'I need to feed the press something, Lexi! They're a bunch of sharks out for blood. And guess what, honey? You just cut yourself out in the open water.'

I sigh heavily and continue pacing through the living room, which I've been doing for the past hour listening to her bantering. She's right. I scowl, grinding my teeth together as I walk over to one of the blinds by the side of the room. With one finger I slide it to the side and peek through the corner, making sure I stay out of sight as I groan to Delphine.

'Yeah, yeah I know... They've been holed up at the gate waiting to get another frikkin' scoop.'

'What else did you expect?! At least tell me they haven't noticed him inside?'

'No! For fuck's sake, after I found out I immediately told him to stay inside and not go near the windows. He wasn't happy about it but considering the circumstances, he understands that it's no option whatsoever.'

'At least he isn't a complete and utter moron.'

'Delphine!'

'Don't you dare Delphine me! What were the two of you thinking?! I need to know what happened exactly. You've been putting this conversation off for over an hour and I want an answer, now. You can't keep me in the dark Lexi. I'm your manager. I have to solve this mess, so I need to know what the hell I'm working with here!'

She's right, again. I grimace walking away from the window toward the couch. Not that she gave me much room to speak in between her verbal lashing... As I plop down my eyes fall on Matt's jacket, still laying on the ground near my feet. Even if she's my manager I can't tell her everything, I just can't. I think, considering what to tell her and what not when she screeches through the phone.

'Lexi answer me, goddammit!'

'Fuck, yes! I know this seems bad but ...shit!'

I swear, dragging a hand through my hair. Shit, shit, shit! Delphine heaves a sigh as well, obviously as frustrated as I am only for different reasons. I bend over, picking up the heavy black leather jacket and grasping it tightly between my fingers. How am I going to get out of this? Huddled back on the couch I draw my knees up, placing Matt's jacket on my legs as I mutter.

'Listen, I'll give you the gist of it but you gotta understand this has to stay between us. No one can know!'

'Fine, whatever, just tell me something.'

My fingertips skim over the aged leather as my eyes stare into oblivion. Something, anything. I think repeating Delphine's words in my head as I take a sharp breath starting with the basics.

'...I got hammered.'

'You don't drink.'

She states flatly, her voice filled with disdain. Not for a second believing the words coming out of my mouth. Not that I blame her. She knows me for more than three years and she's never seen me drinking, ever. I never told her why I usually don't drink, but she knows whenever someone would offer me a drink I would always decline. I signed with her agency as soon as I graduated a little while after Matt left for Vegas. She doesn't know anything. We both stay silent for another minute while I try to gather my thoughts. Eventually, I speak up a little hesitantly.

'I had my reasons.'

'Really? That's all you're going to give me?'

She sighs exasperated. I grind my teeth in annoyance, knowing I should tell her more than that. But I can't bring myself to give her the full story... I lay my head on my knees breathing deeply, the smell of leather and Matt's distinct scent mixing together in an intoxicating fragrance which instantly calm me down a little and I murmur.

'Delphine, I promise I'm not shitting with you that's what really happened. Rebekah called Matt because I'd been pissing her off and he brought me home. He carried me because I was too wasted to walk.'

'Like that?'

I know she's referring to the way he had carried me, like a frikkin' bride. The photograph the press made immediately swarms back into my head. The loving way he'd carried me, the way he smiled, and the way his hands lingered on my body... I can't help but smile faintly remembering what Matt's reaction was as I tell her.

'That's what I said. He responded, and I quote. What did you want me to do? Throw you over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes?'

Delphine falls silent on the other end of the line as I bury my head in Matt's jacket, my hair draping around me as I still keep the phone to one ear.

'Yeah, that shut me up too.'

I chuckle barely able to keep a mocking tone out of my voice. He's good, I know. My heart thumps in my chest remembering the way he looked and held me earlier. He doesn't belong in this world... I sigh to myself. The spotlight would destroy him...

'He doesn't know what it's like, Delphine. He had no idea this could happen.'

'That's just another sign of how oblivious he is to this all!'

'Of course, he's fucking oblivious! He's a tattoo artist. Even though he's well known, he has never dealt with this kind of publicity.'

'Whatever. Fighting about it now won't solve anything, what's done is done. What we have to do now is find a solution.'

'Word can't get out that I was drunk. I want that part swept under the rug as well.'

I mutter apprehensively. She's going to kill me for being such a pain in the butt. I cringe silently, taking a deep breath when I hear Delphine groan in frustration before she sneers.

'Goddammit, Lexi. You drive me mad sometimes! What am I supposed to tell the press if I can't even throw them a bone?'

'Just make something up for fucks sake!'

I growl agitated. I know it's my fault, but this is part of her damn job. Hoisting myself up straight I grab a cigarette out of the pack laying on the coffee table. I'm never touching another drop of alcohol again, the shit afterward just isn't worth it! I swear in a promise to myself as I light my cigarette. As soon as I take a deep puff of smoke Delphine's voice thunders through the phone again.

'Put that bloody cigarette out, right now!'

'I'm not~'

I immediately try to deny pushing out the cigarette as if that would clean my conscience, but it's already too late.

'Don't treat me like I'm stupid! I know you've been relapsing, who do you think told your friend Matt? Ryan? Darling, he wouldn't snitch on you even if someone threatened to burn his turntables.'

Her last remark almost makes me chuckle softly as I sit back on the couch. That may be true, but he screwed me over in a whole other way yesterday. I chew my lip unsure what to tell her as she follows, her tone impatient.

'Listen. I don't know what's up with you lately, but I am no fool. Can you assure me you'll watch yourself and take care of your voice? Because if you screw up those pipes everything will be over. There is no way I can fix that.'

'I will. I've just been working through some personal issues and I've got to do this my way. I promise I'll be fine, okay?'

'Good. I don't want to see everything we've worked so hard for, go down the drain. As for the other matter at hand, I think I know a way out...'

***

It took us another hour to come up with a detailed and most of all believable coverup. Rebekah and I were celebrating the return of an old friend who came back to town, Matty. We all grabbed a bite to eat and went to our old bar, but Bheks got called in for work and had to leave early. Since we came together Matt would drop me off at home, until I suddenly started feeling sick. Yes, in the end, we settled for food poisoning as an excuse. Which honestly was the most convenient thing we could come up with. This wouldn't have a lot of consequences on my schedule or my reputation. The way Matty had looked at me and laughed at the photographs would be because I was bitching to him about how he was carrying me and the fact that I was afraid I would throw up in his car. To which he'd been a perfect gentleman, saying it wasn't my fault if that were to happen. When Delphine thought of it it actually made me laugh my ass off. If I ever were to do that for real, throwing up inside his car... Matt would bite my head off! I know that for a fact because I would do the same thing to him if it were my car.

After I hung up the phone, Delphine send a doctor over before making a statement, so the press would find it more convincing. Since he obviously didn't have a real reason to drop by I took it upon myself to get my throat checked, just in case. Even though I felt fine, to begin with. A slight wave of relief washed over me when he gave me the all-clear. Not without throwing a disapproving look my way for having picked up smoking again, but still. I gave the poor man a cup of coffee after the exam since he was deliberately wasting his time on my accord.

After an hour or so he got another call and left. Delphine also made sure the people working at the bar would keep their mouths shut. Luckily for us, the owner was cooperative since not many people inside noticed what was actually going on. He was happy with the publicity involving his old bar, even if food poisoning was a part of it. If people got word of a famous singer going to his bar his sales would go up as well so he cooperated the story, telling the press he immediately fired the man who supposedly made me sick.

Somewhere along the day, I'd received a text from Rebekah. She told me she'd be home later tonight so we could talk, but she needed to get some things in order before heading home so I didn't have to wait up for dinner. I decided not to ask about it and instead texted her the cover story we'd come up with, just in case some reporter would get their hands on her before she got home. I briefly informed Matt about what was going on, just in case someone would seek him out later.

By the time most of the frenzy had calmed down it was already nighttime when I strolled back into the kitchen, wondering what to eat. Luckily my nausea almost completely went away due to Matt's infamous cure, but I was still wary of what content to put in my stomach for dinner. After debating for half an hour I figured chicken and rice would be the safest bet.

Matt came strolling into the kitchen as soon as dinner was ready, a smug look plastered on his face when I handed him his plate. We both ate our meal in silence, which for once I was thankful for.

***

Finished early I watch as Matt happily scarfs down what's left of his food. When he swallows his last bite I swiftly pick up his plate to put it in the sink, and as I turn back I notice Matt's eyes are trained on me as he asks in a playful voice.

'So... What's for dessert?'

I cross my arms lifting an eyebrow as I lean back against the counter and say.

'What about something good from that wooden box of yours?'

Matt looks baffled, clearly not expecting me to say that and one side of my mouth curls up in a smile as I snort.

'I think both of us could use something to relax after everything that happened, besides I could use the courage...'

My voice trails off as I look away, this day is far from over. After a few seconds, Matt nods and stands up to head upstairs to the guestroom where he's staying while he asks, looking over his shoulder.

'You sure your stomach can handle it?'

'I'll be fine as long as I stay away from any liquor.'

I grunt opening up the fridge and grabbing something to drink for the both of us before following him upstairs. I sprawl down on the couch while Matt occupies the bed rummaging through his bag he pulls out the old wooden box and starts spreading out its content on the sheets. Because neither of us can go out of the house for a few days we both didn't bother changing, still hanging out in our sweats. I watch as he pinches the rolling paper between his fingers, rolling it back and forth a few times until it's cone-shaped before he licks the sticky end. His eyes look up at me, studying me for a second before he asks while his fingers seal the paper together down to the small tip.

'Why the inflammable courage?'

Sighing heavily I let my head fall back as Matt pulls out a lighter. Seconds later the room fills with the old familiar smell and I take another deep breath before I mutter.

'I've still got another phone call to make, which I'm dreading.'

Before Matt can ask me what I'm talking about my ringtone chimes around the room. Damn. I curse hoisting myself up straight to pull my phone out of my pocket. I've been putting this off for the entire day, I know I can't avoid this any longer. I grind my teeth looking down at the caller ID. Ian... I groan snatching the joint from Matt's fingers as I mumble to him.

'This is what I need it for...'

I quickly take a large gulp of smoke while Matt's eyes glance over to my phone. Once he notices it's Ian who's calling me, approximately for the thirtieth or even fortieth time today, his brows draw together in confusion as he asks.

'Why would you~'

But I raise my hand cutting him off, not wanting to delve into that subject with him as I hiss.

'Shh! Don't you dare make a sound while I'm on the phone, understood?'

Still confused, Matt nods as I take a deep breath. Saying a silent prayer before picking up the phone, not even bothered to walk out of the room.

'Lexi?'

Ian's voice rings in my ear, sounding almost astonished that I did answer his call for once. I take another draft, pulling my legs up as I confirm in a low voice.

'Yeah, it's me.'

'What the hell, Lexi?! I've been trying to reach you all day!'

He roars in frustration making my stomach twist. I bite my lip unsure how to begin, some of the smoke escaping through my nose as he continues to yell from the other end.

'I'm your fucking boyfriend! Don't you think that after those photos got out you could've at least texted me with some kind of explanation, instead of ignoring my existence for the entire fucking day?!'

'I didn't ...and it's not what it looks like.'

My voice trails off as I glance over to Matt who's watching me intently. Goddammit, I knew this would go bad... I cuss taking another draft before passing the joint back to Matt while Ian's voice thunders so loudly through the phone I pull it away from my ear, afraid I might go deaf otherwise.

'Please enlighten me what it does look like then! What am I supposed to think when I open my phone in the morning and the whole internet is blowing up with pictures of another guy carrying my girlfriend in his arms? Matt nonetheless. While you won't even answer or return my calls. Lexi, what the fuck am I to think exactly?!'

'I answered now, didn't I?'

I retort through gritted teeth. Indeed, I wasn't looking forward to talking to Ian. But I wasn't precisely avoiding it either. I knew I had to talk to him, but most of the day I had been occupied with damage control and I wanted to have the time to explain it properly to him when we talked. Hearing him go ballistic right now, I'm not sure how I could ever tell him the truth of what happened yesterday. He'd freak out even more!

'Don't give me that shit! You tell me what's going on or I'm coming over right now!'

'You can't!'

I yelp almost in a panic, making Matt jump as well. I drag a hand through my hair as I hear Ian punch something in the background followed by the sound of glassware shattering and I snap.

'Ian! For fuck's sake cut it out already! If you want to hear what's going on, quit breaking stuff, shut your damn trap, and listen. Or did you call just so you could rile me up?!'

'Are you serious?! I'm the one getting on your nerves now? Don't you think I have every right to react the way I do?! And why the hell can't I come over?'

'Because the paparazzi would have another fucking field day if you'd do that! The last thing I need right now is another rumor on my hands including another guy! And yeah, you're working on my frikkin' nerves right now because you won't even give me the chance to explain myself!

'By all means, explain.'

He scoffs angrily, his voice a little lower than before. I pinch the bridge of my nose in frustration and pick up the joint from between Matt's fingers as I give him both a thankful and apologetic look at the same time. I blow a whiff of smoke out through my nose as I mutter.

'Rebekah dragged me along to that bar to celebrate Matt coming back to town, but she got called away because there was some kind of emergency with one of her clients. Matt was supposed to drive us home because I came with Bheks and my car is still at the studio. Rebekah and I grabbed a bite to eat and I suddenly started feeling sick in the bar. That's why he carried me back to the car Ian, I was as sick as a dog.'

I can feel Matt's vision bore a hole in me as he eyes me with utmost suspicion, watching my every move. I know I'm lying to him, shut it! I glare at him to keep him quiet. He shrugs his shoulders and doesn't say anything, instead he perks his ears interested to hear Ian's reaction. I take another gulp of smoke, suddenly feeling sick for real. Not due to the booze I drank last night, not because of the weed I'm smoking. But because of the web of lies, I've caught myself in. Ian laughs on the other end of the line almost sounding cynical as he says.

'You really think you can feed me the same bullshit story you gave the press?'

'If it's the truth? Then yes, Ian.'

I retort annoyed blowing out some smoke. I'm not quite sure what annoys me more... The fact that he doesn't take my word for it, even if it is a lie, or that he just doesn't trust me around Matt altogether. I grit my teeth trying to sort out my feelings, taking one last swig of smoke before returning it to Matt. I don't trust myself around you either... I groan admittedly to myself, tearing my gaze away from Matt and focusing back on Ian. I have a feeling he wouldn't believe me no matter what I tell him. He takes a few seconds before he answers in a cold voice.

'If that's the case then why didn't you text me earlier? And what kind of emergency did your sister run into? I didn't even know that kind of thing happened in her line of work...'

My eyes dart around the room, a look of horror visible on my face as I try to figure out something I can tell him about Rebekah. Shit, I didn't think this through! I cuss to myself as Matt quickly pulls out his phone. What the~ Slightly distracted by his sudden change in demeanor, I lift an eyebrow wondering what he's typing as I hiss at Ian.

'Maybe that was because I've been busy most of the day puking my bloody brains out? My doctor dropped by later this afternoon. He gave me some fluids and some antibiotics, or whatever it was, to calm my stomach...'

My voice trails off as Matt turns his phone to me, my eyes darting over what he has written on his screen. *Allergic reaction to the ink. Can become a skin infection too.* I give him a sideways smile, thanking him as I mutter to Ian.

'...And Rebekah's client had an allergic reaction to the ink or something. Apparently, that can cause a nasty infection if it isn't looked after properly.'

My voice comes out confident, while my eyes insecurely dart over to Matt. That's what you meant, right? I gesture with my eyes, lifting my shoulders afraid I might've used the wrong words since this is really out of my league. I really should pay more attention when Bheks talks about these kinds of things from work! Luckily, Matt nods at me in confirmation and I almost breathe a sigh of relief when Ian goes quiet as I murmur.

'Convinced now?'

I sit back biting my nail, a deadly silence hovering over us as I wait for Ian's response. I'm such a horrible girlfriend... I groan to myself as I just lied straight to his face. Well, technically it's through the phone and not his face... I tell myself, trying to make myself feel less guilty.

Once Ian has calmed down, seeming to believe the story I've fed him. We talk for another short few minutes before we hang up the phone, telling him I still don't feel well and that I wanna head to bed early. My breath catches in my throat, not knowing what to say when he tells me he loves me just before he ends the call. I didn't manage to say it back. Why didn't I say it back? I question myself, staring at the home screen on my phone. Was it the guilt I was feeling for lying to him? I question myself but I get ripped out of my thoughts when I hear Matt's voice.

'Why did you lie?'

Shit, are you really going to do this? I sigh leaning back while slowly dragging my head up to face Matt as I throw my phone to the side.

'I take it you heard most of the conversation, right?'

He lifts his hands, giving me a sideways glance silently telling me it was kinda hard to miss and I nod my head reluctantly.

'You heard how mad he was, he never would've believed me if I told him the really happened.'

'You could at least told him the truth about being drunk, instead of sick.'

Matt points out, narrowing his eyes at me as he starts playing with his silver lighter between his fingers. I don't know why but the fact that you're defending him is working on my nerves... I grumble to myself squinting back as I bite out.

'No, I couldn't. He would've known something was up if I did.'

'There's no reason for you to lie about it. Even if he knows you rarely drink you could've said you made an exception because of the party we were assumingly having.'

'He wouldn't believe that nothing happened while you brought me home drunk.'

I state, averting my eyes toward the door. He would be livid if he knew what really happened, I know that much. He's being paranoid enough as it is.

'But nothing did happen!'

Matt shouts in disbelief, not taking a hint. Can't you just zip it, goddammit? I glare at him from the corner of my eyes, but he's not willing to drop the subject and I hiss.

'I know, but it doesn't matter. I'm telling you he wouldn't buy it.'

'Seriously? I didn't figure he was that jealous. Or does he have a valid reason to~'

Matt's voice becomes extinct as his fingers stop playing with the lighter. A crooked smile hinting at his lips as his head snaps up in my direction.

'He knows, doesn't he?'

'Knows what?'

I try to ask innocently, but he has already put two and two together. Fuck! A low chuckle rumbles from his throat as he roars.

'He knows you have a thing for me.'

'Had.'

I cut in, quickly correcting him. He lifts an eyebrow but decides not to comment as he continues looking smug.

'That's why he doesn't trust me being around you, and that's why you don't want him to know. Am I right, beautiful?'

'Fuck off.'

I spit, averting my gaze. Afraid my eyes will betray me while goosebumps trail over my spine as soon as he rasps my nickname. God, I hate it whenever you do that. I groan frustratedly, my eyes following Matt as he picks up his pack of cigarettes. Still looking cocky at me as he lights one mumbling with the bud between his lips.

'I knew it. That explains a lot...'

'Explains what?'

Shit, the words fly out of my mouth before I can stop myself. I really oughta stop doing that! I chew my bottom lip looking him in the eye waiting for a response. Might as well hear him out now.

'The resentment in his eyes when we met, even though I never did something to piss him off. The way you try to prove yourself to him whenever I'm around, things like that.'

He shrugs his shoulders as if it's obvious, taking a whiff of his cigarette as I jump up and yell angrily.

'I did no such thing!'

He looks unimpressed, fueling my anger even more and I cross my arms spitting in defense.

'You have no fucking clue what's going on between us, so mind your own damn business!'

Matt stays quiet for a second as he lays back sideways on his bed, propping himself up on one of his elbows. Still keeping that cocky grin on his face while his eyes never leave me as he plays with his cigarette until he eventually murmurs his voice a little more seriously.

'You're right, I don't know what's going on between the two of you... But if you can't even be honest with each other, it isn't healthy what you've got going on.'

'Oh, and you're a great stereotype of what's healthy in a frikkin' relationship? Don't make me laugh! Have you even had one?'

I can't help but ask in a snarky tone, annoyance starting to take over my rational thinking. Matt shrugs, sitting up straight again as he blows out another puff of smoke before pushing out his cigarette while he says in an aloof manner.

'A few.'

Of course, you have... I think, wondering why I even voiced that question out loud. It isn't that I expected him to stay single forever when we parted ways the way we did and he moved away. Or maybe that's exactly it... I manage to suppress a sigh biting my lip. Not expecting it, that would be too bloody naive and a bit hypocritical... With his good looks and considering that he lived in the city of sins for multiple years, there's no way I expected that. But somehow until the words actually left his mouth I could at least hope, even if that is a little selfish...

'Well clearly that didn't work out, or you'd still be there instead of being my pain in the ass.'

I snort getting to my feet. I have no right to judge, so get a grip! I cuss to myself, knowing I should walk away before I say or do something else stupid.

'You're right, it didn't. Which is why I know exactly that you're only fooling yourself by staying with him.'

He states calmly as I snap my head back in his direction, already standing by the door brimming with anger.

'And why is that? Because after all this damn time you realized I had, emphasis on had, a crush on you years ago?! So now I'm doomed to fail in a relationship with another guy?'

Matt lies back down, following me with his eyes upside down as he murmurs back in a calm tone.

'No, beautiful. You're doomed because you still fail to be honest with yourself, and others around you.'

His eyes linger on his necklace around my neck. I'm done playing your fucking games. I growl to myself as I yank the door open, looking at Matt from the corner of my eyes as I tell him in a sharp voice.

'You're the last person on earth to teach me about misleading actions and the consequences that follow along with them. So leave me and Ian the hell alone. If I want relationship advice I'll gladly listen to anyone on the goddamn planet, as long as it isn't you.'

I slam the door behind me stalking back to my room, tears brimming in the corner of my eyes. I don't even know why I'm crying over that son of a bitch! I swear softly as I walk into my bedroom. I quickly wipe the wet corners of my eyes. Not wanting to spill any more tears on Matt's account and decide it's best to make myself useful until Rebecca comes home instead of keeping my head in the gutter. I grab one of the boxes stacked in the corner of my room and start packing some of my stuff. It's still another few weeks before the move. But now I'm stuck at home with nothing to do, I'd better get a head start. I grab my remote and put on some music, cranking up the volume as I start placing stuff in boxes.

***

'Lex!'

Rebekah's voice thunders from behind me making me jump and in the process, my head barely avoids one of the shelves.

'Crap.'

I swear as I quickly turn around turning down the music. It's been over an hour since I started packing and honestly, I could've continued until midnight just to keep my mind off my problems.

'Moving out?'

Rebekah asks, humor lingering in her words and I can't help but chuckle softly.

'Yeah, I was thinking about Alaska... No one probably knows who I am there, right?'

I snort as I close up the box with some packing tape and put it to the side before plopping down on the bed. I tap the mattress for her to come over so we can talk. As she sits down and opens her mouth to speak I cut her off.

'I'm really sorry about yesterday... I never meant to put you in the middle of this. Can you forgive me?'

I apologize and Rebekah smiles softly, throwing her arms around me.

'Don't be silly, I'm your sister. I'm in the middle of everything. Of course, I forgive you!'

'But still, Matty is your best friend and I don't want to burden you with all of the shit that happened between the two of us.'

I tell her bothered. Rebekah pulls back from the hug, grabbing my shoulders as she says in a stern voice.

'You aren't a burden Lex. Besides this was bound to happen don't you think? I knew there would be a day when all of this would come out and I kinda prepared myself for the damage control. Or at least I thought I was, I didn't think you would hit the bottle...'

'Yeah yeah, trust me, I'm not going near alcohol anytime soon again! I pretty much managed to piss off anyone I love within twelve hours and I barely remember a thing. It's not fucking worth it!'

Rebekah snickers as I pull a grossed-out face, waving my hands.

'But at least you got it out of your system. You and Matt are back on speaking terms, right?'

'Hah, as if!'

I growl, immediately going back into a defensive stance. His name alone is making me cranky at the moment. Rebekah lifts an eyebrow slightly confused as she says.

'I thought the two of you talked it out this morning?!'

'We did! Until he decided to piss me off again a little over an hour ago! Really Bheks, he's trying to push every single button in my book!'

'What now?'

She asks pinching her eyebrows afraid of the answer, I immediately start filling her in on everything that happened between the two of us. We end up talking for hours until we're both too exhausted to continue and fall asleep.

***

It's been a few days since all hell broke loose and even now paparazzi continue to stake out the front yard hoping to get another delicious scoop. I let go of the curtain heaving a sigh as I walk into the kitchen to get myself a cup of coffee. Seriously, when will they leave already? Their backs must be embedded with branches by now. The house has been rather quiet ever since Matt and I had our fight, neither of us feeling the urge to apologize so we try to stay clear of each other. As much as one possibly can in the same house. I told Rebekah not to meddle. Mainly because I don't want to put her in the middle yet again.

Slowly I stir my steaming coffee, wondering what to do until Ryan gets here. We've already talked our issues out over the phone, not that he was mad anymore. I don't think he even knows how to stay mad for longer than an hour, unlike me. We're supposed to get an arrangement together for whenever the tour starts, but since I'm still homebound for another day this was the best way to make myself useful. Delphine has also settled down a bit, but she's especially worried at the moment since we're not ahead of schedule. Instead, we're behind. Something that just doesn't happen in her book. So she's on top of everything ...and I mean everything!

As I dawdle to the piano in the front room my coffee in hand I can hear some noise coming from upstairs but I don't even bother to ask Matt to turn it down. I close the double doors between the entry hall and the front room to cancel out the noise before I sit down behind the piano. I place my mug of coffee to the side and let my fingers slowly glide over some of the keys. When the first note hits my ears I can already feel myself calm down and I take a deep breath deciding it's probably for the best that I practice the song, we're supposed to record tomorrow.

I let the music take over, completely emerging myself in the piano as I sing along playing with different tones, slowing down the original composition. Somewhere in the distance, I can hear the doorbell ringing. But I pay it no mind as I continue to sing the lyrics, knowing that Rebekah will answer the door for Ryan.

Once I'm done I heave a sigh. Tears brimming in the corners of my eyes from all of the emotions searing through my body. I quickly shake them off, not allowing them to float over as I hear the door behind me creak open and Ryan's voice chimes in the room.

'Darling, that was absolutely a-ma-zing! You need to use that version, it almost made me tear up.'

I can't help but smile sideways as I turn around to face Ryan. He immediately stops in his tracks and sputters.

'Honey you look...'

He pauses for a second biting his tongue. I cross my arms as if protecting myself from what's to come as I give him a nod just to get it out of his system.

'Sorry darling, but I can't lie. You look like a total mess. Utter catastrophe! Except for the hair. The hair is magnificent, as always... But what's going on with that outfit of yours?! Black isn't the new black darling! And get that face out of the gutter already, this isn't the stone age! Ever heard of concealer and eyeliner? Mascara? Does the word lipstick ring a bell? Even though you're stuck at home, doesn't mean you can't look fabulous.'

' Thanks, sweetie. But being fabulous isn't really a priority right now...  Besides, if the paparazzi somehow get sight of me, I'd better look the part, right?'

Ryan grimaces, his head shaking in disapproval as he strolls up to me and murmurs annoyed.

' You better not let them see you, trust me, you don't want anyone to see ...this.'

He says pointing his finger and gesturing all over me. I roll my eyes as I snap back to him in a sassy tone.

' Jeez. Thanks, Ryan! You always know how to make a woman feel good about herself!'

' Darling, I can't help it that you look like you've been to hell and back.  On that note, how are you really?'

He asks, not trying to hide the worry in his voice as he sits down next to me on the piano bench.

' Well, I feel as good as I look. Which means, as you pointed out ever so colorfully, I feel like shit.'

Ryan sighs, his eyes turned down towards his lap as he whispers his voice filled with guilt.

' I'm sorry for putting you on the spot... It was never my intention to make such a mess out of things.'

I smile softly hugging him from the side as I mutter trying to relieve his worries at least somewhat.

' It's not your fault Ryan. It was bound to happen sometime, sometime just came a lot quicker than I thought.'

'And with a lot more destruction around it too?'

' Yeah, definitely!'

I chuckle, unable to keep the irony out of my voice. Ryan gives me a firm hug back sighing softly before he asks.

'Did you tell Ian?'

I shake my head, drawing back from our hug looking a little defeated as I mutter in a soft tone.

' I couldn't... Ryan, Ian completely lost it just seeing the picture. Let alone when I tell him the truth. I don't even know what to make out of all this myself. I feel like the worst girlfriend in the world lying to him... But I can't bare to tell him what's going on for real either. I can't even make out the mess in my own head, so how can I expect that he knows how to filter all of this?'

Ryan smiles softly giving me half a nod in understanding.

'I get what you mean sweetie, but he also isn't an idiot. What are you gonna do when all of this backfires and it comes back to bite you in the ass?'

'Can't I just roll with the punches as they come?'

I whine, not knowing what else to do at the moment.

'I've got enough on my plate as it is, I can't battle fantoms and ghosts that play around in Ian's mind as well...'

'But are they just ghosts Lexi? Are you sure you're completely over Matt? I'm just going to play the devil's advocate here, so tell me... Aren't you using this as an excuse not to deal with unsolved business from the past?'

Damn you. I quickly glance over to the doors, making sure no one is listening in as I groan.

'I don't know! It all happened such a long time ago and I'm not sure we can even mend everything that has been broken for so long, even if I wanted to. Keyword, if! Honestly, Ryan... All we seem capable of is fighting with each other. I can't remember the last time we survived at least twenty-four hours without one damn argument. Ian isn't like that, he's sweet and caring. We're never fighting, unless when a curtain someone is involved... I love him, Ryan.'

'Then why do you sound like a sales promoter from the midnight commercials who's trying to convince me that their product works, even though a blind man can see that's not the case? You shouldn't have to try and convince me, or anyone for that matter, that your relationship works. Something like that should be evident just by looking at the two of you. It shouldn't need persuasion, Lexi. Because right now, it only sounds like you're trying to reassure yourself.'

I bite my lip in frustration, not knowing what to comment on that. I shake my head trying to get rid of the doubts swarming around me, threatening to take over. Enough.

' For now, let's just focus on what you came here for alright? I need to clear my head and what better way than music?'

Ryan gives me half a smile, knowing when to stop as he says his voice as sassy as always while taking his laptop out of his bag.

'Music is always the best solution for the most difficult of times. You know it fixes everything, honey. Let's see what else you've got.'

***

After a long afternoon working things out with Ryan and rehearsing some of the songs in the lineup we chose we decide to call it a day. As I enter the living room I can hear a familiar voice echoing from the kitchen. Is that~ I quicken my pace in excitement, wondering if my mind is playing tricks on me or if this is really happening. It can't be~ As soon as I enter the kitchen I start rubbing my eyes, wondering if I'm really seeing this right as I whisper astonished.

'Alex?'

Even though I can only see his back, there's only one guy on earth who'd think. Screw the world, I'm dying my hair purple. My brother. With a smug look on his face, he turns around and immediately opens his arms as I dive into them.

'O my god, I've missed you so much! What are you doing here?'

'Hey, little sis. Missed you too.'

He groans playfully, almost losing his balance as I crush him with my arms.

'Bheks phoned me a few days ago. She thought you could use your big brother after all that happened, so I came as soon as I could.'

I smile at Rebekah as I let go of Alex. Not entirely, but enough so we're able to talk without me making a muffled sound into his chest.

'How are things in New York? Don't get me wrong I'm stoked you're here, but if you've got work to do I don't wanna be a pain and cause more problems.'

'Don't sweat it, it's fine. I've been working nonstop so this break came like a godsent.'

I can't help but chuckle as I mutter ironically.

'Well... Your gods have a strange way of working, I can tell you that much. Anyhow, I'm so happy you're here! It feels like it's an eternity ago since you've been back home.'

Alex smiles softly, hugging me one last time before letting go as he grabs his mug on the counter.

'I heard you can't help yourself, getting into another giant mess. Please tell me this isn't your way of getting me home because you missed me so much? A phone call would've sufficed you know.'

He snorts as I punch him in his side. Asshole.

'Don't flatter yourself! If I could've prevented all of this from happening I would've, trust me.'

'Come on, talk to me. What's going on, exactly? I'm used to seeing you in the press, but this is insane.'

I can't help but roll my eyes at him as I grab something to drink from the fridge, gesturing to his hair with the bottle in my hand as I say.

'Nah-ah, first things first. Purple? Alex, really?'

He crosses his arms in a disapproving manner. Rebekah immediately picks up on the subtle hint, as she quickly excuses herself telling us she'll order some food while we catch up. Crap... Now I'm in for it.

'Lex, don't you dare deflect the subject right now. Besides, I thought you'd like this more than the blues and greens I had last time you saw me?'

I snicker softly as I hoist myself onto the counter, Alex standing across from me while I murmur.

' Yeah, yeah... I do like this better, I have to admit. As for the press thing, it's been handled by The Dragon Lady.'

I can read the worry in Alex's eyes. He's been like this ever since mom and dad died. Trying to shield us from anything bad happening, always wanting to be the hero big brother. Don't get me wrong, I love him for it, but he has to understand that he can't prevent every wrong thing from occurring...

'Really, Alex. I'm fine.'

'Uh-huh... If that's so, tell me what's going on between you and Matt.'

'O hell no, I'm not going there with you!'

I snap at him as I rumble into the kitchen cabinet next to me trying to find a lighter. The two of them have a little bromance going on for years. I'm not putting another friend, and relative, in the middle of our quarrels. Even though Matt is twenty-two and Alex twenty-seven they hid it off immediately when they met years ago. I can't even remember how many nights the two of them spent playing video games. When I look back on it now, Matt used to spend more time at our place than he did at home when we were kids. Alex never knew about my crush on Matt though... And I'd like to keep it that way too.

'How is the club doing? You still dancing from time to time?'

I ask Alex, trying to divert the subject yet again. When we were young my brother was one of the most popular guys in school, not because he was a jock like most of the boys, but because he was one hell of a hip-hop dancer. Girls would swoon all over him as soon as he started busting some moves. We've always found it a shame that he didn't continue using his talent. Back in the day my parents even offered him to go dance at an academy abroad, but he declined. He always said it was just a hobby and he wanted to keep it that way. Instead, he moved to New York and opened a club in the Upper East side, a few blocks from Central Park. In a few years' time, it has become one of the hotspots of the city.

'The club is running great and every once in a while I can't help myself from going down on the floor, but that wasn't what we were talking about. Now stop trying to change the subject.'

' Forget it, Alex. I'm not going there..'

I sigh not in the mood, but Alex being Alex he doesn't drop it. Damn it.

'Don't be like that, Lex. Talk to me. What's going on? I know the two of you normally can't stand each other but this is something else.'

'If you already know everything, why ask at all?'

'I'm might not be psychic Lexi, but I'm also not blind. Besides Rebekah told me the two of you have been avoiding each other for days. You have been dodging pretty much everyone for that matter. It's not like you to withdraw from the people around you, so talk.'

'I hate it when the two of you team up together....'

I growl annoyed as I light a cigarette.

'Can't a girl just mope in peace for a couple of days?'

I mutter inhaling some smoke, still trying to avoid any eye contact with my brother. Knowing I'll crack as soon as I do look at him.

'We're just worried about you Lex, it's not our intention to gang up on you.'

'Then why does this feel like a bloody intervention!'

I growl finally eying up to him, immediately feeling bad about it. Shit. I slowly exhale some smoke before speaking up again, my tone a little softer than before.

'It's nothing, Alex. Really. You guys are just worrywarts.'

' Uh-huh... If that's so then explain to me why you've been avoiding Ian as well.'

'Jesus, is there anything Rebekah didn't tell you?'

I sigh while pushing out my cigarette, not even in the mood to finish it anymore.

'In her defense, she tried to cover your ass. Saying it's because of the cover story your manager came up with, but I don't buy it. You hate lying to people, why didn't you tell him the truth?'

'I don't know, okay?! I don't know what to do, feel or say anymore! Goddammit, I wished he never came back in the first place!'

I yell in frustration while gripping my hair, tears brimming in the corners of my eyes.

'Who? Matt?'

Alex asks in a soft voice as he walks up to me, turning my head so I'd face him and I softly nod.

'He's ruining everything, Alex... I thought I'd finally given it all a place, but ever since he came back everything turned sour...'

'Lex... You may think I never noticed but I've always known you had a thing for him.'

I can't help but look surprised. I always thought I managed to keep my feelings for Matty a secret, I guess that ship sailed a long time ago... As if reading my mind Alex chuckles softly.

'You're my sister, of course I know. There has always been some kind of chemistry between the two of you.'

'Yeah, a toxic one...'

I grumble through gritted teeth, making Alex smile even more.

'I mean it, Alex. It's poisonous what we've got going on. It's like we get off from hurting one another and it's driving me insane! I don't want this, whatever it is. I've got a good thing going on with Ian and I don't want to ruin it because of this.'

'Then why not tell him what happened instead of lying?'

Alex presses. I shake my head helplessly, a single tear rolling down my cheek.

'He hates him as it is, Alex. I told Ian everything when we started this album, he'd go ballistic if he found out... I... I don't know what to do anymore to assure him that there's nothing to worry about.'

Seeing me break down in front of him, Alex pulls me into a hug as he whispers.

'Maybe that is because you're not convinced yourself things are over and done with between you and Matt? How can you persuade someone else when you can't even sway yourself to believe it, little sis?'

'I... I don't want this Alex... I don't want to feel so miserable, why couldn't he just stay away?'

I wail into his shirt overwhelmed with all of my feelings bubbling to the surface. Alex softly strokes my hair telling me it's okay.

'If you really want to get over him you have to feel everything. You can't just sweep half of it under the rug, because it'll come out eventually... I get that you don't want to ruin things with Ian, but in order for that to happen you have to give everything that transpired in the past a place first.'

I know Alex is right, but why does that mean it has to hurt so damn much? Tears continue streaming down my face as I choke out.

'I really m-miss mom r-right now... I miss h-her advise in m-moments like this.'

Alex grips me even tighter, understanding the feeling like no other. When our parents died he took the first flight back from New York to be here. I can't even imagine what it must've been like for him. He hadn't seen them for over six months. None of us got to say goodbye, that hurt most of all. But it was especially hard on Alex because it had been so long. The way they died so suddenly in a car crash broke all of us. The only thing that gave all of us some peace of mind was the fact that we knew they didn't die in pain. The impact of the crash on the bridge had killed them instantly before they even tipped over and hit the water. Alex stayed for a few weeks after it'd happened and the three of us cried like there was no tomorrow, non of us having a clue how to continue without them. Overall I think we did a good job together, making them proud. But it is these times when I miss them the most...

' I know...'

He murmurs, still stroking my hair as he tries to calm me down.

'I'm sorry, I didn't keep in touch lately.'

I apologize. Normally we'd check in at least once every two weeks, but since it's been so hectic lately it slipt through the cracks. Not just with me, I knew he'd been busy too. Preparing the opening of a second club. He told me he had a business partner now who would oversee the new club and things were on track even though he had such a busy schedule already.  He tells me it's alright and not to worry about it, as long as I call him in the future when something's on my mind. I give him a nod, wiping away some stranded tears, finally feeling calmed down a bit and I ask.

'How long are you staying? Can you even leave the club alone right now?'

Alex smiles trying to reassure me as he says.

'Actually, it was perfect timing. I want to make sure I can trust that new business partner of mine before opening the new club, so I'm leaving her in charge for a few weeks.'

'Her?'

I ask surprised. Now that I think about it... He didn't mention if it was a he, or she when we talked about it weeks ago. I smile to myself, glad we can talk about something else for now. Alex grins mischievously as he continues.

'Yeah, that woman is a force to be reckoned with. She knows her stuff and isn't afraid to speak up when she isn't agreeing with something.'

'Good. You could use someone to keep you on your toes.'

I tease, tapping my finger on his heart as I ask.

'Is she cute?'

A soft blush immediately covers my brother's cheeks as he backs up a little getting on the defensive.

'It's not like that, Lexi! W-We're just business partners, that's all.'

'Oh, she is cute!'

I exclaim enthusiastically. Maybe my brother finally met his match. I giggle to myself seeing him squirm. We continue talking happily for some time until Rebekah calls us from the front of the house, telling us the food is here. I ruffle Alex's hair before walking off as I whisper.

'I'm glad for you, Alex. You deserve an awesome woman in your life who makes you happy.'

'Lexi!'

He yelps still trying to deny the fact that he likes her, even though he almost made an ode to her trying to describe her just now. Funny how you seem to recognize everything except what's going on right in front of your nose. I snort, not even bothered to react as I stroll to the living room. He'll figure it out eventually, even though his priority right now is my relationships, instead of his own. I giggle to myself as I pick up a slice of pizza. As all of us start eating, even Matt who for once left his room to catch up with his old friend, until Alex suddenly speaks up.

'Oh right. Before I forget, one of my DJs got a gig in Ibiza in a few weeks. Which of you fancies a getaway to Ibiza for a week?'

Rebekah immediately starts jumping up and down in excitement, telling him she's going one way or another. I give Alex half a smile as I mutter.

' I'd have to check with Delphine and Ian. We're already behind schedule, so I'm not sure if I can...'

Matt also shrugs his shoulders uncertain telling Alex he's busy with the preparations for his new tattoo shop.

'Party poopers.'

Alex sighs to which both Matt and I shout in unison.

'Are not!'

Both of us unable to look at each other, we avoid our gazes as I mumble to Alex.

'I'll check with Delphine tomorrow and I'll let you know okay?'

'Y-Yeah, I'll check with the realtor when she can get the paperwork done. If it still takes some time it should be fine, I'll let you know.

Matt mutters, still evading my gaze as well. Alex smiles happily as he teases.

'It's fine. Just don't do that synchronized talking again, it creeps me out whenever you do it.'

Rebekah immediately starts laughing as she snorts.

'Old habits die hard, you wouldn't believe how often it still happens.'

'It doesn't!'

Matt and I snap both in unison, again. Fuck! My cheeks instantly turn bright red as I shove my last piece of pizza in my mouth in order to keep myself from saying anything else, unable to look Matt in the eye. God, this is going to be a looong frikkin' day...

***

'Yeah, I'll be here early tomorrow!'

I shout back to Delphine as I walk out of the office.

'You better be, if you want to go to Ibiza in a few days!'

She threatens just before the door behind me closes. I still can't believe she agreed to let us go. I think to myself as I walk to my car. At this point I'd do a backflip if she asked for it, just to make sure she wouldn't change her mind about it. When as I'm about to start the engine my phone starts ringing, as soon as I see the caller ID I quickly answer.

'Hey, how are you?'

'Hi, babe. I'm good and you?'

Ian's familiar voice rings in my ears and I smile softly.

'I'm fine, busy as hell though. Delphine is busting my ass, knowing she can ask me anything at the moment as long as we get to go to Ibiza this weekend.'

I chuckle as I put Ian on speaker and start the engine.

'I know the feeling.'

Ian sighs from the other end. We barely saw each other ever since the "food poisoning incident", both of us working around the clock. Our schedules have been brutal lately, the only times we saw each other were in the studio when we had to record our songs together. We didn't talk much about what happened, but I didn't mind.

'When are you coming over? By this rate you won't even meet my brother before we leave...'

I ask unable to keep a bit of excitement out of my voice. But my good mood gets washed away quickly when I hear Ian sigh again.

'I'm sorry, babe. You know I'd love to meet him, but I have to do another recording tonight.'

'You're kidding?! I thought you had the night off?'

I groan frustrated as I drive across the city back home.

'I'm not happy about it either, but try to enjoy the time you have with your brother.'

I think he secretly is happy that Alex is at our place, just so Matt won't be the only male in our household. Like he's some kind of safeguard, keeping me away from him. Not that I need it, Matt and I barely spoke a word to each other ever since.

'Yeah, I'll try. Though it would've been better if you were there too!'

I yelp, not trying to hide my annoyance. Working together on the album really put things in perspective for me these last few days and I know I want to make it work with Ian. Matt is history, that's all there is to it. I just needed to figure that out.

'I know babe, but we'll be seeing enough of each other once we're on holiday. We can catch up on everything we had to miss out on right now, okay?'

'You're right. I'm just bummed I don't get to see you today either... It feels like I haven't seen you in forever!'

I grumble. I hoped we could get closer to each other and leave all of the "Matt" worries behind us, but we just can't seem to find the time to do it.

'Listen my break is over, but I'll talk to you soon. We'll make up for lost time then, agreed?'

'Alright. I love you, bye.'

'Bye, babe!'

As we hang up I contemplate our conversation. Is it just me or is there some distance between us lately? Maybe it's just because we haven't found the time to do stuff together or to talk... I tell myself not wanting to worry about it as I drive through the front gate.