GHOSTING

CHAPTER FOUR: SADDENING MEMORIES

UPON her arrival, the girls had helped Esther pack her things for the next night's venture and helped her get settled into a cot among the other girls in the barracks, but as she laid down to sleep- her belly full of soup one of the kitchen girls had made- she found that only bits of Thomas riddled her thoughts.

She thought about what he'd done, and how she knew he was to be sent into a maze for his betrayal, she wondered what maze that would be, it couldn't be hers, not when Aris was already supposed to be the male counterpart to Rachel.

Maybe he'd be put in Group A's maze, he'd easily adapt there among the others, but that wasn't what she feared. She was stuck on whether or not he would survive within the walls that would confine him to the maze.

Unlike Esther, Thomas did not have the same natural block that her brain had created for her in the womb, if the procedure was performed on him, he would forget everything and everyone.

Including her.

Not that it bothered her too much, she hadn't known him well before and she hadn't tried very hard to get to know him, but still, she felt bad. Especially after he'd refused to conduct the procedure a second time and dropped her into the box where she would be safe with the girls inside.

She was packing away a small medical kit when one of the girls- Vera- came over and handed her a bundle of socks, she wasn't sure why she was so surprised, it was snowing and didn't seem as if it was going to be stopping anytime soon.

She should've been grateful.

But she wasn't, she wanted more than anything to escape the wretched maze and Wicked.

And she knew that would only be possible if she played the sheep they had turned all the others into, give them their variables and run into their open arms once she was out so she could slip back inside and destroy whatever she'd left standing.

That was what she wanted to do more than anything.

She drifted off to the memory of Thomas pulling her into his arms while Teresa lay on the floor, it was comforting in a way, to know that in the end, he had been looking out for her.

When she woke all she saw was the white flakes floating down from the sky, for a moment she forgot where she was, and she was confused until she turned over in her cot and saw Lise shrugging on her coat. The two met each other's gazes for a moment before Lise gestured to the shacks behind Esther, "you should get up unless you wanna miss breakfast."

Esther blankly stared at the girl before she trudged off into the snow, it wasn't until Lise had disappeared that the girl climbed out of her cot and quickly dressed, while it was only her second day here, she knew what was to be expected, she'd watched long enough to know how to fit among the others.

For a second, she looked up into the corner of the roof, she knew the camera was there, and yet, she still looked at it with that tight browed glare of hers and prayed that they were watching her.

And then she stuck up her middle finger and moved on with her day.

A part of her felt good knowing that WICKED was closely monitoring Group B now, and another part of her worried that the explosion she'd set off wouldn't be enough to keep the important people away from the cams.

Either way, any irregular activity from her would result in the complete termination of Group B, and that wasn't a risk she was willing to take.

She'd quickly made her way through the thick snow to the next shack, which looked more like a covered patio as she approached. The overwhelming smell of fried meat filled her nose and she felt like she was back at home as a child when her parents were still healthy enough to cook breakfast, that had been a long time ago, and she knew her parents were no longer around.

The flare had taken them not much after she'd left, as her loss had been enough to drive them over the edge and to their ends.

She hadn't a clue as to what had happened to her brother but knew that he had disappeared a few weeks before her.

Esther didn't think of them much, of the betrayal she had brought upon the family name, the shame. She knew that it wouldn't go unpunished, one way or another. That was the way the world worked.

Every now and then, memories from before she'd sacrificed herself to WICKED would come to her in small, angry red bubbles, ready to explode at her for destroying what little of a home she had left.

Her focus shifted from her thoughts to the girl in front of her as she spoke, "keep moving," and so she did, she held her bowl in her hands and waited till she was met with three scoops of food to try and find somewhere to sit.

And just as she had predicted, Vera and Lise waved her over to their table where Kennedy and Lucia had joined them, the four were seated two to each side of the bench. Unsure of where else to go, Esther made her way over to the group and slid in beside Vera.

She wanted to be able to watch Lise, to see where things had gone wrong, why she hadn't been pronounced the unofficial leader of the group, she wanted to see what it was that had stood out to the girls in Harriet that had made her the better option, and as she looked at Lise, she really couldn't figure it out.

She had all the perfect qualities of a leader, she'd taken leaderships classes at WICKED, their attempt at instilling the natural sense of leadership within her, but still, it seemed something was missing, something she'd have to wait and see to realize what it was.

"How was your first night?" the question came from Lucia, almost entirely unexpected, but she still looked up from her bowl to answer, "it was alright, I didn't dream," Lucia offered a small smile before shoving a forkful of food into her mouth, "none of us have dreamed since we got here, I figured you wouldn't either," Esther softly nodded her head and quickly began to eat, she didn't want to answer any more questions.

"How many are you trying to kill tonight?" Esther's gaze shifted from her bowl to Kennedy as the question left her mouth, "I'm going for three or more," her eyes shifted to Lise, she'd been quiet since the girl had sat down and was only now showing some interest, "what about you?" Kennedy smiled then and shrugged her shoulders, "I'd be happy with two or more."

"Esther? What about you?"

Once again she shifted her gaze from Lise to Kennedy, "I don't know, I'll be happy if I make it out alive," a snort erupted from Lucia, and for a few seconds the table was silent until the others followed, and erupted into a fit of chortles, "you'll be fine," Vera reassured her through a soft wheeze.

Esther didn't laugh, she found the matter very concerning, which was to be expected, when you've been behind the screens that control the elements in such an experiment, you know exactly what to expect.

And she knew this would not end well, this new trip into the maze at night, WICKED had not anticipated such and she knew that they were worried, the people watching the cams were worried.

And that was all she needed.

Their fear, it would drive her, drive her to freedom and beyond. She would have her liberty and her revenge if she played their game.

And she planned too.

Even if it meant destroying everything she'd been working for the last eleven years.

She wanted them to burn by her hand, to finally be on the receiving end of the pain and misery they had been putting the children through.

She wondered if the others would help her, maybe if she told them, explained it to them, how they were all part of a mass scheme to find a cure for a sickness some of them were prone to catching- no, she couldn't. Then they would know she had been lying from the start, and then, she'd have no one to aid her.

It would be her against WICKED. And she knew that they had the numbers she didn't.

It was suicide.

When the laughter died down and the girls went about finishing their meals Esther found herself trailing behind Lise trying to find some error in their predictions, it had been almost guaranteed that she would be leader, and yet she wasn't.

Esther wanted to know why.

She wanted to know how, how she'd been wrong.

Was this why she'd been sent into the maze? For an incorrect variable? Was she supposed to correct it?

Yes, that must have been it. She was supposed to correct the variable, fix the trials.

Maybe Ava hadn't lied to her or tricked her. And with her memory fully intact, of course, she'd be able to fulfill the request. She just had to figure out how she was going to do it.

She began thinking then, trying to figure out how she would hide it from the other girls, a griever attack? A gun? She could find one in the scorch once they left, or the office she knew was adjoined to the tunnel leading to the entrance of the maze.

She would find one there. Get what she needed, and then she'd kill Harriet.

And then they would welcome her back with open arms. Her crime would be forgotten and they would all go back to watching the children run around, and then, slowly, she'd pull off her plan to completely eradicate WICKED once they had devised a cure.

It was perfect, really. Maybe she'd even be able to find out what they had done to her brother, maybe he was one of the people who had been ordering her around, she wasn't sure.

A part of her wished he was dead, just so she didn't have to worry about what they were doing to him, but she knew as well as the next that WICKED wasn't one to waste their materials.

Not unless they were completely useless.

She thought back to Teresa as she stopped in the middle of the snow-covered field, why had she been so aggressive with Thomas, had she been told something different to him? A part of her had always wondered if they were siblings or lovers... either way, she knew WICKED would never allow it.

If they were siblings any memory implying such would have been removed and relationships within the confines of WICKED were never heard of, much less attempted.

Love was a tricky thing, something WICKED would not risk a trial for.

She quickly sent the thought away, it was something she could ponder over later, now she had to worry about killing Lise.

She could get it done tonight, at least then no one would suspect her, but with her lack of hands-on experience with grievers, she wasn't sure she wanted to risk such a thing.

Esther let a small sigh slip from her lips as she turned in a full circle in the snow, Lise was gone now, and she wasn't exactly eager to go and find her.

She glanced around her, surprised to see no one, when she turned back to face the space in front of her, a boy stood cloaked in shadow, not a drop of the white flakes touched him and she reached out to tap him.

Nothing registered, was she dreaming?

It was the same boy from WICKED, except he wasn't really in front of her and she couldn't see him, he was an echo in her head.

And that echo had words.

I'm sorry.

GHOSTING

CHAPTER FOUR: SADDENING MEMORIES