Chapter Eighteen : Funeral
September 2019   

    Five weeks. That's how long Jay had been dreading this day. Some days it felt like he couldn't even walk because he missed her so much. His mother. His mother was dead. And he didn't know what to do.

    For a minute he thought about Julie's words from so long ago. 'To a year of good hope and good health !'

    Slowly he slipped on the suit as a knock came from the door. Jay turned his head to the door, "Hey." His father's words were soft.

    Jay went back to tying his tie in the mirror, "Don't worry, I won't cry until at least the ceremony."
    "James...."
    "Dad." Jay spun around, "You don't need to say anything."
    "Okay." His father pulled him into a hug before fixing his tie and going over to Julie's room across the hall.

    Jay turned back around to the mirror. He pulled at the end of his suit jacket, "Until at least the ceremony." He repeated the words to himself, fighting the water building in his eyes.

~

    Julie was leaning on her brother as they watched their mother's casket get lowered. Jay wasn't great at hiding the tears this time. Water streamed down his face like no tomorrow. And maybe there wasn't a tomorrow. His Aunt Victoria had her arm around his shoulders and reaching to Julie.

    Their father held Carlos close to him, the 10 year olds' tears mostly silent in the somber atmosfear. Even Connor, Roslyn and Flynn had a few tears streaming down their faces, Mrs. Molina being like a second mother to the three.

    Jay's hands tied into tight fights as he bit back a loud sob, slamming his eyes shut. This was one of those times when you really just wanted your mom. Except his was now six feet under.

    The sleek black casket started to get covered with dirt, but they all stayed. When the ground was freshly turned over in front of the shinny black headstone Ray Molina started to lead his sister in-law, children, and their friends away from the grave. But Julie and Jay stayed put.

    Ray just nodded at his two oldest, their friends giving them teary eyed smiles and space.

    Slowly Julie stopped clinging to Jay, pulling her object from her bag. The twins had decided as soon as they knew the date of the funeral each would bring something that immediately made them think of their mother and place it at the grave. Julie's was a microphone.

    It had broken years ago when she was maybe in eighth grade. But her mother had helped Julie decorate it so everyone knew it was her's. She slowly placed it at the base of the grave stroking the stone. "I don't know if I can ever play again. No without you. So up in heaven, could you-" She gasped over her tears, "Could you play for both of us?" Juile kissed two of her fingers, placing them at the top of the grave before walking back to Jay.

    The oldest Molina shook as he took the old carmer from Juile's bag. He bent down to place the item next to Juile's. It too was broken, but it was his first real camera. His mother had gotten it for him after months of stealing his father's from Ray's work bag.

    He remembered that moment clear as day. The feeling of joy as he ripped through the birthday paper. The smile that spread over his face. He didn't think he would ever smile like that again.
    He wiped his eyes, the tears starting to blur his mother's name in the stone. "I guess- I guess I don't really know what to say. Just uhh- Just uhh remember I love you. And that-and that you have done so much for me." He took a heavy breath, fighting more choking tears, "I don't know what I'm gonna do without you mom." Slowly he rose doing the same thing Julie did. Softly pressing his lips to his fingers and pressing his fingers to his mother's gravestone.

    The twins waked back to their father, arm and arm, leaning on each other. They didn't know what was the next step. They couldn't hardly tell you how they kept in step up that hill. Not shaking halfway up and falling all the way down until they just layed on the ground crying.

~