I close the door behind me, immediately sinking to the floor while dragging my fingers through my tangled hair.

'Someone looks like shit.
You know, considering you were stuck in an elevator with someone as hot as Tyler for the last few hours...'

I lift my head in Rebekah's direction, her voice sounds teasing but concerned at the same time. I leave out a sigh, not even trying to act like I'm happy. I cross my arms and put them on my knees, leaning my forehead against them.

'I feel like absolute shit!'

I groan, not knowing what to do about this whole situation.

'What the fuck happened?'

She mumbles, knowing something is off. I look up and see Bheks standing against the wall next to me, both her legs and arms crossed with a frown on her face.

'He called me beautiful this afternoon..'

I whisper, biting my lip. I'm pathetic. That's all I need to say for her to understand what's going on. She groans and slams the back of her head against the wall.

'Not this again...
I agree the boy could have a better choice of words, but hell! It's not like he knows Matt used to call you that!'

She shouts, throwing her hands in the air out of frustration.

'Dammit, Lex!
I thought we were past this!'

She mocks and she is right, I thought so too. At least, until today.

'It gets worse...'

I mutter, knowing she isn't going to like the next part. She looks at me with a painful face as she walks over to me and crouches in front of me. I gather all my courage and just start spitting the words at her.

'I told you I passed out in the elevator earlier, right?
Well... I had this weird dream. I was at the beach with ...Matty.'

I mumble, already feeling my eyes getting watery just thinking about it. Truly pathetic.

'It felt so real!
I knew it wasn't ...because Matty was acting different, but~'

'What do you mean by different?'

She asks her voice soft, assuring me that it's alright to talk to her. It's just strange to chat to Rebekah about it sometimes. I know she'll never spill to him, but it's just weird because Matt's her best friend.

'He acted all nice and stuff, like we were together or something..'

I sigh, knowing it sounds stupid. It was just my mind playing tricks on me and I feel like a fool for wanting to believe in it.

'He looked exactly the same, it creeped the hell outta me!
But suddenly I got so mad. A part of me doesn't even know why I got that mad.'

I say my voice barely a whisper, the scene going on in repeat inside my head. Bheks doesn't say anything. I'm not sure if she just doesn't know what to tell me, or if she's just listening and taking it all in.

'I flinched around and just started hitting him. He didn't even respond, he just stood there!'

I spit through gritted teeth, as I furiously wipe away the tears that have escaped my eyes.

'And I just kept going and going, until I couldn't do it anymore. The last thing I remember is sinking through my knees, crying, screaming..'

I whimper, as I stare blindly in front of me, terrified of the fact I really did that! I lost every sense of control. It happened before, but never with someone I actually cared about. I know I've got an awful temper, especially when I'm mad for a good reason. And this sure as hell is a good reason! But something's off, and I can't seem to figure out what exactly.

'Psycho Lexi?'

She breathes as she asks me. I nod, biting my lower lip in shame. I rather keep that side of me locked up, forever.

'You know he's one of the only persons around that can get through to that side, right?'

'Don't you dare give him that much credit! Loads of people have seen that side of me...'

I shout at her, as I stand up. Don't go there, Rebekah! I make my way to the kitchen and pull a cigarette out of the pack I keep in one of the drawers. I can hear Bhek's entering the kitchen muttering something underneath her breath I can't quite catch, though I can imagine what it is. Here she goes again. She stands next to me, lifting one eyebrow as soon as she sees me smoking.

'True. But it only happens when Matt is involved or when he's with you.
Except for when you went to our uncle, right after mom and dad died. And in that particular case, you had good reason to do so and I got your back. But other than that, keep her locked up! I don't give a shit if you need to smoke a pack a day to do so.'

She snaps at me and although I hate to admit it, she's right. Dammit!

'You don't think that if I could, I would just shove it all in a box and dump it in the Atlantic Ocean or something?! Matty's shit included!'

I growl, slamming my fist against one of the kitchen cabinets. It's not that easy Bheks!

'But I can't, alright!'

Devastated I push the end of my cigarette into the sink. What does she want me to do? Get amnesia?! Hell, if that was an option, I'd probably do it. I can see Rebekah walking towards the fridge from the corner of my eye, she opens up the freezer and comes walking back to me with a bucket of Ben & Jerry's in her hand.

'You saved me some?'

I ask, staring at her in disbelief. We Davins's love our food and when someone's too late, it'll be gone. That's the golden rule in our household. So yes, I'm quite surprised at the moment. Bheks giggles as she picks up two spoons out of the drawer.

'Yeah, I was about to eat it when I got your text. I must admit though, I ate the rest of the food.'

Head shaking I pick up one of the spoons and dive in. I close my eyes immediately as I taste the creamy chocolate flavor in my mouth. This is what heaven tastes like, I'm sure. I moan, my mouth stuffed with ice cream. Delicious, heavenly ice cream. I turn back to Rebekah giving her an appreciative smile. This was exactly what I needed.

'Listen. Why don't you head upstairs and take a nice long bath? I'll order you a pizza and bring it up to your room, that way you can chill for a bit and we'll continue this conversation tomorrow morning.'

Her idea sounds perfect to me and I nod as I grab the bucket of Ben & Jerry's.

'Pepperoni?'

I ask referring to the pizza and Rebekah looks back at me raising an eyebrow as if she's trying to say, what else? And she waves over at the bucket in my hand, that I should take it.

'Was planning on bringing it with me anyways! Thanks, Bheks.'

I chuckle as she walks out. I pick up my bag and make my way upstairs, still shoving some ice cream in my mouth. As I walk into my room I quickly look at my phone and see I've got no messages before I set my alarm and put it on the nightstand. Not in the mood to look at it again tonight. Still holding the bucket close to me, I walk over to the bathroom and turn on the hot water. I add a rose and jasmine bath bomb and take off my clothes while my nostrils take in the lovely scent and I can feel my body relax immediately. I take the bucket of ice cream and put it on a side table next to the bathtub. A shiver runs through my spine as I search for a lighter in one of the cabinets, as soon as I find it, I jump up and I rush to lit a couple of candles next to the tub. Satisfied I dim the lights and slide into the hot water, feeling it tickle my skin. With my toes, I press one of the buttons that turns on the bubble function.

'No better way to end a day like this...'

I whisper to myself, my eyes closed. I pick up the bucket of ice cream and scoop it empty, enjoying the feeling of the water jets underneath my body. Half an hour later I can hear the doorbell. Not a minute too soon, I nearly fell asleep. I dip my head underwater, washing out the residual hair conditioner before getting out of the tub, and quickly drying myself off. As I slip into my pajamas I can hear Bheks coming into my room.

'Here's your pizza!'

She shouts while I put my hair up into a bun murmuring thanks before I walk back into my room.
Bheks has already left again and I stroll over to the box on the nightstand, the smell of freshly baked pizza wafting through the room. When I open it my eyes soon start reading the piece of paper stuck into it, on the spot where two slices are missing.

Sorry I couldn't resist...
Enjoy your pizza,
I'll talk to you in the morning!
Wake me up?
Xoxo.

I pick up my phone while taking a bite out of one of the slices and I quickly go to my messages and text Rebekah.*So strange, the delivery guy keeps eating slices of my pizza... Maybe we should give them larger tips? Then they could buy their own frikkin' food. XD They even stick notes into it, flirty ones. Saying they "couldn't resist" and sending kisses... =O Also, they asked me to wake them up in the morning. Lazy bastard! -.- Haha, love ya. <3 Sleep tight! Xoxo* I turn on the TV and put on one of my favorite movies. Fast 5. Meanwhile, I finish my pizza and tuck myself under the sheets. Within a few minutes, I feel my eyes getting heavy and I decide to give in. It's not like I don't know how the movie ends...

***

The next morning I get up and rush myself to get ready. I slip into a black fitted tank top and put on a black pair of treggings underneath it, topping it off with a pair of black high-heeled boots. Something fitted to wear on the back of Ty's bike. Holy crap! I forgot to tell Rebekah! I think while I dash across the hall to Rebekah's room, swinging the door right open.

'Bheks, get your ass out of bed ASAP!'

Her head snaps up from underneath her pillow and I can't resist the urge to laugh at her words.

'Mjum... L-Lex?! W-Where's the fire?!'

'Sorry Bheks, no fire, it's just that Tyler's here in half an hour.'

'And that's my problem, how?'

She asks, her voice still sleepy but also jumping right out of bed. Nooo... You clearly aren't interested. I think as she can't fool me and a smile creeps up my face seeing her rush to get ready already. Let's get some fire underneath that butt of hers, shall we?

'It's your problem because he comes in early just so he can see your tattoo work.'

I smirk as her head snaps into my direction, her eyes twinkling.

'Wh-What?! You couldn't have told me this yesterday?!'

She growls as she jumps into a pair of pants. I take a couple of steps back, knowing she'll run over me if I don't while I mutter nonchalantly.

'Because of all that shit with Matt, I forgot.. I'll be downstairs making breakfast, and yes, I'll make yours as well.'

I say, already turning my back.

'God dammit! I also need to pick out a couple of books to show him and~'

'For fucks sake!
He isn't the damn pope! He's just some guy you fancy, chill the fuck down! You'll be fine.'

I shout back at her as I walk down the stairs not listening to her freaking out any further. I walk into the kitchen and make myself a cup of coffee and walk over to the freezer searching for one of Rebekah's bottles with frozen fruit before I pour some yogurt into it and screw it onto the smoothie maker. Meanwhile, I make a bagel for myself and throw Bheks some cereal into a bowl along with a bot of milk, just on time as she walks into the kitchen.

'Please tell me how you can eat that stuff every single day..'

I say while lighting a cigarette. She gives me a death glare and I almost burst out laughing from the look on her face as some of her cereal falls out of her mouth.

'Don't you dare make fun of my Peanut Butter Captain Crunch! It's the most delicious breakfast in the world.'

She groans while eating some more. I smile at her and finish my bagel.

'How are you feeling about yesterday?'

She asks slightly hesitant, I drag my fingers through my hair trying to get everything in my head in order. How can you feel after a day like that? It's not like I asked for all this, but I do have to figure out why I get so affected by it.

'Honestly? I'm not quite sure how I feel. It just feels like ...I don't get the whole picture or something.'

I huff. Not understanding my own damn brain, taking another draft from my cigarette.

'Just give it some time, Rome wasn't built in a day either..'

'Bhek's ..it's not been a bloody day. It's been three fucking years!'

Before she gets the chance to answer, the doorbell rings. I wink at her, gesturing to her that she should get it. Knowing it is Tyler. A little sparkle appears in her eyes as she side passes me to get to the door. Damn, Tyler clearly isn't a patient man. Within a minute he has managed to ring the doorbell three times already.

'Chill the fuck down!
I'm on my fucking way!'

I laugh at the echo of Rebekah's voice through the house. As I said, they're a perfect match.
I take my mug and walk over to the window, staring blindly at the view of the garden. I really need to get my act together. I start thinking about my conversation with Rebekah yesterday. She's right, I need to keep that inner demon of mine locked up. But... I still got the feeling that my brain is fuzzy on some of the details... Suddenly I remember that I used to write in my journal from time to time. If I can find it, it'll hopefully give me the answers I'm looking for. Just as I want to go upstairs, Tyler and Rebekah come walking back into the kitchen.

'Hey, Ty!
Do you mind if I'll leave you alone with Bheks for a little while?'

A cheeky grin appears on his face as he nods that it's fine while Bheks cheeks flush a deep red. I quickly wave them off and head upstairs, to the attic. Knowing myself I wouldn't hide my old journals in my room. Way too obvious and too easy to find. My hands immediately start rambling through boxes of old stuff. Damn! Don't we ever just throw stuff out?! I wonder as I throw some things aside. My eyes fall on a box with -Forgotten- written on it. I open up the box and scramble through it until my fingers feel the leather binding of my old diary. This is it. After I take it out I close the box and shove it back between the others. I take a seat on the floor and lean back against the wood around the stairs. I wanna get over him, for once and for all! So maybe starting at the beginning is for the better... I take a deep breath as I open up my old journal.