[yoongi-mood]

Jimin's POV

Hair? Styled. Shirt? Buttoned up. Jeans? Making the Jibooty pop. Nerves? Still very much there.

But I shake them off as I walk over to Hoseok's house —a place I'm at so often I might as well have a key— where I can already hear the laughter and chatter coming from inside. Hoseok's parties are different to the Straights parties. The music is quieter, the alcohol is more refined, but there is a hell of a lot more sex going on.

As I walk in, I already notice three couples sucking each other's faces off and I pull a face, pushing past them to go and find the host himself.

"Jiminie!" Hoseok yells across the room, running to tackle me to the ground.

I can already smell the whiskey on his breath but I still accept his embrace, laughing at the fact that he is drunk at 9pm already. Handing me a can of cider, Hoseok begins to tell me in excruciating detail the blow job he has just received from Youngjae, who is now busy speaking with Mark.

Taking three large gulps, I allow the alcohol to slip into my system with the hope that it will help loosen me up. I haven't spotted Yoongi yet, and with every passing moment, I feel more anxious for his arrival. You shouldn't be thinking like this, I tell myself as Hoseok leads me to the dancefloor, You can't upset Rosé like that.

Letting myself get lost in the music, I dance like a madman with Hoseok until a familiar face greets us.

"You're here!" Hoseok cheers as Yoongi walks up to us.

I feel the breath knocked out of me as I look at him. Yoongi always looks good, but tonight his looks could kill.

He's wearing a black shirt with a blazer that fits him like a glove, and his hair looks so effortlessly styled. Pulling me into a hug, I take a moment to smell his cologne, which is powerful in the way it can intoxicate me even more than the alcohol in my system.

"SPIN THE BOTTLE!" someone drunkenly yells in the middle of the room, and is met by a series of cheers.

Hoseok runs over, practically straddling Youngjae, which leaves me alone with Yoongi.

"Are you going to play?" he asks me, placing an arm around my shoulder as we walk over.

"I kind of have a girlfriend," I admit, scratching the back of my neck, hating myself for wishing Rosé didn't exist in that moment.

"What happens in Spin the Bottle stays in Spin the Bottle," Yoongi whispers into my ear, sending chills down my spine.

This is enough to convince me and I find myself sat in a circle of drunk people. A few rounds go by as people kiss messily in the middle of the circle, and my anticipation builds. Last time I played this game, I kissed Rosé. I feel guilty that she is the last thing on my mind at this moment in time.

Jinyoung spins the bottle, and I feel my heart drop when it lands on Yoongi. The pair laugh at this, meeting in the middle to share a small, chaste kiss, after which they both giggle like idiots and return to their spots. I hold my breath as Yoongi spins the bottle.

It spins once.

It spins twice.

And before I know it, the neck of the bottle is pointing directly at me. Gulping, I look up to meet Yoongi who isn't laughing. In fact, there's something deadly serious in his eyes. Egged on by the cheering around us, I crawl into the middle to meet Yoongi.

Unlike the other kisses that night, ours is not quick and full of laughter. Yoongi cups the side of my face, taking a long look in my eyes, before pressing our lips together. The noise of the room around us seems to fade as we kiss, and I am so aware of how close we are. His hand never leaves the side of my face, and his lips feel so soft against mine.

He pulls away first, his cheeks slightly flushed and his eyes sparkling. I find myself instinctively sitting down, but my consciousness has left the room and gone somewhere inside the caverns of my mind. When Yoongi kissed me, it felt like something was unlocked in me.

Like his lips were the key I have been waiting my whole life to find.

I cruelly compare my kisses with Rosé to that with Yoongi and feel a familiar sickening churning of doubt inside me. Excusing myself from the circle, I make eye contact with Yoongi for a second to see the concerned look in his face, but I ignore it as I run to the bathroom.

Locking the door, I slide down to rest my back against it and I press my spinning head back. What has Yoongi done to me? It's like the world has finally come into focus— all from one kiss.

Rosé. I like her, a lot. But it's not in the same way I look at Yoongi. Rosé is like a best friend, someone I want to confide in and spend time with, but not someone I want to kiss. Or fuck. Or be romantic with in any kind of way. Maybe it's just the alcohol but I'm starting to feel slightly sick at the prospect of having to continue playing couple with her when that's not what I truly want.

But with Yoongi— I want to do all those things with him. And more.

I picture all the girls I've ever met in my life, and as I go through them, I realize that I would never dream of dating any of them. I have always thought that's because I had never met the right one, but I think I'm starting to understand it all a little more clearly now. It wasn't them as individuals, but it was something a little more fundamental.

They weren't boys.

"Oh, God," I whisper, "I think I'm gay."

-

Again, this is not invalidating bisexuality (would be a little weird if it was considering I am pansexual myself), but showing how this stupid rivalry has led to people not being true to themselves.

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