Kabanata 24

Test

Ilang taon akong pabalik-balik sa Cebu para sa business na inumpisahan ko. May iilang beses na dapat naman talaga akong manatili na lang doon pero pinipilit ko pa ring umuwi kahit sa weekend lang.

The scandal made me very mistrustful when it comes to friends. I am friends again with Margaux but I can't say it stayed the same. I'm... somewhat... distant. Kahit sa mga bagong kaibigan ko sa Silliman. I wanted to study in Cebu or Manila for college but the scandal made my parents very strict. They wanted me to study in Altagracia. At kung hindi ko pinilit, kahit sa Silliman, hindi nila ako papayagan. Mabuti na lang at nakumbinsi ko nang sa bahay ng Lola ako titira habang nag-aaral doon. My parents stayed there with me almost the whole time I studied for college. My curfews were more strict.

Nakabalik si Ate Soling at ang driver namin dahil sa pamimilit kong akuin ang buong kasalanan. They only acted because I ordered them to. I was grateful because for most of the scandal's topics, my parents didn't try to hear me. When I told them it was my fault, that I lured Alonzo on that place, I confessed that I love him, or that I kissed him first, they won't hear me. They are more comfortable blaming someone else. Even when our guidance counselor alerted my parents about my confession at school, they still choose to put the blame on Alonzo.

He ran away so he must be guilty. He is guilty.

I was a minor. I don't know what I'm talking about.

It still haunts me after all those years. I never tried to move on or maybe because I wasn't really supposed to. It was that part of my life that I needed to be here right now.

Hindi na rin siguro iyon ang dahilan kung bakit hanggang ngayon wala pa akong boyfriend. I tried and dated some classmates way back in college, but I can't seem to like anyone in a different way. Lahat, para sa akin, acquaintances lang. Ni pahirapan ang pagkakaroon ng kaibigan. Ipinagpapasalamat ko na rin dahil hindi naman ako makakapunta sa mga parties at sleepovers dahil laging nakabantay si Mommy at Daddy.

Ang mga naging kaklase ko noong college, naging business connections ko na lang din. Hindi na gaya noon na best friend o kahit close friend, gaya ni Margaux at Ella.

"Aalis ka raw, sabi ni Tita? Kuwento ko lagi ka naman talagang umuuwi ng Negros pero sabi niya, this time, magtatagal ka roon? Totoo?"

"Oo, Larissa. Nakauwi na nga ako, e."

"Oh my! Ang bilis, ah? Hindi naman siguro magbabago ang production? I have three branches in Mandaue, one in Lapu-Lapu, now, Sancha. Ayokong sabihin ng customers na dumami lang ang branch, nauubusan na ng mga products."

I chuckled. "That won't happen. I hired more people bago ako nagdesisyong mag open ng branch dito."

"Bakit ka ba mag-oopen diyan. Hindi man lang sa Dumaguete. Sa probinsiya n'yo pa talaga."

I sighed. "Ate Peppa built a new commercial building here. Walang kukuha sa unang palapag kaya roon na ako. I'll have less cost for this so I'll give it a try. Plus, I already have a very trusted manager. Kaya mas lalong okay."

I smiled as I remember Ate Soling's joy when I told her I'll hire her as my manager. She can't forever be my yaya. Malaki na ako ngayon at ni driver, ayaw ko nang magsama. I know how to drive. One of the first things I tried to learn just to prove to myself that I can be independent.

"Oh! Alright. That's great! Trusted, huh..." she chuckled.

I kno she remembers our college days when I was always distant to everyone. I don't trust anyone. I only need to trust her and our groupmates because we're on the same group. Kung hindi pa dahil doon, hindi na siguro ako magtitiwala kahit kanino.

"Oh sige. I'll just call you again to check on it."

"Don't worry. I'll check the productions always. Isa pa, luluwas ako ng Cebu kung may problema man."

"Hmm. Hindi ka nagkaboyfriend dito sa Cebu. Paano ka magkakaboyfriend sa probinsiya n'yo?"

Natawa ulit ako. "Tatandang dalaga na lang. Mag-aalaga na lang ng maraming pusa habang nagtsa-tsaa sa rocking chair, Larissa."

She laughed hard, too. "Seryoso ka ba riyan. Hindi mo man lang sinusubukang mag effort magkaroon! How will men get to you?"

"They won't, then..." biro ko.

"Hay, Crisanta. Sige, at tatawag na lang din ako kapag nakahanap ako ng irereto sa'yo."

Tinawanan ko na lang iyon at nagpaalam na. Iniwas ko ang tingin sa tanawin sa labas ng balkonahe ng aking kuwarto at binalingan ang laptop. Kanina'y nasa software pa iyon ng mga inaayos kong disenyo para sa malapit nang mag open na shop ko rito.

Ngayon... nasa social media account ko ito. Ilang beses ko nang sinabi sa sarili ko na hindi na dapat ako nag o-open dahil waste of time lang iyon. Wala nga'ng App sa cellphone ko, nandito naman ako sa laptop. Kung hindi tumawag si Larissa, baka kanina pa ako tumitingin-tingin dito. I saw how Margaux immediately popped up. Kanina pa iyon. Siguro habang kausap ko si Larissa.

Margaux: You're online! Musta, Sancha?

I closed her chat box. I checked the notifications and saw that she also like my photos. Last year pa ang huli kong open at ang notifications ng pagla-like ni Margaux, last year pa rin. Along with some of my college friends and some schoolmates. I recieved more chats but I closed them all. Determined now to Log Out and regret logging in. Kaya lang...

I opened the search button. Ilang beses ko na 'tong ginawa pero walang nagpapakitang account niya. Nag-iisa naman siguro siya sa pangalan niyang iyon pero kahit kaparehong pangalan, wala.

However, I see some posts about him. It kind of made me happy when I saw it some years ago when I tried to search for his name. Kahit paano, naibsan ang guilt ko. Guilt. Dahil inaamin ko na ako nga ang dahilan ng pagkakasira niya.

Nagkatapos ng mahabang panahon, lahat ng mga sinisi ko nagtulak lang sa nangyari pero ang totoo, ako ang pinakadahilan sa nangyari sa kanya. I caused his major downfall. I was the killer of his dreams, when all the while I wished for all of it to come true.

Margaux: Alam mo may balita ako kay Soren.

I closed the box again.

Soren ran away from his home the next year of my scandal. It was weird but after that, we didn't hear anything about him anymore.

Alonzo Salvaterra, I typed.

Nagbuntong-hininga ako nang nakitang wala pa ring lumabas. Mga posts lang ang mayroon at halos lahat ng naroon, nabasa ko na sa Google.

According to what I've read, Alonzo joined the School of Medicine in one of the country's ivy league school in Metro Manila. He accelerated and was sent to the School of Medicine in UCLA because of his outstanding performance there. He received his Surgical Residency on Philippine General Hospital.

I saw pictures of symposiums and conferences with his name on the panel, or sometimes, with him on the photo. Malayo nga lang siya sa nakita kong picture pero hindi ko mapigilang maging masaya para sa kanya.

The first time I've read about it, I thought that will be enough for me. It will ease my guilt for him. Somehow, he found a way to be successful despite what I've done to him. I'm happy for him. He must be happy right now. I'm glad.

Akala ko nga lang, hanggang doon lang iyon. Hindi ko namalayang kada log in ko na lang sa social media accounts, wala akong ginagawa kundi ang makibalita sa kanya. Laging walang bago. Kung ano ang na-search ko noon, 'yon lang din ang lumalabas ngayon. Maybe the profiles of his new friends were private. But then, I still hope I'd have something new.

I logged out of my account and turned off my laptop. Humiga na sa kama at inisip ang gagawin ko bukas. Malapit nang magbukas ang malaking branch ng shop ko. Bukas, ire-review ko na lang ang mga hinuli kong gawing pastries.

Our large mansion seems much larger now that I'm all alone. Masyadong maaga nagigising si Mommy at Daddy at kung hindi nag go-golf, bumibisita naman kay Kuya Manolo o kay Ate Peppa. They claim that they want to visit often because kids lift their old spirits up. Isang bagay na wala rito sa mansiyon.

"Mag-asawa ka na. Don't move out of here. This mansion is yours so you can let your kids stay here, Sancha," si Ate Peppa na isa rin sa laging nagpapaalala sa akin na wala pa akong boyfriend hanggang ngayon.

I'm eating alone here. For sure Ate Soling is already on the branch. Hindi ako nakagising ng maaga dahil sa biyahe ko kahapon galing Cebu.

Pagkatapos kumain at mag-ayos, tumulak na ako patungong bayan.

The cafe has already soft opened and it was well received by the people. Isa na rin siguro dahil kaunti lang ang nag-oopen ng ganitong negosyo rito. Let alone a big one, like this. I can't wait for the opening but for now, I need to concentrate on what I have on my plate.

"Miss Sancha, magpapawashing ka ba?"

Naka park ang sasakyan ko sa parking lot ng building. Ang katabing gasoline station doon ay aming franchise kaya libre kahit pa araw-araw akong magpacarwash. However, my white Lexus GS looked immaculately clean. Umiling ako at ngumiti bago dumiretso na sa cafe.

I walked towards the cafe and some of my hired waiters greeted me. Babae halos ang nakuha ko at kaunting lalaki lang ang mayroon. So I had to distribute the males evenly to be fair to the two shifts on it.

Gusto ko sanang lagyan ng security guard pero dahil may guard na sa gasoline station at sa mismong building, ang sabi ni Ate Peppa, huwag na raw. Iyon din ang sinabi ni Ate Soling dahil nariyan naman daw siya maghapon. Bukod din sa malapit iyon sa isang army base at headquarters.

"Good morning, Miss Sancha!"

Hindi matanggal sa isipan ko kung paano inayos ni Mommy ang tawag ng mga tauhan sa akin. Everyone used to call me Ma'am Sancha. Mommy corrected them and told them I should be Miss Sancha because I'm still young. Not that my height tells me otherwise but she's just overreacting.

"Ako na ang bahala rito, Sancha," salubong ni Ate Soling na pormal at unipormadong unipormado na.

Kinuha ko kaagad ang apron. Ngumisi ako at nilapag ang marami at iba't-ibang brand ng antihistamine sa counter. Umiling si Ate Soling.

"Hindi mo na kailangang gawin ito."

"Ate, how can I control the products if I don't taste it. Even with my recipe and trainings, I want to be sure. Isa pa, gagawa rin ako ng ilang cake ngayon dahil may orders akong natanggap. Kaya ayos lang. Handa ako."

"E 'di sana pala naghanda na rin ako at nagpa stand by na ng ambulansiya rito, Sancha!"

"Hindi ka kailangan, Ate. Sa Cebu naman, ayos lang ako."

"Oo, pero narinig kong isinugod ka sa ospital noong nakaraan kaka taste test mo. Sige na, Sancha. Baldo, stand by ka sa telepono para sa ambulansiya..." bulong-bulong ni Ate Soling.

Sinundan niya ako sa kitchen kung nasaan ang trained baker and chef. Hindi naman malaki ang trabaho dahil nandito naman ako at madalas akong tutulong pero nagtrain na lang din ako kung sakaling kailangan kong umalis at may emergency sa Cebu.

Nakalatag na sa lamesa ang luto nang mga nut products. Espesyal kong ipinaluto sa araw na iyon lahat para isang tikiman na lang. Ngumiti ako at namuri na muna sa bilis nilang matuto. Before I do my taste test, I let them do some of the orders first under my supervision. Isa sa mga ginawa ko ay isang almont covered cake. Kinagatan ko ang almond para icheck kung tamang klase ba ang na-bulk order at nang maayos naman, tumango lang ako.

Ate Soling looked like a ghost as she watch me eat some small amount of nuts from time to time. Nang nasa oven na ang mga cake, sinimulan ko nang kumain ng chantilly, cookies na may nuts, brownies. Sa chantilly pa lang, hindi na ako makahinga.

Uminom ako ng isang anti-histamine bago nagpatuloy sa mga short cakes at cupcakes. Then I realized that the almond bars was too delicious, I ate a whole 3 inches square! I tried so hard not to hyperventilate as I reached for my keys and removed my apron.

"Sancha! Tatawag na ako ng ambulansiya!" sigaw ni Ate Soling.

Ngumisi ako para ipakitang ayos pa ako. "Kaya ko pang mag drive, Ate. Malapit lang ang ospital!"

Hindi na ako nag-alinlangang lumabas pa roon. Dumiretso na ako sa sasakyan at pinaharurot na iyon. I was losing my consciousness as I parked the car in front of the hospital. Hindi kaya ng pride kong maglakad patungong Emergency room kaya sana sa tamang pintuan ako didiretso kaya lang nanlalamig na ako at para na akong lumulutang!

"Si Sancha!" I heard the chattering of the ER nurses when they saw me nearing the premises. "Namumutla!"

"Anong problema, Miss Alcazar?!" may lumapit kaagad sa akin.

Boy, I know they're busy with life threatening diseases. But I just really need a shot right now.

"Allergies," sabi ko sabay singhap, nanghihina na at patuloy na hinahabol ang hininga.

Dahil sa nangyari ilang taon na ang lumipas, buong Altagracia ang may alam sa problema ko sa mga mani at kalahi nito. I've been here so many times, too, for this. Everyone's just used to seeing me.

"Ano ba kayo riyan, patulong!" sabi ng maliit at batang nurse na sumalubong sa akin.

So apparently, the emergency room was a bit busy with giggles and chattering about something. I glanced inside thinking that they're busy with an emergency.

"Sige lang. Dito lang ako, uupo. I'll wait for my turn," I said, thinking someone is dying.

Nang nakita kong may inihahatid lang kung saan na manganganak, at isang batang inatake ng asthma, doon ko natanto na may ibang pinagkakaabalahan ang nurses. Everyone then got busy when they saw me. Nabulabog ang palumpon at nakita ko kung ano ang dahilan ng pagiging abala nila.

Alonzo Salvaterra in his white suit is on the emergency room. My jaw dropped as he looked at me. May kumausap nga lang na head nurse kaya iniwas ang tingin sa akin at doon na ang atensiyon.

"S-Si A-Alonzo?" I uttered at my usual nurse when I'm here.

Almira smirked and immediately proceeded with the usual routines. Pinaupo niya ako sa isa sa mga bed. Nilagyan ng parang clip ang aking daliri. Pagkatapos ay nagsusulat sa files niya, at kung ano ano pang routine. My eyes, although weakening, couldn't stop looking at Alonzo.

I feel like I am dreaming. If I wasn't, how unfortunate. I never thought of seeing him again but surely if I thought about it, it won't be in sa situation like this!

"O2, Face mask two to three liters," kalmadong sinabi ni Alonzo sa malayo. Ibinigay ng kasamahan ni Almira ang hinihingi nito.

I can feel my heart beat racing loudly. Now I'm not sure if it's because of my allergies or something else. Sumulyap ulit si Alonzo sa banda ko. Inaayos na ni Almira ang oxygen mask sa akin.

"Let me guess, nag drive ka patungo rito na mag-isa... kaya... siguro... voluntary kang kumain ng mani? Or almonds? Pistachio?"

My vision of Alonzo is blurring even with the mask. I'm sweating bullets now.

"Taste... test..."

"Sure?" Her eyes narrowed playfully.

Basta ba hindi pa ako mamamatay, okay lang naman.

Hindi na ako makasagot. Nagtawag si Almira ng doktor. Narinig kong sinigaw ng isang kasamahan nila na sumama hindi pa nakakabalik ang doktor na sumama sa naunang emergency kanina.

Lumapit si Alonzo sa banda ko. At kung hindi pa ako mawawalan ng malay kanina, ngayon na yata ako mawawalan ng malay. I couldn't keep my eyes open and my head is really feeling so light. Binasa ni Alonzo ang kung anong nasa record ni Almira.

I need to keep my eyes open. Baka siya na ang gagamot sa akin!

"Diphen," I heard Alonzo's voice.

"Ikaw ang gagamot... sa akin?" I said losing it as I struggled to breathe.

May inabot sa kanya ang isang nurse. I inhaled so hard to keep myself from sleeping.

"Deep breathing, Sancha," utos ni Almira.

Alonzo's already holding what he asked. Marahan kong inilahad ang braso ko sa banda niya. Umiling si Almira at binawi ang braso ko.

"Hindi," Alonzo answered and then he walked away without another word.

Kumunot ang noo ko at nanatiling tahimik. Ngumisi si Almira at umiling na para bang nakakahiya ang ginawa ko.

"Hindi siya ang gagamot sa'yo. Ako ang gagamot sa'yo, Sancha. Now, keep breathing and calm down."