'Fuck!'

My eyes glance over the text Lexi send yesterday for at least the hundredth time, still unable to grasp this is happening. I know she's right, things just don't seem to work out between us. It's like the whole bloody universe is turned against us and we can't seem to catch a break. I throw one of the empty whiskey bottles against the wall in frustration, smashing it into pieces. Not caring about the mess. Since honestly, it isn't the first thing to hit the wall these past twenty-four hours, and it probably won't be the last either. I never thought she'd do it over a damn text message! Just ...fuck! I swear, my hands itching to smash something else, break something, anything, as long as it makes the ache in my heart go away.

I'm surprised the carpet doesn't have a run-down circle in it by now. I huff as I just can't seem to stop pacing through the room, something I've continuously done for almost a week now. I appreciate the fact that she didn't throw me out, because frankly, I've got nowhere else to go. My parent's place is too small and with the money issue still on hand, I can't afford a place of my own right now. It's not like I want to leave, I just have no fucking clue how to behave when I run into her...

My mind takes me back to last night when I was sitting by the window. What else is there for me to do? It's either staring numbly out of my window or restless pacing these days, trying to get my head in order. To no avail. Every fiber in my bones still wishing I can fix this. My heart nearly jolted out of my chest as soon as I saw the familiar headlights spawn through the gates indicating that Lexi was home. A sense of relief washed over my body knowing she was here, close. I never saw her face though... The second those yellow lights turned towards the house, I ducked away like some thief in the night.  Afraid of what would happen when I saw her. Afraid of what I'd feel... In hindsight, it might not have been my brightest idea. I know I'll run into her eventually, I should've just gotten it over with. Better rip the bandaid off when no one was around to see it! Now I'm at risk of crashing into her in the hallway, living room, kitchen ...anywhere. Which is exactly the reason I've stayed cooped up in my room this entire time. I'm scared shitless.

I'm scared of what will happen when I lay my eyes on her and realize that it's really over. Fearful of the look in those once twinkling sapphire eyes, dreading the fact that they won't sparkle at me anymore. Afraid to gaze over her beautiful features, aware of the fact that I won't be the one to caress them anymore. Frightened to hear her sultry voice ringing from her luscious lips, knowing I'll never get to kiss them again. And most of all, terrified of the confirmation that I broke her... Only then do I have no choice left but to acknowledge the fact that I've royally screwed up my last chance for redemption with her... As long as I manage to keep my head in the sand I can still pretend this is all some wicked fucked up dream, nightmare, holding on to the sheer hope that someone will wake me up any second now...

I sigh shrugging on my jacket, knowing Rebekah will be here any minute. It isn't a dream, it's goddamn reality. I curse again, stalking over to the mirror. Not that it'll do any good, I look like shit. I groan, dragging a hand through my hair. My beard is a tad longer than normal since I hadn't found the energy to trim it these last couple of days. The bags under my eyes, due to lack of sleep and severe substance abuse make me look even more worn out. At least my clothes look decent enough. A dark pair of jeans, a plain black shirt, and my signature leather jacket. Even though my wardrobe mostly contains black, black ...and more black. Somehow it looks even more sullen right now, fitting, but gloomy. I guess it'll have to do. I sigh as I hear a knock on the door. Rebekah. I quickly shove my phone and wallet in my pocket and walk to the door. I'll clean this mess up later. I groan glancing over my messy room once more, opening the door midst of a second impatient knock.

'Jesus, give me at least some time to react.'

I grumble seeing Rebekah's giddy face appear in front of me. She gives me a judgy look, deciding not to comment on both my appearance and the chaos in my room as she hurries me along and yelps.

'Come on, today's the day! And we're running late!'

'I haven't even eaten anything...'

I murmur, not sure why I even said that. I'm not even hungry. I just want her to stop being overly excited so early in the morning.

'You've barely eaten anything for a week! Now you suddenly care about nutrition?'

No. I silently answer Rebekah's scoffs as she keeps heading down the stairs with me in tow and continues.

'Fine, whatever, we'll grab something. Just get your shit together so we can go, you're no fun like this.'

'I don't need to get it together, I'm fine.'

I grumble, not sure whom I'm trying to convince. She raises her brow as if she's trying to say, who are you trying to fool? I roll my eyes in return, deciding it's better to change the subject as I mutter.

'Since when are you the one to rush, trying to be on time? Punctuality doesn't suit you.'

She gives me a shove, stopping at the middle of the staircase trying to look threatening as she glares at me. Failing miserably since she now looks like an angry dwarf, standing three steps beneath me while I'm already a couple of feet longer on even ground. For the first time in days, I can almost feel a smile creep up my face. Humored by the sight as she scolds.

'I don't know if you remember, but it's your shop that's opening today! Sorry for being excited about it...'

I almost snort. Almost. Ruffling her hair while I walk down to her, swinging my arm around her as I sigh.

'I remember. Now let's go and get me some sugar buzz, I don't think I'll be able to keep up with you otherwise...'

She smiles happily, knowing I'll at least try my best to look enthusiastic. I follow her to the kitchen in silence until I stop dead in my tracks. F-Fuck... I almost immediately jerk back as soon as I set my eyes on Lexi's silhouette.

She's sitting on a kitchen chair with one of her bare legs sprawled over the table, the other one lazily crossed over it. Her bed hair and pajama shirt indicate that she hasn't been awake for long as she absentmindedly plays with some strands of her hair, gazing out of the window. This wasn't the plan! I panic, although Rebekah doesn't seem to notice. Or rather, ignores it. As she lets go of me, walking over to the fridge.

I let my eyes wander over her exposed skin, swallowing hard. God, I've missed you... I breathe, preparing to make myself scarce when her head darts up to Rebekah. She'd been so lost in thought she hadn't even noticed us coming in until Bheks passes her by and says.

'We're heading over to the shop. I'll come as soon as we've closed up.'

The 'we' in Rebekah's words, instantly makes Lexi's shoulders tense up as she glances over to me sitting up straight. I smile awkwardly as my heart drops in my chest. It doesn't take a genius to notice the ghastly look on her face. Her skin is paler than it used to be, the bags under her eyes matching my own.

'H-Hey, Lex. I~'

I mumble like an idiot, clearing my throat as I'm not sure what to say to her. The solemn, hollow look in her eyes makes it even harder for me to focus and form a sentence.

'...Have fun with the opening today.'

She whispers, having difficulty herself not to avert her gaze in pain. Her once so sweet voice, crumbling down with pent-up emotions. Both of us are mere ghosts of the people we used to be. You did this on purpose. I grumble silently seeing Rebekah watching us both intently, leaning over the refrigerator.

'Y-Yeah... You two. With the, erm, concert ...I mean.'

I sputter, the awkward vibe around us taking hold of me. Jesus Matt, get a fucking grip! I swear as she averts her gaze down to the floor, her voice is barely audible as she mutters a thank you. This was everything I feared, and more! I sigh as my heart twists in agony. The only good thing I can make out at the moment is the fact that I don't see any bruising on her anymore. Thank fuck. Other than that, I've never felt so miserable. I'll do anything to fix this!

Her breath falters as she sees the pleading look on my face. Please beautiful, anything! As if my gaze alone is enough to increase the damage that's already been done, her shoulders cower down in despair. I hate this! Before I can get a word out Rebekah's back at my side, tugging on my arm as she whispers.

'Matt now is not the time, come on.'

Her tone does not leave any room for me to argue as she drags me away from the kitchen. I'm so sorry... I sigh, my eyes still fixated on hers. Wretchedness hangs around me like an invisible blanket, cold and depressing as I force myself to look away from her when we bend the corner. I follow Rebekah, leaving Lexi behind with a devastated look on her face. I know it's selfish... I sigh, walking over to my car. I feel like an egotistical bastard for feeling the way I do. I want nothing more than to see her happy... And if her being happy means that I have to take a step back and not be a part of her life, then I should back off. I'm willing to do so. I have to do so, for her sake. Because she's all that matters. Even if it means that I have to suffer for it. I deserve it, so I will.

That still doesn't mean the urge and need to have her, just evaporates overnight. I love her, goddammit. I cringe, turning over the key in silence. The will to drive had left me as soon as things collided between us, even Louise couldn't cheer me up at this point. But since Rebekah's heading to the concert after work, I don't really have a choice. The remembrance of her being in my car, kissing me passionately as she sat straddled on my lap, only makes it harder for me to let go of my self-serving thoughts. I shake my head, trying to get rid of those as I spin off the driveway. You're doing this for her, it's what she wants... I mumble as I turn on the radio. Trying to occupy my mind with something else. Only to turn it back off immediately when I hear her voice blast through the speakers while someone talks about the concert tonight.

'Never-fucking-mind.'

I grumble, following Rebekah's import in front of me towards the store but I can't help but wonder how she'll do tonight. Especially with everything that's going on I imagine it can't be easy on her, having to sing songs about me back to back... Unwillingly I picture her with Ian again. He'd probably be stoked to find out shit hit the fan between us, sleazy bastard. I grid my teeth at the thought, hoping to God he won't give her too much trouble. Or maybe that's exactly what I'm hoping for? I'd rather have her chew his arrogant head off than see them end up back together!

***

'You booked the appointments, right?'

I ask Rebekah as I sit down in my chair glancing around the shop, meanwhile preparing my gear. She raises a brow gesturing around her, as she huffs.

'Of course, just like I finished up everything else around here while you were busy moping about my sister.'

'If you want me to be giddy, mentioning Lexi might not be the way to go.'

I mutter averting my gaze, looking over the merchandise. Not that there has a second gone by where I haven't been thinking about her already. I groan looking around the shop. Everything looks exactly as I imagined it to be, down to the smallest detail. Black and white checkered tiles on the floor, polished to perfection. Red and black as the main colors used throughout everything else, giving it a little bit of an 80s Rock vibe. Pictures of our previous artworks decorating the walls, including two red guitars we decorated with our own designs as well. Three workstations in the back, divided with brick walls that go about chest-high. The stones painted black and our names written in white at our sections. The third spot is still unoccupied, thus the wall is also completely black since we haven't found someone to fill it yet. A heavy dark wooden oval table in the middle, for everyone to sit on, both artists and customers. The right front corner of the store is packed with all kinds of products on sale. From aftercare and piercings to popular band shirts and vinyl records. Mostly rock, obviously. A cash register and reception with a computer on the other side. The entire top of the counter is made out of an illuminating lightbox that can be used to draw on as well. Three bar chairs on the end, for people to wait and lounge on. Both the front of the black rocky counter and the back wall of the shop are displaying the shop's name. Beautiful Ink. Written in a white bold graffiti style that was designed by both Rebekah and me. It was supposed to be a surprise... I sigh, my gut twisting inwardly as I remember I never even found the time to show her all this. This has always been my dream, or at least it was... On any other day, I would've been proud as hell that I finally managed to pull it off. But right now everything just seems bleak ...dreary and joyless. I get ripped out of my thoughts as Rebekah hands me a list of appointments before turning back on her heels.

'...Bheks?'

I question as she's already back at her workstation across from me, popping her head up innocently as she says.

'That's my name, yes?'

'Why are Ruby, Shelby, Jake, Alex, and bloody Néomy on my appointment list?'

'What why? Did you want Tyler for yourself as well?'

She asks as if it's the most natural thing. It isn't. Especially since Néomy's name is on there as well.

'She'd rather die than get tattooed by me.'

I mutter my thoughts aloud making Rebekah snicker softly. I have a bad feeling about this... I sigh, trying to get to the bottom of this. And with bottom, I mean, trying to find out what she's plotting ...not Ty's ass who's apparently up for grabs today. Rebekah already told me she'll be doing a massive back piece on him that'll lead way, way down.

'And you can tattoo your boyfriend's ass yourself, I'll pass. Still waiting for an explanation though...'

'You keep your hands off my man's ass!'

She laughs, tidying up her workspace before turning back to me. A worried and more serious expression on her face as she says.

'Because you clearly need some distraction. Or maybe, it's because I think you need to talk!'

'I'm fine.'

I snap, frustrated with the fact that she can't just leave me be. The scowl on her face gives me a heads up, there's more where that came from... A voice in my head chimes as she dashes up from her seat, leaning over the wall. Determined to make her point.

'You're not fine. You're both not fine! And since Lex is way beyond the point of a reasonable conversation, I'm gonna try it with you. With some backup from our friends, that are all willing to get another tattoo over it!'

'And you guys call us crazy?!'

I yell, mindblown by how far they're willing to go just to get me to talk.

'You're the ones that are out of your bloody minds, alright.'

I scoff sitting back down. This is absurd, getting a tattoo over a broken relationship! I sigh, dragging a hand through my hair. There's no doubt in my mind they'll regret this one day, particularly Néomy.

'Let's just see how today goes.'

Rebekah states, a small smile on her face clearly enjoying this. I shake my head, pinching the bridge of my nose wondering if the entire world has just gone insane. It won't matter what I tell her, she won't change her mind about this... I've known her long enough to distinguish that. I better just roll with the punches. I sigh, hoping the others will at least find their sanity before it's too late. These aren't stamps or stickers we're dealing with here, these suckers are to stay for life.

'Crazy, bloody crazy. All of you.'

'I can hear you... You're thinking out loud, idiot.'

Rebekah chuckles as she gets up and walks toward the front door to flip the sign, indicating we're open for business.

'Maybe you were supposed to?'

I answer with a pitched voice, trying to mimic hers along with some annoyance laced through it. Crazy doesn't even cover it. I huff silently as I notice Shelby and Ruby are already waiting in front of the door, both carrying a knowing smiles on their faces once they step inside. They happily greet Rebekah before they stalk over to me. Let the circus begin...

***

'So what is it gonna be?'

I murmur as Shelby hands me a piece of paper, just like Ruby had done before her one and a half-hour ago. Apparently, Rebekah had made some basic drawings for all of them so I could take it from there. Ruby ended up with Live with hope written in bold Chicano-style lettering across her ankle. She didn't say much during the session, and I wasn't complaining. I was glad to have some peace and quiet for once, so I was able to enjoy the feeling of having the vibrant gun back in my hands. Although I couldn't shake the feeling she was studying me or something. All the while making small talk with Shelby. Whatever. Maybe I'm just going insane... Still feeling suspicious about their lack of conversation I fold out the piece of paper as my eyes study what's drawn on it.

'Please tell me the both of you aren't dating, and this is a joke.'

I groan, turning around the paper for both of them to see. Ignoring Rebekah's giggles behind the wall while unable to keep the badgering tone out of my voice I continue.

'I know I've missed out on ...a lot. But I would've thought you'd tell me something like this sooner.'

'No, we're not dating. Ew! That would be like kissing my kid sister!'

Ruby snorts, making Shelby crackle up as well as she adds.

'Besides, I'm not into polygamy.'

'What the hell are you talking about now?!'

I yelp, wondering if I missed the fact that either of them is in a current relationship. They both didn't bring anyone else to the party the other day... I remind myself, studying both of them until Ruby explains.

'Well, I'm guessing you're talking about Shelby getting the same line as me?'

Yeah, well, duh! I think shaking the paper, severely questioning their sobriety right now.

'And since, wait... Let me count ...five, six, seven? Other people in total are getting the same line today, Shelby just wanted to inform you we're not polygamists.'

'You know what? I don't even wanna know...'

I wave my hands, rocking my head. Madness, utter lunacy. I turn to Shelby once more. Still holding up the piece of paper as I ask, my voice serious.

'Shelbs, you absolutely certain you want the tattoo?'

'On the wrist, please. With a rosary bracelet somewhat similar as in the picture.'

She smiles casually. Whatever you want... I sigh, picking up my sketchbook and pencil as I mutter.

'Alright, I'll do a little sketch and put it on your wrist so you can check it out.'

***

Another forty minutes have passed and I'm applying the finishing touches as both of them continue to stare me down. At first, I was glad they didn't go and try to get me to talk. But right this second I'm almost wishing they'd say something, anything. The deadly silence drives me insane until I eventually groan.

'Spit it out already! You two have never been quiet for so long and it's starting to freak me out.'

They both exchange a few glances. Slight smirks on their faces as if this is what they were waiting for all along. Fan-fucking-tastic. Shelby turns her eyes back on me, giving me a judgy look as she's the first to speak up.

'Alright. Question one, what's wrong with you?'

'Loads of things, be a little bit more specific.'

I grumble, keeping my eyes trained on her wrist as I apply some shadows around the beads of the rosary.

'Lexi.'

She states dryly and I immediately lift my hand, unable to keep the tremble out of my fingers. Here we go... Reluctantly I drag my eyes up to hers. Seeing Ruby has crouched down next to her as she finishes Shelby, looking me dead in the eye.

'Why are you letting the best thing that ever happened to you, slip right through your fingers?'

'Nah-ah, not going there with the both of you.'

I grumble, pointing my tattoo gun in their direction before getting back to work as I mutter.

'She, we, are not good for each other. She wants space and she's probably right, so I'm going to give it to her.'

The tone of my voice leaves no room for debate. They both breathe a large sigh and decide to let the matter slide, although I have a gut feeling this only is the first of many uncomfortable conversations yet to come.

***

'How much does she mean to you?'

Jake asks as I work the inside of his arm. Him also being influenced by the tattoo virus that's called Live with hope. The reason why they're all getting the same exact words except for it being different designs is beyond me. Which bunch of crazy-ass friends come up with a foolish plan like this? Well, apparently, mine...

'Enough to let her go, Jake.'

I scoff, keeping my eyes on my work. Lifting my gun for a second as Jake squirms in place, looking to my side as he mumbles.

'You really think that's what's best?'

'I don't know what's best. I just feel like we're both out of options.'

I sigh getting back to work as Jake continues to look down at me while he says matter of factly.

'She doesn't want you to stay away, I know.'

'How?'

I blurt out mockingly, immediately fighting the urge to kick myself. Damn. They aren't going to let this go, are they? I question, gritting my teeth in frustration as I see a sly smile appear on his face when he says.

'The way she handled your car...'

***

'Matt, my sisters are both stubborn as fuck. Unfortunately, you happened to choose the worst one out of the two.'

Alex snorts, almost looking humored.

'...I heard that!'

Rebekah glares popping her head up before swiftly looking back down again, still working on Tyler's backpiece. That's debatable. Alex's smile is shortlived and quickly gets washed away as he winces, his muscles contorting when I start to apply the shadows on his tattoo. Pussy. I huff since he's been the only one so far to whine and complain, unable to handle the stingy feeling.

'Don't let h-her stubbornness r-ruin what you two h-have.'

He grids, fighting the urge to pull his leg. This might be his first tattoo, but the spot isn't normally that bad. I think, pulling away for a second before his muscles start to spasm as I sigh.

'I don't know, Alex. I appreciate all of you trying to fix us. But do you all realize how this shit affects both Lex and I?'

'I think we do, more than you know.'

He grimaces, glad I gave him a breather. Flexing his foot, trying to loosen his stiffened muscles as he keeps his eyes on me and says.

'Why do you think we're here? I'm not going through this torture for the sheer pleasure of it. We can see that you're destroying yourselves with what you're doing. Or do you think we haven't noticed the bags under both of your eyes? Or the fact that you look like the beginnings of a homeless person who has just dropped some pounds? Knowing that the only reason you haven't lost more than this is that Rebekah has force-fed you these past few days. While Lex on the other hand gained a little weight, which is nearly impossible for her to do. Which in turn must mean she must've been drowning herself in a shit load of Ben & Jerry's.'

I have noticed that. Not that it bothers me in the slightest. Her body will always be heavenly in my eyes. A pound more or less doesn't matter. I quickly glance over to the mirror, wondering if my appearance is as bad as Alex makes it out to be, before diving back to work on his leg as I murmur.

'I didn't say it was easy, I'm just saying it's better.'

'Bloody s-stubborn fuckers!'

Alex groans painfully. I'm not sure whether he's referring to the two of us, or his muscles, which instantly start to clamp back up the second my needle makes contact with his skin.

'Stop bitching and keep still so I can finish this. It'll only take longer if you're squirming around like a fish on dry land.'

I mumble almost laughingly. It's been a while since I've had such a pain-in-the-ass customer. And I'm not even talking about the sore topics of our conversation right now...

'This sh-shit hurts like a m-motherfucker!'

'...Wuss.'

***

'Let me be clear. Ruin my body ...and I'll ruin that pretty face of yours.'

Néomy bites out, squinting her eyes at me. No one forced you to come here... I tell her with my own, not able to pass up the opportunity as I tease.

'So I have a pretty face?'

'Oh, shut up! You know what I mean.'

She growls, laying face down in the chair as she hoists her shirt up to the middle of her back. Her crooked arm pointing awkwardly to her lower back and hips as she mutters.

'It should fit somewhere between there.'

I nod, putting the paper with the makeshift blueprint above it before I start to draw directly on her body as we agreed upon earlier. Thank fuck she's the last one. I sigh, using the space between the stars that are already on her back to add the common phrase ...Live with hope. Also adding the other stars between the rest of them like she asked for. I'm not sure how much longer I can survive this shit. I grunt, ushering her back up so she can inspect the layout before I start.

She returns a few seconds later, giving me a stern nod before placing herself back down. Her pestilent silence looms over us for the next five minutes as I start with tattooing.

'So... How long before you start preaching on me?'

I ask, knowing damn well she isn't here for my artwork. Hell, she'd rather trust any other artist more than me. She keeps laying still, probably too afraid I'll mess up if she makes a move while she murmurs into the leather seat.

'How about ...now?'

I pull back the gun, giving her a chance to move around so she can speak more freely. Immediately getting back to work as she grumbles.

'Listen. You know I'm not a fan of yours, and I probably never will be...'

'Yeah, why is that anyway? It's not like I ever did anything to you.'

I ask, sliding back with my chair so I can look at her. It's something I've been wondering about for ages. It has never been a secret she wasn't my greatest supporter, but ever since she came back it's gotten way worse. She's like a bull that has its eyes set on a piece of red cloth, going in for the kill. She rolls her eyes, irritated she has to spell it out for me as she grouches.

'Directly to me, no. But it's my duty as a BFF to hate anyone who hurts Lexi. You can't deny you haven't done that.'

'As for the situation right now, true. But if you're talking about a couple of years ago? Don't bother trying to blame me for how things went down.'

I grumble, already rolling back to my spot. But Néomy isn't finished yet, propping herself up a little as she swears.

'You're fucking kidding, right?'

'I don't know what goes on in Lex's mind, and what she has told you. But I didn't do anything. I know she holds some kind of grudge against me for the past, but I haven't got a clue why.'

I sigh, hesitant to talk to her out of all people about this. The last thing I want is for her to rip my head off in the middle of my own damn store. She pinches her nose, disbelief in her eyes as she huffs looking back over at me.

'If it's true what you say, your either dumb ...or just plain stupid.'

'Don't forget I'm the one holding a tattoo gun against your skin. So keep it nice, alright?'

I throw her a fake smile, waving my gun at her. Her face instantly scrunches up in another scowl as she mutters before laying back down.

'Fuck up my skin and your dead, Blackwell.'

She keeps quiet for a minute as I silently continue my work. In the end, not able to keep her trap shut for approximately a hundred and twenty whole seconds when she mutters.

'...But seriously, you should get your brain checked. You hurt her. Badly.'

I sigh, laying my tattoo gun back on the tray before rolling over to her so I can look her dead in the eyes as I ask outraged.

'What the fuck did I do then?!'

'Figure it out yourself.'

She scoffs, averting her eyes. What is it with you girls always telling me to figure shit out myself?! Just tell it like it bloody is! I rock my head in frustration.

'And when you do, you better apologize to her. If you won't, you'll never be worthy to be with her in my eyes.'

She squints, pointing her bony finger at me. Seriously? I cross my arms, not in the mood for her shit as I snarl.

'Was I ever?'

'You want me to be frank? No, not in my book.'

She says with a deadpan look on her face. Brutally honest, as always. I grunt, lifting my arms in the air as a form of surrender as I ask.

'Then why are you here if you don't even like me? Why try to help me get back to her? Especially with the risk of, and I quote, me fucking up your body?'

She keeps quiet for a couple of seconds and I can tell she's debating herself whether or not to continue this conversation. Not sure myself if I want to hear the answer either, I keep my eyes trained on hers waiting for an reply. She sighs deeply as she mutters under her breath.

'...Lex is going to murder me.'

I'm pretty sure she'd forgive anything you'd pull off. I grumble silently, still waiting for her to go on. She sighs again, although it comes across more as a groan before she snaps.

'Because I'm a good friend, and whether I like it or not, Lex likes you. More than she's willing to admit...'

Hearing it from her lips, the best friend who hates my guts, makes my shoulders tense up. O ...kay? She drags a hand through her hair, sitting up straight so she can face me better as she continues resistantly.

'She's my best friend and no matter how much I'm against it, without you ...she's different. Her soul seems ...empty.'

I keep quiet, not knowing how to react. Néomy fucking Greenwood is actually trying to coax me into getting back with Lexi? The world must've indeed gone to shits... As if reading my mind she flicks her finger against my forehead, muttering in a serious tone.

'Listen, dipshit. After you left for Vegas, Lexi... She changed. She never was the same after that, at least, until you came back and I saw the two of you together again. For the first time, in a very long time, I saw her laugh from the heart ...not just for show.'

Seeing Néomy take a stand for the two of us is offputting, and that's putting it mildly. Her intense stare makes me shift in place as she continues in a grumbling tone.

'I'm not stupid Matt. I know that in some kind of facked-up way, you love her. I wasn't too keen on the idea because I was the one to pick up the pieces last time around. Just don't play her. Make up your bloody mind and go fight for her, 'cause I don't think she'll survive this time around...'

Her voice dies out, knowing she said too much already. I pick my gun back up, fidgeting with it as I whisper solemnly.

'She told me to stay away...'

'She's afraid. So much that she doesn't even realize she's hurting herself by doing this ...and you along with it.'

My gaze darts over to Néomy and I'm sure she can see the pain that's evident in my eyes. My heart wants to believe her, I want to believe that she's just frightened and we can solve it. But my mind keeps telling me, what if Lexi is right? What if there's just been too much shit between the both of us? I sigh rolling back behind her so I can continue my work. I just don't know! She settles back down in her chair as well while I tell her conflicted.

'I'll give it a little time, but I will try to talk with her. Don't expect too much from it though. You know better than anyone how she gets when she has made up her mind about something...'

'...All too well.'

She cusses. For once, her frustration is not directed at me but towards her little blonde tenacious friend instead. At least I'm not the only one doing her head in. I smile mockingly, wiping away some excessive ink as I tell her truthfully.

'Even if I do want to fix this... I'm not sure I'll be able to change her mind about us.'

'Try.'

She responds curtly, keeping her body still as I continue with the little stars. A few minutes of silence pass by before I ask apprehensively.

'So... Does that mean you're not going to kill me after what I did to her?'

I don't have the guts to explain more, knowing she'll understand what I'm hinting at anyway. The bruises. She grunts, shuffling a bit in place as she mutters looking at me from the corner of her eye.

'The verdict is still pending on that one...'

'That's more than I can hope for.'

I murmur, not trying to hide the self-loathing in my tone of voice. If I was her, I would've killed myself in my sleep. Not that I've had many.

'You can't kick someone who's already down.'

'That the reason you didn't do anything in the hallway the other day?'

I ask, remembering when I ran into her on my way to the bathroom. Honestly, that was the first time I was truly afraid of her wrath... There was no doubt in my mind Rebekah had told her what happened, so imagine my astonishment when she passed me by without saying or doing anything.

'I figured you were torturing yourself enough already... The shabby look on your face told me as much. It would be like beating a pup with a stick, I don't roll that way.'

'...I'd do anything if there was a way to change what happened.'

I whisper, drawing a shaky breath. I'd sell my soul to turn back time... I whinge, the images of her battered skin engraved into my memory.

'I know, Matt.'

Néomy mumbles almost apologetically. Her sudden kindness almost creeps me out even more, so I quickly try to turn the conversation around. A small grin tugs at the corner of my mouth as I pull back my gun, knowing she'll most likely jerk her muscles when I ask lightheartedly.

'I was wondering gno~ Uhm, I mean Nomes... How did that nickname come to be?'

'For fucks sake! She told you?! I'm going to kill that snitching bitch!'

She growls, yanking her head in my direction. The outraged frown on her face earns a laugh from me as I lift my hands, not looking for a fight while I chuckle.

'I heard her yelling it the night of the party, she didn't say anything. At least not directly.'

She settles back down, luminosity still seeping from her bones as she mutters something out of earshot. Rebekah leans over her stand, blinking in awe as she mutters.

'Now I'll be damned! Never thought I'd live to see the day when Néomy Greenwood could make you laugh again! No one else managed to succeed on that aspect so far...'

'Fuck off...'

We both grunt in unison. Followed by a shiver running over our backs as we look at each other spooked and grossed out at the same time. Shit. We both avert our eyes just as quickly and I motion for her to turn back around while I mumble.

'Okay. Let's get this shit done, shall we? That's more than enough creepiness for one day.'

'Agreed!'

***

'Now tell me. How was your day?'

Rebekah asks, a satisfied grin plastered on her face. I shake my head, cleaning up the last of my stuff before I walk over to the cash register. Counting our profit from today as I grumble.

'Oh, cut the crap Bheks. You've heard most of my conversations and this idea of yours was ridiculous! How did you get everyone to agree on the same fucking tattoo?! One day they'll regret it, including yourself.'

'Don't blame me for that. I made a comment and somehow it just ...happened. Who am I to tell them no?'

Rebekah laughs. Sitting down on one of the barstools, her eyes following my movements. We did amazing on the first day... Lots of people wandered into the shop, not that I saw many of them. Rebekah took care of the front since she only had Tyler as a customer today. I had to admit, the back piece she did turned out amazing. Lord behold, even he had that same line tattooed in it! Shocker. She had me occupied with everyone else from the psychiatrist club, knowing my shabby face wouldn't do much good behind the register anyway. But the people I did see looked excited, bought merchandise, and booked appointments. Thus so far so good.

'So saying no to such an idiotic idea is completely out of the question, but everyone telling me what to do with Lex isn't?'

I mutter, putting some of the money to the side before looking up at her. Right after we'd both finished our work she informed me that she wanted to get the same tattoo tomorrow as well, by now I just shrugged it off and agreed to it. She lifts her brow in a condescending manner as she answers with a sharp voice.

'No one today told you what to do, Matt. We're just trying to be good friends, we can see this situation is killing the both of you.'

'The thing is, it isn't anyone's business but Lexi's and mine. All of you interfering isn't helping anything.'

I counter, still not happy about the fact they're all involving themselves with it. Neither would Lexi, I know that much.

'Really? 'Cause I heard your conversation with Néomy and you seemed pretty shaken up after that...'

She huffs, pretending to look at her nails with a satisfied smile playing on her lips. Why can't I just put my foot in it?! I shake my head as I slam the cash register shut, mumbling at her while leaning against the back wall.

'I'll admit hearing her say certain things, especially because she loathes me, made me think twice about everything.'

'And?'

Rebekah asks, a twinkle of hope in her eyes. I'm seriously doubting that having Lexi's twin as a best friend is a good thing at the moment. Best friend or lover, it doesn't mind. They'll both be the fucking death of me! I sigh, tilting my head as I mutter.

'And nothing. I promised her I would try and talk to Lex ...in due time. I can't promise it'll change things. She's your bloody twin, you know nothing will change her decision once she has made up her damn mind.'

'Seriously, Matt! And I mean this in the best way possible, get your head out of your ass!
She~ loves~ you!
I know why she acts the way she does, and trust me when I say she has reason to do so, but I know you love her as well.'

Hearing everyone say she loves me with a stoic face as if it's the most obvious thing, makes me want to believe it... I swallow, dragging a hand through my hair. If only she would say it too!

'Go to the concert tonight and listen. Really listen to what she has to say in her songs, how she truly feels.'

'I don't know Bekah...'

I sigh, not sure if that would be a good idea at the moment. We get interrupted by the beeping tone of my cellphone and I hold my hand up for her to wait as I pull it out of my pocket. *Tick-tock, tick-tock. Time is running out...* The caller ID says unknown but I don't even have to guess whom it's from as I quickly text back *I know.* while Rebekah asks with a troubled voice.

'What's going on? You look worried.'

'It's nothing. Just some annoying advertisement thingy...'

I mumble, trying not to alarm her as I shove my phone back in my pocket. She doesn't look remotely convinced as she asks.

'You sure?'

'Rebekah, I love you as a friend but you don't have to know every inch of my life. Alright?!'

I snap, more aggravated than I intended to. The startled look on her face confirms that I may have gone a bit overboard as she mutters.

'Chill alright, I was just asking. I didn't know you would get mad...'

'I'm sorry, I just didn't have much sleep this past week. And apparently, it's catching up with me. With Lexi and the shop, I've been on edge. I didn't mean to lash out...'

I apologize as I tiredly rub my face. A shower and a good night of sleep would sure work wonders.

'I know you'll figure out what to do.'

Dodged a bullet there... I sigh inwardly as Rebekah stands up to grab her stuff, swinging on her jacket as she juggles her keys and asks.

'So, are you coming or what?'

Referring to the concert that'll start in less than two hours. I look around the shop, still not sure I should as I mutter.

'I don't think so Bheks. Just let me clean up some more, you go with the others...'

'Do as you please, I'm not going to drag you there. But you are going to regret this.'

She shrugs, already making her way to the door. Looking back at me while her hand is already resting on the handle as she asks.

'I'll see you back home then?'

'Sure, have fun.'

I smile, glad she finally drops the matter. She doesn't say another word as she walks out of the shop and I heave a large sigh, sitting down at one of the chairs by the table. Finally, some peace and quiet so I can think...

***

More than an hour has passed by. After I was done cleaning the shop, not that there still was much left to do, I headed back home. Where in turn was a lot to do! As soon as I walked into my room I couldn't help but groan at the pigsty around me. Figuring I'd better get rid of the mess before someone else saw it and started raising even more questions. I ended up scrubbing every inch of my room, dumping all the broken shit in the trash outside before quickly taking a shower.

As soon as I'm done I wipe the damp off the mirror, giving myself a lookover. I wouldn't say it made me feel reborn because my troubles were still wearing me out, but it is at least an improvement. I decide to at least get rid of the scruffy caveman look, by tackling my beard. Trimming it down until I look somewhat myself again.

I glance over my watch to see it's almost time for the concert to start and walk back into my bedroom to find Bear has made himself comfortable on my bed. Cheeky bastard. I laughingly shake my head, walking over to the radio. That old beggar is starting to grow on me... It doesn't take me long to find the right channel, since most of them got the rights to play the live concert after the tour got canceled. Something Lexi had already mentioned weeks prior.

Their enthusiastic voices fill the room as I rummage around looking for my wooden box before sitting down on the bed next to the old Stafford. As the radio DJ calls the list of numbers she's about to sing tonight I can't help but listen closely, noticing most of them are ones I've never heard before, only a few I know mixed in between. I had no idea she recorded this many songs... I cringe. Seriously doubting if it even was a good idea to put on the radio, to begin with. I just can't seem to help myself. I grumble as Bear nudges closer to me, his ears drooped as he looks up at me.

'It's fine, buddy.'

I smile halfheartedly rubbing his head, scratching him behind his ears as he happily wags his tail. My mind takes me back to the conversations I had earlier today with everyone in the shop until I hear the thunderous crowd erupt from the speakers. An obvious indicator the concert is about to start, making me gulp unintentionally as I turn my focus back to the box in front of me. Damn, I need to wind down. I sigh, quickly rolling a small joint as I hear Lexi's voice ring through the speakers.

'Good evening everyone! Are you excited?'

The crowd goes wild, the sound deafening and I can't help but smile softly. She is a true professional. I don't even need to see her, her happy-go-lucky voice enough to tell me that much. Even after all the shit that happened the past week, her voice is steady and pure. I think smiling weakly as I take a deep whiff. Closing my eyes while laying back on my bed, I let her voice take over control just like it has done every time before when she would open her mouth to sing.

https://youtu.be/44JIC02maMI

I can't help but laugh somewhat mockingly by the time her voice dies down. The silence immediately followed by the cheers from her fans. I've been wondering the same damn thing for ages, beautiful. What do you mean? I pinch my nose, taking another draft only to notice the fire has gone out in the meantime. I sit back up searching for a lighter, my fingers trembling unwillingly as her voice rings from my stereo once again as soon as the public's finally dies down. I do know this one... I think as I rest one of my arms on my knee while lighting the joint between my fingers back up.

Goddammit, what am I supposed to do with you? I grumble silently. Still in doubt as I gently pet Bear, who's made himself comfortable next to me. I know she wrote these a while ago but I can't help but contemplate what's going on between us at the moment. I wonder if she's doing the same or if she's just shut everything out in order to get through this concert altogether... Sighing I drag a hand through my hair as I inhale some smoke. Welcoming the numbing feeling, hoping that somehow it'll take my mind off my worries. Not that it works. As soon as my stressed muscles relax an inch, she throws another curveball my way when a new song blasts through my speakers.

https://youtu.be/UmF7tc--UJk

I fight the urge to start breaking stuff again, almost irritated by the lyrics coming from her mouth. I've been doing my head in about this ever since I talked to Néomy earlier today. They all seriously seem to think I was the one to break her heart when I left. No one fucking realizes I've been miserable for years! I grumble taking another whiff before putting the joint down in the ashtray. Everything I ever did, I did for her. It took me ages trying to get my shit together after she burnt me down to the ground. Moving away was the hardest thing I'd ever done, until now... At least back then I didn't know what I was missing out on! I groan, the images of her and me together swirling through my mind every time I close my eyes. I used to wonder what it'd be like to kiss her, hold her, have her... But now I can only wish that it'd never happened because it makes this so much harder than it already is.

This time around, I know what I'm missing out on. That knowledge alone is enough to cripple me. I twist my head, agony seeping back into my heart as I realize I'll probably never get over her. She's always been the one... I've never imagined myself waking up in the morning with someone else by my side than her. I've tried. Forcing myself into a relationship back in Vegas, knowing it was never going to work. I broke it off almost as soon as it had begun, it wasn't fair to her. In my mind, I kept comparing everything and anything. The poor girl didn't deserve that either. Because I knew that no one was ever going to measure up against the blonde curly minx that had carved her way deep into my heart...

Suddenly my thoughts get taken away from me as I hear the voice of the woman I love resonate from the speakers once more. Her voice is timider than before as she starts to sing again, sending a shiver over my spine. I can't help but close my eyes, almost able to hear the tremble in her voice that's filled with emotion.

https://youtu.be/Kf0KVyQkNIg

I swallow hard, struggling to keep myself composed as the song ends. A short silence falls over the crowd before it erupts in cheers once again, only louder. The sound is followed by one of the radiomen's astounded voices as he utters.

'Th-That was amazing folks!'

It was... I mumble silently to myself as the other woman in the studio pitches in.

'Is she ...crying?'

'Yes, she is!'

The guy answers taken aback, making me almost jump off my bed. S-She's what now? I blink, perking my ears as I chew on the inside of my cheek eager to hear what they're saying since I can't see it for myself.

'So much passion!'

'This must've been really hard for her, I think we've never seen her so emotional on stage before!'

'That's absolutely right. This can't even compare to the award show she did a few months back! She must be glad that there's a small break before she has to get back on the podium, that way hopefully she can refocus and get all that emotion back in check.'

'Agreed. It can't be easy having to sing like that.

'You heard it, folks! That was the first part of Lexi Davins's concert, accompanied by Ian Moore! We hope you'll stick around because I've got a gut feeling, there's much more amazing stuff yet to come!'

I can't help but shake my head slightly bewildered as the voices on the radio die out. If my mind was rambled before, it's even more fucked up now! I whinge, the thought of her crying on stage forming a lump in my throat.

I jump to my feet and start pacing through my room again. Just like I've done these past few days, contemplating with myself what I should do while Bear pops his head up, following my stride. Common Matt, she isn't getting emotional for nothing! You damn well know she isn't! I grumble to myself, hoping it would give me the confidence to just head over there and see what's going on. But even if you do go there, what good will it do? It'll probably throw her off even more if she notices me there. Even if I want nothing more right now than to see your face right now. Is it alright for me to go along with these selfish thoughts?

As if on cue my phone starts beeping pulling me out of my trance. I quickly scramble over to my phone and I pick it up, my eyes scanning over the text Rebekah send me. *In case you change your mind and still decide to come, I've put your name on the list. I know you're listening to her on the radio right now. How? Because we both know you can't help yourself... Xoxo Bheks.* I can't help but snort, amazed by her impeccable timing as I quickly shoot her a text back. *I don't know whether you're incredibly annoying, or just fucking brilliant? Knowing my ways better than I do... Thanks, you're the best. Even if I have been a pain in the ass lately, I do love you ... tone-deaf crow. ;P Matt.* I shake my head smiling as I shove my phone in my pocket and pick up my jacket, quickly throwing it on as I turn to Bear. I gently pet him on the head as I mutter.

'Screw it Bear, I'm going over there... I have to talk to her and apologize at least a hundred times for what I did. If she wants me to back off after that, she can at least say it straight to my face this time.'

Bear barks happily, wagging his tail as if he understood exactly what I said just now, making me grin at him before I stalk out of my room in a hurry.

'If traffic's on my side, I'll be there just before the second break.'

I mumble as I jump into my car and quickly start the engine. My fingers instantly play with the buttons of the radio setting it on the right station before I leave the driveway. Just in time because her first break is already done and she's already starting her next song.

https://youtu.be/LZlCVV_2xGw

'Wow! Just wow! Ladies and gents, it takes a real superstar to continue like that after such an emotional moment just before her break!'

The woman from the radio station chirps excitedly, clapping her hands. Her colleagues agree in unison, but their voices get drowned out by the thundering roars from Lexi's fans. Maybe this was a bad idea after all? I cringe, biting my lip in frustration.

'No, goddammit. You're not backing down now!'

I shake my head, grumbling to myself to give me the courage to pull through. I'm just going to head over there and listen to the rest of the concert. Afterwards, I'm just going to see if I can catch her alone to talk. That's the plan! She has to hear what I have to say about the matter. She has to know how I feel before she decides to throw in the towel for the both of us... I preach while keeping my eyes glued on the road in front of me. Afraid to let my thoughts wander for too long, the crowd on the radio gets silenced again by Lexi's angelic voice.

https://youtu.be/7ICgmM_Pf0U

Well... That pretty much covers everything... I groan, both impressed and annoyed by how on-point her songs truly are. But honestly, darling. I'm just a bloody fool for not speaking up sooner... I sigh, shifting gears with unsteady fingers. I know I should've been more clear from the start, I only held back because of you. You wanted me to figure out how I broke your heart, not realizing you'd broken mine as well... Maybe we're both to blame for that? Both of us never were the type of person to be honest and forthcoming about what we were feeling. No matter what shape or form. We're artists. We translate our feelings and emotions in other ways. Does that mean we're both as much to blame for this mess? Or because of who we are, are we both not to blame at all? My heart fears the outcoming if this is truly doomed to fail. Damned from the early beginning because neither of us is the type to bare our souls. No. I'm sorry, beautiful. I can't accept that. I can't, won't, let all the amazing things between us slip through my fingers. At least not until I've done everything I'm possibly able to try and save it. Save us.

Even if I have no clue where to begin... I don't care if I have to get on my knees and beg for your forgiveness because of what happened, and how I hurt you. I'm still not sure if I can ever forgive myself for that... But there's so much stuff I haven't said. There's so much I still have to tell you. Most importantly, how much I love you. How crazy I am about you. What a fucking mess I am whenever we fight. That I don't think I can live without you... The Bonnie to my Clyde. I can't help the corner of my mouth from rising up as I put my foot down on the throttle, knowing I'm almost there. Throwing all of my sanity out of the window, finally convinced I should just go for it and see where it'll take me.

***

All my newfound courage and resolve gets dunked as soon as I stalk through the venue and set foot into the crowd, my gaze immediately drawn to her figure on stage. I make my way to the side, trying to get myself away from her cheering fans as I lean against the wall. One of the security guys told me I could head over to the V.I.P section but I'd rather keep my distance, from both Lexi and her meddling twin who is accompanied by most of the psychiatric entourage somewhere in front. He also handed me a backstage pass which I stuff in my jacket before pulling my hoodie over my head, in the hope no one will recognize me back here.

Lexi is standing in the middle of the stage, her appearance enough to make me catch my breath. She's singing one of the songs I heard earlier, back when I was in the studio. Ian stands furthest away from me, just how I like it, by the other corner of the stage. Above her on one of the big screens the video clip she made that day plays along. For a few moments, I close my eyes as my mind instantly takes me back there when I first figure out she was writing her album about me. For a second, I thought I'd gone mental. I grin slightly with self-mockery before I let my eyes wander back to her on stage. Her hair is more tamed than it usually is, somehow making it look even longer. Her make-up is mostly natural, apart from the dark smokey eyes. So dark that it makes me wonder if she did it on purpose, so people wouldn't notice how worn out she truly is. Visually there's no trace left of the pale exhausted woman that looked back at me this morning in the kitchen, the bags under her eyes now well hidden. But her eyes do betray her. The fire inside of her has dimmed down to a mere simmer and the sparkle in her eyes has faded. There's an unexplained pain in them, an emptiness that usually isn't there which reminds me of Néomy's words earlier today. "Without you ...she's different. Her soul seems ...empty."  I bite my lip, briefly scanning over the mass of people in front of me. Though none of them seem to notice the difference within her.

Trying not to let my own emotions run wild, I force myself to focus on other things. Not that she's making it hard... I chuckle as I let my eyes wander over her body. She's wearing a black leather jacket, reminding me of my own. Although this one actually fits her like a glove, hiding most of her upper body. Never thought I'd be happy thinking that... I snort to myself in irony as my eyes skim over the rest of her body. The light, gold studded dress underneath the jacket barely covers ...anything. A pair of black stockings and high golden heels accompany her edgy look. Any other day I would've been fine seeing her walk down the stairs like that, she looks smoking hot dammit! I groan, my possessive side not liking the fact that pretty much the entire damn world sees her like this.

As she ends her song already preparing for the next, her shoulders suddenly tense up. Flustered she wets her lips with her tongue as her eyes scan over the crowd, a tight smile on her face until they finally land on me. My own muscles stiffen up as well, not sure if she's actually looking straight at me through the massive horde of people swatted between us. How on earth is that even possible? There's no way you can recognize me all the way from there! I tell myself, although her eyes don't waver. Even if I've got a hoodie on, hiding my face, for the most part. I'm still wearing my signature jacket which would make it easier for her to spot me. You gotta be joking... I think to myself, not able to read the expression on her face. Although I'm pretty sure I'm mirroring the exact same one as she shuffles a bit in place.

'Sorry, beautiful. I couldn't help myself.'

I murmur, only loud enough for myself to hear. Shit. She takes a deep breath to steady herself since the slow melody from her next song has already started, her eyes never leaving me as begins to sing. Fuck me. Her voice sounds so vulnerable that my heart aches all over again, making it hard for me to focus. I'm screwed as soon as you open that pretty little mouth of yours, you know that? I mutter while unintentionally grinding my teeth. I slightly shake my head, forcing myself to ignore everything else and listen, truly listen. Knowing that walking away now would only make matters worse. This realization leaves me with no other option than to endure this bittersweet torture until the concert ends...

***

A/N:

!!! Important !!!

Original song titles used in #Twenty-nine:

#1. What do you mean. By: Justin Bieber.
#2. We belong together. By: Mariah Carey.
#3. Stay. By: Miley Cyrus.
#4. Ghost. By: Ella Henderson.
#5. Just a fool. By: Christina Aguilera

Cover artist & video from song 1 & 2 by:

Macy Kate.

All credits go to them and their producers, I do not own these songs, nor videos!!!
I only use them because I find them fitting with the storyline.

Lots of love! xoxo Dominique Moust.