^ {AMBIENCE INCLUDED} ^

{Trigger Warning: depression, use of pills and alcohol}

Requested by lappissedoff

{PRESS PLAY}

"Hey Gerard?" I asked nervously, poking my head into the bedroom. "Um, I just bought a refill of Xanax a week ago, and we're already out. Are you alright?"

Every once in a while I would check up on the use of pills that we both took, because I was guilty of taking a lot of medication too. When I checked this morning, I noticed a large amounts of pills gone. I tried not to overreact or jump to conclusions, but I wanted to at least ask Gerard about it.

He closed his eyes for a moment before he spoke. "I'm just really, really afraid."

"Afraid?" I questioned out loud.

He sat up and patted the side of the bed next to him. "Come sit. I need to tell you something."

I sat down, facing him, and preparing myself. Whenever someone said the words "I need to tell you something", I always prepared for the worst.

"I know you're aware of how I was in the past," he started, his pale hands mildly shaking.

My stomach slowly dropped, and I nodded. I was with him. I was with him through all of it. He was hooked on pills, alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, everything. It destroyed him inside. Stress from being in the band didn't help him, either. He was on tour all the time, and every night I feared something would happen. And a few times, things did happen. I didn't like to remember the time.

"A-and recently, it's been kinda hard," he said, his eyes teary. "I've so been overwhelmed and anxious and I'm really afraid that I'm gonna go back to being like that."

I was speechless.

"I haven't slept in three days," he confessed and wiped his eyes.

Trying to remember the past three nights, I shook my head slowly. I recalled falling asleep earlier than him, but after thinking about it twice, I realized that during the past nights his arms weren't around me. He had to have been awake then.

"Oh my god, Gerard." I didn't have to ask if he was serious or not, because I knew he was telling the truth. "That's really unhealthy."

"Don't you think I know that?" He couldn't hold his tears back anymore. "I feel sick and feel urges to take more pills and I-"

He stopped himself.

"You what, Gerard?" I asked calmly.

"I-I'm feeling urges to start drinking again," he choked. "Large amounts, so that I'll be able to feel numb."

I moved closer and opened my arms for him. He cried into my chest and I lightly patted his back. I still didn't say anything, because I felt so sorry for him. He didn't like to be pitied like this, and I knew that, but I also knew that if I didn't try to help him he wouldn't get better.

"You're going to get better," I told him. "You're going to sleep tonight, and you're not going to take pills, okay?"

He blinked more tears away. "Okay."

"I'm gonna make you food and we're going to have a stress-free day." I kissed his forehead.

"Thank you." Gerard almost smiled.

Letting go of him, I pushed his hair out of his face. "I think the first thing you'll need is coffee."

He nodded slowly in agreement.

For the rest of the day, we laid in bed and talked about art, work, and music. I ended up making Gerard eat, and I was glad that I did. He went to sleep at around ten o'clock, and this time, my arms were around him.