she replied, "I'm pretty sure it's gonna send you to a really dark place, and I don't want you to go through it alone. Please. I'm begging you, Zac. Don't push me away. Let me stay by your side until this shitstorm passes."

Cate reached over to hold my hand. Reluctantly, I let her. Oddly, her touch still comforted me, and I couldn't help noticing how perfectly her fingers threaded into mine even while the heaviness in my heart lingered on.

I didn't know how to respond. All I knew was that her words unnerved me. My past had never felt murkier or more frightening. The markings on my arm simply couldn't be ignored. Cate had a point. Whatever led me to start cutting again must have been some kind of hell. I didn't want to imagine the horrors we might have uncovered that day in the townhouse. Intuition told me that it had something to do with my dad.

Fuck.

Maybe I wasn't ready to wade into the deep end, after all.

Maybe it would be better to stay in the shallow for a while.