Co written with Musicorium615

POV Calum

I'm at the hospital with Luke and Ashton, waiting for someone to tell me about what's going on with Michael, my fiance. "Mr. Calum Hood?" A doctor in a white lab coat opens a large door. He has a scruffy beard and his eyes look a little sad.

I stand up and say, "Yes, that's me."

"I'm sorry, Mr. Hood. Michael...didn't make it through surgery. I'm sorry for your loss." The doctor says to me.

I froze, this can't be happening, this isn't real, no, not my Mikey! I felt a hand being placed on my shoulder, Luke's, as I started to tremble.

"No! You're lying!" I said. I didn't want to believe it.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Hood, but I am not lying to you. I'm sorry." The doctor says to me, as if this will help. I just lost the love of my life. He was hurt in a car crash and had to have immediate surgery. I couldn't have lost Mikey. I couldn't go on without him.

I abruptly turn and run away ignoring Ashton's and Luke's calling for me to come back. I ran back to mine and Michael's house. It's ten blocks from the hospital to the house, but I ran anyway.

I broke down crying, this has to be a dream, a nightmare. I couldn't have lost him. Michael was the one thing keeping me sane. I loved him with all that I had in me, and I had no idea what kind of a mess I would turn into without him. He was my rock, the person I turned to when I needed comfort. Luke and Ashton would always be there, but Mikey was the one person who could always help, no matter what it was.

I looked down at my hand and sobbed more. We were supposed to get married. We were supposed to grow old together. The day that Michael proposed was the happiest day of my life. I look at the ring on my finger and I begin to allow even more tears to fall. I'm not sure what else I can do besides cry.

The love of my life, the other half of me is gone. I sobbed more as my phone rang in the background. I picked it up and looked at the caller ID. Ashton. I didn't really want to talk to Ashton right now. I knew Luke would be on the line too, and I didn't want to talk to him either.

I didn't want to talk to anyone. The only person that I really want to talk to isn't here anymore. And yet, I picked up the phone.

"Calum? Oh my God, I'm so glad you answered, Cal. Are you okay?" Ashton asked me frantically. "What am I saying, of course you're not okay. Do you want us to come over?"

"No, I want to be alone." I bit back a sob, I can hardly talk.

"Well, okay. If you need anything, don't hesitate to call. Both Luke and I are here." Ashton said. "Love ya, Cal."

"Love you too" I whispered out. I wanted them to be with me. "On second thought, could you guys come over?" I asked.

"Yeah, of course. We'll be there in five or ten minutes." Ashton said.

"Alright," I replied, hanging up the phone. I sat down on the bed and I sobbed into my pillow.

I was a mess. I wanted Michael to come and wrap his arms around me and tell me it's alright. I could hear his voice in my head. "Shh...it's gonna be okay, Cal. As long as you're with me, everything will be okay." But that was part of the problem. He wasn't with me.

I heard a knock on my bedroom door. I didn't want to see Luke and Ashton.

"Go away"

I knew that on the other side of the door, Luke was about to enter, but Ashton was pushing his hand away and giving him a sad look that said, "Let's just leave him." I knew they'd probably stay in the living room waiting for me. And I didn't care.

I screamed "MIKEY!!" I sobbed. I needed him.

The door opened a crack. Luke. "Calum..." I could see Ashton waving his hands at Luke trying to signal that he shouldn't have opened the door.

I sobbed "I want him! Why did it have to be him? It should've been me."

"Calum, don't say that...I know that all of this is going to be hard, for me and Ash too, but you need to stay strong. Michael would want you to be strong." Luke sat down at the edge of the bed.

I cried harder. "I can't be strong, he was my everything. It's not fair that you still have Ashton."

Luke and Ashton have been dating for the past eighteen months. They had always had eyes for each other even when the band had just started. They finally got together after Michael and I encouraged them to admit their true feelings. They really did love each other, but I couldn't stand to see them together without my Michael.

I had always loved Michael. We had been best friends since before the band began, and we always had a closer bond to each other than with any of the other members. Michael meant the world to me. I didn't know whether or not he had those same warm feelings towards me as I felt towards him until he finally told me a little over two years ago. We've been dating since. He proposed on our two year anniversary, and I was over the moon. We were supposed to get married a month and three days after today, but now that was out the window. God, I missed him.

I sobbed, "We were supposed to get married next month."

Luke nodded his head sadly. "I know." There was silence in the air for the next few minutes. The only sound was my sobs. My eyes were like endless waterfalls, constantly shedding tears.

I sat up, I needed a hug. I looked at my two best friends with sad eyes. I could see tears forming in Luke's eyes.

Luke and Michael never really liked each other. They were enemies in high school. Michael hated him, so therefore I hated him. Once we both got to know Luke, things died down and I came to like him. Michael and Luke still had that grudge against each other slightly, but they really did care about one another.

Ashton and Michael were super close. They were so funny when they started together. They'd bounce ideas off of each other, tease a bit, crack a few jokes. They loved to hang out together and talk together. They really did have a beautiful friendship.

Even though I knew that I missed Michael more than anyone else ever could or ever will, Luke and Ashton did really care about him and they missed him too.

"Lukey, can I have a hug?" I whispered.

"Yeah," he whispered back, pulling me close. It wasn't like a hug from Michael, but I needed a hug and I felt a little bit safer with Luke. "Do you think it would help if you wrote a song?" Luke asked me. I nodded.

"I think that's a good idea." I replied, pulling away from Luke.

I grabbed my notebook from my nightstand and opened it to an empty page. I got my pen and I looked up at Ashton who hasn't said a word at all.

"Are you ok Ash?" I asked.

He looked like he was in deep thought. He had some tears in his eyes. "I guess I'm not, but none of us are, are we?" He replied. I had to agree with him - none of us were alright.

I scribbled out one line at the tip of the page.

"Here I am, waking up

Still can't sleep on your side,"

It hurts to write it, but it also feels good to get it out. I know I have to keep writing.

"There's your coffee cup

The lipstick stain fades with time,"

After twenty minutes, Ashton and Luke leave. I stay in the bedroom for hours writing and rewriting and changing the song until it is just how I want it. When I finally finish, I'm so tired that I fell asleep.

The next morning, I woke up without Michael beside me. I want to cry, but I haven't got any tears left to cry. I can't cry anymore. I don't want to do anything, so I sit there hugging my pillow, rocking back and forth.

I didn't get out of bed at all today. Luke and Ashton called and checked in on me. The fans still don't know nobody else knows. I checked my Twitter and I saw that Luke and Ashton had both tweeted the news and the 5SOS fam was going insane. Tons of people had messaged me to see if I was okay. I didn't feel like responding, so I didn't.

Ashton5SOS: A great friend passed away yesterday, and I know that we will all miss him dearly. Love ya, @Michael5SOS. I will always remember you. Michael Gordon Clifford - 11/20/95 - 9/14/22

Luke5SOS: Ik we fought a lot but you meant a great deal to me, and I'll always care for you, my friend. #LoveyouMichael #Goodbye

I decided I should tweet.

Calum5SOS: You mean the world to me, Mikey, and Idk what I will do without you. I will always love you, will forever treasure the memory of you, and I will never forget you. I love you @Michael5SOS. #Loveyouforever #imissyou #LoveyouMichael

5SOS: Unfortunately, we are going to cancel the rest of our tour. We have one final song to release, and then we are going on a hiatus. We all need some time to get over Michael and figure out what to do with the band. We love you all, and we promise we'll get back together. We just need some time. We all miss you, Michael. Love you, buddy. #LoveyouMichael

A week later I tweeted out

Calum5SOS: Our song Ghost Of You will be released on Friday September 30th this song is dedicated to Michael. Here's a sneak peek. I'll always love you, Michael. We all will.

"So I drown it out like I always do

Dancing through our house

With the ghost of you

And I chase it down

With a shot of truth

Dancing through our house

With the ghost of you,"