Kel's mind swirled in a whirlwind of confusion and disbelief at being called an "anomaly" - a cosmic mistake untethered from fate's grand tapestry. But before he could process it, The Custodian disarmingly furrowed his brows, tasted the air with comical concentration, and simply declared "I need a gelato."

And before Kel could even blink, they were gone, whisked away from the rooftop and deposited in the middle of a bustling gelato kiosk in the heart of Milan, Italy. The sudden change of scenery was so jarring, so unexpected, that Kel could only gape in amazement, his jaw hanging open like a broken hinge.

"How... how did you do that?" he stammered, his voice a trembling fragile glass.

The Custodian merely grinned, his eyes twinkling with a mischievous light that danced sublimely across the warm Italian moonscape. "Simple," he parried with a nonchalant shrug, the two simple syllables dripping with cosmic wisdom. "I'm fucking infinite."

And with that, he sauntered up to the gelato counter, his eyes widening with delight as he surveyed the colorful array of flavors and toppings. "Ooh, look at that!" he exclaimed, his voice a giddy squeal of excitement. "They have stracciatella! And pistachio! And oh, is that hazelnut I see?"

Kel could only watch in amazement as The Custodian ordered a towering cone of gelato, piled high with scoops of every flavor imaginable. The old man took a big, slurping bite, his eyes rolling back in his head with a comical expression of pure bliss. "Mmm," he moaned, "That's the shit, kid. That's the shit."

Kel shimmered with a mixture of longing and envy, his taste buds aching for a taste of that delicious, creamy goodness. The Custodian must have noticed his expression, because he looked over at Kel with a mischievous grin, holding out the cone with a flourish.

"Want some?" he said, his voice melodious. "Have a taste. It's on me."

Kel's eyes widened, his hand trembling with anticipation as he reached out to take the cone. But just as his fingers were about to close around it, The Custodian yanked it away with a playful smirk.

"Oops!" he said, his voice a cackle of laughter that seemed to echo across the vastness of the cosmos. "Almost forgot. You're a fucking ghost. You can't eat gelato."

Kel's face fell, his demeanour deflating like a punctured balloon. "That's not funny," he said, his voice a petulant whine.

"Meh. Didn't mean it to be."

Kel shimmered with curiosity, his mind still reeling from the revelation of The Custodian's love for gelato. "So," he said "do mortal things appeal to you? I mean, beyond just gelato?"

The Custodian's eyes twinkled, his lips curling into a playful smirk. "Are you asking me if I like to fuck, enjoy continental cuisines, the good things that mortals have to offer?" he said. "Fuck yes! A resounding yes, Fucknut."

Kel's jaw dropped. "Really?"

The Custodian grinned enigmatically. "Of course I indulge in mortal pleasures. To deny life's finer things simply for not being human would be tragically hubristic. What's the point of existing if not to revel in the beautiful?"

Kel nodded slowly, processing this. "I get it. But...how do you get mortals to give you what you want?" He hesitated. "Do you abuse their free will?"

The Custodian's eyes widened, his face a mask of mock horror. "Abuse their free will?" he said, his voice a gasp of incredulity. "What do you take me for? Some kind of sadistic cosmic bastard?"

Kel stammered, clearly struggling to shape his words.

"Thread wisely," the old man warned, and then took a bite of his gelato.

"No, no, of course not," Kel stammered, his voice shaking like a leaf. "I just... I just wondered how you... you know..."

The Custodian's lips curled into a playful smirk. "How I get mortals to give me what I want?" he chuckled huskily. "It's quite simple, really. I just use my charm, my wit, my dashing good looks. I mean, I could be anybody."

Kel nearly stumbled in disbelief as he watched The Custodian transform before his very eyes. One moment, he was an old man, wizened and gray, and the next, he was Cristiano Ronaldo, all chiseled jawline and rippling muscles.

"The fuck..." Kel sputtered, his ghostly saliva nearly choking him in his surprise. "How did you...?"

The Custodian, now wearing the face of the famous footballer, proudly grinned. "Siiuuuuu..."

Kel's eyes nervously scanned the oblivious mortals, their blissful unawareness a poignant reminder of how vastly the breadth of their perceived realities paled in comparison to the supernatural spectacle unfolding before them, just outside the dishwater-dull boundaries of their comprehension.

"Don't worry, Fucknut," The Custodian chuckled, "They can't see us, can't hear us, can't even sense our presence."

Kel slightly shook with relief, his shoulders sagging as he let out a long, slow breath. "That's... that's good to know,"

The Custodian, still wearing the face of Cristiano Ronaldo, took another big, slurping bite of his gelato, his eyes rolling back in his head with another comical expression of pure bliss. "Fuuckk," he moaned. "This shit really is something else,"

Kel could only nod, his face shimmering with exasperation. "I guess so,"

But then The Custodian's face grew serious. "You know, Kelechi," he said, his voice a power low rumble, "free will is a funny thing. It refers to the ability to make choices based on one's own desires and intentions, implying the power to shape one's life and future. Fate, on the other hand," he said, "—suggests that events are predetermined and outside of one's control —a sense of inevitability."

Kel's mind raced with questions.

The Custodian rolled his eyes, "Imagine a river flowing towards its destination. While the river's path (fate) is predetermined, it still has the freedom to flow and adapt within its boundaries (free will). Similarly, you mortals have the freedom to make choices within the framework of your predetermined fate."

In the blink of an eye, the bustling gelato kiosk in Milan vanished, replaced by a realm that defied all explanation. It was a place that seemed to exist beyond the very fabric of reality itself, a place where the laws of physics and the rules of logic held no sway.

Kel's eyes widened as he took in the impossible, incomprehensible landscape that stretched out before him. It was a place of swirling colors and shifting shapes, of impossible geometries and mind-bending vistas that seemed to twist and fold in on themselves like the pages of paper art.

And through it all, The Custodian's voice echoed, a rumbling, resonant sound that seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere at once, filling the void with its otherworldly cadence.

"While those born with the thread of fate receive the Artificers' care and attention based on their deeds, you are different," The Custodian continued as if all that Kel witnessed happening around him was totally normal. "—You are a waif, a fucking foundling, invisible to the Artificers, untouched by their influence. You didn't originate from them; you are an anomaly of nature. Unplanned. Kinda like a condom accid— I mean, there's got to be a way to explain this without making me look like an asshole."

Kel thinned his lips and took a deep breath. "I think I understand..."

"Well then, that's fucking marvellous." The Cristiano Ronaldo faced being grinned. "Siuuuu?"

Kel wasn't smiling.

The Custodian's eyes twinkled with a mischievous sparkle, his lips curling into a playful smirk as he leaned in close to Kel's ghostly form. "Fucknut, listen ..." he said, his voice a slow rumble reverberating through their new surroundings. "There's something you need to understand about the nature of existence itself."

"What..."

"Reality," he began, "has an order to it, a paradoxical way of things that your seaweed mind might struggle to grasp. It's like..."

He trailed off, his eyes darting around with a comical expression. Kel followed his gaze, taking in the scene of swirling colors and shifting shapes, a place of impossible geometries that defied every law of gravity, yet they stood firm as if on solid ground.

"But here's the thing," The Custodian touched Kel's chest with his finger. "The Artificers, in their infinite wisdom, have made your reality an open well of free will. Anomaly or not, you have the power to be whoever you want to be, to do whatever you want to do. You, kid, are not a slave to the afterlife like the rest of those fucktards."

"You... you mean I could be... anything?"

"Exactly, Fucknut," The Custodian grinned. "You might not have flesh and bones to enjoy a gelato, but you could be so much more. You could go anywhere you want, do anything you want, all with just a—"

He trailed off, his eyes gleaming with a sudden intensity. Kel felt a strange sensation wash over him, the tingling teleportation feeling again. Suddenly, before he could even blink, they were gone, whisked away from the undescribable reality and deposited back to the familiar surroundings of the hostel. "—snap."

"Enjoy immortality," The Custodian smiled. "Responsibly, of course," he added with a mischievous grin.

As Kel began to process the magnitude of what he had just been given, The Custodian began to back away, his form fading like a mirage. "Oh," he said, "and stay away from the seers. They're bad news for anomalies."

Kel's eyes widened, "Wait, w-what?" he stammered. "Why?"

But The Custodian merely grinned, his expression dancing in the cool Nigerian moonlit night. "Ghost 101 is over, kid," he said as he took another bite off his gelato. "Figure the rest out for yourself."

And with that, he began to ascend, his form rising up and up into the night sky like a balloon let loose from its tether. Kel could only watch in amazement as The Custodian stepped on invisible air, his feet finding purchase on some unseen staircase that seemed to lead straight into the cosmos.

Higher and higher he climbed, his form growing smaller and smaller until he was nothing more than a tiny speck against the vast expanse of the starlit sky. And then, with a final, jaunty wave, he vanished, disappearing into the ether like a puff of smoke on the wind.

Kel sat back on the bench, his mind a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions, each one more dizzying than the last. Immortality, anomalies, seers - it was all too much to take in, too much to comprehend.

But even as he struggled to make sense of it all, Kel couldn't help but feel a sense of excitement, a sense of purpose that he had never known before. He was —well, special, a being with his own destiny. Though The Custodian's revelations remained unclear in parts, one point rang true: he was no cosmic lost cause.

Despite his glitch-in-the-matrix existence, Kel felt compelled to make his strange life matter, to etch his own unique mark upon this reality, no matter how small.

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