'I'm going to kill her someday!'

I swear as I throw my empty coffee mug into a dozen pieces on the kitchen floor. The shattering sound drowns out Matt's engine which I heard rumble only a few seconds prior. The screeching tires against the pebbles in the driveway make my hairs stand on end as he quickly drives off. She did this on purpose, on the day of my concert no less! I fume, my hands itching to throw something else. Reluctantly I hoist myself off my chair, knowing today isn't the day to let my emotions run wild. I tiptoe through the kitchen to make sure I don't hurt myself as I start gathering the broken pieces. Remind me, in which belief are broken shards of dinnerware supposed to bring good luck again? I huff, throwing the fragments into the garbage and getting out the vacuumer. Because at this point I don't care who I need to worship, I could use some of that.

'Some? Rather a whole damn bucket!'

I swear mockingly, working my way around the kitchen to make sure all the tiny slivers of porcelain are gone. Dammit, that was another one of my favorite mugs... I grumble, hating the fact that my sister seems to love putting her nose where it doesn't belong. At this rate, I won't have any mugs left to drink out of at all. Sighing I get down to my knees, my hands swiftly skimming over some of the tilework to make sure everything is gone when my fingers trace the spot where my mug collided against the floor. Apparently, I'd hit a weak spot. I think as I notice a little piece has been shaved off the rim of the tile. Luckily the flooring is quite robust in general, so no one will probably notice. I huff still kneeling on the floor when I suddenly hear a familiar voice snicker from behind me.

'What on earth are you doing? If you've changed religions, you must at least know the basics and pray that way.'

Néomy points to the side, somewhere near the window as I scramble back up.

'I haven't changed my faith, you twat.'

I mutter slapping her shoulder. Though I can understand why you'd think that, seeing me sprawled down in the middle of the kitchen floor. I add mentally as she raises her own arms in surrender laughing.

'Hey! I won't judge, I've been around so many beliefs and religions I don't even remember my own.'

'I get that. And it's not like my beliefs have been paying much attention to me lately, but that wasn't why I was on the floor. I was checking the flooring for splinters because I smashed another bloody mug just now...'

I scratch my head as I avert my eyes. Néomy snorts with laughter, not even bothering to comment. Thank Fuck. She passes me by, gathering the cable from the vacuum cleaner before setting it back in place. In the meantime I've plopped back down on my chair, dragging a hand through my messy curls as she walks over to the coffee machine and says.

'Seriously Lex, this has got to stop.'

'Tell Rebekah that!'

I snap back at her not in the mood for another lecture. I've got a goddamn concert to worry about! Néomy raises one of her brows, turning in my direction and away from the coffee machine motioning for me to go on since she has no idea what happened just now.

'She's the one who dragged Matt into the kitchen a few minutes ago. He clearly didn't suspect seeing me either since both of us acted awkward as hell! She put both of us on the spot, today out of all frikkin' days!'

She doesn't look even remotely surprised as she crosses her arms and mutters with a bored tone.

'Well, you were bound to walk into each other at some point. What's the big deal? This is what you wanted, right?'

There is a hint of satisfaction in the last of her words which immediately makes my blood pressure skyrocket. Goddammit. Walked right into that one! I grumble to myself as I quickly try to form a response.

'Th-That's not the point! Why rub it under our goddamn noses? Are you guys enjoying this torture or what?'

'Lexi Davins!'

Néomy roars, slamming her fist on the counter making me wince slightly. Always a bad sign when your bestie screams your full name. She'd done it when she came to the hotel the other day and it immediately brought me back to my senses then. The same goes for now as I sit still as stiff as a board waiting, dreading, for what's to come next. It's kind of an unspoken rule. We only call each other that when there's an "emergency" or when one of us would be royally pissed off. Which in turn meant the other one, in this case meaning me, was most likely way out of line and deserved what was coming. I can't remember it happening more than a handful of times either way around, and in the past week alone I've cashed in twice. Shit. I cringe as she stomps over to my side, crouching down so she's at eye level with me as she grits in a cold tone.

'If you ever dare to say that again, I will slap you. Don't for a minute think any of us take pleasure in what's going on between the both of you right now! We are the ones who are trying to pick up the pieces, don't ever forget that.'

I want to argue, even if I can't find a reason to argue about. I know she's right, about everything. I was the one who told Matt, via text... God, I'm such a pussy! I mentally kick myself at the way I handled things, although I know I lacked the strength to do it otherwise. I was the one who wanted it to stop. I told him it was over, whatever it was...

I look back at Néomy gaping like a fish, unable to form a proper sentence to defend myself. She sighs deflated, shaking her head as she leans against the side of the table and mutters.

'I know it hurts... And I'm not, we're not, trying to pull your spirit down even further Lex...'

'Do you believe in fate?'

I ask before I can stop myself. I know she doesn't like to talk about these kinds of things. Her work being the main reason for that. She had seen so much suffering in the world that it was a topic she always avoided.

'God, you're really going there? The deep heavy stuff?'

She huffs walking back over to the counter to grab her coffee, needing some caffeine in her system before engaging in such a subject. She motions for me if I want one too but I quickly shake my head. Porcelain objects and I aren't on good terms right now. Anything breakable for that matter... She shrugs her shoulders before lazily sitting back on one of the stools opposite from me. While taking a sip from her steaming coffee, her eyes still linger on the dark liquid in her mug as she says.

'I believe there's something. I don't think we're walking around here just to fade away in some kind of nothingness. But other than that, I have no opinion about the matter. I don't know whether it's just one as in God, Allah, or however many other names he goes by. Or if there's a heaven and hell. Maybe it's a goddamn farm up there with a giant rooster, pig, and who knows how many other animals. For all I care, it's bloody Zeus and his entire drapes-wearing entourage sitting on mesmerizing clouds with flying horses to get them from one to the other. All I do know is I've seen enough suffering in this world to not want to care about it anymore. Don't get me wrong, I don't look down upon anyone's beliefs. I think it's a beautiful thing that the faith inside someone can pull them through all kinds of hardships, but that doesn't mean I have to have them as well.'

Oh damn, I should've known this was going to happen. I grunt, knowing she isn't done yet. Néomy's voice brims with annoyance and she takes a quick break so she can drink some more before she continues.

'Same goes for all that destiny crap! A little girl without her mother or father isn't destined from birth to die alone by the side of the streets. Or is it that destiny just hits some of us? One in a hundred? One in a million? Phu-lease! I refuse to even entertain those thoughts. One isn't better than the other. No one chooses where or in which family they're born. You're either lucky or you pull the short end of the straw. I can't argue the fact that some of us are doomed from the start, but it isn't their choice. It's our choice how to cope with it.'

'So what you're trying to say is you make your own destiny?'

I ask timidly, not sure if I've opened another can of worms. She looks up, tilting her head slightly before slamming her fist on the table as she sputters a little taken aback.

'Y-Yeah... Something like that. Some people never get the opportunity or time to do so, I know that better than anyone. But if you get the chance ...then yes. I think we are indeed responsible for our own happiness and where life takes us. The choices we make along the way define us in who we are and lead us forth.'

I know she's referring to all the little children who've died under her watch. They were the ones who never stood a chance in life. It may sound brutal but that was the truth... She does this line of work because she believes that everyone deserves a chance. I know she found a lot of love and satisfaction in what she does, but the horror that came along with it left unseen scars on my best friend that no one could ever repair. People often mistake Néomy's intentions, finding her dense or even cruel... But what she had seen of the world made her just brutally honest. She didn't see the point in dancing around a topic and just tells it like it is. It's actually one of the traits I admire most about her. She knows how to be tacticall, if need be, but she also isn't going to lie. I drag a hand over my features, contemplating what she just said as I murmur.

'This truly isn't helping... I don't know what I want Nomes. I don't know what'll make me happy! I know I felt like shit this past week, but I also know I can't go through all of that again! I'm barely holding myself together right now, I just ...can't.'

'No one said it was going to be easy Lex, no matter which route you choose... Just do me a favor, don't push everything out. Let it in. Feel it. That's the only way you'll be able to figure out what's best for you!'

A look of horror washes over my face as I look up at her. Keeping everything out is the only way I'm able to function right now! If I let everything in... I... No. I shake my head, jumping to my feet as I yelp waving her off.

'I've got no time for this! I've gotta get ready and head over to the venue.'

'If you wanna play like that, fine. But we will continue this conversation another time.'

Néomy bites out, not hiding her displeasure. I sigh in agreement as I stand up to walk away, but when I'm at the door I turn back around as I remind myself of something.

'How are you coming to the venue by the way? It's on the other side of the city. Please don't tell me you're planning on walking over there?'

'Alex said I could ride with him. Both of us have to do something else beforehand, but we'll be there together so we'll come straight from there. We'll probably be there around six or so.'

She says it so naturally that the words don't even process in my head until I'm already halfway through my sentence.

'In that case, we can eat togeth~ Hold on a minute!  Alex? What the hell are the two of you up to?'

I can see the faintest grin appear on her features, but she quickly hides it going back to her stoic face as she shrugs her shoulders. Oh, no missy! You guys meddle with my affairs, so I intend to do the exact same thing. Before she manages to open her mouth to respond I narrow my eyes at her as I ask seriously.

'Nomes... What's going on between you and my brother?'

'Nothing.'

She replies, but the slight squeak in her voice tells me something different. I lift one of my eyebrows, not sure whether to be excited or grossed out as I yelp.

'You serious right now?!'

My voice mirrors my mixed feelings, sounding somewhere between utterly horrified and a snort. Her shoulders jerk with tension as she rapidly waves her hands back and forth going in full denial.

'As if! Phfft! Me? And Alex? That's a good one!'

Oh, it's serious alright! I snicker silently behind my hand for the first time in what feels like forever. You've got a goddamn crush on my brother! I shake my head, shutting her up before she makes herself look even more guilty as I tease.

'You know, for some who constantly preaches that I'm the one in denial... I'm sure looking it right in the face now.'

'Lex! Nothing is going on between me and Alex!'

She sputters scrambling up from her seat. I shake my head, humor still lingering in my voice as I tell her while turning around to walk away again.

'Yeah, uh-huh. Sounds very convincing.'

'Pot calling the kettle black, are we?!'

She spits, still holding on to her defense making me chuckle again as I wave to her from behind and yell.

'Not sure which pot is darker blackened at the moment... Guess we'll find out soon enough.'

My eyes flicker with amusement as I bend the corner and see the culprit of this last discussion approach. Alex, my dimwit of a brother who's oblivious to pretty much everything flashes me a smile as he says.

'How are you feeling, sis?'

'I'm hanging in there, good luck with that though...'

I grin at him motioning over to the kitchen. If we were in a cartoon I swear there would be question marks popping out of his head right about now. For Nomes's sake, I hope you catch on quickly. I smile, lazily passing him by without giving him an answer. Focus, Lexi. Focus. You've got a concert accompanied by the world's greatest asshole to worry about. I grunt walking over to the bathroom to get changed. I wish I had battle armor, that would be fitting...

***

With a melancholic smile, I stare in the mirror and gently I wrap my arms around my waist as if to hug myself. After a minute or two Kendall's voice rings out from behind the dressing screen as he asks anxiously.

'Everything alright? You're so quiet back there. I'm sure I took the right measurements ...right? There's something wrong with the clothes, isn't there?'

'No... That's not it.'

I breathe, just loud enough for him to hear. Wearily he pops his head beside the screen, looking back at me in the mirror as he questions.

'What is it then?'

I let out a sigh, my arms still wrapped around my side. Struggling to keep my emotions in check I swallow, my voice quiet as I tell him slowly.

'The clothes look amazing. You truly did an amazing job, Kendall. It's just that...'

I sigh again, my fingers skimming over the leather jacket I had specifically asked for. It seemed like a good idea at the time... Some kind of twisted way to show Matt this was truly all about him. Hoping his mind would finally click and he'd realize why I was hurt by his actions all those years ago. Now that history has repeated itself I just feel foolish. As if reading my mind Kendall steps up behind me, resting his hands on my shoulders as he mutters with compassion.

'You want to kick yourself for asking me to make a replica of his jacket in your size?'

I nod vigorously, keeping my lips sealed. Afraid that the second I open them, the tears I've been holding back will spill out as well.

'I was afraid this might happen. I planned on asking you about it, but you were ...occupied.'

'It's not your fault, because of everything that happened I forgot all about it. And I gotta admit, you did an amazing job.'

I smile trying to lighten the mood a little. He gives me half a smile back as he says understandingly.

'I can switch it out for something else if you want?'

'N-No...'

I stammer, dragging my gaze back up to the mirror with a wistful smile on my face. Even if it hurts my heart, I want to wear it. The leather fabric is sown and mended in all the right places, a perfect copy hugging my tiny frame. The only thing missing is Matt's distinctive smell. I was the one to break things off. I remind myself. But even if this jacket resembles all the heartbreak I've been through, it also gives some kind of solace. It's somehow comforting to know I'll always be able to keep a little piece of him with me. My line of thought gets interrupted by a familiar sneer coming from the room, immediately setting my nerves on edge.

'Are you done admiring yourself? How long do you expect me to wait? We're supposed to do a soundcheck, remember?'

I roll my eyes at Kendall in the mirror, who's suppressing his urge to laugh as I step out from behind the screen. Immediately stalking past Ian, not even glancing over at him as I snarl.

'Stop bitching, or my ears will start to bleed.'

I continue walking at a brisk pace toward the stage, ignoring Ian's grumbling behind me. I still haven't had the time to do my hair and make-up properly so I avoid looking his way for multiple reasons. He would know something was wrong as soon as he laid his eyes on me, and I was not in the mood for his sardonic comments. I can hear him speeding up in his step. Trying to keep up with me but every time he quickens, so did I. So much that I end up jogging past Delphine backstage. She blinks a couple of times as I hurriedly pass her by before quickly scattering after me. Her signature heels promptly clicking against the floor, making me even more agitated as her high-pitched voice rings through the air.

'The guys have everything prepared and you're ready to go, hon. They want to do a couple of songs to see if everything is working correctly. R-Ryan is with them too.'

She sputters the last words almost out of breath. I throw her a flat look, not slowing down whatsoever as I grumble.

'I know how a soundcheck works Delphine...'

'Oh, yeah. Good. Of course, d-darling. But you know... You've been a bit out of it la-lately. And why are we g-going so damn fast?!'

'If you want me to slow down, make sure Ian keeps his damn paws off me.'

I mutter back, grabbing my mike backstage and putting in my earpiece all the while making sure I keep my back turned towards Ian.

'What do you expect me to do? Shove him in a closet until it's go time?'

'That's the first sensible thing I heard today! Is that an option?'

I ask overly excited. She tilts her head, one of her shoes tapping against the flooring as she rasps.

'Don't be ridiculous. You knew this was going to happen, be a professional and deal with it. After today everything will be over. In the meantime, I'll kindly put in a request with his manager to keep him on a leach.'

Even though her words sound harsh, she gives me a little wink indicating she'll deal with it. Kindly suggesting, in Delphine's case, most probably means threatening them with another lawsuit if he continues. I give her half a smile back, thankful she's having my back before walking up the stage. I didn't mind the way she reacted, she was right and I needed it. I have to keep my head in the game and focus on what was most important today, making sure my fans had a blast tonight. Let's do this.

***

The soundcheck didn't take long and I had to admit, these men knew what they were doing. In the past, we had had multiple times where it had taken hours for the crew to get everything set up the right way. Which is why we started to take Ryan with us in the first place. He usually sped up things, helping the guys out backstage. Today's preparations seemed to go smoothly though. Too smooth... I was still waiting for the other shoe to drop. Something always gos wrong on days like this... I sigh, rummaging through my bag for my foundation. There isn't enough product in the world to cover up these dark circles underneath my eyes, but I could at least try! After padding down my skin for a few minutes I throw my sponge to the side. This is as good as it's gonna get. I huff, looking around for my eyeliner and black eye shadow. I need something to draw the attention away from my tired features and a black smokey eye is a perfect way to go about it. It's no secret I love dark makeup, but this time I apply it even more heavily. Giving my look an even more edgy vibe. Not wanting to go overboard I decide it's best to keep the rest as neutral as possible, only adding some mascara. I stuff a nude lipgloss into my jacket so I can apply it as soon as I've had some dinner when I hear a voice behind me.

'Looking good, sis!'

Alex's voice resonates from the doorway. I twirl in my chair, greeting him and Néomy who forces herself past Alex holding a few paper bags in one hand as she snorts my way.

'I hope you have a bathrobe or something? Thai food suddenly seems like a bad idea with that light dress you've got on.'

'This isn't my first rodeo.'

I smirk at Nomes, already reaching for a bag next to my dress-up station. I get out a black silk bathrobe with my name written on the back in gold lettering, swiftly putting it on before turning back to the table where both of them are already spreading out the food. Alex mutters Rebekah will be here shortly as he looks over the table, his eyes glued on the fried rice before dragging his head up to me.

'Fancy.'

Néomy whistles amused making Alex chuckle in response as he points his finger over my body.

'You call that fancy? She looks like she's about to enter a cage-fighting match.'

'Feels like it.'

I huff plopping down on a chair, scanning the table to see what they all brought. They both glance at each other before sitting down opposite of me and I make a mental note to grill both of them later. I need to know exactly what's going on between the both of them and when this all started. Alex stretches his leg, a pained expression on his face just as he mumbles.

'That bad?'

I tilt my head, shrugging my shoulders. It could've gone worse, I'm well aware of that. But that still doesn't mean I have to like any of it. Besides, I was still waiting for Murphy's law to kick in... Something was going to happen. I can feel it. I'm not being bloody paranoid. There's just no way this night is going to pass by without a hitch.

'Delphine rained him in earlier, so it's fine. Other than that I just want to bite his head off every time I lay my eyes on him.'

I grumble waving it off, not in the mood to even utter his name right now. Motioning over to his leg I turn my attention back on Alex. The strained look on his face earlier hadn't escaped my attention and I ask.

'What happened to you?'

'It's nothing.'

He grits, trying to ease my worries. I keep studying him for a second until Néomy's laughter pulls my attention away from him and back to her.

'Please tell me you're not responsible for this...'

I sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose. I was just joking this morning. Please tell me you didn't kick him in the nuts or something. I think keeping my eyes on Néomy who draws a sharp breath acting as if I've just stabbed her in the gut.

'It's not my fault your brother is such a sissy!'

She yelps still having trouble suppressing her giggles. Alex turns his face to her as well, looking both outraged and ashamed at the same time.

' So you did do something?!'

I ask while grabbing one of the boxes of food. If they're not going to eat, I am. The concert is supposed to start in an hour and a half and I can't go on stage stuffed.

'No, I didn't! He's just a wimp who can't handle a little needlework. You should've seen~'

Nomes doubles over with laughter until Alex shoves her gently in the ribs, nodding his head over to me trying to silence her. Frozen in spot, my chopsticks still placed mid-air I glance down. So that's where they went... The shop, of course. But before dark thoughts get the chance to cloud my mind something dawns on me as I ask confusedly.

'Both of you were there? Nomes, what were you doing there? I thought Bheks was busy working on Tyler all day.'

'Oh, I was.'

Rebekah's voice rings from behind me, followed by an awkward cough from Tyler. That sounded so wrong. I shake my head, not interested in that kind of mental picture as I turn around to both of them.

'I meant the bloody backpiece! Not whatever kinky stuff you pull off in the bedroom.'

I scoff as I see Rebekah's eyes dart past me. Her gaze more serious for a split second as she shakes her head in a silent no. It was an answer to something either Alex or Néomy had asked her in silence, and I didn't need to hear it to know what it was. Matt isn't coming tonight... My shoulders slump ever so slightly. Not that I expected anything different. Why would he come after I pulled the plug on us? I try to keep my mind on other matters. Ignoring the pit in my stomach as I ask Nomes, still wondering what she was doing around the new shop in the first place.

'Were you just there holding Alex's hand to make sure he wouldn't cry, or what?'

She bites her lip as if she's afraid to answer aloud, which can only mean the answer is no. She wasn't there to keep Alex company. I place my chopsticks down, afraid I might snap them in two as I mutter perplexed.

'No way! Y-You got a tattoo from ...Matt?'

'Nnhyeah? What can I say? I'm always up for some charity work.'

She lifts her hands and shoulders, but her voice doesn't sound convincing in the slightest. My emotions fly all over the place, and to be honest I don't know what I'm feeling right now. Shock? Anger? Confusion? Sadness? Maybe all of the above?

'Ch-Charity?'

I repeat her with a weary tone in my voice. In your case, Matt doesn't come close to frikkin' charity. You'd rather die than entrust him with a tattoo gun. At least, that's what you've been saying to me for years. So why on earth would you suddenly trust him now after everything that happened?

'Yeah... Sometimes you gotta do things for the greater good.'

She gives me a diplomatic answer along with a wink. She doesn't seem concerned at all... I shake my head, not sure if I should continue digging for answers since it seems they're all going out of their way to not talk about him. Another topic I'll have to revisit later, I guess? I think, as my brain malfunctions trying to process all of the information coming my way. Nomes got a tattoo from Matt, apparently. He wasn't coming to the concert, which shouldn't have been a shock but somehow still was. My best friend also seemed to have a thing for my brother. And it seemed to run both ways judging from the way Alex keeps stealing glances at her. My dear brother has no fucking clue what he's getting himself into. He better treats her right. He'll~ Hold on... My eyes dart back open, my chopsticks along with some food dropping down onto the table once more as my head flies into Alex's direction and I yelp.

'You got a tattoo?!'

***

After we were done eating, the whole tattoo debacle behind us, we chatted a little longer until it was time for me to prepare. The others headed to the V.I.P section. Rebekah gave me a tight hug, her eyes lingering over my jacket with a forlorn smile before she headed out as well.

'I know. It's stupid.'

I mutter to myself as I pop in my earpiece. Throwing the robe to the side and slide into my golden heels.

'Talking to yourself now? I didn't realize I pulled such a number on you.'

Ian smirks from the doorway. I poke my tongue out at him before applying some of my lipgloss. I tussle my hair a bit, my eyes still focused on the mirror as I tell him innocently.

'Don't be so full of yourself. What if all that cockiness leads you to combust or something?'

Satisfied with my reflection I turn around to face the annoying bastard as I add. Holding one of my hands near my mouth, giggling softly as if I was telling him a secret.

'If you could only imagine... Call me if that's ever about to happen, I'd pay money to see that.'

I can see his nostrils flare with anger as I shove my shoulder into his arm, passing him by. Jackass.  But no matter how hard I try he just doesn't take no for an answer.

'What's your problem?! I've never mistreated you or forced you into anything!'

He yells as he grasps my arm and slams me back into a wall. No fucking way... I growl silently. A sly smile forms on his lips as he looks down at my body. He's not laying another finger on me, I've had enough of this shit! I grit, having trouble keeping my temper in check. The hungry look in his eyes makes me want to stuff a hot poker in them. Getting involved with you was the worst mistake in my life! I cuss, resisting the urge to spit him in the face.

'The only reason you haven't forced me into anything is that you were banging someone else in the meantime!'

I hiss. He hasn't bloody mistreated me? Hah! That's rich! I grumble silently. When I look at him now I recognize nothing of the man I met at the beginning. Although that was probably some kind of ruse as well. There's no way someone can be this bipolar! And that's big, coming from me. I snort until my eyes land on his hand which is still firmly holding my shoulder, another wave of maddening anger immediately rising inside of me.

'Let~ go~ now.'

I order him, my voice dangerously low. I don't care if we're supposed to walk on stage any second, I will slaughter you if you don't pull that bloody hand off me. I tell him with stone-cold eyes. After what happened in the past week I wasn't too keen on anyone touching me in general. Let alone Ian fucking Moore. Before he even gets a chance to make up his mind I can hear Delphine's sharp voice thunder through the hallway.

'Ian Moore! If you don't take your hands off Lexi right this instant I'll be dragging your ass to court for the next couple of decades!'

The second his attention gets drawn away I stomp his foot with my heel, hard. He whines in pain but I don't give a flying fuck as I stalk over to Delphine. You should be goddamn glad this is the only thing I'm hurting right now! I snap mentally. Delphine looks me over to make sure I'm not hurt and I quickly shake my head. I'm bloody infuriated if anything, but not hurt... There's nothing he can say or do that'll hurt me anymore. Ian isn't the one to hold such power over me.

'Let's just get this over with. I can't wait until I never, ever, have to see this goddamn asshole again.'

'Likewise, hon. Likewise.'

Delphine bites out, only loud enough for me to hear as she keeps her eyes strained on Ian the entire time we walk through the venue. I kinda like this twisted motherly side of her. I grin slightly. She tries to hide it but she does care. When we reach the podium she gives me a small nod, handing me my mike and without further ado, I climb up the steps near the stage. Ryan blows me a kiss from the other side, followed by a thumbs-up as he stands beside a few crewmembers. I give him a crooked smile back before strolling into the spotlight. Let the show begin.

***

The first three-quarters of the concert went by without a hitch. Scratch that. They went by without utter catastrophe crashing down upon me. I only had a tiny little meltdown when some tears escaped me during one of the songs just before break time. Other than that, I was hanging in there pretty well. Ryan's reaction when Ian walked over to us during that break was what saved me tonight. The dickhead tried to mock me and find out why I was crying exactly, but Ryan interfered. I'll never forget the look on Ian's face as he stepped in front of me. Fuming but still sassy as he told him, twirling his finger ...and I quote. "Bipoty Bopity back the fuck off, asshole!" Even through my tears, I had a hard time not to burst out laughing at Ian's stupified face. Ryan wasn't the type to interfere in a fight, but now he was at his limit and it was frikkin' hilarious! My tears quickly dried up after he'd taken my mind off my sorrows and I continued as if nothing had happened as soon as I got back on stage. Until now.

Just as I finish another song, preparing for a slow ballad a sudden shiver runs down my spine. No, Lex. He isn't here! I blink a few times, mentally slapping my face trying to calm myself down. The way the others went out of their way to keep him out of all conversation established that much. I grunt although I can't help but scan over the crowd, just in case. Pathetic really. I plaster a smile on my face, a tint of hope tugging at my heartstrings as well as another wave of agony that almost makes me nauseous. Stop it! He isn't comi~ My brain falters as soon as my gaze lands on a well-worn leather jacket somewhere further back against the wall. Matty.

Even if I can't see his face because he has covered it with his hoodie, I know it's him. It's like my entire being is being pulled toward him like a magnet. He's here. Y-You're here... He isn't all the way back in the crowd, I never would've been able to spot him if that were the case. He's like, somewhere between one-third and the middle? Casually leaning against the wall on the right side of the venue. Which weirdly makes sense since Ian is to the far left of the stage.

Even if it's impossible to make eye contact because of the fabric covering most of his face, I know he's looking right back at me and I can't seem to avert my eyes. What... How? W-Why? I blink, trying to keep my shit together. Reminding myself there's an immense mass of people in front of me.

I clear my throat, my eyes getting glossy as soon as a violin softly starts to play behind me accompanied by the piano. Sh-Shit. I curse as soon as my brain remembers which song is up next. Why now?! I panic, trying my best to keep a stoic expression on my face so no one will recognize my inner turmoil. This was the one I dreaded the most. I gulp again, my throat suddenly drying up like the Nevada desert. Okay, this was definitely the other shoe! Nothing else could've happened tonight during the concert that would've been worse than this. Hell, I'd kill for a power outlet right about now! I purposely placed this song at the end of the concert, knowing it would probably make me emotional. But I didn't anticipate this! I... I can't do this, not with you watching me!

For a split second, I contemplate dashing off the stage. Running away as far away as my legs can carry me. Is that a possibility? I wonder, but I get distracted as Matt mouths something to me. Wh-What? I can't make out what the fuck you're saying, goddammit! I grunt, feeling stuck between a rock and a hard place. I know I can't actually run off stage, which leaves me with no other option than to ...sing. I draw a shaky breath, mentally preparing myself as I keep my eyes fixated on Matt the entire time. Remember what Nomes said, Lexi... "Let it in. Feel it. That's the only way you'll be able to figure out what's best for you."

I'm sure my voice will come out even smaller than it did when we recorded this back in the studio. It was already a small and delicate song, to begin with. But Néomy is right... If I want to find the answer, I need to let it all in. And you need to see it. Even if that means I have to bare my soul in front of all these goddamn people and sing my heart out. You need to know what I'm feeling, otherwise, I'll never be able to move forward. I don't even try to hold back the tears brimming in the corners of my eyes as I begin to sing, knowing it'll be to no avail.

https://youtu.be/pUlX8ltm_JU

Sometimes it isn't the hardest or weakest thing you can do, but the strongest and bravest. ...Admitting to someone, you need them. Tears are still trickling down my cheeks when my voice finally dies out, leaving me breathless for a few seconds. Did I really just do that? I wonder as a deadly silence falls around the venue, so quiet that you could hear a pin drop on the floor. Seconds seem to last for an eternity and it feels like Matt and I are the only people left in the massive concert hall. He tilts his head back so I'm finally able to look him in the eye as his hood slides backward. Matty... I breathe, the torment and pain in his gaze shaking me to my core. His eyes are bloodshot with sorrow as a single tear rolls down over his cheek. It's only now that I notice he has moved closer to the stage.

I struggle to keep another wave of tears at bay when our private moment gets abruptly disturbed by the deafening cheers from the crowd around us. The impact so intense that it makes me want to cover my ears and laugh mockingly at the same time. I try my best to keep my eyes glued on Matt's figure but he gets swallowed up in the jumping mass of people still standing between us. I need to find him. My eyes dart back and forth, but I've completely lost him in the rowdy atmosphere. I notice Rebekah waving frantically at me from the corner of my eye and I briefly turn my attention to her. She motions to the area Matt was standing in just now as she smiles softly and says. "I'll find him." I can't possibly hear her over the ecstatic crowd, who are still jooling for more. But I know that's what she was saying. Call it twin telepathy ...or sign language. I give her a curt nod before walking to the side of the stage. Ryan who's already standing on standby, although still weeping like a baby, hands me a towel and a bottle of water.

'I must look like Alice Cooper after a rough party night.'

I whisper, drying some of my tears. This better be some good make-up! I cringe, hoping I'm not making it worse by smearing out. Ryan pulls the towel out from between my shaky fingers and daps a few spots around my face as he wails.

'Don't be silly, sweetheart. That was a-ma-zing!'

'Th-Thanks.'

I give him a shy smile, taking a big gulp of water before handing the bottle and the towel back to him. God, I'm hot. I think fanning my face for a second. Strictly speaking... This was the first time I sang a song from this album directly at him, knowingly. I'm not sure if the sparks resonating through my body are from excitement or utter terror. My mind is too much of a jumble to think about anything at the moment, while I try to focus on the fact that I still have two more songs to sing. I shake my jacket off throwing it over to the side and drag a hand through my hair before giving Ryan a small wink as I head back to the microphone, ignoring Ian's scrutinizing gaze. Not now.

I can't help but chuckle softly as the crowd starts cheering once more. It feels as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, even though I know there's much more both Matt and I need to deal with. That one was for you, Matty... Now it's time to sing for me.

https://youtu.be/qqm22iik0tg

It's as if my heart knew this was going to happen, placing these songs right after each other. The sequence fits so perfectly it almost scares me. The flow and meaning of the songs are like matching puzzle pieces. Like this song was supposed to heal the wounds from the previous one. I end with a smile on my face as the crowd continues to chant my lyrics through the venue.

'I'm singing till I'm winning, Imma sing all night!'

They continue so damn long that I end up giggling because of it. I briefly glance over my shoulder and Ian gives me a firm nod before I erupt once more giving them an encore. The fans are thundering along with me as Ian accompanies us in the background, giving the right beat with his turntables. At least he's a pro on stage...

With a big grin on my face, I sway my arms from left to right encouraging them to continue when my eyes find Matt's again. He's standing next to Rebekah and the others in the V.I.P section with a smile on his face. He gives me a small wink, making me blush and I almost trip up as I continue repeating the chorus from the top of my lungs. It takes another minute or so until the crowd finally dies down for real. I place my mike back on the stand as I yell, motioning my hands for them to calm down.

'You guys, that was incredible! Now as you all know this was supposed to be the last song of the evening.'

The crowd erupts in a fit, screaming "Ooh's" and "Ahh's" wanting to hear more. I shush them once more, giggling slightly as I say.

'I know, I know! All good things must come to an end ...but not quite yet.'

Their calls instantly change into "Whoo's" and "Yeah's", excitement rippling like a wave through the mass in front of me.

'Everyone knows this isn't how we originally planned to do this tour...'

The crowd goes silent, listening closely as they wait for me to continue. I knew I had to be careful what to say right now... Everyone and anyone had an opinion about what had happened between me and Ian. Even if I knew most of them favored my side, I wasn't in the mood for a massive bar brawl right in front of me.

'So in order to make it up to you guys, Ian and I decided to do a do-over from a song most of you probably already know. Are you guys interested? Or should I just head off now and call it a night?'

I tease, pretending to leave the stage as I let go of my microphone. The crowd immediately rises up in a frenzy, begging me to continue.

'Hah! Got you there... Of course, we're going to do it. I wouldn't dare let you guys down!'

I chuckle, pointing at the fans as I swivel back to my mike. They laugh and cheer as Ian starts the music behind me.

'So this one is called "Stole the show". Sound familiar? I take it you guys will figure it out pretty quickly, so sing along with me if you've got it, alright? Let's end this evening with a bang ya'll!'

I shout pumping my fist in the air. Even with everything that was going on, this was what I loved to do most. Performing. I close my eyes, soaking up every moment as my hands take hold of the microphone. One last time.

https://youtu.be/56Zt2aymma0

***

The concert ends in a whirlwind and as soon as I set foot off the podium my crew flocks around me as if to protect me from what's yet to come. The buzz from being on stage still rushes through my veins as Delphine and Ryan come flying to my side.

'Darling, you were fabulous!'

Delphine beams like a proud mother hen while Ryan hands me a bottle of water and puts my bathrobe over my shoulders. Today he seemed more like my personal assistant than my electricity guy. Since Ian was doing a lot of electronic work with his instruments himself, he probably had a lot more free time than he usually would during one of my shows. I guess the fact that he hated Ian's guts ever since the breakup didn't exactly feed his will to help him out either. Not that I was complaining. I was glad to have him around, his sassy ways distracting me from all of the other mumbo jumbo that was still going on. He gives me a small wink and starts mimicking Delphine, standing right behind her. Making it not only hard for me but also the other crew members and bodyguards around us not to laugh.

'You did a bit too brilliantly, actually. The press in the V.I.P section is going out of their minds! Urgh, that beastly mob just won't settle down! Which is why I ordered some extra guys to take you back to the dressing room.'

'Wouldn't it be better if I spoke to them first then?'

I ask, unable to keep a giggle out of my voice. Ryan! Cut it out, dammit! I glare at him. But he's in no mood to listen and continues his over-aggregated gestures as Delphine yapps.

'Honey, they would eat you alive right now! We're even holding back the fans with backstage passes at the moment because of it. They're waiting patiently, for now. If they would make their way down here as well it'll be chaos!'

I place the back of my hand in front of my mouth, just nodding. Ryan's gestures and faces are so damn comical even the buff bodyguards surrounding me, which are normally pretty stoic, suddenly seem very busy checking their surroundings so they won't topple over with laughter.

'We just need to make sure to~'

Her voice halts as she snaps her head back with a suspicious look on her face, catching Ryan right in the act. Busted. I giggle as she slaps him across the arm with the back of her hand and squeals angrily.

'Ryan, you! Stop goofing around, we don't have time for this.'

At the sight of this, we all simultaneously burst out into laughter. Including Ryan himself even though he's being scolded. Still laughing Delphine ushers me and the others through the hallway as if none of us remember where my changing room is located. When we turn the second corner Rebekah and the others come jogging our way, Matt leisurely strolling behind them as well. Rebekah and Néomy both sling their arms around my neck, hugging me as they exclaim enthusiastically.

'You were fantastic!'

'T-Thanks.'

I smile as they all surround me, hugging and fist-pumping me for doing a good job. Matt stays a little in the background, his eyes gentle as he gives me a lopsided smile. Watching me lovingly as the others continue to swindle me with compliments. Delphine watches us with a sigh as she defeatedly throws her hands in the air.

'You've got five minutes. Then I want you in that dressing room, Lexi.'

She grumbles before walking off. The security team stays around us as the others continue to ramble about the concert. But I barely process anything of what they're saying as my eyes continue to get drawn to Matt's figure. He looks more cleaned up than when I saw him this morning. His hair looks less shabby. Gone is his stubble and what's left of his beard is now neatly trimmed. Although, there's still some evidence of the run-down man I stared in the eyes this morning...The dark wrinkles under his eyes are proof of that. He leans back against the wall and chuckles lowly, still looking as my body keeps getting tugged and pulled at. Sweet Jesus, that smile... I sigh, only now realizing how much I've missed it these past few days.

All of a sudden my brain shifts into full gear. The number of thoughts hitting me so hard that it almost cripples me. The raw emotions I've felt all along. The ones I've fought so hard to keep hidden. He saw all of it.

'H-He's ...h-here.'

I stumble like it didn't actually register until just now. My voice is so soft it gets drowned out by the others. Oh, shit! I clutch my hand on Néomy's arm, afraid I might pass out if I don't as the realization of the situation smacks me in the face.

They say the eyes are a window through the soul. Which seems about right. It's like he's bewitching me and I can't seem to tear my gaze away from him, even if I wanted to. Like a moth drawn to a flame... My body and brain on the other hand are ushering me, begging me, to hightail out of here as fast as I can. What do I do now?! I'm not even sure whether I asked that question out loud or not, but Nomes seems to know exactly what's going on in my head as she rubs the small of my back. Her eyes more tender while she whispers.

'Trust me, the worst is already over... I'll make sure the both of you will get a little privacy.'

I try to give her a self-assured curt nod, but I'm pretty sure I look more like a nervous bundle of jitters with the shaky smile plastered across my face.

'Come on you lot! Let's give these two some time alone, this will be awkward enough without an audience.'

'Great, Nomes... Really, it builds up the confidence.'

I grumble at her bluntness, my cheeks ablaze. The others glance back and forth between us, their giddiness dying down as they nod their heads and start to walk off. I stumble awkwardly out from between them towards Matt as they leave us standing alone in the hallway together. Well... Alone might be a bit of an exaggeration since the security detail is still flocked around the both of us.

'H-Hey you...'

I mumble as I take another step a little closer to him, my arms hugging the fabric of my bathrobe. What do I say to him right now? I wonder, nervously tugging my bottom lip while Matt buries his hands deep in his pockets and whispers.

'Hey...'

Gosh, this is awkward! I grunt, fidgeting with the silk fabric between my fingers. I can tell from the look on his face that there are a million things he wants to say right now, and he seems just as nervous as I am. But we both stay quiet. Just gazing at each other as neither of us knows where to begin.

The silence quickly grows uncomfortable and I wonder if the men around us think we're locked in some kind of staring contest. We must look like idiots. The thought of it, maybe together with the nerves, makes me giggle. Matt follows suit with a snort of his own and the tension between us gradually fades away as I turn to the big blonde mountain to my left and murmur.

'Marv, can you please give me a minute or two?'

He's the head of security and I've known him for years now. I shoot him a pleading look and he sighs sympathetically in return, muttering in a reluctant tone.

'Best I can do for you Lexi, is we go stand on each side of the corridor. I was supposed to get you back by now. So letting my eyes off you, is out of the question. Delphine will chew my head off.'

'That's all I can ask for. Thanks, Marv. You're the best.'

He gives me a crooked grin before motioning his men to give us some space. Once they're all out of earshot I turn back to Matt to find his eyes still gazing down at me, making me blush slightly.

'S-Sorry, it's a little crazy back here... Apparently, people are going nuts out there.'

'Yeah, I wonder how that came to be...'

Matt smirks, or blushes, I can't tell. No matter, the look on his face is sexy as hell! He tilts his head a little, the slight smile on his face dazzling with adoration as his eyes study me from head to toe. I gulp under his intense gaze, the redness of my cheeks only deepening.

'I still can't believe you came...'

I whisper aloud without realizing it. Matt snorts disdainfully as he drags a hand through his raven hair.

'Honestly? Neither can I... I wasn't planning to. I told myself I shouldn't, I just...'

'Couldn't help yourself?'

I finish him off. He nods and I think I see a tiny sliver of fear shimmer in his gorgeous emerald eyes. Just as I'm about to tell him, a part of me is happy he decided to come after all he takes his hand out of his pocket and brushes his fingers softly over the fabric of my sleeve.

'Lex... I just... I think... Damn, I'm not good at this! What I mean to say is... Can we talk? About everything?'

He stammers, pain and doubt written all over his features. I look down at his hand, which is barely even touching me. His fingers twitching slightly as if he's afraid I could break any second from his caresses. I draw a shaky breath, not allowing my eyes to get watery afraid that it might give him the wrong impression.

'I thi~'

'Lexi! Jesus Christ, you're penning for me to die of high blood pressure aren't you?!'

Delphine's sharp-pitched voice interrupts me. I glance over my shoulder and Marv gives me an apologetic smile as he lets Delphine stride beside him.

'We've got to go, now. People are getting more restless by the second.'

I roll my eyes, slightly annoyed by her impeccable timing as I turn back to Matt. He smiles understanding, gesturing for me to listen as he says.

'It's alright, I get it.'

Even though I can tell he truly does understand, I can still read the disappointment in his eyes. Without realizing it, I grasp hold of his hand which was still caressing me as I whisper smiling softly.

'I'm glad you came, Matty... And I think you're right, we should talk. It's just so crazy right now... Raincheck?'

He gives my hand a small squeeze, the tension in his eyes fading away as he gives me a small nod.

'Of course, beautiful. For now, just go and be the superstar I've always known you were.'

I smile brightly at him as Delphine starts dragging me away. Even if right now I'd rather just be Lexi and figure this thing out between Matt and me, I'm extremely touched by his words. And he called me beautiful again...

'Oye, Lex! I forgot to tell you something...'

Matt speaks up as I'm almost bending the corner. I lift my hands as if to say Delphine's holding me prisoner and can't stop walking as I ask, trying to keep eye contact with him from between the horde of men surrounding me.

'Wh-What?'

'You absolutely killed it tonight!'

He shouts, pride in his voice as he shoots me one last wink before he disappears from my sight. My eyes tremble with joy as I slowly turn back to see Marv grinning beside me, only making me blush harder. I shove him slightly, wishing he'll keep his mouth shut before I turn my gaze back to the floor. This is so embarrassing! I wince as I try to focus on what Delphine's yapping on about. Although it's of no use because all of my thoughts are consumed with one person ...Matty.

***

It's been five hours. Twenty-one reporters. Thirty-seven fans. And approximately a hundred-something photos further since Delphine dragged me to my dressing room. I'm wiped, hungry and my cheeks hurt from the amount of forced smiling I've been doing but Ryan promised me there were only a few fans left before I could call it a night. The backstage event didn't go exactly like we had planned beforehand either and I'm sure everyone was exhausted by now. The staff and fans as well. Due to all the commotion after the show, Delphine didn't think it was a good idea for me to mingle with the backstage crowd like usual. Instead, she had everyone come to my dressing room in little bundles. It was draining, to say the least. Everyone said the same things and asked the same questions. By now all I wanted was a shower, a good night's sleep, and to talk to Matt... Just as I'm about to drift off, thinking back at the way he looked at me from between the crowd I heard another knock on the door.

'Come in.'

I say, plastering a smile on my face and forcing myself to wake up from my daydreams. Or was it actual dreaming now? I wonder, realizing it's already past midnight.

'L-Lexi!'

A chipper but meek voice calls me from my daze. I lift my gaze and the first thing my eyes fall upon is a very familiar Dodgers cap. I haven't seen it in an awfully long time! As I further inspect the person wearing the cap I see the fragile girl sitting in a wheelchair. Even though her skin looks pale and grim her face shines brilliantly as she gazes up at me. My eyes glance over at the woman pushing the wheelchair and I instantly recognize her. Diane. She gives me a friendly nod and I see another younger girl beside her, who's also smiling at me wide-eyed. An honest smile spreads across my face as I crouch down next to the wheelchair so I'm at eye level with the small girl as I say.

'You must be Roxanne!'

She nods vigorously, looking a little starstruck as she searches mumbling for a response.

'Y-Yes, m-miss. I, uhh, Lexi. Th-Thank you. Argh, I mean~ Thank you for i-inviting me, us. A-And yes, I'm Ro-Roxanne. You may call me Roxy, i-if you want. Oh, and thank you for the cap miss ...L-Lexi.'

I chuckle at her stammering and she instantly squints her eyes shut, blushing furiously as she fumbles with her fingers.

' It's a privilege to get to know you, Roxy.'

I smile at both her and her mother. Because of everything that happened, I'd completely forgotten she was coming tonight. I'd planned it together with Delphine ever since I met her mother Diane that day in my favorite coffee shop. She looked a little more put together than the broken mother I met that day. Although, I could still read the torn expression on her face. She didn't need to tell me that her daughter most likely wouldn't have much time left.

My heart cries for them all. The girl who couldn't fight hard enough to overcome her illness. The unfairness that she had to deal with such an unfortunate fate when there was nothing she had done in her life to deserve such an end. Her mother. Who would lose her daughter far too early. The helplessness she must feel, not being able to save her daughter while all mothers want to dote on their children when sick. As kids, we believe they possess the magic to make us better. But unfortunately, that wizardry has limits as well. But also the friend... Because from the way the girl next to her mother looked at Roxanne I knew she was her best friend. She was going to lose her anchor while there was still so much she would want to share with her. So much both of them had yet to experience.

I have no idea how Néomy does this time after time again... I think to myself, remembering she watches these tragedies happen on a daily basis when she's gone for work. No, she didn't need to tell me her daughter was going to die of her illness sooner rather than later. It was visible. Jesus. By the sight of it, it was a miracle she'd made it here today! All that's left of Roxanne is mere skin and bones as she sits in the wheelchair her mother softened, putting some extra pillows around her so she won't be hurting. A floral blanket covers her thin legs, providing a little extra warmth so she won't get cold. Tubes connected to her arms which most likely provided painkillers. Her weight loss, outstanding cheekbones, and hollow gray skin make her seem much older than she actually is. I force myself not to get emotional. But seeing a spirited girl like her being destroyed by such a horrible disease, makes it hard not to. I gently grab her cold hand, resting my fingers on her long slender ones as I murmur.

'Let's make a deal, alright? I'll keep calling you Roxy if you drop the 'misses'. Just call me Lexi.'

She nods her head, happily agreeing to my terms as I lead them into the room. Delphine waves over, gesturing they're the last ones of the night so I can take my time before leaving the room and closing the door behind her. If this girl was destined for such a cruel fate, the least I could do was make her forget about it. Determined not to talk about her situation or anything else that's normally viewed as important. Even if it's just for an hour or two, I'll do everything in my power to let her feel like an ordinary girl. One who doesn't have to worry or suffer. Tonight she is just a regular teenager who came to see her idol with her best friend.

I plop down on the edge of the couch, ushering both girls to sit beside me. Roxanne remains in her wheelchair as her friend sits on my other side. Her mom takes a seat opposite of us as I turn to Roxy and giggle at her like I'm telling her a secret.

'Now don't be nervous, you sound way too much like your mom if you call me "miss" and sputter like that. She did that too when we first met.'

Roxy chuckles both humored and embarrassed and the other two join in with the laughter as well when I give her a slight wink.

'I'm sorry you had to wait such a long time, it's been a little crazy backstage.'

'They took good care of us.'

She smiles back, her mother giving an approving nod as well. I pick up her hand as well as her friend's and ask turning to her.

'First. I wanna know your name as well. Second. What did you girls think of the concert?'

Both girls instantly squeal, even if Roxy's sounded more like something between a grunt and a cough.

'It was amazing! Oh, and my name is Michelle!'

The girl says, excitement evident in her voice. Roxy nods as she squeezes my hand a little tighter and says.

'You were so good! You had me both cheering and crying during the whole thing!'

'Crying?'

I ask flabbergasted, not quick enough to connect the dots as Michelle waves her hands and yelps.

'Well, duh, of course! We were all crying, but technically you were the one who started it.'

The girl is so blunt she reminds me of Néomy and I can't help but snort with laughter even though she's talking about one of my most emotional moments, ever.

'Yeah and the way that guy looked at you! Gah... It was so romantic!'

Roxy swoons and my head instantly darts in her direction.

'Wh-What guy?'

I ask, now even more confused. They couldn't be talking about Matt, could they? I was so occupied with him, the thought didn't even cross my mind that some people might've noticed what was going on exactly. Besides that, I had no idea where Roxanne and her entourage had been sitting in the public. I knew they were in the V.I.P area, but even that space was rather large.

'Mister tall dark and handsome, of course!'

Michelle says matter-of-factly and Diane coughs behind her hand, trying to stifle her laughter.

'You know, the guy with the leather jacket and hoodie who was walking towards you in the crowd?'

Oh boy, these girls are good! I curse to myself, but my mouth betrays me as a small smile creeps up my face.

'So you do know him!'

Roxy yelps pointing her bony finger to my flared cheeks. I roll my eyes at her, too stunned to deny it. From all the questions I'd heard tonight, this wasn't one of them! People had seen me cry and tried to pry. But these girls seemed the only ones who'd seen the connection between Matt and me during the song.

'You girls would make killer reporters, you know that?'

I grunt, leaning back into the couch. This new piece of information certainly made Roxy forget all about her illness as she leans over to me with shining eyes and squeals.

'Is he your boyfriend?'

'...No.'

I answer her honestly and I can see her heart sink. I huff an ironic sigh, looking at both girls as I ask.

'Has either of you girls ever had a boyfriend?'

The girls exchange a few glances, Roxy shooting her mother one in between before they both nod.

'I've had a boyfriend.'

Michelle says her face as red as a tomato. Roxy nods a bit more timid as she murmurs.

'I~ I've had a ...crush.'

'Can both of you keep a secret?'

I tell them with my eyes it's serious and they can't go blabbering or twittering about this. They both nod their heads so hard I'm almost afraid they will screw loose. Along with their vigorous shakes, they make a cross over their hearts with their fingers. I smile sideways, grabbing both their hands as I tell them earnestly.

'What Michelle had was a crush. But you, Roxy... You truly loved that guy, didn't you? Maybe you still do?'

Her eyes grow wide and her mouth falls open. But no sound comes out, making me laugh softly as I tell her lovingly.

'I can tell... Because of the way you looked when you were thinking about him. I know because I look that goofy too when I think about, and I quote, mister tall dark and handsome you saw in the crowd.'

'So why isn't he your boyfriend then?'

Roxy asks quietly, not understanding why we wouldn't be together. I smile again at her innocence and counter back.

'I could ask the same. Why aren't you two together?'

She looks taken aback for a minute and before she can answer I stop her and say.

'I know our situations can't be compared, but that's also exactly the point. Sometimes there are things beyond our control and even if we don't mean for it to happen, it still does.'

Both her and Michelle's noses scrunch up as they try to decipher what I'm trying to say, making me and Diane chuckle softly. Michelle looks past me towards Roxy and they both shake their heads in unison as Michelle says with a sassy tone in her voice.

'Nope, we're not agreeing with that.'

'Neither am I, girls!'

Ryan snaps his fingers as he walks in holding a tray of goods, before closing the door again. Oh, great... Watson decided to join as well. I chuckle as Ryan sits down beside us like one of the girls and Roxy continues with a giddy tone.

'You two are perfect for each other! The way he looked at you when we saw him come closer to the stage reminded me of a movie. I can't remember which one, but in any case, he's crazy about you!'

August rush... I mumble to myself, the rest of Roxy's words not even settling in as the movie scene flashes before my eyes. It was just like that... I breathe. I hadn't even made the comparison until Roxy pointed it out to me. My heart swells at the thought and I quickly clear my throat, looking back up but the three of them are already engulfed in gossiping about my love life. I shake my head with a smile, shushing all of them with my hand before I tell them.

'Listen... I know all of you want a good end to this, but we're the ones who have to figure this thing out. We saw each other after the concert and said we would talk, later.'

'You better tell him how you feel too!'

Michelle ushers, her face serious. Roxy nods in agreement as Diane watches us in amusement.

'Who are these girls?! They're amazing and should drop by more often!'

Ryan giggles, high-fiving both of the girls one by one. Sweet Jesus! I shake my head laughingly, grabbing one of the donuts from the tray as we continue to talk girl-talk together. All of us laughed and giggled together for hours, just like we girls would do at a slumber party. Taking pictures, stuffing our faces, and talking boys. The best kind of ordinary there is...

***

A/N:

!!! Important !!!

Original song titles used in #Thirty:

#1. Hurts like hell. By: Fleurie.

#2. Sing for me. By: Christina Aguilera.#3. Stole the show. By: Kygo & Parson James.

Cover artist & video from song 3 by:

Sofia Karlberg.

All credits go to them and their producers, I do not own these songs, nor videos!!!
I only use them because I find them fitting with the storyline.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter and everything that had to do with Lexi's concert. This scene took an impressive amount of planning and I hope you guys all think it was worthwhile!
So be sure to show your love by voting or commenting. It means a lot!

Lots of love! xoxo Dominique Moust.