To Marianna,
sometimes I get lazy and I imagine
her yelling at me.
Check her work out on @hubrism
She has so many amazing books that are completed
and deserve to be binged!! She's a queen!!!

Everyone always said that high school was supposed to be one of the best years of your life. And I guess I understood where they were coming from. But this wasn't the bullshit I had signed up for.

My last year of high school was supposed to be all about bonfire parties, running into the arms of my high school sweetheart and an epic road trip. Instead, I was stuck watching Levi Henare's grades with a sneer and the entire student body worship Poppy Carter like she made the Earth rotate.

Today's saving grace was watching Jude walk into a door while flirting with the new girl in year twelve.

Even that couldn't make up for my miserable day.

The 'year 13' uniform was not made for the Auckland heat. The white button up was stuck to my skin in all the wrong ways and I really hoped I didn't have a sweat patch under my armpits. My socks were slowly slipping away in my heavy shoes and I wished they weren't a thing in the first place.

I could feel the sweat between my toes as I dragged myself to the tiki huts the school had built over the summer break. It was another sorry attempt to look diverse and open to culture. But if it meant the 'dodgy' back areas of B block finally had a place to seat, I wasn't going to complain.

I plopped on to the seat and dropped my chin onto the wooden table. I eyed the bracelet hanging off my wrist and my fingers traced the crack in my Pandora bracelet. Courtesy of Sawyer.

I remembered the day Sawyer had gifted me the rose charm hanging off the bracelet. He had been so happy. Mum and dad were even ecstatic. Sawyer was going to go to university with a full ride scholarship.

Long gone was the scholarship, and the brother who lifted me up and spun me around was lost and nowhere to be found. Hell, the proud parents were barely around, skipping away to romantic getaways anytime their marriage counsellor prescribed it.

I gazed out at the mural on the wall. I remembered Sawyer painting it along with the prefects of his year. Parts of it looked questionable, especially the blob in the corner that was intended to be a fish.

Did he spend his days thinking about the fish? Did he think about the life he had lost? Or the friends who had conveniently forgotten how to text or call?

"Why so gloomy?" Ji-hye asked, perching herself across from me.

I peered up at her from underneath my eyelashes.

"I did a mock test for physics," I mumbled through a pout.

Ji-hye stared back expectantly. "And?"

"It was a merit," I answered, my words rushed together and barely decipherable. I refused to verbalise that Levi fucking Henare had gotten an Excellence.

"It's just a mock test, you'll be fine." Ji-hye moved to unpack her lunch, pulling out a packet of seaweed. She slid it over to me. "I know you love these, munch away, my child."

I eyed the packet. She wasn't wrong. They were the best snack, after all.

I shook my head, my chin rubbing against the table. "Not today."

Ji-hye's eyebrows flew up. "Wow, that is serious."

Her eyes looked over, falling onto something behind me.

"The love of your life is walking over to us."

Considering Ji-hye didn't think highly of Jack, I doubted he had ditched school to see me. I lifted my chin from the table, glancing over my shoulder. I sat up straighter, looking at Levi's figure closing in on me like a bloody hyena.

What a let-down.

"What do you want?"

Levi raised an eyebrow in a smooth move that infuriated me even more. "My day is going well too, Scarlet. How about yours?"

"I don't care about your day." I turned away from him, dropping my face onto the table.

Ji-hye stood up, looking like she would rather be anywhere but here. "I'm going to go find Karina." She threw a wink over her shoulder. "Looking good, Levi."

Levi laughed, his cheekbones rising attractively. I gaped at my traitorous best friend as she pranced away.

Levi took the opportunity to slide in opposite me. "Why aren't you that nice to me?"

"Because I have more than two brain cells."

Levi's smile grew. I took in a deep breath and pulled out a cigarette. I fiddled with it, my mind debating the habit.

Levi's gaze followed the cigarette until it dropped onto my lips. "Smoking is bad for you."

I looked away, focusing on the gigantic dolphin in the mural.

I hated when someone rattled away facts and figures about how injurious smoking was to the health. Did they think I didn't know? I wasn't brain dead.

Smoking was shit. It was bad for you. I too liked to be cancer-free.

But that didn't stop me from reaching for one every time Jack and I fought, when Sawyer didn't take his pills, or every time I felt more and more disconnected from the Brazilian part of me.

"Maybe it's a metaphor."

Levi scoffed, "Sure it is."

I wondered if he had caught the reference.

He stared at me, like he was looking for something. I didn't know what. I didn't have any witty remarks to offer him today. Energy depleted, snark gone, I rested my face on the palm of my hands.

"I'm trying to quit," I said, in a moment of weakness. I knew that when I reflected back onto this memory in the shower, I'd have a much better comeback than pathetic honesty.

I could feel Levi's eyes roam over my face. I refused to look at him.

His fingers slid something over on the table.

Out of sheer curiosity, I turned. A purple lollipop wrapped in plastic stared up at me.

I eyed Levi, bemused. "My mother said not to accept candy from strangers."

"It helped Lachlan quit. Anytime he felt like smoking, he'd take one." Levi paused. "I keep one just in case."

The idea of sweet, heart-eyed, and K-pop star lookalike Lachlan smoking was startling. But even more shocking was having a somewhat amicable conversation with Levi Henare.

I stared at him, at a loss for words. The sincerity in his voice made me uncomfortable. He was completely ruining our dynamic.

He was supposed to mock me for being weak. Brag about scoring higher in Physics. Even taunt me about Poppy. Anything but offer his kindness.

"I prefer red."

Regardless of my statement, I reached for the lollipop.

I'm changing Poppy's name from Coleman to Carter.
Because, I'm letting one of my irl friends read the pdf version that
I've got. And well, Poppy is lowkey drawn from someone
I know in real life. I'm going to go through the chapters that have
been posted but bare with me, I'm lazy.

ALSO I FINISHED WRITING THIS BOOK AND I AM ON A HIGH.
I AM SCREAMING. YOU SHOULD BE TOO.