All it took was one more unnecessarily loud clunk of Kaeya's mug against the counter for Diluc to lose it. He had already been gritting his teeth for the past ten minutes, and his eyebrows had been narrowed for five, but this... this was getting ridiculous. He finally snapped his head around to face Kaeya, startling some of the other Angel's Share customers in the process.

"Not that I care about your problems, but what is making you sulk around this time? Banging your glass as hard as you can against the table every two seconds isn't going to solve shit, Kaeya."

The accused narrowed his eyebrows back at Diluc. "I know that," he grumbled. Dramatically sighing, Kaeya buried his face in his hands. "But now that you've asked, you shall receive."

"Oh, Archons."

"Whaattt?" A very drunk Venti slurred out from the opposite side of the bar.

"Nothing," Both Kaeya and Diluc groaned in unison. Venti promptly shrugged and went back to his drink.

Kaeya took another swig as well. "Anyways," he began, "I've just been cooped up with Klee so much the last few days. Albedo had to go do something important... I think. Can't remember." He took another long drink, Diluc deadpanning at the sheer amount of liquid he could consume at once.

"That's it?"

Kaeya slammed his mug down once again. "Far from it!" He folded his hands. "You know what being stuck alone for days with Klee does to you? First of all, it makes you fear for your life." He shuddered. "Secondly, I think I would do anything for some adult interaction."

"Well congratulations, here it is."

"Not like this!" Kaeya shot Diluc a glare. "I mean, like... I've gone days without being with adults or  being alone, period."

"So you're horny."

"Shh! Why did you say it like that? Gods, Diluc, have you no sense of social etiquette?" Kaeya's face was red, but he didn't deny it. He and Diluc both already knew it was true.

Diluc raised an eyebrow, ignoring Kaeya's questions. "Well, then why did you come to the tavern, then? Looking for a certain someone?"

Kaeya was gloomy in an instant. "Tentatively. I already knew it would be a dead end here, but I didn't know where else to look... then the alcohol called me..."

"Of course it did." Diluc sighed and wiped up some of the spillage on the counter. With Kaeya and Venti here, it was bound to be messy. "How many times have you met up with this person?"

"Well, relatively speaking, a lot." Kaeya swished his mug around, spilling more of his drink. Diluc could have sworn he did it on purpose. "But, we've never... y'know..."

"Had sex?"

"Diluc! Shut up! We are in public!"

Diluc just rolled his eyes. "You're so childish. Maybe Klee is rubbing off on you."

A grumble rose from Kaeya's throat, but no retort this time.

"Well, I'm sure you'll find them eventually then you'll get what you want. Stop being a crybaby." Diluc was about to go back to ignoring Kaeya when he heard a whine.

"That's the issue! I don't think they see me like that!"

Oh.

Oh.

This was going to be fun.

"And do you have romantic feelings towards them?" Diluc inclined. "The one and only Kaeya, heartbreaker and player of Mondstat, has a crush?"

"Shhhhh! I mean no, I don't!"

They both knew that was a lie.

Diluc adjusted his gloves. "Well, it's nothing to be ashamed of. As you know, Jean and I were in your shoes for a long time-"

"Except you weren't trying to hide it."

"-and we eventually made it through, didn't we?"

Kaeya shrugged halfheartedly. "I mean, yeah, but everyone knew that ship was going to sail. You two would not stop flirting for weeks.
"True!" Venti called out from across the bar.

He proceeded to fall asleep.

Diluc waved at Charles to take care of the drunk bard and turned back to Kaeya. "Maybe your problem is that you flirt too much with everyone within a mile radius. Nobody would be able to tell if you were being serious at this point."

Kaeya grumbled some excuse, clunking his drink on the table again. "You're not giving me any useful advice. C'monnnn, Diluc!"

"My advice?" Diluc snatched Kaeya's cup away and nodded at the door. "Forget about it and go masturbate. You're such a pain."

"Diluc!"