Chapter Fourteen

That night I went over to Paige's house. Ashley and Jenna were already there. Both had on their party night clothes and most of their makeup done already. I naturally looked like a homeless bag lady next to them. I was surprised Jenna didn't throw some change into my hand and tell me to go get a job.

Paige happily jumped onto the bed. "Let's get this party started." She opened her bag and pulled out a bottle of vodka. She uncapped it, and then took a healthy pull on it. She covered her mouth as she choked on it a bit, then handed it to me.

I looked at the bottle. It was pineapple flavored vodka. "I'm really not into drinking tonight."

"It's so good, doesn't even taste like alcohol," Paige said.

Jenna sniffed. "I told you she'd flake out."

Resigned, I lifted the bottle to my lips and took a sip. I made a face as it burned my mouth and throat. It didn't taste like pineapples at all. Maybe ones soaked in acid.

"That's awful."

Paige took it back from me. "It gets better after a few more drinks." She took another big swig, and grimaced as it went down. She handed it to Ashley who took a baby sip, then gave it back.

I settled on the floor with the bag I'd brought with my clothes and such to get ready in. I brought (stole?) a pair of Haven's sandals to wear. We almost had the same size feet. Mine were just a little bit bigger, but nothing noticeable, at least not in a pair of sandals. My toes could stick over the edge and no one would care.

I also brought my video camera, which I slid out.

Jenna paused from going through Paige's closet and frowned. "What did you bring that for?"

I lifted it up and studied it. "I like filming people. Especially when they aren't aware. You get to see stuff you don't normally see."

Both Jenna and Paige lifted their eyebrows and gave me a look. One that said they were not pleased.

I shrugged. "Haven loved being filmed."

Jenna glanced at Paige, whose face broke out into a wide smile. She bounced on the bed. "You should film us getting ready for the party. You could totally put it up on YouTube. We could be internet stars."

"Yeah, film this." Jenna grabbed the vodka bottle from Paige and put it to her lips. When she noticed that I wasn't pointing the camera at her, she said, "C'mon. Do it."

I lifted the camera and pushed record just as Jenna guzzled the vodka. She choked on it, and some dribbled down her chin. Laughing, she wiped at it with the back of her hand.

For the next hour and half, I filmed Jenna, Paige and Ashley getting ready for the party. I got some pretty interesting scenes that I promised I'd put together and put on YouTube, although I was fairly certain they would regret it afterward.

The scenes were as such:

Jenna whipped off her shirt, and pranced around in her black bra until she found another shirt in Paige's massive closet and put it on. She turned to the camera and posed, then blew a kiss. I wondered how Pastor John would feel about his little innocent pristine girl acting like a stripper. Maybe I would send him a copy.

Paige jumped on the bed. After a few more drinks of alcohol she was a bit unsteady and she fell off the bed. Laughing, she got back up on the bed and continued to bounce.

"You're so stupid," Jenna said to her.

Jenna lifted up the half full bottle of vodka to the camera and demanded that I have a drink.

"I'm good," I said.

Paige wrestled me for the camera. She pinched my hand and got it from me. She turned it around just as Jenna tilted the bottle to my lips.

"C'mon. It's good. Do it."

Sighing angrily, I snatched the bottle and drank some of it down.

Paige hugged me hard. "You're my best friend, Ha...Daisy."

Ashley thankfully was the picture of decorum. She just watched it all from the sidelines as she quietly put on her makeup and did her hair.

Ten minutes later, I filmed the closed bathroom door. Sounds of retching could be heard from inside. Finally the toilet flushed, the door opened and Paige shuffled out. Strands of hair were stuck to her lips. Frowning, she pushed the camera out of her way.

"Get that out of my fucking face."

And five minutes after that, we were on our way to Luke's party. Paige drove us despite that she'd had a difficult time putting on her lipstick. Ashley had tried to take the keys from her, but she threatened to kick Ashley in the crotch.

When we arrived the party was cranked up. Almost every senior was crammed into the house, drinking and dancing. As we walked through the rooms, everyone greeted us with smiles and high fives. My hand was sore by the time we reached the kitchen where Luke and his dude crew were hanging out doing tequila shots.

The moment Luke saw me he smiled and lifted his arms in the air. "You're here." He ran toward me, pushing people aside. He nearly fell on me in his attempt to hug me. I patted his back awkwardly.

"You look so pretty." He nuzzled his face into my hair.

It took all I had not to shove him away in disgust. I was also surprised at the level of disgust I was feeling right at the moment. It wasn't that Luke was unattractive. He was a good looking guy, in every way. Great hair, chiseled face, great white smile, killer bod, big hands. He was a ten on every girl's list of hotties. But for me, he wasn't even on my list. There was only one male on my list and it was Tom Hiddleston.

"Thanks," I finally said to him, as he pulled away and smiled.

Paige grabbed his arm. "Daisy totally brought her camera and she's going to film us all and put it up on YouTube."

The people nearby who overheard cheered loudly. One extremely inebriated guy jumped up onto the kitchen counter. "Film me! Film me!"

Everyone looked at me eagerly, so I took my camera out of my bag and aimed it toward him.

He jumped onto some other boys standing nearby. He was probably hoping they would catch him and pass him from hand to hand like they do in concerts. But he ended up landing awkwardly on one guy, who then dumped him onto the floor.

Everyone in the vicinity cheered.

Then it just got crazy from there.

I filmed drunken kids dancing, gyrating and twerking against each other like a Miley Cyrus music video. As I panned the room, they would lift up their drinks and scream or cheer or stick out tongues.

I didn't mind taking it all in through a camera lens. It meant I wouldn't have to participate and I could just observe like I normally did. It was safer that way. I didn't have to talk or laugh or listen. No one would think I was strange or boring or unfeeling. Strangely with my camera, I was the most popular person at the party.

While I continued to film the dancing mob, the lens settled on a girl with long blond hair dancing to one side. She turned just slightly, so her face was revealed in the light. It was Haven.

I lowered the camera, but Haven was still there, smiling at me. She then turned and wandered out of the living room. I followed her.

"Where are you going?" Paige called after me.

But I didn't stop to answer.

I spied Haven moving through the crowded hallway, then to the staircase leading upstairs. People greeted me as I pushed through them. I saw their lips moving but didn't hear any of the words. All I could concentrate on was Haven and not losing her in the crowd.

When I reached the stairs, I took them two at a time. At the top of the landing, Haven disappeared. I was desperate to find her. At least there was someone at this party that I liked, even if she was dead.

Frantically, I opened all the closed doors and peered in. I found a locked bathroom and an occupied bedroom—couldn't unsee that entanglement--and then I opened the last door and found Luke sitting on his bed, just finishing popping some pills.

Unsure if I should stay or go, I looked away but didn't move. I was actually too stunned to move.

He stumbled to the door, pill bottle still in hand. "Hey. I was just going to come find you."

He grabbed my hand and tugged me into the room, then shut and locked the door.

"Do you want one?" He offered me a pill.

"What is it?"
"Oxy. I've had them since I got injured last year."

"No thanks."

Uncomfortable, I looked around his room. It was a typical teen boy room. It was messy and dark with gaming magazines and balled up socks on the floor. It smelled like sweat and tension and testosterone.

Luke sat on the bed and patted a spot beside him. "C'mere. I won't bite. Promise."

After a moment's thought, I joined him on the bed but not as close as he wanted. So he shuffled a little closer to me. This close, I was acutely aware of his glossy glazed over eyes and that he stunk like BO.

"I've always liked you Daisy."

I frowned. "You have?"

He nodded, then reached over and touched my hair. His fingers rubbed a tendril between them like he was testing the softness of it.

"You kinda look like her now."

I pulled away from him, embarrassed that he was seeing Haven in me.

"Was she really your best friend?"

I nodded.

"Did she talk about me?"

"Sometimes." I really hoped he wouldn't ask me what exactly Haven had said about him. He already looked defeated and desperate and pathetic. I didn't want to ruin him.

"Did she love me?"

Damn it.

I shrugged, uncomfortable talking about it.

"I loved her so much."

He choked up and tears came rushing down his cheeks. He put his face in his hands and sobbed. His pain was palpable.

I didn't know what to do. I'd never seen a boy cry so hard, except in kindergarten when I punched Jake Chang in the arm for taking my gummy bears. It was strange and embarrassing. I knew I had to do something. So I reached out and patted him awkwardly on the back.

"Poor baby."

I looked up to see Haven standing in the corner watching.

"He's always been so emotional."

Luke turned and grasped at me. He twisted his fingers into my shirt and sobbed into my shoulder. I patted his back some more and made soothing hushing noises, just like my mom had done when I'd been little and hurt myself.

"Wow, he's really upset."

Luke raised his head and leaned in to find my mouth. He kissed me.

Surprised I pulled back and wiped the wet from my lips.

"Please don't leave me," he said, his voice quavering, "I need you."

He was so pathetic that I hugged him. He looked like a neglected abused homeless puppy. He nuzzled into my neck and once more pressed his lips to mine.

I pushed him away. "I can't Luke." I stand, intending to get the hell out of there.

"Yes you can." He reached for me, and tried to pull me back onto the bed.

I danced out of reach. "I'm not Haven. She's dead." I opened the door and left.

As I made my way down the stairs, I trailed my hand along the railing. I felt like I was drifting. My awareness was detached from my body. From above, I watched myself descend back into the party.

Others moved out of my way when I walked down the hallway. I didn't look at them, just stared straight ahead. I finally made my way through the party to the kitchen where Jenna and Paige were singing and drinking.

The second I entered the room, Paige pounced on me, wrapping her arms around my waist. "I've always been jealous of you."

I didn't know what to say to that.

She played with my hair, yanking on the strands every so often. "I knew she loved you. I could tell in the way she looked at you when she thought no one was watching." She took a swig from the vodka bottle she was holding. "I hated you for that. I wanted her to care that much about me. Not in that way of course, but you know?" She laughed and offered me the rest of the vodka. "Let's drink to Haven."

I stared at her for a long moment. All my instincts screamed to punch her in the face. A little crowd had gathered around us. It was like everyone was waiting for me to act out on those primal thoughts. Like they knew deep down inside, well maybe not so deep because they were all so shallow, that I wasn't one of them. I would never be one of them. I'd just been playing around, acting out. I wasn't serious in my grief over Haven. I was a poser. And they all knew it.

So, I plucked the bottle from her fingers and chugged down the contents. It burned all the way down, and threatened to come back up. But I put a hand to my mouth and made sure to swallow deeply to keep it from spewing from between my lips. When I was sure I could keep it down, I tossed the bottle to the side. It shattered on the kitchen floor. Paige cheered.

There were shouts from the people that got sprayed with glass shards, but I ignored them and strutted into the living room. I pushed my way into the throng of dancers and started to move to the music. I'd never been much of a dancer, but I found a groove and the others in the group cheered me on, especially when I dropped it low. My knees popped and I didn't think I could get up again, but I did.

The rest of the night went by in a blur. I couldn't really remember anything concrete. Except for when I ended up on the front lawn of Luke's house on my hands and knees puking my guts out.

"Hun, what are you doing?"

I looked up sideways to see Haven looming over me with a look of disapproval on her face.

"That's not going to help."

"Go away." I wiped at my mouth with the back of my hand. A string of saliva stuck to my fingers.

"This is so not you, Daisy."

I could hear the disappointment in Haven's voice.

"Go away!" I screamed. "Get the fuck out of here!" I scrambled on my hands and knees, but when I looked up again, Haven was gone.

I swiveled around, scanning the yard. But my dead friend had vanished.

A few of my peers milling about on the lawn gaped at me. While others smirked at my misfortune. I thought I saw a couple of iPhones but couldn't be sure. I'd likely find that out in the morning.

I clambered to my feet. Pushing at my skirt, which was slowly creeping up to expose my ass, I wiped my face again then turned and ran out onto the road. Paige had driven me here but I had no intention of going back into the party to get her. I'd walk home. Actually, I was going to run home.

My feet ached after only a couple of blocks. The sandals I wore were not made to run in. But I didn't care. I kept going. Slapping one foot in front of the other, pumping my arms. By the fourth block, the tops of my feet were worn raw from the straps constantly rubbing. By block seven, I could feel something wet and warm on my toes and heels. I looked down to see blood squishing out from under my feet with every step. That didn't stop me either.

What did stop me though was the churning in my gut.

I dropped to my knees on someone's lawn just as the rest of the contents of my stomach spewed from my mouth. It was so explosive it came out of my nose as well. Vodka didn't go down well and it was certainly worse coming back up, especially out the nostrils. It burned like battery acid and it stung the back of my throat.

It didn't help matters that I could barely breathe from the running I'd been doing. So all the breaths I did take were greedy gasps and sucks of air. It proved difficult to vomit while panting from exertion. I needed to suck in, when my guts wanted to blow out.

By the time I emptied my stomach, I couldn't move another inch. I rolled over onto my back, away from the puke pile, and closed my eyes. I wondered if anyone would notice me here, if I just curled into a ball and fell asleep.

"What are you doing?"

I cracked open one eye to see Haven standing over me.

"Dying."

"Get up, stupid."

"No. Leave me alone."

"You can't lie here on this poor family's lawn."

"Sure I can." I raised my arms. "See?"

"Just sit up and look, you dummy."

On an angry sigh, I struggled to sit and fully opened my eyes. "Okay I'm looking."

Haven pointed to something across the street.

It was my house. I'd collapsed like ten feet from my front door.

I looked at my friend and held out my hand. "Help me up."

Haven gazed at me for a long moment, then shook her head. "Sorry babe. You're on your own. You made your bed, now you have to lie in it."

Angry, I struggled to my feet. I stomped across the street to my house. Before I reached the door, I turned back around to look at my dead friend. She was still standing on the lawn by my puke pile.

"This is your fault!" I yelled. "This would never have happened if you hadn't died!"

Haven just shrugged, and I opened the door and went in, slamming the door shut behind me.