I think I'm dead, because I can feel ghosts and ghouls wrapping my head. But I don't want to fall asleep just yet.

I told them there was a monster under my bed, but the truth is it hides in my head. It's clawing and eating up my thoughts and doubts.

Never would I have imagined finding someone stronger than that. 

Lucky me; there's a ghost in my head.

◆♤❦

◆♤❦

"My answer... is yes."

White ceiling.

White walls.

My eyes hurt as they slowly got used to the blunt artificial light.

A steady beeping reached my ears, though it sounded a bit muffled, as if my brain was stuffed with cotton.

I gathered all my strength and turned my head, now facing a large window. I had to be somewhere on a large building, the streets of Seoul where looking so tiny from up here.

I turned my head back.

What?

I was in a hospital.

Oh

It took me some time to process what I had agreed to back... when I was with... Hoseok.

Shit. Hoseok?

A sudden rush of adrenaline rushed through my veins, waking my dulled mind like an electro shock an I shot up from where I had been laying on my clinically clean bed, eyes frantically searching for the boy.

Please, I don't want to be alone, please-

I calmed down, heart still racing when I saw the older boy peacefully snoring in an uncomfortable looking chair next to the bed.

He stirred due to the sounds I made, sleepy eyes wakening when he saw my figure sitting upright in the bed.

"Hey, Flower." He whispered smiling, scooting closer carefully, chair making a soft scraping noise over the white floor, "How are you today?"

"I'm- headache." My own voice sounded strange for me, tongue feeling heavy. My throat felt dry.

As if he'd read my thoughts, Hoseok reached out to the nightstand next to my bed, grabbing a full glass of water before handing it me carefully.

"And... how is your-" He gestured vaguely, not knowing how to finish the sentence, because he didn't have a name for it yet.

I slowly sipped my drink, thinking for a moment about how to answer. My eyes raked over the boy's form taking in everything from his messy, tousled hair to his white tee with the silver mark and the black sweat pants that looked worn out and comfy. No black coat or sword.

"It's-" I placed the glass back down, "...different?"

He cocked his head to the side, "How different?"

"Everything's a bit..." I felt overwhelmed, mind buzzing as I tried to explain the different I meant. But the more I tried to get a grasp of it the more I felt panic swell up inside of me, an uneasy feeling creeping up my back an I felt how breathing became harder.

"Hey, hey- shh." Hoseok scooted even closer, placing a palm against my cheek, "It's okay, you don't have to explain it, I know how it feels already." He gave me a crooked smile, "The medication they gave you changes the way you perceive your surroundings. You'd been living with such a twisted view onto reality, it's hard to get used to the real thing."

"How do I know that this is the real thing?" I mumbled, looking down onto my hands that seemed to have a different color as well, less pale maybe. Everything seemed different, yet it was still exactly the same.

"You can't know." Hoseok admitted, "Your way of perceiving things had been your reality and I know it's hard to be forced into the other's reality all of a sudden." He hummed, "But this one doesn't hurt, unlike yours."

"You look different too." I stated, carefully eyeing the man in front of me.

"Oh? How did I look?"

"You had a coat and a sword."

He grinned, "That sounds cool."

"I thought it was cool." I agreed mumbling, "But you also look... more human now?"

"Huh?" He looked at me puzzled.

"I don't you just look more... realistic now? I guess my brain just didn't identify you as human, because you were like, I don't know... some sort of enigma to us."

He breathed out a chuckle, "Us?"

"My.. uh, brain and I." It was hard to explain. I felt so dissociated from myself, as if there'd been another person living within myself all along. Another person that saw everything as a threat. As something inhuman and vile.

Like a ghost.

"I see." Hoseok said, though I was not quite sure wether he really understood.

He looked up into my eyes, brushing a strand of hair behind my ear, "Your foster mom - Chungha - will be here soon."

This brought me back into present.

"Here..." I huffed out, "What happened? Why am I here in the first place? I remember passing out but what happened then? How long have I been here."

He laughed at my flood of questions, rubbing a hand over my thigh soothingly in an attempt to calm me down.

"You passed out after we kissed, the friendly doctor said it was out of shock - like your brain experiencing some kind of reality crash, because apparently it wasn't familiar with that form of intimacy and saw it as a thread or something." He giggled, "I don't know what to think about the fact that you passed out after we kissed but-"

"Stop." I whined, "This wasn't because of you, idiot."

He cackled, "Well, technically it was." His lips twitched before he explained further, "Well, I panicked and brought you here and your foster mom was immediately contacted. She informed the nurses about your mental state and you got taken care of properly."

"I didn't know that she knew." I muttered shocked, "I mean, I didn't even know myself."

"Well," Hoseok said smiling, "From what I got to know about her within the past four days she is a very smart and observant woman. For someone who really cares about you and makes an effort in getting to know it's pretty obvious what's going on with you."

I felt sad hearing that, "So, she realized it at some point but never talked to me about it?"

"Over all things, she wanted you to trust her." He explained, "If she would've come up to you and said 'hey Y/N you have a mental illness.' would you have believed her?"

I shook my head. He had a point. I remembered telling my foster parents about the ghosts I saw back when I was still really young and I also remembered ending up in front of a psychiatrist more often than not.

"So that's why... you never said anything either?"

Hoseok nodded.

"Since when did you know?"

"I got this feeling the second time we met at the church." He explained, "You were all alone, crying on the floor. I initially thought you had a panic attack but then I realized that you were seeing things I didn't see."

I felt a lump form in my throat, couldn't even imagine the bullshit I put him through just because my entire pathetic existence was fucked up.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled earning a disapproving frown from his side.

"Don't say that. You have no might over what made you like that and I helped you because I wanted to." He smiled reassuringly, "You- you reminded me of myself."

I felt like crying, but I didn't want to cry again so I swallowed my tears, smiling instead.

"You have to act strong in order to be strong."

Is what Hoseok himself told me.

But really, I didn't know if it was all that true when he slid onto the spot besides me, wrapping his arms around me in a tight embrace. Maybe I could be strong without acting like something I wasn't.

"It's okay, Flower." He whispered into my neck, "You're safe now."

I liked this reality definitely better. In this reality Hoseok was even warmer and softer and more real.

"Y/N you're awake!"

Chungha's smile, when she saw me sitting and talking with Hoseok healthily, cured a lot of wounds I didn't know I had.

"Hey." I smiled, heart fluttering in my chest, "Mom."

She sighed happily, letting the bag she'd been carrying slump onto the floor, before suffocating me in the most wonderful hug I've ever received.

"I missed you baby." She mumbled into my hair, pressing a big smooch against my forehead.

As she leaned back she nodded into Hoseok's direction with a warm smile, "Hi, Hoseok."

"Hello Chungha-ssi."

The blonde grabbed me by my shoulders, looking me up and down as if checking wether I was missing a leg or not, then she let go of me with a grin, "Happy 18th Birthday."

I blinked. Oh. 's been a long time since someone even remembered my date of birth.

"What a way to spend my birthday." I muttered, earning a short laugh from Chungha.

"Wait," Hoseok cut in, "You're turning 18 today? Why didn't you tell me?" He asked directed at Chungha, utter betrayal written all over his face.

She snickered, "Maybe I didn't want to."

"That's mean, I could've gotten something for her." He grumbled but settled with giving me a kick peck onto the cheek and a cheekily whispered 'Happy Birthday Flower' (with was a pretty amazing gift anyways).

"Alright, since Y/N is chained onto this bed for two more days I thought I'd bring the cake to you." Chungha stated, "I even got the allowance from the nurses to get the bed dirty with icing, so have fun."

I giggled feeling giddy and weirdly close to tears at the same time, "Thanks that's- I can't even remember when I had a cake for my birthday last."

"That." My mom declared, "Is terrible. You'll get as much birthday cake as you want honey."

"But I'll pay for it!" Hoseok chimed in, happily taking a plate with cake.

◆♤❦

When the doctor came in we'd long finished the cake.

I listened closely when the friendly woman explained what medication I had to take, how often and why.

She also explained that my illness was my mind's response to the multiple traumatic experiences I had to endure at a way too young age, without any help being provided to me, who was a helpless orphan at the mercy of the foster system.

She also explained that I should visit a therapist, if I agreed to it.

I did, under the condition that Hoseok would be present at every session.

Because he promised me that he'd always be with me, whatever path I decided to walk on.

◆♤❦

That was the longest chapter I've ever written

I'm sorry, so much information in one part

Also I don't really know how much or in which way trauma can affect a person's mental health so bear with my limited knowledge

xx