Chapter 15 - "Trust me."

**Sexual content in this chapter**

I didn't go out and buy sexy underwear, but I did put a matching set on, just in case.

"That's a nice dress," Jack said as he strolled into my room. "It's a shame that it's gonna end up being thrown carelessly onto Nathan's bedroom floor."

"Don't be ridiculous," I said softly, twisting in the mirror to check the back of the dress. "Nathan always removes my clothes with the utmost care."

Jack snorted with laughter. "You look good, Izzy."

"Thanks," I said, shooting him a grateful smile. "It's always so much pressure to dress up for occasions like this."

"I'm sure he'll think you look good in whatever you wear," Jack told me. I waited for the inevitable comment about him preferring me out of clothes, but it didn't come.

"What are your plans for tonight?" I asked him, as I started to shove items into my bag. The bag was too big for evening use really, but it went perfectly with this dress.

"Rest so that I'm fully energized for our social tomorrow night. I'm so excited, Izzy. Are you excited?"

"Yeah," I said, my voice not portraying any excitement whatsoever.

"It'll be so fun! Come on, lighten up."

"What if I get tied to a loser?" I muttered. "Or someone really awkward? What if they hit on me?"

Jack rolled his eyes. "I'll keep my eye on you. If they look like a sleaze then we'll swap partners, alright?"

That was sweet of him, though I was curious to find out if he'd keep to that promise if he ended up with a really hot girl.

"Thanks," I mumbled.

"Now go out with Nathan and have a nice evening, okay?" His smile of encouragement settled some of my nerves. "Oh, wait! I almost forgot!"

He dashed out of my room. His footsteps pounded down the corridor and into his own room. Sighing to myself, I pulled my door shut, locking it. I needed to make a move else I'd miss the bus.

"Here," Jack said, reappearing suddenly with a card in his hand.

I took it from him slowly, twisting it over to read the writing. 

- To Nathan & Isobel

"Ah, Jack." I leaned to hug him. "That's so sweet. Thank you."

He smiled and shrugged modestly. "Well, Nathan and I are tight. And you're my flatmate. It'd be rude not to."

"Ooh, Izzy, are you leaving?" Hayley asked, sticking her head out from inside her room. "I got you something too!"

Another card? That would be really thoughtful of Hayley...

She emerged from her room carrying a bag with the distinctive Ann Summers logo. "Here. Happy anniversary!"

"Hayley, I told you that I don't need underwear..."

"Oh, it's not underwear." Mischief tickled her lips.

"Come on. Open it. Let's have a look!" Jack tugged at the drawstrings.

I shot him a scowl. "Yeah, I bet you're interested."

Then I peered into the bag warily, causing Hayley to sigh impatiently and tear it out of my hands.

"I'll show you," she said. And she pulled out a fluffy, pink blindfold and a tub of some kind of cream.

Jack burst into laughter, practically doubling over. "Oh, fucking brilliant."

Hayley simply smiled innocently at me. "Why are you blushing? I've used this cream before. It's amazing. It really heightens your—"

"Um, Nathan and I...we aren't really..." I stuttered over my words, completely and utterly mortified.

"Oh, trust me." Hayley winked. "You'll thank me for it."

*

Nathan was already sitting at the table when I arrived at the restaurant, and he stood up to greet me as I approached him.

"You look lovely." He kissed my cheek, then squeezed my hand before we both took our seats.

"You're not looking so bad yourself." My eyes took in his shirt and tie ensemble. Nathan knew exactly how I felt about him wearing shirts and ties.

"I'm glad you appreciate the effort I go to for you." He poured me some wine.

"I do," I assured him, picking up my glass and raising it in toast. "Happy first anniversary."

He tapped his glass against my own. "Best year of my life."

And he said it with such seriousness that I actually blushed, and a shy smile worked its way onto my lips.

"How was your day?" he asked me, turning his eyes down onto the menu in front of him.

"It was fine," I replied. "Standard really. I only have the two lectures in the morning on a Wednesday."

"You students get it so easy," he teased. "Wednesday afternoons off? It's outrageous."

"Maybe one day I should spend the Wednesday afternoon in your office, getting some work experience."

He snickered. "Bella, if you spent an afternoon in my office with me, then the experience you'd get would not be work-related."

Once we'd ordered, Nathan began talking about his day at work and an opportunity that his boss had offered him.

"It's six months in Italy," he was saying. "It's the same department but just over in Italy."

"Is that a standard thing?" I asked.

He nodded. "Yeah. And then they have Italians over here, like an exchange. It's to make sure our language skills are kept in check. I know I'm spending the whole day translating, but I'm not using the language verbally."

"You do go to Italy though," I said. "I mean, you're going at Christmas, and you'll probably go at Easter...we spent half the summer over there..."

"Yeah. I could turn it down if I wanted to."

"Are you tempted?" I asked.

I tried to sound impartial, but my stomach clenched with nervous knots. Six months? Being apart from each other in the same city was difficult. How would I cope with being apart from him in a different country?

Worried that I might appear to be dissuading him, I quickly spoke up again. "You should go. It's a great opportunity. And no matter how strong your language skills are, you can't deny that they'll improve."

His eyes stared into mine for a good couple of seconds before he nonchalantly shrugged and took a sip of his wine.

"I don't know. Not this year. Maybe in a couple of years. That's when you'll be doing your year abroad, isn't it?"

"Oh," I said. "Yeah. It would be."

"And if you keep up your Italian, then you may end up spending it in Italy," he replied. "We could move there together...get a place..."

Excitement fluttered through me at the thought of moving in together. And if it was in Italy, then that'd be even better. It would be like a completely new chapter for both of us.

"But that's two years away yet," he said quickly. "I get that you probably don't want to think about all that at the moment."

"No," I said quickly. "I mean, yeah, it's two years away. But I do want to think about it. We wouldn't necessarily be in the same city, though."

He shrugged and took another sip of wine. "We can cross that bridge when we get to it."

"You seem to have it all thought out," I added with a smile.

"There wasn't much to think about," he said, as if it was nothing. "I'm not keen on moving away from you. The only way I'd do it would be if you were moving there too."

"Nathan." I lowered my voice. "You can't let me get in the way."

"You're not. You're not asking me to stay. This is a decision that I'm making. Besides, I've only been at the company for a couple of months. I want to get used to them first before I agree to move abroad and work for them over there."

Our food arrived, and we moved onto less intense topics of conversation. Nathan was beginning to bond with some of his colleagues at work, which pleased me. I hated to think he was cooped up in his office all the time, working himself into the ground.

"All three of them are season ticket holders for Arsenal," he said. "And so when one of them can't go to a match, they said they're more than happy for me to take their place."

"That's exciting," I replied. "You haven't been to an Arsenal game in years."

"Yeah, and something tells me that it wouldn't be your cup of tea." He smiled.

"Not exactly, but let me know if any of them have Wimbledon tickets."

At nine o'clock, we headed out of the restaurant and caught a cab to Nathan's flat.

"What time is your first lecture tomorrow?" Nathan asked me as he shoved his key into the lock and kicked the door open.

"Twelve. No early night for me."

Once inside, I stood up on my tiptoes, extending my arms over his shoulders and linking my hands together behind his head.

"What did you have in mind?" His suggestive tone triggered butterflies through my tummy.

I pressed my body up against his, then drew his mouth down to mine.

The kissing was soft and sweet to begin with. Nathan's lips moved gently over my own as I let myself slide back down his frame and lean against the wall. Trapped between his chest and the wall, I sank my hands into his dark blond strands.

When I kissed Nathan, I often found it hard to think about anything other than him. But right now, all I could think about was that we'd been together one year. It was just one year and yet it felt so much longer. How had we wasted time? Whyhad I wasted time on a loser like Matt?

Over this past year, Nathan had done such a lot for me. He'd put up with such a lot, everything from my distress over Matt, to my insecurities over our relationship. What had I done to deserve him? What could I possibly give back? Nathan had often said that just the fact I loved him was enough. He'd said now that he had me, he didn't want anything else.

Powered by an intoxicating combination of lust and love, I snaked a hand down from Nathan's hair, to in between our bodies. My fingers fumbled with his belt, until Nathan swiftly moved his own hands down to help me. His trousers fell to the floor, pooling at his ankles.

I let out a whimper as Nathan's kisses moved to my neck. My whole body was on fire, and when he pressed his hips into mine, his erection rubbed between my legs, as if he knew exactly where he needed to touch me. It was all I could do not to grab his hand and put it right where I needed it. But I refrained. It'd be so much more satisfying if he did it himself.

Slowly, he inched up my dress until it was around my waist. Cold air immediately hit my exposed hips but that was soon replaced by warmth when Nathan roughly shoved his pelvis back against mine. The sensation was so intense that I accidentally yanked at his hair harder than I intended to. Rather than wincing, though, Nathan groaned.

Did he like me tugging on his hair? Maybe we should start discussing these things. Couples often told each other the stuff they liked. But was I ready to tell Nathan exactly how I liked to be touched and kissed and treated? I'd always sort of hoped he could work it out for himself by my reactions.

Fingers quivering, I started to loosen Nathan's tie and undo his shirt buttons. Following suit, he tugged the zip down at the back of my dress. With so little clothes between us, I briefly wondered whether we'd actually make it to the bedroom.

With excruciating leisure, his hand trailed down my body, coming to rest between my legs. I breathed out another torturous whimper, one that quickly turned into a gasp as Nathan smoothed his thumb over my clit.

"Nathan," I whispered, my fingers clutching his hair again, my eyes scrunched shut, trying desperately not to let go of the sensation.

"Tell me what you want, Bella," he murmured in my ear. "Whatever you want, you can have it..."

"I want you."

"Tell me what you want me to do." His lips grazed my cheek in a contrastingly affectionate gesture.

I couldn't tell him. I could only show him. So I moved his hand beneath the waistband of my underwear. He responded immediately, shoving a finger inside me with such force that I let out a cry. I could no longer feel my legs. In fact, I could no longer feel any part of my body apart from where Nathan was touching.

"Bella," he mumbled in my ear. "I really do not want to fuck you against the wall on our anniversary..."

"Would you rather over a bar?" I couldn't help but respond. It was meant as a joke, but my breathy voice made it sound serious.

"Fuck..." He groaned, removing his finger and pressing his hips back against mine. "Don't make me think about that."

Now that his mind was back there, I dropped to my knees and pulled down his boxers.

"Oh, Bell-ahh!" He gasped, cutting off my name when my mouth made contact with him.

His fingers twisted in my hair, but I didn't even register the pain. I sucked him deep, but my gagging was drowned out by a knock at the door.

"Nathan?" an elderly female voice called. "I've got your post again!"

I froze. Nathan glanced at me and slowly held a finger to his lips, telling me to keep quiet.

"Thanks!" he called back to the woman. "Can you wedge it under the door please? I've just got out of the shower."

A few seconds later, a few envelopes appeared underneath the door. I scrambled to my feet before my knees could block their passage. After quickly pulling up his boxers, Nathan bent down and tugged at the post until it squeezed through the small gap.

"Thank you!" he called.

I reached down for my dress. Nathan, however, had other ideas. His hand shot out to catch my wrist.

"Leave it off." He pulled me into his body and wrapped his arms around me. "She had the worst timing ever."

I chuckled into his chest and leant back to look at him. His eyes were sparkling with amusement.

"Nice that you prioritise your post over blow jobs."

His face split into a grin. "You joke, but you don't realise how persistent she is. Think it would have killed the mood if we'd let her carry on knocking for twenty minutes."

"She just really cares about you getting your post."

He hummed. "I quite like you in this matching set of underwear."

I glanced down at my body and couldn't help but laugh at the irony. "You know, when I got dressed, I wasn't even expecting us to have sex. But I thought I'd put these on just in case, what with it being our anniversary and all..."

"Ah, so you didn't expect me to force you to keep your clothes off? Well, I think you dressed perfectly for the occasion."

I rolled my eyes. Remembering Jack's card, I decided now was the perfect time to distract him.

"Jack got us something," I said, my eyes scanning the room for where I'd carelessly dropped my bag. I spotted it underneath the dining table and hurried over to retrieve it, very aware of Nathan's eyes on my scantily clad body.

"Kind of him," Nathan commented as he plopped down onto the sofa. I joined him and opened my bag to search for the card. "An anniversary card?" he guessed when I handed it over.

He opened it and I peered at the message inside, fully expecting it to be something inappropriate and funny. It wasn't. It was a normal message, wishing us the best and congratulating us on one year together.

"How sensitive of him," I murmured.

"I like Jack," Nathan said quietly. "He's a decent lad."

I nodded. "He really is."

Nathan's eyes then strayed back to my bag. "Did he get us a present too?" he asked, his eyes lighting up as he reached inside the bag.

I remembered at the last second that I'd shoved Hayley's Ann Summer's present in there. Quick as a flash, I reached to grab Nathan's wrist, preventing him from pulling out the bag, hence saving me another episode of mortification.

"No," I said quickly. "That's not from Jack."

Nathan's eyes assessed my hand that was tightly gripping his wrist, quickly working out that I didn't want him to see the contents of the bag. "Who's it from?"

"Nobody," I replied, trying to stay casual. With my free hand, I tried to reach for the bag to move it out of his grasp. Nathan was quicker this time, and we soon found ourselves locked in a battle of who was stronger. I, of course, lost as Nathan squirmed to reach for the pink bag.

"Who's it from?" he repeated.

"No," I whined, desperately trying to get my hands on it. He held it out of my reach though, his eyes twinkling with amusement again. "Nathan!"

"I'm very curious... You seem intent on not letting me see what's inside..."

"It's nothing," I insisted, resorting to climbing onto his lap to reach the bag.

When that still failed, I tried another tactic. I pressed my mouth against his. Since we were both wearing minimal clothes, it didn't take long for the kiss to heat up. And as soon as our tongues connected, it was like my body remembered what had been happening ten minutes ago. I hadn't let Nathan finish me off, and suddenly I burned for him again.

"This isn't fair," he murmured against my mouth as I started to grind on him, taking advantage of his erection. "You're using your body as a distraction..." And his fingers suddenly snapped open my bra clasp. I tore it off quickly and then pressed my chest back up against his. He shuddered, his hand spanning my bare back as he held me against him.

Feeling bolder at how I was affecting him, I moved my mouth to his neck and started to slowly kiss him. Considering how Nathan was always the one in control, I assumed he'd appreciate the role reversal.

"Ooh, nice blindfold."

My lips froze at his neck. For a second, I was too embarrassed to move, but Nathan soon leant back, meaning I had no option but to look at him since I was pretty much straddling him.

"You complete and utter dick."

He winked. "Don't play games that you can't win, Bella," he smirked, dangling the blindfold in front of me.

Groaning, I slid off him and sat at the end of the sofa, curling my legs up to my chest. I had no other choice but to sit there and watch as he took the cream out of the bag to inspect that too. His eyes noticeably lit up with interest. I sat there, trying to ignore how hot and bothered I felt. Surely Nathan must have felt the same?

He didn't say anything for a while, but then he turned to me. "Do you trust me?" he asked.

I frowned. "Of course I trust you. Why?"

"Will you let me do something?"

My heart skipped a beat. What was he asking? "Like what?"

"Close your eyes," he said quietly. "I'm not gonna hurt you, don't worry."

"I know you're not gonna hurt me," I said. "You'd never hurt me."

"Exactly," he said. "Close your eyes."

Reluctantly, I closed my eyes. What was he up to? I listened carefully for any clues but heard nothing. Then his mouth nudged against mine and he gave me one soft kiss on the lips. Slowly, his fingers caressed my face and then he pressed the blindfold gently against my eyes and pulled the string around my head. I immediately tensed.

"Are you okay?"

I swallowed and nodded. "What are you going to do to me?"

"Nothing, Bella," he said with conviction. "I'm not going to touch you, okay?"

"Okay."

When his fingers brushed against mine, I automatically opened my hand to hold onto him.

"How do you feel?" he asked me.

How did I feel? Now that I was holding his hand, I felt safe. Having my sight taken away from me?

"Sort of vulnerable," I said. "But better now you're holding my hand."

"Remember when we had that phone conversation that night?" he asked me. "About stuff we hadn't done?"

"Yeah," I said, remembering it clearly. "Is this you trying out something new?"

"No. At least it doesn't have to be. I want to take away your sight so that you're not looking at me. When you look at me you get nervous and embarrassed. You'll discuss stuff over the phone but you won't do it to my face, right?"

"I guess."

His fingers caressed mine. "Do you want to know a secret?"

I smiled. "Always."

"I've slept with a lot of girls, Bella..."

"That's not a secret."

He chuckled. "Let me finish. I don't think any of those girls ever reacted the way you reacted to me just against that wall."

What was the point in this conversation? An ego boost? I doubted Nathan needed his ego boosting.

"They're probably more experienced than me," I mumbled. "They're probably more used to it or something."

He ignored that, or so I thought. "Sex against a wall really isn't that great."

"I'll take your word for it," I told him, my face heating up. "God, I'm sorry..."

"Why are you apologizing?" he asked, and I knew he was frowning. Wearing this blindfold was pretty pointless really. I could still picture Nathan's face clearly.

"Because I know you want to discuss this stuff and I'm really, really shit at talking about it."

"Bella, it's fine," he assured me, squeezing my hand. "You'll grow more used to it...the main reason I want to discuss it is so that I know what you're thinking all the time."

My mouth twisted into a small smile, and I was grateful that I didn't have to see his reaction.

"And I want to make things the best that they can be for you," he added.

"You're already good."

"That's irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. Just because I'm good at something, doesn't mean I'm doing it the best way. You need to tell me what you like...where you liked to be touched, kissed...how you like to be touched and kissed..."

"But, Nathan, you can tell all that by my reactions," I insisted.

"I can tell when you're enjoying something," he emphasised. "But how can I tell if there's something you'll enjoy more? It's just guess work."

"Well you're a good guesser."

"I'll have to take your word for it." Then he quietly asked, "Can I kiss you?"

My heart lurched. Still blindfolded, there was an extra element of vulnerability. I wanted to try it, though.

I nodded.

The warmth of his breath floated over my lips, then his mouth gently brushed mine. The lack of sight heightened the sensation of the kiss, as if my other senses had amplified.

"Bella," Nathan whispered afterwards. "If ever I try to do something that you're not comfortable with, then you have to tell me, alright?"

"Of course," I said.

"Because if you don't talk about it, then it does sort of become a guessing game," he continued. "And I don't want to guess wrong."

"I trust you," I told him. "But I promise I won't let you do something I'm not comfortable with."

He kissed me again, harder this time, his tongue sliding through my lips to find my own. Despite being blindfolded, the kiss made me feel safe and my hands automatically twisted into his hair again.

When kissing, the blindfold would make no difference – I kissed with my eyes shut anyway. But I noticed the difference the most when Nathan pulled away from the kiss and I had no idea where he'd gone. Just as I was about to speak, his lips skimmed over my neck. I shivered, almost with anticipation.

He planted another kiss on my chest and my body twitched again.

"You okay?" he whispered.

I nodded and then reached to pull the blindfold off, squinting as my eyes adjusted to the light again.

"In a way, I feel like this sort of stuff is bringing us closer. It's making me trust you more...and trust you in different ways."

"I like that you can trust me. It's one of the most important things in our relationship, one of the things I value the most."

We curled up together on the sofa for a little while longer, before I began to become aware of the time.

"You should take me back. I don't want to keep you up too late."

He chuckled but sat up anyway, extending his arms above his head and arching his back to stretch. I couldn't help but watch all his muscles ripple as he did it.

"Do you know what's impressive?" he asked me. "We've spent the whole evening in our underwear and we haven't had sex."

I laughed and reached down for my bra to put it back on. "Impressive," I agreed. "Or maybe your body just isn't as great as you think it is."

He snorted. "Nah, that's definitely not it."

The banter continued as we got dressed, and I reflected upon how symbolic this anniversary had been of our whole relationship. It had been full of confiding, joking, teasing, serious conversations, and experimenting. The perfect mix.

"I've got something for you," Nathan said just as we were about to leave. He headed into his bedroom and emerged with a white envelope, the wrong size to be an anniversary card.

"I thought you said we weren't getting each other anything?"

"I know," he said lightly. "But I couldn't resist. Open it when you get home, okay?"

"Not now?"

He shook his head. "No. When you're home."

"Okay." I took the envelope from him and dropped it into my bag.

It had felt like the perfect evening, and like most of our evenings, it had gone differently to how I'd expected. Nathan and I shared a long, tender kiss in the car when he pulled up outside my block of flats, one that went on for a good ten minutes without a break. I genuinely could never get bored of kissing him.

"I love you," he whispered afterwards, staring into my eyes. "This has honestly been the best year of my life, Isobel."

My eyes welled up at his sincerity. How could I possibly put into words everything that I felt for this boy?

"Thank you," I murmured. "For everything. Everything that you've done both purposely and inadvertently."

He gave me a small smile and then one last peck on the lips. "Get out," he said. "Before I end up driving you straight back to mine."

I grinned and hooked my bag over my shoulder. "Text me when you get home."

"I will," he said. "If you've not text me first."

As I climbed the stairs to my flat, I briefly wondered what he meant by that. Everyone's doors were shut and I was thankful that I could just go straight to my room without anybody's interrogation. The first thing I did was take out that envelope and open it up. And when I realized what it contained, I then understood exactly what Nathan had meant.

--

Thank you for reading :)xx