"I'm thinking we should do that again," Nikki said, referring to last night.

"Mmm, no," I grumbled as I dropped my face into the pillow.

"Why not? You have to build up a tolerance to me or something?"

"Kind of," I mumbled, laughing softly. "I still haven't recovered. I don't think I'm gonna walk straight for a week, especially after that shower last night. It kicked my ass."

"I know," he said with a smirk. "You're lucky my hand was there when your knees gave out; you'da hit the tile in seconds. Would've really fucked up your knees."

"Thank you, my savior," I said sarcastically as I curled up against his chest.

"You're welcome, my chick."

The sound of his breathing was soothing that I almost fell asleep until he spoke again.

"Sadie... Do you ever think that we should have an official title?" he asked.

"Hmm... I don't know. I fell like that might be bad luck, y'know? Like, okay," I said, looking up at him, "some couples are fine until they get married, then they fall apart; Maybe that would be us with a title. I'm too scared to test it," I said with a chuckle.

"Good point. Still, it's been what, almost six years?"

"Six and a half, I think, because remember I was sixteen when I met you, and you weren't twenty two yet, and this year is half way over."

"Wait, so that makes it seven, right?"

"N- ye- I'm not sure now," I said, counting on my fingers. "Okay, there was December of eighty-"

"Late November, wasn't it?

"Technically, but I only knew you for the whole month of December."

"Okay, got it."

"Then there was eighty one until now, and that's six years whole years of me knowing you... so that makes it six years and a month, right?"

He groaned and rubbed his eyes, "I don't know, it's making my head hurt, though. I hate math. I didn't even finish high school," he said with a laugh.

"Really?" I asked, surprised.

"Yeah. I got kicked out when I was around fifteen. They caught me selling joints in the bathroom. That was the end of school for me."

"Damn, you've always been a bad ass, haven't you?" I asked with a laugh.

"I know that there's sarcasm in there, but I'm gonna elect to ignore it. I never though about it, but why didn't you finish school with Tommy?"

"I was a trouble maker. Not like you, of course, but I was always up to no good. They couldn't keep me in... I was a frequent truant," I said, stretching my arms. "Tommy's parents thought I was at school when in reality I was ditching half of my classes to go smoke pot with some chick named Samantha. Sammy and I were close but her boyfriend was skeezy so I stopped hanging around her."

"Ah, to be in high school again," Nikki jokingly mused.

"Yeah... Still, I just didn't show up enough to graduate. My grades were great, though. It was just too easy, so I couldn't pay attention long enough."

"I had that issue, too. Too much going on in my mind," he said, rubbing my back.

"I had a crummy attention span," I mumbled. "I'm just surprised you didn't finish. You're so smart."

His laugh shook his chest, which in turn, shook me. I felt myself smile at hearing him laugh so hard. It was like we had gone back five years.

°°°°°°

"Look, maybe she's fine with it," I overheard.

We had all walked down to the lounge of the hotel to hang out, aggravating the guests who complained that 'miscreants' like us were allowed in this high class establishment; A woman had already tried to smack Tommy with her purse when he walked too close to their table and a man had looked each of the girls and I up and down like we were cheap, trashy hookers- his favorite type.

"Why would she be fine with it? Remember what happened in London? When I left her on Valentine's Day? Yeah, Tom, I'm sure she'd be totally fine with it."

I felt my heart sink. Valentine's in London... Nikki left me that afternoon and didn't come back for almost two days.

°°°°°°

"Well, where could he be?!" I shrieked.

"Sadie, calm down, I'm sure he's fine, babe," Vince said.

"No, Vince, I will not calm down. Something's wrong," I insisted.

"Honey, just because he isn't here doesn't mean something is wrong."

"Vince, you don't understand. It's Valentine's Day. He promised me he would be here with me and he's nowhere to be seen. He hardly ever breaks a promise, especially one like this," I said, on the verge of tears.

I could feel it deep in my soul; something was happening, and it wasn't good. My heart was practically screaming at me to find him before it was too late.

"Sweetie, don't cry," Vince cooed, hugging me. "Maybe he's just making last minute plans for you guys."

"He was gone when I woke up. I know I should be worried; I'm not blind, Vince," I said, gently pushing him away. "I know he's on smack."

Vince took a step back, his mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water.

"I'm not stupid; I've been around, I hear your conversations. Just because you don't see me, doesn't mean I don't see or hear you. You're all getting out of hand and you're all going to end up dying, is that what you want?!" I screamed. "That defeats the whole purpose of what you're doing; if you die, there is no more glamour, there is no more partying, no more anything.

"I'm the one who is there when Nikki can barely stand, I'm there when he's dope sick, I'm there at night when he sits in a corner and thinks he hears people talking to him. So do not tell me that I shouldn't be worried!" I said, brushing past him.

"Sadie, I-"

"Save it Vince, I don't want to hear it.

°°°°°°

"It's been almost two days, man," Tommy said into the phone. "No, we need to find him... Obviously if I knew where he would be, I would have found him... No... Yes, but-... I don't have a clue, dude... Yeah, sure," he said, rolling his eyes. he took a drag of his cigarette and ashed it out of the window beside him. "On hold," he mumbled to me.

I nodded. I sat in a corner of the room with my knees curled up into my chest, trying not to cry. Nikki was dead, I just knew it. There was no way we wouldn't have found him already if he was alive.

"Yeah, I'm still here. We're just trying to find so- yeah, I know a lot of people are being looked for... Look, officer, he's a real big star, man. He's Nikki fucking Sixx," he dropped his head back against the wall he was leaning against, flicking his cigarette butt out of the window. "Fuck," he said, before hanging up the phone in frustration.

He looked over to me sadly.

"Sadie, we're trying, babe."

"I know," I whispered as I focused on a patch of carpet.

"Mick and Vince are combing the streets right now. We're gonna find him," he said, sitting beside me and putting an arm around my shoulders.

"I think he's dead, Tommy," I said, still not looking up from the patch of carpet I had been staring at.

"Why would he be dead?" he asked, surprised.

"Don't play dumb, please. Vince tried to do it, too, but I know that you guys are on some bad shit," I said, finally looking up and making eye contact.

He sighed and rubbed his face. "Sadie, I... It's just for tour. It helps us a little. I know that sounds off, but it's true. It makes it a little less repetitive. Breaks up the cycle a bit."

"Tommy, these 'distractions' are going to kill you guys. I like to drink and party, too. I live for fun, but heroin? Cocaine? Jesus Christ, Tom, pull your head out of your ass! It's so bad for you."

"After the tour's over we're probably just gonna drop it. We're in control."

I felt a hollow laugh leave my body. There was no control when it came to drugs.

"You need some sleep, Sadie."

"I can't. I need to know that he's okay."

As if on cue, the door burst open to reveal Nikki, pale, bloody, and bruised. His hair was a mess and his eyes were wide as he looked around the room.

"Nikki!" I screamed, jumping up.

I walked over to him, gently touching the bruises on his face. He merely looked at me like he didn't know me, and I felt my heart sink once again.

"Nikki, it's me. It's Sadie."

"My Sadie," he croaked.

I hugged him and heard him take a sharp breath. As an automatic reflex, I tried to release him, but he held me tighter.

"You look like death warmed over, dude," Tommy said from behind us.

"Yeah... I think I woke up in a dumpster," he mumbled, scratching his head.

"You're getting off heroin," I ordered.

"Sadie, I'm not-"

"Don't even say you're not on it. I know that you are."

"When tours over," he said.

"Nikki, I-"

"Please, Sadie, just trust me. When we get home, I'm getting off of it."

°°°°°°

Deep down, I had always known that Nikki hadn't stopped. Sure, he tried, but he never kicked it completely. He just got better at hiding it.

I took a deep breath and walked over to where they sat at the bar.

"Hey," I said, kissing Nikki, then Tommy's cheek.

"Oh, hello," Nikki said with a smile.

Tommy wiped my lipstick off of his cheek, mumbling something about Nikki's saliva on his face.

"Don't be a pussy, Tom," I said jokingly.

"Well, you know what they say, you are what you eat," he said with a wink.

I rolled my eyes and kissed Nikki again. Waiting for his nervousness to show through, but it never did. He was so calm about everything.

"So... what are we doing tonight?" I asked.

"Well, we don't really know," Nikki said. "We're debating just staying in," he said, shrugging.

"Really? Well that's boring," I mumbled, taking a sip of Nikki's drink.

"Hey! That is not yours," he said, gently removing the glass from my hand.

"Wha- why not? Shaaare," I whined, making the best pouty face I could manage.

He stared at me for a moment before sliding the drink back to me and ordering another one.

"You're lucky I like you," he mumbled.

"You love me, you know you do," I said, kissing his cheek.

"That's true."

"We need better plans for tonight, boys. Even if it's just the two of us."

"Well, actually, I think I've already got plans," Tommy said, staring at a beautiful blonde at the other end of the bar. "See you guys later," he said after he downed his beer.

"Is that- no... Nikki, is that Heather?" I asked, referring to Tommy's wife.

"It would appear so," Nikki said, waving to her.

She gladly waved back at us and Tommy picked her up, carried her over, and set her on the stool beside me.

"Hi, Heather," I said excitedly.

I hadn't seen Heather in a couple of months; she was always busy. Sometimes I even forgot that she and Tommy were married, especially when he brought other girls around.

"Hey, Sadie! How have you been?" she asked, hugging me.

"I've been good," I said, taking another sip of my drink.

"I was on the phone with Tommy last night, and he was telling me that you're one of the backup girls now."

"Yeah, I'm the third Nasty Habit," I said with a sheepish smile.

"That's awesome! Is it fun?"

"Very! I got over the stage fright after the first or second song. It was just really rad to do something else," I said happily.

"Well," Tom cut in, "I hate to cut things short, but uh, we have some things to do," he said, scooping Heather up.

"Bye!" Heather shouted.

"Well," Nikki said. "It's probably gonna be a night to stay in."

"Aw, Nikki, can we please do something?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know... get creative," I said, putting my legs over his.

"You're gonna fall off the stool," he cautioned.

"Don't change the subject," I said, readjusting my balance.

"I don't have any ideas, Sadie. I'm not feeling too great anyways."

"Oh..."

I felt myself wilt. He was probably getting dope sick. I wasn't ready to deal with that again, not yet. I thought he was finally getting better.

During their tours for Theatre of Pain, Nikki was so fucked up he could hardly play some nights. He was just a mess back then. I knew he was once again going down that path, but I didn't know how to stop him this time. If he didn't learn his lesson the first time, he didn't want to.

I wasn't ready to do this again, nor would I ever be; I had enough the first time around. I didn't want to cry over him blacking out in the kitchen at four A.M.. I wasn't ready to help him drag himself around the house. I didn't want to hear him whispering to himself about the people after him in the middle of the night. I wasn't ready for him to not take care of himself for days because he was too strung out. I didn't want any of it, so I did what most people in my situation do: avoid it and hope that it turns out alright.