Chapter Thirteen

The following Monday consisted of the same routine. Going to school, meeting the girls at my locker, going to class, participating in class, eating lunch out on the quad, and going to cheerleading after school. My life was slowly becoming a huge cliché.

When practice was over, Paige drove me home. I got out of the car, waved, a perma-smile on my face, until Paige pulled away from the curb. I turned toward the house, my smile quickly drooping, and I shuffled up the walk to the front door.

Once I was in my bedroom, I let my gut relax. I needed to change. I had a stomach ache from holding in my fat for so long. I sat on the bed and pulled off my socks just as my mom knocked and came into my room.

She had on her red flowered apron this time, and held another plate of cookies and a glass of milk. "Hey sweetie. I baked your favorite cookie today. Chocolate chip oatmeal."

I reached over and took one, then thought about the roll of fat hanging over my skirt and put it back. Which was really hard because these were really my favorites.

She frowned at me. "Are you in cheerleading now?"

"Yeah, sort of."

"Well at least you look nice in your uniform."

"Thanks."

She set the plate of cookies and glass of milk down on the night table and left the room, shutting the door behind her.

The second she was gone, Haven appeared in the window, sitting on the ledge as she did. "You looked so cute today. Jumping around, waving your pom poms."

"I looked like an idiot." I pulled at the top trying to cover her belly bulge.

"At least you tried."

"I guess."

"You never tried this hard when I was still alive."
"You never wanted me to be part of your school life. You told me you wanted to keep it separate. Them and me. So don't try and make me feel guilty about it now."

She shook her head. "You're right. I'm sorry." She bowed her head, her hair swung into her face.

I sighed. She always did that when she was embarrassed about something. "Damn it, I miss you so much."
"You should come over later. Try on more of my clothes. Cuz that uniform just doesn't work." She gave me one of her coy smiles.

I was up off the bed and rushing at her to tackle hug her. Before I could reach her though she sent me a smacking kiss then vanished, leaving me alone once more.

I waited until the night before I snuck out of the house. I went into the shed in the back yard, grabbed the ladder and carried it over to the neighbor's. Thankfully there wasn't a fence separating our properties. Just some bushes in the front yard.

As carefully and quietly as I could, I set the ladder against the wall just below Haven's bedroom window. I'd done it before so I wasn't afraid of falling or anything like that. Grasping hold of the sides, I took the steps as gingerly as I could. At the top, I pushed open the window and clambered in.

I fell on the floor, my foot just brushing the lamp on the table, and nearly knocking it over. I got to my feet and looked around. Everything was untouched. It was as if Haven still lived there.

As I walked the room I ran my fingers over the soft satin pillows and blanket on the bed. I'd always loved the feel of the silky pillows on my face. I stopped when my fingers brushed over the ugly putrid-colored knitted throw at the end of the bed. It was completely out of place in the room. I picked it up and rubbed it against my cheek remembering the day I finished knitting it for Haven.

It was a couple of years ago, the start of grade ten, and we were in her room sitting on her bed together. Haven had her laptop open and she was doing some homework. I was busy finishing the last few stitches on the blanket. I held it up for her to see.

"There. All done."

"That's the most hideous thing I have ever seen."

"I know right?" I laughed.

"I love it." She took it from me and hugged it to her chest.

Watching her do that made my stomach flip over.

"I'll sleep with it every night."

I laughed.

"Now, you're just being an ass."

She laughed too, and set the blanket beside her. "I can't believe you made this for me."

I shrugged, but could feel the blush on my face. "I like knitting."

She looked at me then, like she wanted to say something important, but her mother interrupted us.

"Haven?" She knocked on the bedroom door.

I dived off the bed and rolled under it, just at the door opened and Mrs. Mayberry walked in.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing. Just homework," Haven answered.

"I thought I heard you talking."

"I was just watching a video for school."

I could see her feet from under the bed as she shuffled closer. The mattress sagged a little as she sat down beside her daughter. Not too close, I noticed though. Mrs. Mayberry wasn't a warm woman by any means.

"What's up?" Haven asked.

"Just wanted to check in, to see how school is going?"
"It's good."

"And cheerleading tryouts?"

"They were good."

They had been good. I'd watched from the bleachers. Haven out pom pommed them all.

"I'll sure you'll make the team. You're very athletic."

There was a bit of a lull. I could hear Haven shuffling around with her homework pages.

"So," Mrs. Mayberry drew the word out, "are there any boys that have caught your fancy?"

"Mom..."

"Do you know Luke Bishop?"

Who didn't know him? He was like the golden one, the rock star footballer, the man about campus. He was everything I despised about high school male culture.

"I know who he is. Why?"

"He's a really nice boy. I was talking to his mother at church and we thought the two of you might make a good match."

Haven sighed heavily. I could just imagine the face she was making. "I don't need you to set me up. I'm perfectly capable of deciding who I like and who I don't."

Yeah Haven! You go girl!

"I know darling, but it's important you make a good solid match early. Your father and I met as sophomores, so when we graduated we were able to take the same path in life together."
"I know, you've told me the story."
"So you know what a good team we formed. We have a nice home, and your father has a good job and we are prominent respected figures in the church. You could have all of that too, if you make a good connection."

I could hear the underlying message in Mrs. Mayberry's words. Be a good girl. Follow the rules that society and church dictate. And if you do, you will be happy just like me. It was all bullshit of course.

Mrs. Mayberry got to her feet. "How about after the service on Sunday, you can talk with Luke? You'll see what a good match he is for you."

Haven sighed again, but relented. "Okay."

The door opened and Mrs. Mayberry walked out, shutting the door again behind her.

I popped up from the floor. "Are you really going to let your mom tell you who you should date?"

She shrugged. "Just makes it easier. Why argue with her?"

"Because it's not what you want to do."

She grabbed my hand and pulled me onto the bed. "I don't argue because it doesn't matter. Once I graduate, I'm gone. I have a big college fund my grandpa left me so I'll be at the college I want, with the people I want, doing what I want. My mom won't have any say."

She smiled at me. "Don't worry. I'm not going to marry Luke Bishop and pop out a bunch of crying kids."

"Okay good. You had me worried there."

She squeezed my hand, then let it go. "You never have to worry, Crazy Daisy. I know my own mind. I know exactly what I want."

That was the day I knew she had similar feelings for me, which I had for her.

Setting the blanket down, I moved to the closet and pulled open the doors.

It was packed full of clothes on hangers. I'd always been amazed at how many clothes Haven had. Most of them had been bought by others for her. I took some shirts off the hanger and laid them on the bed. I then went to the dresser and pulled out some jeans and leggings, and paired them up with the shirts.

All that was missing was footwear which I found on the floor in the closet. A hundred pair easily all stacked up on top of each other. I pulled out a pair of brown boots and a pair of red sandals and placed them with an outfit.

When I was finished with that, I sat at the makeup table. I turned on the little light by the mirror and sifted through the makeup. A fruity chapstick grabbed my attention and I smeared it over my lips without any practiced ease. Some of it ended up on my upper lip but I licked it off. Strawberry flavored. Delish. This was definitely my favorite flavor of lip gloss because it brought back a vivid memory of kissing Haven one hot sunny afternoon in my back yard.

It was last August and Haven was at some bible retreat her parents always made her go to. My parents were out for the day, together for once, which was extremely rare. I didn't normally take advantage of hot sunny days, much preferring to be inside the comfort of my air conditioned room so I could draw or play video games, but I decided to make some lemonade and sit outside in my shorts and a tank top and read some literary classic that critics raved about which I was likely to despise on all sorts of levels.

I was halfway through my lemonade and only five dense pages into the book when I heard a "psst" sound coming from a clump of bushes alongside the house. When I glanced over my shoulder I didn't see anything at first, but then I spied blond hair through the greenery. Dark sunglasses peered at me through the foliage. Haven waved at me.

I got up and walked over to the bushes. "What are you doing here?"

"I escaped the retreat," she said, "I had enough of hearing about sin and sacrilege."

"Yeah I can imagine it gets pretty lame."

"I mean how can loving who you love be a sin? And masturbation? C'mon, that's awesome, how can that be so bad?" She laughed. "Besides I wanted to be with you."

Why yes my heart did swell to the size of my head when she said that. I couldn't help it that I was completely bewitched by her.

"My parents are gone, you can come inside with me. We could glom an entire season of Vampire Diaries on Netflix if you want."

She grinned. "Aww, you're so sweet."

"Yeah, I know." I laughed. Haven knew how much I loathed that show. But I would watch it with her in an instant if it would make her happy.

"Let's go swimming."

"What? Where?"

"Just go get your suit or whatever and meet me out front." She dashed out of the bushes toward the front of the house before I could respond.

Laughing, I literally ran into the house and up to my room, grabbed the closest thing to a bathing suit that I had—a sports bra and some Star Wars boxer shorts—then ran out the front door to find Haven waiting for me in her parent's SUV which they lent her to go to the bible retreat.

I couldn't believe the risk she was taking with me. We had agreed months before to keep our friendship, especially our relationship, secret. Well, I had agreed only because that's what she wanted. If it had been up to me, I would've shouted it to the rooftops everywhere I went. But I understood why she needed it to be on the down low. Her parents were horrid, and not cool like mine, and she liked her spot at the top of the Westside High food chain. I couldn't have cared less about the top, let alone the food chain's existence, but I cared because she did.

But that day Haven seemed so carefree and uninhibited that I don't think she would've cared if we had been caught. And she just upped the risk factor by taking me to one place I would never have thought I'd go.

When she pulled up in front of Jenna's house, I spewed the soda I'd been drinking out my nose.

"Are you fricking kidding me?"

With that coy smile on her face, she shook her head and opened the vehicle door. I jumped out after her.

"What are you doing? This is insane."

"Jenna's at the retreat, as are her parents. No one is home, and I just happen to know the key code to open the back gate."

She ran the rest of the way to the tall wrought iron gate alongside the huge estate. I chased after her. "Haven! This is crazy."

When we reached the gate, she punched in the five digit code and the lock popped open. She wriggled her eyebrows at me. "C'mon. Live a little."

"This is like living a lot." But I laughed and followed her into the landscaped back yard that housed an hour-glass shaped pool.

Haven was already pulling off clothes before we even reached the edge of the pool. By the time she was done, she stood in a tiny red bikini that made me melt. Smiling, she dived into the water.

I wasn't as prepared as she was and didn't have my suit on under my clothes. So as gingerly as I could, I ducked behind a small bush near the pool deck, and stripped off my tank and shorts and put on my makeshift bathing attire. Then I ran out and cannonballed into the pool.

When I came up, Haven was laughing. She swam up to me. As we tread water next to each other, a heat speared me right in the belly. Gently she cupped the back of my wet head, and pulled me to her. She covered my lips with hers. And I tasted strawberries. The most magical taste in all of the world.

Coming back from that memory I sighed, happy to have had it, and so sad I would never experience it again.

There was a bottle of perfume on the table, Haven's signature scent. I picked it up and sprayed it in the air. After taking in a deep whiff of it, I smiled. I opened a drawer and riffled through the jewelry inside, taking out a few bangles and putting them on. I shook my arm to hear them clink against each other.

"What are you doing?"

I swiveled around to see Haven lounging on her bed. She was still wearing the same outfit she died in. I wondered if that pissed her off. Not being able to change clothes.

"You said to come over."

Haven smiled. "True." She patted the mattress beside her. "Come here."

I stood and walked over to the bed, then crawled in beside Haven, who wrapped an arm around me and pulled me close. We were now lying down nose to nose. Like we'd always done in the past.

"I want you to always remember that you're my favorite person. I love you just the way you are."

"It's just so hard without you."

Haven brushed a stray hair from my cheek. "You'll get through it. You're the strong one remember?"

"I don't feel strong."

"You will if you remember who you are."

"Are you trying to make me get over you?"

Haven bopped my nose with her finger. "No, because I promised I wouldn't. But Daisy, this isn't healthy."

"Just shut up and kiss me."

I pulled her to me and kissed her hard.

Something startled me awake. I jolted straight up in bed to see Mrs. Mayberry gaping at me from the open bedroom door.

"Haven?" Her voice quavered, her eyes were wide with tears.

I jumped off the bed. "Oh shit."
Her eyes narrowed and she came all the way into the room. "What are you doing in here?"
"I'm so sorry." I rushed to the window and threw a leg out over the ledge.

"I always knew you were a horrible person. I told Haven to stay away from you. You are the devil, Daisy Wendell."
I scrambled down the ladder. My foot slipped on the fourth rung and I nearly fell, but I hung on and continued my descent. I didn't bother getting to the bottom rung before jumping off and making a run for it.

Mrs. Mayberry hung out the window and yelled at me. "Don't ever come back to this house! Do you hear me?!"

I ran the entire way to school. I didn't even stop at my house to change my clothes or get my school bag. I was so freaked out by Mrs. Mayberry discovering me in Haven's room that I couldn't think. Maybe shock had taken over my body.

Once I was at school, I walked quickly down the hallway with my head down. My clothes were a little wrinkled and I'd put my hair up in a messy ponytail with an old tie I found in my pocket. People actually stared at me, a bit confused. I didn't have time to placate them. I needed to get to my locker, then to class.

Dylan walked by, and without thinking I gave him a small smile. "Hey Dylan."

He came to a complete stop and stared. "Hey?" Then his gaze flickered past my shoulder.

I turned to see Jenna and Paige coming at me, as if they were on a rescue mission.

Dylan quickly turned on his heel and bee-lined it out of there.

Paige looked me up and down. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah, fine."

"Are you sure?"

She looked me up and down again, as did Jenna.

"Are you ragging?" Jenna asked.

"No."

Paige put her arm though mine. "Well, that's what we'll tell people. So they don't worry." She walked with me; Jenna walked on my other side, herding me to my locker.

As others passed us, Jenna and Paige gave them reassuring looks. Paige leaned into one girl who looked concerned and whispered behind her hand. "She's on the rag."

This seemed to placate the girl, because she nodded and smiled and continued on her way.

Just as we reached my locker, Luke approached with his dude crew in tow.

"Hey," he said to us, but was looking right at me.

"Hi?" I said back.

"So, um, I'm having a party tonight. Do you want to come? You could totally come with Jenna and Paige, they know where I live."

Jenna and Paige nodded enthusiastically.

"Of course I'll be there," Jenna said.

"Your parties are epic. We wouldn't miss if for anything."

He smiled. "Good. Okay, later."

And off he went with his dude crew in tow. They were like puppies following the lead dog.

Paige clapped her hands with glee. "We'll get ready at my house."

I sighed. "I didn't say I was going."

Both girls gave me a look. "Of course you're going," Paige said.

"Why would I go? I hate parties."

"Because Haven would want you to."

"Fine." I opened my locker, and grabbed my books for first period.