As I walked into the kitchen, I could still see Nikki in my peripheral vision; he looked like a sad puppy that had been beaten and left outside on a cold, rainy night. I almost felt bad; I absolutely hated hurting the people I cared about, but this time, it felt justified as well as awful.

I loved Nikki to death but sometimes we could both get a little carried away and neither of us would even realize that we needed to stop until it was too late. Part of me desperately wanted to climb into his arms and beg for his forgiveness... the other part of me wanted to tell him to shove it.

I walked into the kitchen and pulled myself up onto the counter, and I was, thankfully, hidden behind the wall that separated the kitchen from the dining area. It was perfect seeing as I just wanted to be left alone. I knew that they wouldn't let me go anywhere; Nikki would never allow me to go anywhere alone, even if we were fighting or ignoring each other, and the others just followed what he said because it was a 'safety thing'- which was the biggest load of bullshit.

I pulled my knees to my chest and leaned my head against the wall beside me. I seriously don't get why he thinks I need a babysitter. I'm a grown-ass woman, I didn't need to be escorted around by anyone.

I  wasn't the famous one; they needed to worry more about themselves than they needed to worry about me. Hell, I wasn't even allowed to go anywhere with the guys in the other bands! Just because I wasn't with someone from Mötley, I wasn't safe by Nikki's standards. If he was so worried, why did he even bring me?

I looked up to see Tommy enter the kitchen.

"Do you need something?" I asked quietly.

"Uh... no," he said with a slight pause.

"Then get the fuck out," I snapped.

With the raise of his eyebrows, he spun on his heels and walked back out. I instantly felt awful.

I'm such a bitch. Why did I do that?!

I hopped off of the counter.

"Tom!" I called out. His fluffy brown hair was the first thing to pop up from around the corner.

"Please come back. I'm sorry, I don't know why I said that. I didn't mean to."

He walked back into the kitchen and stood near the table.

"I've just been having a really shitty time the last few days."

He nodded sympathetically. "I know, Sadie. I get it," he said.

He opened his arms and I gratefully rushed in for a hug. I loved Tommy, but we both knew I would have rather been in Nikki's arms. Just thinking about that made my heart ache and before I knew it, I was in tears once again.

"Shh, it's okay," he soothed. "Shit happens, dude. It's unavoidable."

"I don't know what's gotten into me, Tommy. I-I didn't mean to hurt him," I sobbed. "We keep fighting and I'm not really sure why, and I feel so awful!"

"I guess you guys just need to get it out... You guys are pretty much perfect the rest of the time. You make a killer pair; you're dynamic together, man. The two of you belong together whether either of you know it or not. Sometimes you just gotta work out the kinks."

At this point, I was too torn up to speak, so I simply nodded.

"Look, Sadie, you know I'd let you stay with me but Nikki'd kill me. Avoid him if you have to, just to be safe; just try an' relax tonight, okay? " he asked, looking down at me.

I nodded again and he released me from his arms, wiping the tears and runny makeup off of my face.

"Oh, I'm sorry, T-Bone. I got mascara all over your white shirt," I mumbled with a sad laugh.

"Nah, don't even worry about it. It was getting ratty anyhow. Now, mellow out, Sadie. You're gonna be fine. Just breathe." he said reassuringly. He kissed my forehead and ruffled my hair before walking back out to the living room to rejoin the guys.

I knew he Tommy was right; this would all blow over in a few days, but in the meantime I felt like absolute shit. He was right when he said Nikki and I were dynamic together- when we weren't fighting. I don't know  how I would ever apologize for this, but I knew I would find a way. Nikki would forgive me, even if he shouldn't, and all would be well again... at least I could only hope it would be.

As the minutes ticked by, I could hear the boys make plans to go to the bar and hit a couple of strip joints. They laughed about how Nikki's bruised nose would either scare girls away or attract them because of either sympathy, or his straight up 'badassness.' One of them even mumbled something about the amount of makeup he wore being able to cover it.

Nikki hadn't said a word still, and I could hear Tommy impatiently drumming on the table with his fingers. Mick started muttering to himself and after a moment, I heard Tommy yelp after the sound of skin-to-skin contact.

I shook my head. They were like kids that needed a babysitter, not me. Soon, their chatter died out and they all went to their rooms to get ready, leaving me alone with Nikki once again.

He may have been in the other room but he may as well have been sitting right in front of me; I could practically see his face right now. I could hear him release a soft sigh, and that alone sounded worn out and sad.

Tour was really tiring  for all of us. We were constantly thrown off by jet-lag and playing almost every night. They usually slept most of the day and went out at night but the partying was kicking them in the ass already; they didn't know how to slow down and it was concerning, but I knew I'd have to let them live their lives.

I doubt I was helping anything- if anything, I was just adding to the stress. They were always worrying about me (which was technically their fault, not mine). I had never missed one of their tours yet and they still acted like every show is my first concert all over again! I was an adult- I didn't need a babysitter. Of course, with my bad luck, none of them would ever listen to me and it would get ugly again.

I leaned against the sink, looking down at the tile.

"It'll be awkward if Nikki doesn't go out tonight," I thought. "I wish I could stay with someone in one of the other bands."

The guys in Whitesnake  and L.A. Guns had played their last show two days ago and left this morning, and the Guns N' Roses bus was obviously a no-go situation right now, as it was best to avoid anymore trouble...

Then again, if it gets bad, I might just do it anyway.

I already missed the boys in L.A. Guns. I missed seeing Kelly around, and Phil, Tracii, Mick, and Steve were all such incredible guys. When the Mötley boys had just formed, I had started dating Kelly. He was 19 at the time and he was in a band called 'Sweet Pain'. They had just started Faster Pussycat as a fun little side thing, and I would go to their shows, and their mini-tours (they usually only went a few states over in either direction) and I was good friends with all of them.

One night, Kelly and I had gotten in a nasty fight over the fact that I was only 17 while he was 19, resulting in me staying with the Mötleys in their shitty little apartment over the Whiskey. The next morning, when I had called to see if that was the end of us, their phone had been disconnected and they had skipped town without telling anyone where they were going. After hours hearing of "That's what you get for dating a guy named Kelly," and a chorus of "We told you so's," I had gotten over it. They were right...

Months down the road, I saw him again, playing with a different band; they were solid, and they officially called themselves 'Faster Pussycat.' Kelly still had a strange hold on me, and after the show I had fallen hopelessly back into his arms... little did I know it was only for the night. I woke up and was furious with myself; I wasn't supposed to fall for him again. He had given his excuse and apologized, which I accepted, and I left.

One motorcycle accident later, Kelly was once again in L.A., looking for another band to play in when Faster had replaced him because they didn't know what else to do. Soon after, Kelly had become part of L.A. Guns; they were amazing and I loved their music since I had first heard it. I had pointed them out to Nikki and the guys- not to telling them that it was Kelly's new band. They liked the music, the attitude and sound they gave off, but there was one thing they didn't like... Kelly.

Eventually, everything was patched up over a bottle of Jack. Apologies were genuinely given and accepted, and Mötley decided that they liked the boys and their music, and decided to bring them on the first few weeks of tour along with Whitesnake.

When it came to Whitesnake, David and the boys had definitely shocked me when they played- I loved David's voice but the band's music wasn't really my thing until I actually saw them perform it live.

Now I just had to hope that the guys in Guns n' Roses would be as awesome as their music was. Either way, it wouldn't really matter. Not like Mötley was relaxed enough for me to make friends with them (as I had learned in the past).

There was no good reason for Nikki and I to fight like we did. I shouldn't have hit him, and I knew that, but I wasn't the only one to blame. Neither of us should have yelled; we both overreacted and we knew it. We could have totally avoided this.

All these years and I've finally met someone that is potentially as head-over-heels for me as I am for them, and what do I do? Possibly break his nose.

I just couldn't get over the fact that I had hit him. It felt good at the time, but I don't think I fully realized what I was doing until after it all happened.

As I stared down at the tile, I saw a shadow cross in front of me. Looking up, I saw Nikki shuffle through the doorway, sadly avoiding my gaze as walked over and shook the left-over ice out of the towel he had been using on his nose.

The only sound in the room was the ice cracking against the sink beside me, and the wall clock ticking softly. We weren't even three inches away and didn't even brush each other by accident. We completely avoided each other, like magnets that pushed each other away.

He leaned against the counter across from me with a soft exhale. I swallowed hard and wiped my tear stained cheek with the side of my hand. I desperately wanted to scream an apology to him, or at least say something, but not a single sound would come out of me for once. I was at a loss for words in a situation that I created- a situation I needed to fix.

Although it had felt like we stood in silence for hours, we knew it had been only a matter of seconds. I finally looked at him and felt another wave of guilt wash over me. He looked like absolute hell; His thick, fluffy black hair had fallen flat, his nose had already formed a bruise on it, and his eyes were rimmed with red. Even his shoulders had slumped slightly. Nikki usually held himself so tall and proud, but now he was too upset to even carry himself like normal. Still, I knew there was no way in hell that I looked better than him.

He looked over at me, and we locked eyes. I could feel the tears well up as I opened my mouth to speak. He licked his lips and sniffled, gently wiping his nose with the back of his hand.

I felt myself freeze... I was struggling just to breathe. Nikki dropped his head to the floor and quietly cleared his throat as he turned and silently walked out of the room.

How the hell were we gonna fix this?