Ah, ghosts. Those strange creatures that live in abandoned houses, shacks and castles. Well, most of them anyway. Some people say they are scary, but that's because they've never seen one. Others, like myself, know what it is like to meet one, and trust me, there's nothing to be afraid of, honestly. They can't even do anything to you anyway, apart from give you a little jump from time to time, or visit you when you least expect it. But as I said, I have the pride to say that I have met one in person (or in corpse, however you like), and so I might as well explain how it happened.

Back in 2012, my family and I moved house, for reasons I won't mention (and can barely remember). I was only eight at the time, but I can remember that day clearly. A fine summer's day it was, and my dad and the rest of my family were outside, packing the car with suitcases. I, on the other hand, was paying the bathroom a visit (quite frankly, I was the lazy one of the family, so I was probably just skipping the job everyone else was doing). But as I was just finishing up, I randomly looked up and realised there was this creature in front of me. I raised my eyebrows, not knowing quite what to say. 

It was dressed in a long white robe from head to toe (that is, if it had any), and there was a hood over its head, hiding its face. The sleeves down its arms were way too long, so I couldn't see a trace of any skin or flesh. I get the impression most people would have ran away, screaming from this alarming thing, but I just stared at it, almost expressionless.  

But suddenly, it spoke.

"I am the ghost of your ancestors' past" it said with a deep, booming voice (I was about to say an echoing voice, but remember we were just in a bathroom).

"Right" I said slowly "I'm Reuben, nice to meet you"

At this, the ghost seemed to look at me awkwardly, but I honestly couldn't tell, for his face was still hidden under the hood.

"Ehh,... I'm here to kill you" he said. Was that doubt I heard in his voice?

I just frowned, calmly. "Why?"

"Because, uh,..."

An awkward silence filled the bathroom.

"Well go on."

"Oh, forget it. I am not very good at this."

I tried hard not to giggle "Sorry what?"

"I said I am not very good at this. I'm not really the ghost of your ancestors"

"Right. Then... who are you?"

"I am actually a ghost, just not a very good one. I saw the other day that you are planning to move out, and I thought it was the perfect chance to move in, a whole new abandoned house all to myself."

"Ah. Well, I'm sorry to communicate to you that the house is already sold, sorry."

"Really? That's quite unfortunate." Its head bowed, and I almost felt sorry for it.

The silence was just starting to get peaceful when all of a sudden the ghost cried out.

"Oh, that stinks"

I had totally forgotten about, well, what I was doing when the ghost came in. I apologised and finished up. But then I hesitated.

"Wait, ghosts can't smell anything, their whole system practically stops working when they die."

"Yes, I know. I sometimes pretend I'm still a human being, a bad habit of mine."

"Oh" Goodness, this ghost was weird "Do you still wish you were alive?"

"Of course. But I've been like this for ages, I died a long time ago. Besides, you get used to it after a couple of centuries. Do you want to know how I died?"

"Umm... sure"

Man, I was not expecting today to go like this at all. Here I was, talking to a ghost about his death experience.

"I was playing hide and seek with my kids, when I suddenly had the brilliant idea of hiding in an old cupboard.  Unfortunately, when I guessed the game was over and that I was the winner, I tried to get out, but then I realised to my dismay that I couldn't. The cupboard had locked shut behind me. Everyone else in the family had forgotten about it completely. So I shouted for days, screaming for help, but no-one came. They were all probably running around like headless chickens looking for me. But with no success. And finally, it was there where I met the grave. The end."

I tried with all my willpower not to imagine the scene, while trying to look normal. But the truth was, I was ready to throw up.

"I'm... sorry" I finally managed.

"No, don't worry about it. As I said, it was a long time ago. Anyway, I better be on my way, seeing this house is already occupied"

"Oh! Well, uh, nice talking to you Mr Ghost. I'll probably never see you again, so farewell I guess"

"Wait, you just reminded me. I don't have a name. I forgot it after I died, and I would badly like a new one. My imagination's rubbish, and since you are the only human that I've talked to that hasn't run away screaming, I thought maybe..."

"Sure! I'm here to help. So you were a male human, right?"

"Yes."

"What about Harry? It's a good name."

He shook his head "No, too common."

"Okay, what about Robinson?"

"Ooh, that's better. I'll go with that."

"Perfect!"

There was a shout from downstairs. My parents were calling.

"Ah, I'm afraid I have to go."

"No worries, I'm leaving too."

"Okay, well, 'twas nice meeting you Robinson, you're a good ghost. I recommend next time you take off the hood, you probably look friendlier."

"Not really" he said. He took it off,... but there was nothing there, just a gap.

"Wow, a headless ghost" I remarked. The vomit really was climbing up my throat now.

"Yeah, that's how I killed myself in the cupboard, to stop the suffering. But I won't get into details about how I did it. Farewell!"

I waved, and then he simply disappeared into thin air. Puff!

And after that, I ran straight back to the toilet, for obvious reasons.

THE END