^ {AMBIENCE INCLUDED} ^

Trigger warning: brief smoking

{PRESS PLAY}

I heard the jingle of keys and the door open, meaning that Gerard was home from his video shoot. I got up from the computer chair in the office and went into the living room to greet him, as I usually did.

"Hey," I said cheerfully, and he didn't reply. I was happy to see him, but I wasn't sure if he felt the same way. He just glanced at the ground, taking off his wet coat and hanging it up on the rack. Gerard was dressed in an all-black suit with a red tie, his usual stage makeup on.

"You look nice," I glanced at the ground also. Somehow, I wanted to start a conversation with him, even though he didn't look like he was in a talking mood.

"Thanks," he muttered with no emotion and started to walk to our bedroom.

I frowned and grabbed his shoulder, pulling him back. "What happened?"

"Nothing," he mumbled and pulled out a lighter and a pack of cigarettes from the counter. "Nothing happened. Just the video shoot. I'm going back outside."

I waited a few minutes before going out there to talk to him. He was sitting outside on the porch in the rain. For a second, I was afraid that he would start drinking heavily and get drunk, but I remembered that only a few weeks ago he decided to go sober. It was so hard to take care of him when he was wasted. Some days, Gerard would come home so hammered that I often had to carry him to bed. He always reeked alcohol and smoke, and I remember holding my breath to avoid the stench.

When I went outside to sit beside him on the porch, he didn't look shocked. Our shoulders and knees were touching. I breathed in the thick, smoke-filled air and coughed without meaning to.

"Sorry," Gerard said hoarsely.

"No, you're fine," I replied. I never minded it too much when he smoked.

He looked at me and then at the ground. "I-I guess it was a pretty upsetting shoot."

"How so?" I asked, blinking raindrops off of my eyelashes.

Gerard puffed another cloud of smoke. "It was just emotional. Reminded me of my grandmother. It's still real fresh in my memory."

"She would be proud of you and the guys," I told him. "Very proud."

"I know that," he sighed. "It's just, sometimes I get this feeling that she's...I don't know, watching over me from wherever she is."

Raindrops continued to fall, slowly soaking the two of us. We both ignored it, because it was the least of our concerns at the moment.

I knew his grandma for a short amount of time. She was a nice lady. I remember her telling me to call her Helen, her nickname, and that she knew I would be good for Gerard. When she passed, we were all upset. He was right, because the funeral was still fresh in my memory too.

He waited a few minutes in silence before speaking again. "The video was about a celebration of life at a funeral. We had to carry a coffin, and that was the hardest part. The symbolism hit me halfway through the the shoot. It was miserable and emotional for all of us."

"She wouldn't want you to be miserable and emotional," I said. "Right?"

"Right," Gerard repeated quietly and put the cigarette on the ground, crushing it under his shoe. He put an arm around my waist, pulling me closer. "I guess it helps to talk about it. Talking to you is a lot easier. You're never over-dramatic or pity me when I'm upset."

I leaned my against his chest as he pulled me into his lap. "Gerard, you deserve to be listened to. I know you're timid about it, but you say some pretty freaking genius things sometimes. I enjoy hearing what you have to say."

He smiled and blushed. "I-I've never heard anyone say that about me before."

"I'm surprised," I replied. "You always have the greatest effect on people."

Gerard looked away. "You know, you're really sweet, but you don't have to say all of this just because-"

"I'm telling the truth," I cut in. "Okay? I swear I'm telling the truth. Let's go inside."

He nodded as we stood up and walked inside, hand in hand.