"I have to do it; I have literally no other option," I thought to myself as I paced the third floor."He's not going to help me,"  I realized, stopping in my tracks. "But I have no other choice. I could just wait until one of them finds me... Then again, that may never happen; they almost lost me at a bar a few days ago."

I had been upstairs for four hours... it was now 9 o'clock at night. Chances were that even if I did go look for any of them, they would be out. Tonight was one of their off nights, so they would probably be at a bar or a strip club-

"All of them other than Axl,"  I thought resentfully.

He would probably stay behind with Carmen and convince her that he did no wrong; he was good with words and women like that. She would fall for it any day, just as I had, probably forgiving him and sleeping with him. She would probably end up staying for the rest of the tour, too.

I knew that if I looked for the other Guns N' Roses guys, they would probably be drunk. They would most likely think that they would be helping me by trying to 'talk about it,' or telling Axl where I was- as if he'd care.

I didn't want to see any of them; they would all look guilty because of not telling me, and I realize now that they knew. They would make the new memory sting, even if they were trying to help, and I was not in the right mental state to deal with that.

The only people I wanted to see right now were Tommy and Nikki, and out of the two, I preferred the latter, shockingly enough. Granted, we hadn't talked in an immensely long time, but we had always come back together. Sometimes a shitty situation like this was what was necessary  to help us reconnect.

Still, there was the argument that he wouldn't help me- which would be totally justified. I broke his 'rules,' insulted him, punched him in the face, ran out on him, didn't apologize, and I slept with the singer of his band's supporting act. I know that it could have been worse, but why test the limit? It was bad enough already without me seeing how far it could go; I had done enough damage as it was.

Every time I would make up my mind to go see if he would be in his room, which Tommy had given me the number of, I would get halfway down the hallway and turn back. I would then sit down... get back up... walk halfway to the elevator... back to my spot... lay down... get up... walk down the hall... walk back... etcetera... Luckily, no one had appeared on the entire floor; they would have thought I was crazy for walking back and forth like that. I was stuck in the vicious cycle of getting nowhere and constantly backtracking.

"Fuck it," I thought, forcing myself to get over it and at least try.

I took a deep breath, and headed for the elevator for the final time, trying not to think myself out of it. I needed to do it; I was falling apart without Nikki and it was obvious. My emotions were a wreck and I could hardly go a day without thinking of him. I was constantly comparing him and Axl, even when I was trying as hard as I could to avoid doing it.

Axl and I just didn't have the same connection. Our relationship was fueled by sex and hardcore lust, and that was the only excitement. Yes, he was very attractive, but the novelty had worn off. Out of the two of them, I'd take my black-haired bad boy any day, that is, if he'd take me.

I pressed the 'down' button on the elevator and waited for what felt like a century. When I realized it wasn't coming, I slid down against the wall again, feeling hopeless.

"Maybe it's a sign," I thought; if the elevator didn't come, I wasn't supposed to go down there.

Once again, I realized that I had to. I had no pants, I was bleeding (still), I was cold, and I was so upset that it was making me sick. I was emotionally drained and felt like I would fall on my face at any moment.

I stood up slowly, wobbling slightly, and made my way over to the stairwell at the other end of the hall, lightly running my fingers against the gold wallpaper. There was no going back now.

After what felt like hours had gone by, I made it to the door of the stairs, and as I made my way down, I tried to think about what I would say to him. What could I say? It had been so long that the opportunity to say anything felt like it had passed.

I soon emerged from the stairwell, and found myself on the second floor where I began to look for the right room. My luck being what it was that night, I soon realized that I was not only going the wrong way, but I was in the wrong part of the building, meaning I had to go out into the rain again to get to my destination.

Once I reached the right section of the hotel, I walked slowly, making sure to pay close attention to the numbers. I looked out of the windows across from the row of doors I was passing, noticing that it was now pitch black out, and the rain still didn't show any sign of stopping; it was pouring even harder. Lightning repeatedly flashed, splitting the blue-black sky.

Finally finding Nikki's room, I stepped in front of the door and took a deep breath before I timidly knocked.

A blinding blue-white light flashed, followed by a giant boom that shook the entire building. I felt a shiver run down my spine when I realized how close the lightning was, only to feel my breath catch when it happened again. This time, however, the difference was that the power was knocked out.

I couldn't hear anything inside of Nikki's hotel room so I began to panic. I felt an involuntary sob wrack my body and my chest tightened, feeling as though it would cave in. My face felt hot and I began to feel dizzy as I knocked again, this time slightly louder.

Being that it was Nikki, anything could have happened.

"What if he left?" I wondered. "Or what if he is drunk and doesn't want to let me in- or maybe he's dead!" I thought, panicking even more. "No- No. He's fine. He just didn't hear me over the thunder... I hope."

I pulled the leather jacket closer to me as the storm whirled outside, and another sob shuddered through me when I realized the jacket belonged to Axl. I wanted to take it off as soon as possible, but I couldn't... at least not yet. I had no other clothes and Nikki didn't seem to be here, so I was stuck with whatever I had at that moment...

My next option was to try to find Tommy, or even Slash, because I knew that I could get help from either of them, but there was still the issue that I didn't want to see Slash because he didn't warn me about Axl, and I couldn't remember Tommy's room number. Either way, it didn't matter; I wanted Nikki.

As I was about to turn around and head back to the third floor, the door finally opened. Nikki's silhouette filled the doorway as he wildly looked around in the hall. It was so dark that he didn't seem to notice me standing there, inches away from him. He made as if he was going to close the door, but a flash of lightning illuminated the hall enough for him to see me.

When the lightning bolt struck, I could see his beautiful green eyes, which widened, and he paled as if he had seen a ghost. Granted, we I hadn't talked in around a month, but I was also covered in blood, glitter, and still soaked from the rain, unexpectedly standing in his doorway with no pants or shoes on.

He said nothing, only stepped aside so I could come in. Once I stepped in, he closed the door behind me. I could hear him search for something across the room and the clink of his zippo lighter opening. A soft scratching noise followed, and a small glow threw Nikki's shadow on the wall as he lit a candle.

Once he had done this, he turned around and walked over to get a better look at me. We awkwardly faced each other, neither of us knowing what to say. I felt my mouth open and close as I tried to form words, but nothing came out. He simply nodded and hung his head.

"Nikki..." I said in a scarce whisper.

His head snapped up at the sound of his name; his eyes were full of sadness, pain, and now, surprise... the sight ripped my heart out.

Another boom of thunder erupted, once again shaking the room. I unintentionally yelped and Nikki stood up straighter, as he was walked over to me, stopping a few feet away.

I could feel the tears filling my eyes, blurring him into a blackish-grey blob.

"I'm so, so sorry, Sixx," I said weakly. "For everything."