When Nikki woke up from his black out, it was hell trying to calm him down; he awoke with a startled jump, unaware that he was even home, and terrified that I would be angry with him for using again. He was still shaky, perhaps even worse than before, and he was smelly from not taking care of himself.

Getting him to stand up and walk to the bathroom proved to be even more of a challenge than I had anticipated, but I made it work. It was alarming to see how much weight he lost in the short amount of time he was gone; his pants barely stayed up, and I could feel his ribs through his shirt. His face was also extremely thin; his cheekbones were pronounced, his eyes seemed sunken in a bit, and his skin was so pale that you'd think he was made of wax.

Yes, I was upset that he was on heroin again, but I knew that he needed my help, not my criticism. That would wait until he was sober.

Knowing that Nikki was best when not left alone, I sat on the bathroom counter as he showered, talking to him with hopes to further soothe him.

"Any tour highlights?" I asked hopefully.

"No," he said, his voice cracking.

"None at all? Tommy didn't do anything stupid?"

"Probably."

"Okay... well, what about Vince or Mick? Or the girls?"

"Nothing to report."

"Uh... best show?" I asked, once again hopeful.

"I don't know," he said shortly.

"C'mon, Nikki, give me something to work with," I whined.

"What do you want to hear?!" he growled, ripping the shower curtain open; his black hair was wet and plastered to his forehead, his eyes wild as he held a razor in his hand.

"I just-"

"What? Why do you ask so many fucking questions?!" he asked exasperatedly. "What do you need?!"

"I-I just want you to be okay," I whispered as involuntary tears came to my eyes.

I sniffed, hoping that they'd go away, but they merely ran down my cheeks. At the sight of me, his expression softened and he lowered his head.

"I'm sorry, Sadie. I just don't know..." he trailed off.

"Don't know what?"

"Nothing," he mumbled quietly, resuming shaving his face.

"No, what?"

He said nothing, only closing the shower curtain for a few minutes.

"N-Nikki?" I squeaked timidly, wondering if he'd blow up on me again.

Opening the curtain once again, he sighed and put his razor down. He turned to me, and mumbled, "I don't know if you should be around me."

I felt the blood drain from my face and freeze in my veins. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing would come out.

"I'm- I'm not who I used to be, Sadie," he said cautiously. "I can't get better, I can't keep you safe, I can't protect you. I can't be the man you deserve." He carefully stepped out of the shower and began to dry himself off as he continued to speak. "I love you, but being with me is going to ruin your life. You'll waste your time on trying to fix me when I'm broken beyond repair," he explained as he wrapped the towel around his hips.

"You're not getting rid of me," I stated plainly.

"Sadie, it's not good for you to be around me," he insisted. "I'm a self-destructive mess; ticking like a time bomb." He gently placed his hands on my cheeks. "Eventually, something is going to happen, and you'll realize that you've spent your life on a lost cause. That wouldn't be fair."

"It's not your decision to make," I said softly, trying not to get angry.

"I can't let you do this to yourself. You will end up hurt; I am not someone to get close to anymore. Please, ju-"

"Fuck you," I mumbled. "I don't care; I can choose how to spend my future, and I choose to spend it with you, even if you are a lost cause. I love you and I'm not leaving."

He let out a soft laugh and touched his forehead to mine.

"I should have known that you'd argue. I'm not going to waste my breath. You've made up your mind. But," he said, looking into my eyes, "you can leave whenever you choose; I wouldn't blame you."

"I will never leave you," I whispered as I kissed his cheek.

°°°°°°

"Nikki Sixx! Wake up," I screamed as I jumped on him, attempting to tickle him awake.

He had been sleeping soundly, like a baby, for the first time in a few nights, so I almost felt bad about waking him... almost.

Today was his 29th birthday, and I was going to make damn sure he had a good day! He had been going through withdrawals for a few days, but he was finally starting to level out, which meant that we could get back to doing things in a bit of a 'normal' way.

Soon enough, I heard a mixture of laughter and sleepy grumbles erupt from the lump of blankets under me, and after a moment, the sheets peeled back to reveal a ball of messy jet black hair. His tired green eyes practically glowed with amusement as he held my wrists in place.

"What's the occasion?" he asked, his voice bearing a husky, sleepy quality that oozed sex appeal.

"Do you know what today is?" I asked him playfully.

He squinted in thought before offering, "Friday?"

"Well... yes, but it's also your birthday!" I exclaimed.

"Oh no," he groaned playfully, pulling the covers back over his head.

"C'mon, we have some fun stuff to do today," I said with a giggle, trying to wrestle the blankets from his strong hands.

"Does that involve staying in bed all day?" he asked.

"Mmm... maybe for part of it."

"I like the sound of that," he mumbled, peeking out at me.

"I am a little sad though..."

"Why?" he asked, fully emerging from his blanket shield, a concerned look on his face.

"Because you never told me what you wanted," I said sadly, pouting dramatically.

He stared at me for a moment, clearly thinking. There was something in his eyes that I couldn't figure out, but soon, he shook his head.

"Nah, I have what I want," he stated, pulling me in for a kiss.

"I love you," I said as we broke apart, "but your morning breath could melt my face off."

"Well, I'm sorry that I don't always taste like candy," he teased with a chuckle. "I love you, too, Sadie Michelle Parker."

We laid together in silence as he ran his fingers through my hair and brushed his fingers over my shoulder. After a while, I spoke up again.

"You really don't want anything for your birthday?" I asked quietly, almost disappointed. "Because if that's the case, I'll have to get creative and it'll be something weird."

He chuckled softly before saying, "there would only be one thing, but I'm not sure if the timing is right."  The smile was evident in his voice, but there was an unfamiliar tone there, too.

"And what would that be? Anything you want," I said, sitting up slightly.

"Anything?"

"Anything."

"Well, it's sort of for you, too."

"Oh?"

"Yeah... it's a mutual agreement," he said, biting his lip thoughtfully.

"What is it?"

"A lot of work."

"Okay, what?"

"Well, I don't know if this is the right time."

"Nikki, for the love of all that is holy!"

"Mmm... maybeababyorsomething," he mumbled quickly, looking down at where my hand rested on his chest.

"A what?" I asked, genuinely confused.

"I mean, we don't have to, I was just thinking that it would be kinda-"

"Wait, wait, what? I didn't hear you," I said with a laugh.

"I said, maybe a..." his cheeks turned a bit pink before he continued, "baby," he ended hopefully.

I felt a shift inside of me that I had never felt before, an indescribable feeling, like everything in my body dropped, but flew up again- like a really fast elevator was controlling my emotions, if that made any sense at all.

"Like I said, we don't have to; it's just a thought," he added quickly.

"Nikki... you- you really want to have a baby with me?" I asked in disbelief.

"Yeah," he mumbled softly, a sheepish smile on his face.

"But- why? Me of all people?" I asked with a laugh. "You can have anyone-"

"And I chose you," he declared, cutting me off. "I would love nothing more than to have a baby with the woman I love, the woman that's always been there for me, and the woman that I know would do anything for the people she loves. You really are the best thing that has ever happened to me.

From the first moment I saw you- even as drunk as I was- I knew that you were going to play a special part in my life. From the first time we drank together to the first time we had sex, I knew that you were always going to be mine, whether we were together or not; You were my person, even if I wasn't yours."

I felt the tears rise to my eyes and I hugged him, never wanting to let go.

"You were my person, too, Nikki. You always will be, no matter what."

"I love you, Sadie... so much," he replied, kissing my temple.

"So you," I sniffed," you really want a baby?"

He nodded silently.

"Only if you do, though. I don't want you do be a part of anything you don't want, too."

"Nikki, it's your birthday. I told you that you can have whatever you want, and I meant it; I couldn't imagine having a baby with anyone else," I said with a smile.

As I said that, a wide, beautiful grin spread across his face and his eyes sparkled with such excitement.

"Shall we begin?" he asked with a smirk, goofily tickling my sides.

"Absolutely," I purred with a smile. "But you have to promise me something."

"Anything," he breathed as he ran his hands under my shirt.

"No drugs," I said sternly.

"Deal," he promised quickly.

"Good. Can I just say, we are going to have a beautiful family."

"You're goddamn right, we will," he agreed, ending the conversation.

Hey, guys! I know it's been a while, and this is a bit short, but I had to update for Nikki's birthday! I think we may be coming to a close shortly, but I don't know for sure. I've also been debating seeing if anyone wants to create a new cover, or I might, but again, I'm not sure.

Anyways, how do you feel about this chapter? Lol, I hope you guys like it. Vote, comment, share, all that good stuff.❤︎