Epilogue

"You're late." 

"Fashionably late," Jack corrected, bending to kiss my cheek. "You didn't seriously think I'd miss this, did you?" 

"No," I replied. "And that's why I was annoyed because I knew you were late rather than just standing us up."

Jack shot me a cheeky smile as I shut the door after him. It wasn't the first time he'd visited mine and Nathan's flat, and that was evident by the way that he strolled casually across the room to help himself to a beer from the fridge. I watched him with amusement, slowly shaking my head to myself, as Nathan appeared by my side.

"Nice to see Jack's graced us with his presence," he commented, winding an arm around my waist.

"Yeah," I said dryly. "Over an hour into the party."

"Well, knowing him he'll probably stay later than everyone else anyway."

"True."

Nathan and I had been living together for nearly three months now, and having properly settled ourselves into the new flat, we'd thrown a flat-warming party. It wasn't a big event — mainly because we shared a lot of the same friends — but we preferred the intimacy of a close gathering.

"Has it sunk in yet?" Nathan then asked me, pinching my waist.

"It's just gone so quick!" I said for the fifth time that day. "I can't believe we're in November and I'm applying for my year abroad. It's going to be Christmas before we know it."

"Our first Christmas living together." Nathan pulled me closer to his body and planted a soft kiss on the top of my head. "I can't wait to decorate the flat and buy a tree..."

"Don't wish the time away!" I whined, wrapping my arms around his body and resting my head against his chest.

"Bella, it's gonna be fine." His chest vibrated with each word, soothing me as he ran a hand over my hair.

"Everything just feels so perfect now," I said, leaning back to look up at him. "I don't want to lose that when I move to Italy."

"The only reason you're so worried about Italy is because you've literally only just filled in the application form for it. It's fresh in your mind and it's still very much unknown. But we'll be fine."

"Promise?" I pouted, gazing up at him with pleading eyes.

He smiled gently, his own eyes filled with warmth and love. "I promise. We got through this year, didn't we? We faced some real obstacles, and we did it."

Unable to help myself, I glanced across the room to where Louisa and Pedro cuddled. He was sitting on the sofa whilst she perched on his knee, glass of wine in hand. They were talking and laughing, looking every bit as happy as a couple madly in love.

"I suppose," I agreed, tearing my eyes away from them as they began to kiss. "I mean, I guess we knew that living together would intensify things between us, and we decided to take that risk."

Nathan shrugged, not seeming too concerned, almost as though that was no longer a worry for him.

"Yeah," he said. "But that's going to help if anything, at least that's the way I see it. We're having such an amazing time living together and it's making our relationship stronger and stronger. That's a great basis for a long-distance one, even if it will be tough that we're apart."

"Yeah..."

"You just have to look at things from another angle," he then added. "It's going to be tough because we'll miss each other. But surely missing each other is better than not missing each other?"

"I suppose..."

"If we miss each other, it's because we still love each other very much, and that'll mean our relationship will be just fine."

I could see where he was coming from, but this year abroad was still worrying me. Obviously I was anxious about being by myself in a foreign country, making new friends and having to cope with the language, but I was mainly worried about being apart from Nathan.

My worries at the beginning of university seemed petty now. That was nothing. The time apart had felt like a huge deal, but now? I'd give anything to do that kind of 'distance' again, the type where you can feasibly see each other every week and you're just a train ride away, rather than a flight.

Nathan wasn't as worried, and that wasn't really surprising. He was always the more positive one, trying his best to quash my fears by acting as though there was nothing to worry about.

I couldn't help but think that he didn't have as much to worry about, though. He was staying in a familiar country, he still had friends here, he had a secure job that he was comfortable with, and he had no issues with the language. It seemed so much easier for him, and I was scared that I'd be the one curled up in my Italian bedroom, lonely and sad.

"Chin up," he said chirpily, squeezing my cheek. "This is supposed to be a party and we still have plenty of time left before you leave."

"Yeah, I know."

"I don't want your worries about the next year to affect what we have now," he said.

That was fair enough. I should make the most of my time with Nathan; the last thing I'd want would be for this year to be compromised because I was worrying about something I couldn't control.

"Not gonna lie, you're shit hosts." Jack had returned from doing the rounds, his beer bottle nearly empty. A small portion of the liquid remained in the bottom of the glass, which he swished around absentmindedly as he regarded Nathan and me.

We extracted ourselves from our embrace and I smoothed my hair to regain my composure.

"And less of the canoodling, too," he added with a smirk. "There's no excuse for that now that you're living together."

I pasted on a breezy smile. "I guess we just can't help ourselves."

He scoffed. "Ain't that the truth? Now, are you gonna entertain your guests, or what?" 

Considering it was such a small group of people, everyone managed to get on fine and there was no awkwardness. In a way, they'd all sort of already met anyway. Jess had met all the boys from my flat last year, Pedro had met everyone apart from Jess and Alex, Louisa was a social butterfly so she didn't have any issues with wandering around and igniting conversation with people, and Alex mainly stayed by Jess' side whilst she introduced him to people.  

At one point, he came over to Nathan and me by himself when Jess was grabbing another drink.

"It's a really nice place," he told us. "Congratulations, guys."

"Thanks, buddy." Nathan smiled, shaking his hand. "Are you and Jess planning for the future yet then, or...?"

Alex shuffled awkwardly, pulled a face and shrugged. "I don't know, mate. It's tricky at the moment. Obviously we had a bit of a rough time last year..."

Upon saying that, he glanced at me. It had been me who'd messaged Alex about sorting things out with Jess. Although he had done that, and he'd gone to visit her, there was the underlying suspicion that he might not have done it had I not interfered. A relationship shouldn't need encouragement. Both people should make an equal effort, and I didn't like that I'd had to give Alex a push.

"Every couple goes through rough patches," Nathan replied diplomatically. "You guys are great together."

"I know." He puffed out a long sigh. "It's just difficult. I try to explain it to her, but she doesn't get it. I hate being apart from her and I hate having to do long distance."

"It's part of your relationship, though," I told him. "It doesn't matter if you hate it. If you love her, then you'll do it."

Long distance would always be a touchy subject for me. After Matt had point blank refused to even try, I got angry every time another guy showed signs of giving up or not wanting to put in the effort.

"It genuinely is so hard to explain," he said, almost in desperation.

"I know you and Jess played down your relationship at school," I replied, "but things are different now. You're committed to each other, and you both have to put in equal effort if you want it to work."

"I'm not playing it down or trying to make it seem like it's not serious," he assured me. "I love Jess. I really do. I had a hard time settling into uni and the added stress of a long-distance relationship just made matters worse. I kept feeling like I had to choose between seeing her and bonding with my flatmates."

"I can see how it'd be difficult," I told him, not wanting to give him a hard time since I genuinely believed he was sorry. "It's all about finding a balance, I suppose."

"Yeah," he murmured. "I'm pretty ashamed. I think, at one point, I even tried to distance myself from her to ease the pain of being apart. It was really unfair, I know."

"Well, as long as you make the effort from now on, that's all that matters." I smiled in the hope that it didn't come across as a threat; I shouldn't even have to say things like that to Alex.

"You got a bathroom around here?" he asked. "Too much beer."

"Sure, I'll show you," Nathan offered. 

As Nathan and Alex left the room together, I noticed Jack heading up to Jess. He placed his hand gently on her back in greeting and she turned to smile friendlily at him. They immediately engaged in conversation but I was too far away to hear what they were saying. Despite only having met a couple of times, Jack and Jess had instantly clicked and I was thankful for that. It was always good when two different sets of friends got on with each other.  

"Oh God, is Jack hassling Jess again?" Nathan asked me as he returned to my side.

"They're just talking, I think."

"I just hope everything ends with Alex before anything starts with them."

I spun to face him. "What? What are you on about?"

Nathan's brow furrowed as he peered down at me. "It's obvious he likes her, isn't it?"

"Is it?"

"I don't know..." Hesitation struck him. "I mean, I thought it was but..."

I glanced across at the two of them again. Jack was talking animatedly about something, waving his now newly full beer bottle around whilst Jess nodded along in agreement. Could this be the reason for his secrecy? He'd been texting her and Skyping her but not wanted to tell me because of Alex?

An uncomfortable feeling churned in my gut. On the one hand, Jack and Jess would be great together and he'd treat her well. On the other hand, it wasn't fair on Alex; they'd been together for years and, despite his behaviour this year, he deserved to be treated with respect.

"Has he told you anything?" I asked Nathan directly. "I mean, if there was something going on, then you'd tell me, right?"

"Bella, Jack's a good guy and Jess is a decent girl. There's no way they'd be doing anything like that. I just assumed it was an innocent crush that was entirely one-sided."

I nodded. That could be true. Jack would be embarrassed to tell me about it if that were the case, especially since he knew Jess was off limits.

"True," I said. "Anyway, I'm going to grab another wine. Want anything?"

"Yeah, another beer would be great."

As I headed to the fridge, I caught the last part of Jess and Jack's conversation when squeezing past them both.

"...I study science so you can't fool me with your bullshit theories," Jess was saying.

"They're not bullshit; they're tried and tested," Jack replied. "This could be new research, you know. When you're looking for a dissertation topic..."

"Bell, your friend talks utter nonsense," Jess told me before taking a sip of her drink, her lips curled in amusement.

I smiled. "You get used to it. Just let it go in one ear and out the other."

"I'm explaining my theory on alcohol tolerance levels," Jack told me.

I rolled my eyes. "Not this again...tactical chundering is not an effective way of sobering up. End of story."

Jess smirked in triumph and pumped her eyebrows at Jack. He smirked back at her, but she appeared to have won the debate since he soon excused himself.

"I saw you chatting to Alex earlier," Jess said as I popped the lid of Nathan's beer bottle.

"Yeah," I replied. "I think he feels a bit out of his comfort zone because he doesn't know many people here."

Jess wrinkled her nose as she glanced around the room. "There's not that many people here, though."

"Sometimes that's worse. If it's more intimate, then there's more pressure to talk to people."

"Where is he now?" She pushed up onto her tiptoes to survey the room.

"The bathroom. Is everything okay with you two?"

"Yeah, I guess. We had a great summer, as expected. Now we're just trying to transition back into long distance. It was always going to be a bit bumpy when we restarted it."

I couldn't find an already open bottle of wine and so bent down to root through the wine rack whilst I thought of my response.

"Are you happy, Jess?" I asked eventually, placing the bottle down onto the counter to give her my undivided attention.

She frowned. "Of course. Why?"

I shrugged. "Just checking. You and Alex were deliriously happy in school, and I know the last year has been tough. I just want to make sure you're still okay with everything."

She sighed and stared into the liquid in her glass. "Alex and I are meant to be together. We'll work it out."

A wave of sadness washed over me. I'd known Jess nearly all my life and I could tell she wasn't happy. There were undoubtedly happy moments in her relationship with Alex — just like old times — but I assumed they were now few and far between.

Jess leaned backwards against the counter, signalling that she wasn't leaving any time soon, and I got back to my wine mission. Rather than even attempting to extract the cork myself, I caught Louisa's eye and waved the bottle at her.

"You offering me some?" she asked with a smile, heading over.

"No, I can't open it."

With effortless ease, she twisted the corkscrew into the bottle and then pushed the wings down to pull the cork upwards. She then put the bottle between her legs and yanked the corkscrew. The cork sprung out with a loud pop.

"I'll give myself a top up whilst I'm here," she said.

"Thanks," I replied. "I'll buy a screw top bottle next time."

She laughed and headed back over to Pedro with her full glass of wine. I offered Jess some, but she shook her head.

"So, I've been talking to Jack quite a lot," she said with a feigned level of nonchalance that suggested she'd been building up to this conversation.

"Oh, really?" I responded, trying hard to keep my tone casual, too.

"Yeah, I mean, I could see Nathan and you talking about it just then," she replied with a small smile. "You weren't very subtle, and I've been meaning to tell you for a while now, not because there's anything to it, but just because, well, I don't know..."

"Is there anything to it?"

She shook her head. "No, nothing. Nothing has happened, but it's nice. He's nice to talk to and he cheers me up. We've just been talking quite a lot and I thought it'd be weird if I didn't tell you, because then it actually looks like we're being secretive."

"Does Alex know?"

She shrugged. "I've mentioned it, but I don't think he's concerned. He doesn't have a reason to be concerned."

"Jack's been very secretive recently," I said. "It started at the end of last year, and obviously now I don't see him as much, but he's protective over his phone and won't talk to me about girls anymore."

"There's nothing flirty in the messages," Jess assured me, gesturing towards Jack's phone that sat neatly on the kitchen counter. "I'd never do that to Alex, no matter how strained things got..."

"I think Jack would definitely go there." I lowered my voice.

She sighed and closed her eyes. "Don't say that, Bell..."

"Why?"  

"Because I don't know whether you're saying it as a warning or a hint," she replied, looking in pain. "I really want to work things out with Alex. I can't use Jack as a second choice or a back-up plan. I don't want to lead him on and if he doesn't like me then that'll make things so much simpler." 

I had to approach this sensitively. The way she'd approach it with me if the tables were turned.

"I realise it must be so hard contemplating that your relationship with Alex might be running its course," I said. "You guys had something really special. Coming from someone who used to be in denial during a relationship, sometimes you just have to accept it's changed. I didn't accept that, and I got hurt. I don't want you getting hurt."

She ran a hand through her hair and stared into the distance. Everyone else in the room was laughing and chatting, blissfully unaware of the deep conversation that Jess and I were having.

"It's just frustrating," she murmured. "Things are great when we're together and then fall apart when we're not. How can that be right? More than that, though, I hate that they're two extremes. How am I supposed to decide what to do when all I can think about is the good times we're still having?"

"Maybe you do just need to settle into it again," I told her. "I know this doesn't help, but Alex really does love you. He's not doing the best job of showing it, but people deal with things in different ways and at least he's trying."

She nodded. "In fairness, he's trying much harder this year than last year."

I reached to give her a hug and she embraced me back. "You can talk to me about anything, Jess. You know that."

"Thanks, Bell."

She pulled away from the hug and forced a smile. "I think I'll have some of that wine, after all." 

*

As Nathan and I lay in bed that night, I told him about Jess' predicament. Just like I'd expect, he was sympathetic towards her and agreed it was a difficult situation.

"How do you know when to give up?" I said. "Every time you think you should give up, you can't help but reminisce about all the good times and it just makes you want to try harder."

Nathan sighed. "It's a tricky one. I think she'll know, though. She's an intelligent girl and she saw you go through a tough time. She'll want to look after herself."

"I hope so."

"Sometimes, with these things, you just know," he said. "And once you know, you just have to hold your breath and take the plunge, having full faith that you're diving in the right direction."

I nodded and snuggled closer. "It's just weird to think they might split up. Everyone thought they'd be the ones to get married for sure."

"It shows you just never know."

We were silent for a while, but I could tell we were both thinking the same thing. I was the one to address it.

"And us? Do we know?"

"Of course we know," he said confidently. "We've had our tests and we passed them with flying colours. We're stronger than ever, Bella."

"I know," I said quietly.

"It's natural to worry, and to be honest I'm a little bit glad that you're worried," he admitted. "It shows you're scared of losing me. I wouldn't ever want us to get complacent. What we have is too special for complacency."

"We'll be okay."

"We will," he said firmly, squeezing my shoulder and then planting a rough kiss on my forehead. "You're my little Italian beauty, and you have been ever since I met you in that bar."

"Even though I'm not Italian."

"Your name is," he shot back. "Why else do you think I called you Bella?"

I laughed. "Alright."

"We'll be okay, Bella. We'll get through the year."

I closed my eyes and draped my arm over his hard stomach. Maybe we would encounter difficulties next year — I'd be amazed if we didn't — but that was next year. What we had now was completely different and irrelevant. We were living together, and this was a new chapter for us. Why ruin one chapter by worrying about what happens further on in the book?

Nathan and I were stronger than ever. We were a lot more communicative and honest with each other. I'd managed to get under his skin, and he'd opened up about his past. Trust had been developed in many ways. I was growing up, and he was becoming more mature and wiser by the day, if that was even possible.

Through everything that happened, and all the obstacles we faced, not a day went by when I didn't think the same thing to myself: I'm so lucky.

As we drifted off to sleep that evening, ready to face a fresh day of living together tomorrow, that thought bounced around in my mind. I'm so lucky to have someone who wants to commit to me whilst I'm abroad. I'm so lucky to have someone who'll always communicate with me and put in the effort even though I'm hundreds of miles away. I'm so lucky to have someone who loves me as much as I love them.

As sleep began to take over me, I murmured one last sentence to Nathan, both as a goodnight and as a piece of positivity that reflected our relationship: 

"We'll get through it."

THE END

—

I genuinely can't thank you all enough for the support you've given me with this story. I read your comments, and I honestly well up sometimes. I never thought people would enjoy my writing as much as they seem to, and I'm honoured to be able to share Bella and Nathan's journey with you. A huge thank you to everyone who has voted, commented or followed me due to this story. You make my day, and you're the people who encourage me to carry on writing. I have so much love for you guys - thank you for everything xx 

If you want to read a bonus chapter about Nathan and Bella going on holiday with Jess and Alex,  join my Beach Holiday tier on Ream! This tier will also give you access to Office Affairs and Behind Office Doors, which used to be in Wattpad Paid, as well as early access to the completed Bodyguard and Written in Stone books, my newest stories currently still being updated on Wattpad. Note: The Getting Under Nathan bonus chapter used to be posted on Wattpad but is now exclusive to Ream -- it is NOT a new chapter, so if you're a re-reader, you may have already read it!