***This story has no connection with Heloisa and Nuke from BLUE IRIS. I just like their names😂

My breathing stops.

My heart aches.

My world spun upon seeing the man I never wished to ever see again. The man I loathe. The very man that broke my heart and changed my life and my view of a relationship.In an instant, my smile vanished.

My stomach twisted as the vile rose up to my throat the moment our gaze met. The white and pale hospital hallway felt suddenly small and turned dark to me like I've been trapped inside the box.

Claustrophobia and nostalgia were overpowering me.

This day was supposed to be my day--the best day of my life that I finally achieved something I wanted in my life, and not from what had been dictated for me to do.After all this time, I still felt the same. I thought my feeling had changed. I thought I completely forgot him. I thought I would not feel the same again as he trapped me in the English classroom when James slipped a poem in my book.

Now he was in front of me, everything came to me like a flash flood that almost made me stumble back with his strong impact. He had the same aura--the handsome man that exuded confidence. He matured in three years--he grew a scruff covering his sharp jaw. He still had this strong and sharp blue eyes, slightly widened and filled with...pain? And shock surrounded by those dark long lashes that I envied. His dark hair curled against the collar of his sophisticated well-tailored suit. His full lips were slight partied probably from surprised that he was not expecting me to see here. Either I am.

"Heloisa." He swallowed upon saying my name.

I always loved the way he called me, but now it was nothing like a poison in my vein.

"Nuke," I said in recognition, trying my best not to sound bitter. I snaked my hand around Kirby's arm and smiled tightly as we walked past them.

"Heloisa, wait!" His strong and deep voice made me stop, and his footsteps approached, making my pulse to race.

I turned to face him. "Yes, Nuke?"

He clenched his jaw, glancing at my hand around Kirby's. "What are you doing here?"

My brow rose. "Excuse me?"

"What are you doing in a Maternity hospital, Heloisa?" he asked the obvious, but what I was not expected to see in his eyes was the pain was more visible than earlier. 

"I came here for my appointment. You know I don't owe you any explanation, but I like to answer your question. Your assistance is needed with that woman. Now if you'll excuse us." I gripped Kirby and I left Nuke standing alone. I might crumble down with heartache if I kept talking to him. He hurt me pretty bad, and I couldn't allow him to do that again.

"Is that Nuke McClure?" Kirby finally talked. 

"Yes."

The moment I got into the car, I took a few breaths. Pregnancy made me queasy, but this was what I wanted. My parents were not pleased with my decision to have insemination, but they saw how hurt I was when Nuke blew off our engagement. He did not only break me, he humiliated me and my family in front of the two hundred and fifty guests. Since then, my views of relationships and marriage had changed. My parents wanted an heir, now I was going to give them in nine months. 

"Is that why you chose me as your donor?" Kirby's curious voice made me feel guilty for not telling him the reason, but I paid him hefty of cash, and he signed NDA.

"Yes."

"It's not my business to ask, but he still cares about you."

My head snapped to the driver seat. "He doesn't care, Kirby, and we don't have any reason to care for each other."

"I'm sorry for saying, Lois. Just don't stress out okay? Everything will be alright." He smiled. 

"I'm fine. Just send me to my apartment."

***

I swiped the key card against the motion sensor of my security system and the door slid opened. 

"Come in," I said to Kirby as I walked in. My heels clicked over the tiles floor. I literally forced him to come with me despite his protest. He wasn't supposed to be here, but I need someone to talk to.

"Nice loft," he said.

"Thanks!" I assisted him to the spacious entryway that opened to the large living area with decorative embellishment and state of the art appliances and opulent fireplace. I always loved fresh air, I slid the wall to ceiling glass windows and allowed the cool night air to slide my skin. 

"This is a great view, Heloisa." He was referring to the skyline views at night, and the reason why I chose this place.

A ding of my private elevator interrupted us and my doorbell came next. My brows furrowed. I was sure I was not expecting my parents would arrive in the city today.

Who the hell had access to my penthouse?I strode to the doorway and was shocked to see Nuke in my doorstep. 

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"Good to know that you did not change the access code after all these years, Heloisa?" His sarcasm made my blood boil.

"Who gave you the right to barge into my penthouse, Nuke?"

"And what that man is doing here?" He walked past me with all his authority.

"Stop right there, I did not allow you to come in." I grabbed his arm. He then faced me. "You did not answer my question."

"And I can't remember I should." My hands were already popped on my waist as I met his intense gaze.

"I should go--"

"Stay!" I cut Kirby off.

"We need to talk," Nuke said.

"We're done talking the moment you left me humiliated on our engagement night. Now leave!"

He swallowed, clenching his jaw. 

"I'm done and over with you. You broke me and changed me, Nicholas Luke. I didn't look that ugly, I had good grades in school. I have proven something, I have money and power. I am not just the heiress that everyone sees, but I don't know why you can't learn to like me or respect me. Why the hell did you not tell me that you're not gonna show up that night to save me from humiliated and my effort to look pretty in front of you and those people?" I was unknowingly wiping the tears on my face. "Why?"

"I-I'm--"

I pointed at him. "I don't want your sorry. Now leave my apartment."

"Nuke, she needs to rest. If you don't mind, please leave her now." I completely forgot Kirby was around and I just humiliated myself once more. 

"Don't talk--"

"You don't talk to him like that!" I exclaimed. My breathing hitched. My heart rate accelerated in anger, and Nuke was shocked to see the new me. If he thought I was still the same who followed orders from my parents her was wrong.

"Just answer my question, Heloisa, and I'll leave."

My brow rose. "What? What was I doing in the hospital? I am three weeks pregnant with Kirby's son."

"W-what?" He looked at me in disbelief with his blue eyes filled with pain and shock.

"Yes. I answer your question. You can leave now and never come back."

"You're not married, aren't you?" He looked at my fingers, and I knew what he meant. My parents were old-fashioned in Spain. They believed and still followed the tradition of no child would be born out of wedlock, but I broke those the moment I broke my heart. I didn't believe in those beliefs anymore. This was the 21st century and everyone had the right to choose what they wanted to believe.

"This asshole is gonna be a father and he doesn't want to marry you?" he asked, pointing at Kirby.

"Dude, don't push me. The reason I didn't push you out of that door because of Lois. We get married or not that's not your fucking business!" 

"Is this kind of man--"

"Enough! Just get out!"

"No, Heloisa, hear me out."

"Your time is over Nuke. I gave you and waited for you for three years to explain now, I moved on and I don't care about it anymore."

"Heloisa, please?" I couldn't believe what I saw. Nuke was kneeling in front of me with eyes filled with tears. Why did he have to wait for three years to come back when it was already late?"

"I'm sorry, Nuke."

"Marry me, Heloisa. I will accept the baby even if it's not mine. Let us be finally together. I'm sorry if it took three years for me to have a gut. Just give us a chance one more time."

My chest tightened now he was asking me to marry him, but why now? Why all of a sudden he wanted to marry me? My stomach churned, thinking of how would break my heart again. The pain in my stomach worsened that I was barely able to grasp before the darkness consumed my sight.

***

It had been three weeks since I lost my pregnancy. I could not tell that my parents were happy, but they'd been there for me the entire time. Kirby had been there, too, after he punched Nuke out of anger. 

Nuke was gone after sneaking to visit me in the hospital. He gave me a box that night, and until now I didn't have the courage to open it. He sent me messages, left me a bunch of missed calls, but I couldn't listen to any of his voicemails.

I was scared.

After all these years, I realized what I've been doing was for Nuke. I searched for a donor that looked like him, but that was not only it, they were different persons. And I've been fooling myself all this time. I haven't forgotten and forgive him because he broke my heart, and the worse part was I still loved him.

God, I love him so much it hurts despite he hurts me.It didn't matter how long had passed, love was not bound by time. 

It didn't matter our parents arranged our marriage because love was not bound by their rules. 

After a long deep breath, I finally opened the rectangular gray box. A gasp escaped my lips upon taking a glance at what was inside. With trembling fingers, I grasped them. They were old stationary papers. I could still remember the design of the heading. I had been receiving love letters from unknown sender when I was in high school until college. There were also handwritten love poems and a red hair tie.

My God, Nuke!

Then my pictures from college until recently at the fundraiser-- it was last month. 

What he had been doing these years? Here I thought he didn't care. 

I picked up my phone and tapped his voicemail.

"Hey there." His voice seemed shaky. "I know you hated me, but I can't think of anything but guilt so I needed to tell you something. I hope you will listen to this, Heloisa even just for one last time. The first time I saw you when our parents introduced us on your fifteen birthday, I thought you were the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I liked you then it grew to more than just like. I was in love with you, even obsessed with you. I didn't appear on our engagement night because I had to treat myself. I knew by then I wasn't well. I know you loathed me, I couldn't blame you because you have every right to do that. I can't break you because you are the most Important person in my life. You looked so innocent and fragile at that time. I have this obsession with you that I might emotionally hurt you. Two months ago, my doctor finally cleared me. And I'm willing to start with you again as a friend, my love."

"Oh, my god."

I tapped another voicemail. "Hey, my love. I'm in Paris. The view is beautiful but not as beautiful as you."

***

The sun was just setting at the horizon, and there was nothing more romantic than watching it sat down at the Pont au Change. 

"Great view, isn't it?" I spoke as I Nuke's body froze as leaned his elbows against the concrete parapet. 

He didn't move nor turned to face me.

"I wish I listen to your voicemail sooner because it seems that you badly need company. Look at around us, we're the only one who's not a couple." 

"Yeah, been like this for years," he finally spoke. His voice cracked as he faced me.

"I'm--"

"Don't feel sorry for me."

"I won't ask why you didn't tell me. You have a rep back then, Nicholas Luke." I moved closer to him. Our clothes touched at it seemed to feel right. 

"Now you don't scare me though. I am asking the friendly offer if it still stands."

"Of course." His throat bobbed up and down and then flashed a smile at me. 

"Heloisa."

***

End