Cate

The next morning, I awoke with a terrible migraine because I hadn't been able to sleep much last night.

Zac's words kept echoing on an endless loop.

Damn it, you're right. Why am I such a dumbass?

Memories from the past flooded my senses whenever I closed my eyes. It was stupid, really, for something so trite to dredge up this much sadness in me.

Damn it, you're right. Why am I such a dumbass?

Last year, my beautiful brown-eyed boy had uttered those exact words to me when Lily had broken my heart.

Fucking Lily, man.

At the time, her crazed stunt nearly unraveled me. The haunting images of Mamma's final moments on earth tormented me even now. That night, after Bea's charity ball, I wanted to use sex to forget my pain. Zac wouldn't let me. He turned down my advances and, later, joked about regretting it, but the point was: Zac rejected me out of love. He always did right by me. In this deep, dark, impossible way, I missed my boyfriend so much. Without his memories, Zac's regard for me felt sweet and lovely, but it was more like puppy love. A mere drop in the bucket compared to the ocean he had once gifted me.

This whole trip to New York was turning out to be way more difficult than I ever anticipated. Every little thing between Zac and I kept resurrecting all of these conflicting emotions that I had hidden away for survival's sake. Our past kept coming back in the most unexpected ways to fuck with my head and tear at my heart. I loved Zac more than life itself, and I was beyond elated to be reunited with him again, but, at the risk of sounding like an ungrateful bitch, a part of me couldn't help mourning every word, every look, and every touch that had been erased from his memories.

Sometimes, I questioned if our love still existed because I was now the only person left in this whole wide world who remembered any of it.

With some effort, I managed to push aside my angsty mood when Zac came to pick me up later that day.

It was becoming second nature for me to swallow my sadness and paste on a smile. We went to tour the Met. The museum was amazing. Impressive. Everything I could've hoped for. Again, Zac was the perfect gentleman. He treated me like a queen. Instead of making me happy, however, his sweetness made me feel like a fraud. I didn't deserve such pure adoration from him. I had lied to him last night at Wes' barbecue. Point blank. I was purposely keeping secrets from my man.

That's it, nothing happened to trigger me.

So many fucking secrets.

After we finished up at the Met, Zac took me to Central Park and surprised me with the cutest little picnic. I loved it. I resented it. It made me feel guiltier than ever. I wanted to focus on making new memories with Zac, but, again and again, I struggled to stay in the present. In the back of my mind, I kept comparing our Central Park date to our impromptu picnic in Auburndale Park from a year ago.

I forced myself to stop replaying the past.

Later, we found a more secluded area in the park near Wagner Cove. To distract myself from spiraling once more, I let Zac kiss me everywhere. I let him slide his hands under my skirt. Luckily, there wasn't anyone around to catch us perving all over each other. One of my thighs ended up half-straddled across his lap. Hidden under my skirt, his fingers brushed against my panties. They came dangerously close to slipping inside the silky fabric in broad daylight. Before long, our breaths grew taut and strained. We didn't stop kissing, touching, or teasing, though. Not at all. I craved him like air and water and sunshine. With the desperate way Zac clung me, I was pretty sure that he felt exactly the same—and then some.

As the simmering heat between us ignited into a raging burst of passion, Zac buried his head into the crook of my neck and released a barely audible whimper, "I want you so bad, like, everything inside my pants feels way too fucking solid right now."

I laughed it off even though I was dying inside as well. "Wanna go back to the hotel?"

"Can't stand up. I need a minute."

In a low, teasing voice, I asked, "What if I want to do it against a wall?"

He groaned as though in pain, "Don't tempt me, you brat."

I glanced down at the tent near his crotch. "Poor baby. That looks very uncomfortable. Need a kiss to make it better?"

"Not helping, Cate!"

I spread my thighs open by a fraction and whispered against his neck, "You know, there's no one looking at us, if you wanted to take advantage of me right now, I won't stop you."

Zac groaned again, "Are you trying to break me?"

"Just because you wanna be boring doesn't mean that I have to behave."

"Please, babygirl. Don't do this to me. My self-control is hanging by thread."

My man's determination to fight the good fight was pretty impressive. But teasing him was too much fun. I didn't want to stop. Pouting, I asked, "Exactly how much wining and dining will be necessary before we can... you know?"

He pecked me on the nose. "Patience. I have something special planned on your last day, remember?"

"I remember, baby, and I'm really looking forward to it."

Shyly, Zac glanced away for a moment. "I hope you'll like it."

When his gaze returned to me, I saw the infatuation in his eyes. It sent my emotions soaring and sinking at the same damn time. He was trying so hard to be a gentleman and sweep me off my feet. His sweetness was amazing and all, but I was a greedy bitch. I wanted more from Zac. So much more. I didn't need fancy dinners or romantic dates. What I yearned for was our soul deep connection even though I knew it wasn't possible to revive the past. I understood that we needed time to rebuild a lasting bond, but, at this moment, my feelings were too strong to be rational.

Something inside me snapped. "Zac?"

"Yes?"

Since I couldn't have an emotional connection, I was willing to settle for a physical one.

Was this terrible decision of mine going to end in crushing disappointment?

Most likely.

But it sounded like a problem for Future Me to deal with. Lowering my lashes, I leaned over to murmur in his ear, "If I promise to be a good girl, will you fuck me later?"

It appeared to take a minute for my naughty invitation to register in Zac's brain. Once it did, however, his face turned bright red. Half-moaning and half-chuckling, he grumbled at me, "You can't say shit like that when I'm two seconds away from turning this G-rated picnic into a fucking porno!"

I giggled quietly. "Sorry, baby."

"You don't look sorry at all."

"You're right, I'm not sorry," I nipped his ear playfully, "because I already know that you're so good at it."

"At what?"

"Pounding me until I can't walk straight."

His breath caught. His pupils grew large and dark. "Is that what we used to do for fun?"

I continued to rain kisses along his neck and jawline. "We definitely had a lot of fun together."

"How much... fun?"

"Use your imagination, baby."

Suddenly, the sweet, sexy mood between us dissipated. His body tensed up. It caught me completely off guard when Zac said, "I can't remember any of that shit, though. Everything is perfect between us right now. I don't wanna fuck it up."

Shit.

Did I push him too hard?

Alarm and guilt coiled in my chest. "I know I've been teasing you like crazy, but I really don't mind waiting. We can take it slow. Did you wanna wait until my next visit before going all the way?"

"Fuck, no," he answered without any hesitation, "I don't know when we'll get to see each other again, and, like, I really wanna be with you, you know? I'm just... nervous. I don't wanna disappoint you since, you know, technically, we've already done it before, and..."

I kissed him again and again until his body relaxed. "You don't have to be nervous, baby. I'll show you how to make me feel good."

His expression brightened. "Yeah?"

I smiled and nodded.

He grinned. "I'm not gonna lie. That sounds fucking hot."

"Back then, you were a quick learner. I'm sure you'll get into the swing of things in no time."

Zac cupped my face and pulled me towards him for a heady, soulful kiss. "God, I can't wait to learn everything about you again."

"I don't ever want you to feel nervous around me, okay?" I whispered with a lump in my throat. "You're mine, I'm yours, and nothing will ever change how I feel about you."

Zac kissed me again. When we finally pulled away from each other, there was a faint smile resting on his lips. "I think I love you, Cate."

My eyebrows rose to the sky. I nearly tumbled off of his lap. "What?"

Awkwardly, Zac cleared his throat and repeated himself, "I said—I think I'm in love with you."

My mind drew a blank. "Oh, God."

Zac's expression fell slightly. "Is that all you have to say?"

I blinked at him dumbly. Words escaped me. Obviously, it made perfect sense for me to be head over heels in love with Zac.

But wasn't it a little too soon for him to be saying the L-word to me?

Did Zac even understand what it meant to love someone?

I didn't want to make things any more awkward between us, though.

"I love you, too," I replied in hurried tones.

He grimaced. "You don't have to say anything if you don't mean it."

My eyes softened. Zac looked really butthurt. I placed my hand on his cheek and assured him, "Baby, you should know by now that I'm not the kind of girl who fucks around with the L-word. You just caught me off guard is all. I wasn't expecting you to say it to me so soon, but I've never stopped loving you, Zac. Not for one second."

He perked up a little. "Really?"

"Really."

Zac started kissing me all over again. In between breaths, he muttered, "God, you make me so happy!"

I said laughingly, "I feel the same way about you."

After we left Central Park, Zac dropped me off at the Beekman. He walked me up to my room. It was honestly the perfect end to a perfect day.

Zac said he loved me.

I knew I loved him.

In a few days, we were going to have sex again for the first time since his accident. Everything was going so well for us. This trip was going so well for us. Even though something felt a little off. There was no reason for me to freak out. Everything was going to be fine. Just fine. Nothing could go wrong.

Right?