"Home!" I squealed excitedly as we opened the door of the mansion in Van Nuys.

Running in, I threw my bags into the house and dropped to the floor, thankfully stroking the soft, furry rug that was in the hallway. I heard Nikki laugh, followed by the sound of his suitcases hitting the floor with a thud as he slowly made his way to the floor beside me, resting a hand on my lower back.

"I never realized how much I missed laying face down on my own floor... God, this rug is so nice," he whispered.

I could see his fingers run through the soft fur of the rug, his eyes closed in bliss.

"Now I understand 'Home Sweet Home'," I said with a soft laugh.

"Now imagine doing shows every night of every tour," he mumbled tiredly. "From the very beginning," he added.

"Oh God."

"I'm so fucking glad we're home," he said, gently stroking my cheek.

"Me, too."

I observed his face as he slowly closed his eyes, finally relaxing after months of being on the road; we were both absolutely exhausted from everything that had gone on, and I was grateful to be able to admire him without the others teasing me.

His hair was filthy, a mixture of sweat, hairspray, and natural oil caused it to look almost wet, like black ink. He hadn't shaved since the day before, and there was eyeliner smudged around his beautiful green eyes that were now closed. His face had a bit more color than it previously did, and he had gained a bit of weight back, filling out his cheeks, but I could tell that he was still using every now and then. I hated the thought, but I was too tired, and too happy to be home to bitch about it.

I knew that once he had cleaned up (both showered and got sober), he would seem like a completely different person. Not only would he look different, but he would act different and think more clearly.

From that thought, it didn't take long for my mind to wander to our future, wondering what would become of us. Would we last- and if we did, would we get married and have kids? How many... what would we name them... how would we raise them... Strange thoughts that had been invading my mind more than ever lately.

After a while, I thought that Nikki had fallen asleep, but I realized that I was incorrect as he started to get handsy, teasingly brushing his hands over my body.

"Sixx, what are you doing?" I asked, tiredly amused.

"C'mon, make love to me on the fur rug," he said softly, a devious smile plastered across his face as he opened his eyes.

Raising an eyebrow, I sat up, pulled my shirt off, and leaned over him.

"If you insist," I whispered.

"I do."

°°°°°°

I awoke to the sound of the closet door rolling shut, seeing Nikki carefully walking away from it, almost as if he was afraid that the door would explode and send shattered glass into him.

I slowly lifted my head from the pillow, surprised to find myself in our bed; I didn't remember getting off of the rug, let alone coming to our room.

Seeing my movement, Nikki stiffened as he stared at me. It was honestly really creepy; I only saw his silhouette and the reflection of his eyes and earrings due to the small candle burning on our dresser. After a couple seconds, he relaxed.

"Hey, did I wake you up?" he asked softly, crawling into the bed.

"I heard the closet door close- how did I get here?" I asked with a soft laugh.

"Well, we fell asleep out there and when I woke up, I carried you... Maybe fucking on the  floor wasn't such a good idea. Check this out," he said, pointing out his bruised knees.

At that moment, I realized that my entire body hurt. The hard wood (ha-ha) had done a number on me.

"Am I bruised, too?" I asked, still not fully awake.

"Uh, yeah," he said bashfully. "I, uh..."

I followed his eyes to my wrists, noticing light bruises that fit the shape of where Nikki's fingertips had wrapped around. I knew that they weren't the only bruised part of me; I could feel bruises on my spine, knees, elbows, and shoulder blades from the ways that I had been laying on the hard floor.

"You gripped a little too tight, babe," I said before kissing his cheek.

"I'm sorry," he said with a shy smile.

"Don't worry about it," I said with a smile; it really didn't bother me at all... in fact it was kind of hot.

Just as he leaned in to kiss me, the phone rang, earning an irritated groan from Nikki as he slowly got out of bed and headed for the phone.

We haven't even been home for eight hours and people were already calling him. How annoying. It was probably either management, the security company, or someone selling something- drugs most likely. We didn't exactly get many calls from people selling light bulbs or phone books.

I looked around our bedroom and breathed in a sigh of relief; being home felt so good. It felt familiar. The dark red walls practically oozed comfort, and the house smelled like... well, home. It wasn't like the generic lemon scent of an empty hotel room, nor was it the putrid smell of the bus (which I had somehow gone nose blind to). It was ours.

After a few minutes, Nikki still hadn't returned, so I decided to see what he was up to. Slipping out of bed, I walked over to the dresser and grabbed one of his clean shirts, pulling it over my head. After looking around once more, I quietly padded to the kitchen, only pausing to watch him from the doorway.

"Look, we can't just leave her... yeah, but-"

His back was to me and he had one arm crossed over his chest, the other arm holding the phone to his ear. He was noticeably irritated, as he stood stiff, leaning back against the black and white marble counters.

I had to smile; even though he was upset about something (which was probably nothing important), seeing him in our kitchen was a wonderful sight, especially after what we had been through on the tour. I thought we would separate for good, but the universe seemed to have a different plan for us.

"Doc, I'm not going to agree to that," he grumbled. "She's basically part of the Nasty Habits now; we need-"

I stood a little straighter, tuning in to his conversation with their manager. It had something to do with me, obviously, and I was confused and intrigued.

"No... I don't care. She's always been with us either way, and I want her there... Yeah?! Well fuck you!" he said before slamming the phone down on the receiver.

I could hear him curse under his breath as ran his fingers through his messy hair.

"What happened?" I asked, startling him as I walked in.

He spun around and looked at me, a green flame burning in his eyes.

"Nothing. I'm getting it fixed."

"Nikki," I said, walking over to him, "please tell me before you go crazy and implode."

"It won't matter," he muttered, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands.

"Then you can tell me," I insisted, wrapping my arms around him.

"They-" he sighed frustratedly. "Doc says that you can't come with us when we go to Japan; you're supposed to stay here, yet Donna and Emi get to go. I told him that that's absolute bullshit," he snapped.

"Hey, it's... it's okay," I said after thinking for a moment. "I think it might be good if I stay here. I can look after everything and I can spend time with the dog," I pointed out, hoping to make him- and me- feel a little better about it.

"That's shitty, though," he mumbled. "I wanted you with me."

"I know, babe, but it's okay. It's not that long anyway. You'll be back before you know it."

"I guess."

"You will," I insisted. "There aren't too many dates, and then we go Europe. It's all fun," I said, kissing his cheek.

"Yeah. Sure," he huffed, leaning his head on my shoulder.

"Trust me, Nikki. It'll be over so much faster than you think," I promised, kissing his cheek. "Oh, and, uh, you need to shower," I said with a laugh, feeling his dirty hair on my cheek.

"Only if you come with me."

"Deal."

°°°°°°

"Fuck, I hate flying," Nikki mumbled.

He pulled out a cigarette, but didn't light it.

"Babe, you're gonna be fine," I assured him, tugging on his leather jacket. "I'm gonna miss you so much," I said.

Even though I knew it was only going to be a few days, I was still so sad so see him leave. We hated being apart.

"Fuck, I love you," he said before suddenly kissing me.

Even after years of constant self abuse, I had to admit that he had the softest lips I had ever kissed. No amount of bar fights, split lips, drugs, or drinking seemed to change it.

We broke apart, but stayed close, our foreheads touching. He squeezed me a bit tighter, but it was comforting; I felt safe.

"I love you, too," I breathed.

"Let's go. Boarding time," called Fred.

"You have to go," I whispered against his lips.

"I don't want to," he said, his eyes widening. "Not without you."

"I know, but-"

"Sixx, let's go!" yelled Fred.

"Fuck you!" Nikki screamed. "Give me a goddamn minute!"

"Nikki, breathe," I reminded him.

He closed his eyes and slowly took a deep breath in, and slowly let it out.

"You're going to be okay. I know it."

I could tell that he was tense just by the way his eyes looked; they were wide and the color was a bit darker than usual. He was scared, and I couldn't blame him; I was freaked out by the idea of not being with them for the first time in years.

"I love you, baby. Next time it's you and me," he promised before kissing me again.

He pulled away and started walking to his plane.

"Sixx," I called after him.

He spun around, still stiff.

"Yeah?"

"Take care of yourself. For me."

He said nothing, only smiled and waved before walking onto his plane.

°°°°°°

The drive home was quiet and it made me realize how sad I was that he was gone. Sure, I wanted him to go, but that was because he needed to; it was his job. The girls and I didn't matter as much... we weren't the band. Granted, I was a bit confused that Emi and Donna were going and I wasn't, but I wanted a short break anyway.

Once I got home, I realized how lonely I really was. Without Nikki  or the guys around, I was bored out of my mind. Even our new dog, Whiskey, wasn't around yet. He wouldn't be here until tomorrow because we wanted a couple of days (which turned into a couple of weeks) to adjust.

I wanted Whiskey around not only because I was lonely, but I also wanted him around so I would feel safe. Drug dealers lurked around our area, always hoping to sell Nikki their latest batch of whatever drug for an obscene price. It didn't matter if he bought it anyway; he always threw the drugs out when he tripped too hard, only to buy more an hour later.

The house seemed so empty now. To occupy my time, I did laundry and started to clean the house up a bit, only to realize that there was no reason. I was the only one here in the huge mansion, and I wasn't going to leave the three rooms that I usually occupied.

I had no idea what to do with myself.