❦ ♪

CHAPTER FORTY SIX : crying motive

"you're so useless."

❦ ♪

— hao pov.

very nice and gay
10+ members

— renjun changed the groupname to 'chismosas'.

renjun:
felt like it soz x

renjun:
hi everyone 😁

taerae:
hi! day 1928292 without mei

hao:
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

jiwoong:
This is a sorry sight.

matthew:
stop using your fuckass macbeth
quotes weirdo

yujin:
gyuvin let's kill the king (hao's dad)

gyuvin:
are you crazy??!!!?!?!??!?!

yujin:
Yes

gyuvin:
i would never commit such a crime!

yujin:
where yo balls at😂😂😂😂PUSSY

yujin:
do it if you loved me no balls

gyuvin:
kk bringing the daggers over x

why are we doing this!!!

hanbin:
ur dad is a cunt but not in the way
that he serves

i know thanks for reminding me☝️

ricky:
how is he doing btw x

he thinks i'm depressed over a girl
for some reason (i am)

yujin:
Ijbols you literally are

jaemin:
he's having withdrawals bless him x

DEAD

xiaojun:
can we blame him i also miss Bff mei

jeno:
somehow she's always the topic here

renjun:
real because We want her back!

renjun:
it is so empty without her

xiaojun:
Guys she's not dead!!!

ricky:
feels like it☹️☹️☹️

i am dead inside

matthew:
LMFAOOOOO THIS IS SENDING ME

matthew:
REALLY SAID I AM DEAD INSIDE

gunwook:
this shit is too funny

chenle:
quick get the antidepressants!

xiaoting:

donghyuck:
i still see your shadows in my room🔥

guys this isn't funny stop ☹️

taerae:
it kinda is

taerae:
we need to get her back or else he's
actually going to go insane

renjun:
i have Tried

renjun:
she doesn't listen

renjun:
on the verge to text her parents or yuta

taerae:
do it

omg no that's gonna make me look so
fucking depressed like

donghyuck:
are you not

donghyuck:
Well i mean if i missed the chance to
ask her to be my gf i'd hate life too

weee could've beeen☹️☹️☹️

haknyeon:
He failed to bag the pretty rich nepo
baby #RIP

yangyang:
zhanghao uncommon L

jiwoong:
plot twist he only wanted her for the
money 😱😱😱😱

Well.

❦ ♪

— 3rd person.

later

the friend group decided to have another hangout at ricky's house before going to a cafe together as an attempt to boost hao's mood. so to pass time, they all just did whatever they wanted to to try be happier even after all of the silly events that happened recently.

it was friday afternoon with no weekend lectures yet jiwoong and hao were sat on the table studying, most of it consisting of hao helping jiwoong with some questions as the older sat comfortably.

a few meters away, it was way more chaotic. gunwook, gyuvin and ricky were all giggling hysterically with each other on ricky's living room floor, holding hanbin's phone as he fake cried. the trio were clearly the ones most invested in any one's love lives.

"guys you're awful." hanbin shouts (he didn't even sound a bit threatening) as he fails to take his phone from gunwook's hands. "what if she thinks i'm weird?" he sighs in embarrassment.

ricky snorts. "jimin already thinks you're weird." he peeks at the phone. "wow, left her on delivered for thirteen hours. terrible." he tuts, shaking his head.

"i've been busy guys.." he sighs, falling on the sofa after watching the three younger boys stalk jimin's profile - which did lead to someone (gyuvin) liking a post from two months ago. in which the situation felt very familiar, making hanbin get trauma to the early beginnings of mei.

"it was only two months ago, chill out." gunwook shrugs. "she does seem proper popular though from the amount of likes, but then again she goes to that other university in our area doesn't she?"

"i just thought that was for hot people who are dumb as fuck and are failing everything besides having a face card.." gyuvin snorts, taking the phone out of gunwook's hand. "what if she's like super dumb."

"gyuvin you deserve to go there." ricky jokes, causing gyuvin to drop hanbin's phone and fake hit ricky.

hanbin quickly gets ahold of his phone and gasps when he notices that a message was sent to jimin and that she was typing. "guys???? why did you text her?"

"open it no balls." yujin shouts. "don't be a pussy, this is your potential girlfriend." he says as a way of persuading the older boy.

"you guys are so mean, leave the poor boy alone." matthew chuckles, although his eyes were focused on yujin and taerae's intense round of dress to impress (roblox). "ew no change your hair colour, it's fucking orange." he says to yujin who was trying his very best.

"i am trying to SERVE do not talk to me." yujin shouts. "if taerae gets first with that fASShion sense again i'm quitting." he complains, glancing over at taerae intensely looking at his screen as if he couldn't see fuck all.

"yujin your outfit was shit last round." taerae shrugs. "you don't know how to serve like i do. you're worse than the twelve year olds playing this game, and they like my outfits."

"no you just didn't vote me five stars, fake friend." he rolls his eyes, making the other boys in the room laugh. "i almost got banned from shitting on taerae's outfit in the chat."

"yeah you said some weird shit in english, and it was spelled wrong too." taerae snorts. "but it's okay to be jealous, you'll go through it one day."

"not when it comes to liking people though, that jealousy is a different level." matthew chuckles, very clearly referring to the two boys in the room. "imagine yujin in a love triangle."

"he's four, he's just learnt what a triangle is." jiwoong snickers. "i don't think yujin would ever be in one, he's like an annoying side character."

yujin flips the older boy off. "stay mad i pull online bitches from my face from my own account while you get used as a catfish on discord servers." he laughs. "they like your catfish more because your personality sucks."

"talk when you 'pull bitches' and i might listen, but my personality does NOT suck." jiwoong rolls his eyes, continuing to write in his notebook. "you want to be hao don't you? a university mass people puller."

taerae sighs. "he literally plays royale high and dress to impress at sixteen, what the fuck do you think he'll be doing in university?" (a/n i play roblox and i'm sixteen in two months btw xx) "oh my god yujin you look disgusting."

"what do you mean i look like hwang mirae." the youngest scoffs. "are you calling her ugly?" he jokes, but the room went quiet besides the loud ass music coming from their phones.

taerae clears his throat after noticing how silent it went after yujin just blatantly dropped the girl's name when hao was literally right there. the point of their long awaited hangout was to have fun without her and try cheer hao up. "anyways... you definitely served!!"

yujin gasps in realisation and turns to hao apologetically. "wait i didn't even realise. i'm so sorry i didn't mean to mention her like that." he scratches the back of his head.

hao's mouth was dry but he brushes it off. "no worries." he smiles. "trust me i'm not as depressed as i seemed earlier."

"you sure?" he asks, putting his phone down. "oh my god i missed the time to do poses on this fucking game but i'm actually so sorry like.."

hao waves his hand. "it's fine." he laughs. "carry on with your roblox game." he sighs and looks down at jiwoong's notebook. "so are you done?"

"yep." jiwoong nods. "you can work on your violin pieces now." he says, standing up. "where's your violin?"

hao coughs. "well i left it at home.. since you know.." he awkwardly chuckles, not wanting to mention the fact his violin was the one mei had gifted him. but he's not sad enough to not use it – he uses it everyday, even if the memory of her was always on his mind.

but hao does wonder, if things never went wrong at that party, what situation would the two be in right now?

❦ ♪

— mei pov.
- 3rd person.

she was waiting patiently whilst also incredibly panicking and sweating like a little bitch. "this is so awkward." mei laughs to herself. she did want to meet youngjae, but only to see what he wanted to say since she wasn't really expecting anything too good or bad.

she hears the door open and looks up to see her derogatory ex boyfriend walking in. once he spots her at the table, he gives her a small wave and mei reciprocates it. "hi." she says awkwardly. seeing the boy you punched months ago alone like this was the worst situation she could have possibly been in.

"hi." he gives her a small smile and sits opposite her. "i'm glad you actually came to talk, because i have a lot to say to you." he looks around to make sure no one who knew them was near.

"go on then." she attempts to sit comfortably in her chair and crosses her arms. she doesn't know what she was expecting but she assumed it was some bullshit lies and him shitting on her again.

however, anyone could tell he was nervous from the way he started to play with his fingers, making her a tad bit confused. "mirae i'm really really truly sorry for being so immature from our relationship until now. i know that i was never the nicest to you and it's really bad how i only fully realise that now."

mei was surpised; she did not expect an apology at all from him. mostly since he was not the apologising type of guy and that he did kind of ruin her life when she started university. "woah woah, are you high?"

mei snorts a little and he gives her a 'take me seriously' glare. "sorry, carry on." she apologises, still feeling taken aback from a sudden apology.

he exhales, trying to compose himself before speaking more. "well i was awful to you, and i do regret wasting your time when we 'dated' just so i could get some cash.." he scratches his head, cringing at the thought of it. "when you hit me i felt like you were in the wrong for everything so i wanted you gone after that."

well she did hit him for being a pervert and a horrible guy in general. maybe punching him wasn't the best idea but it was definitely deserved, especially after what she's been through with him.

she hums. "yeah um, i'm not apologising for that. you deserved it." she gives him a bitter smile. "you have to admit you were a fucking weirdo."

he sighs. "i know, and i feel awful for it. i promise you i'm not like that anymore." but even though he was telling the truth, he knew she wasn't the type to give second chances so easily.

"i'm not gonna lie i lowkey forgot about all of that... and i'm not that bothered about you using me for money anymore." she shrugs. "i'm not going to forgive you for being a dickhead but i can forgive you about the livestream thing."

youngjae sighs. he saw this coming, and even though he wanted to say much more from his heart, he knew she didn't want to hear it – which he understood for obvious reasons. so now he had to speak about the thing that he does regret the most: ruining her and hao's happiness in the span of a few minutes.

"whether you had bad intentions with recording it or not i think giving myself a bad reputation kind of helped me." she sits upright and gives a small smile. "if anything i'm glad you did it."

"are you crazy?" the boy asks in surprise. "what i did did not benefit you in a way at all, i think you're the high one here." he shakes his head guiltily.

"well it gave me some sort of realisation about how much i've changed when i went there. i don't even know why i was so confident about hao.." she snickers. "i'm glad we ended things anyway."

youngjae almost jumps in his seat in disbelief. "you're joking right? i ruined a potential couple.. how are you glad that you ended things?? even i think you're good together."

she shrugs. "i like being my old self now. i feel more comfortable than just being a boy obsessed freak who only cared about beating him."

youngjae was in denial about what she was saying and he was ninety percent sure she was at least drunk or something because there was no way she would talk like that. "okay like i know that i'm counted as your ex and i didn't like you but even from afar i preferred your nicer side than the old one."

"why do you get to have an opinion on how i act?" she suddenly snaps. "i don't need to know what you or other people think about it."

he takes a sip of his iced coffee and takes a moment to just process whatever the fuck she was yapping about. "are you... okay?" he awkwardly asks. "i've never seen you act like this before."

she rolls her eyes. "why does everyone ask this, i'm fine." she taps her phone screen for the time. "keep going on about what you were going to say to me, i have little time." she switches up and says with a softer voice.

"wait first can i ask if we're cool after this?" he asks with some hope. he would even be over the moon if she even said yes to this.

she hums. "honestly, fine. you seem alright now but you know i will be giving you a vague and harsh second chance right?"

he smiles a little in relied. "of course."

"but," she takes another sip and places it down aggressively. "i want that video taken down. i still see it everywhere."

he sighs. "i'm sorry again for that, i was out of my mind and didn't really think it'd be sent around.." he was for sure lying but he didn't know if he should tell mei the true intentions of why he did it or not. "but um.. yeah i'll try. sorry."

"it's fine, i guess." she shrugs. she forgot about that video and she's grown to hate it. every single girl mentions it in campus and it drives mei insane.

he nods. "oh and also, is it okay if i ask about hao for a second?" he looks at her nervously and even though her face looked like she would shout and say no, she surprisingly nods. "i've seen how he is on campus, and everyone else actually.. have you not talked to them?"

mei was sick of hearing the same things about them and she sighs. "no. you're not going to convince me to either."

"well you like him right?" he almost gasps from how she immediately shakes her head and takes a sip of her coffee. "wait you don't?" she only responds with a shake of head again.

"okay well.. since i feel like sorting things out with you won't be the easiest, i was thinking to help you sort things out with all of them first." he gives a small smile, having an ounce of hope that she would agree.

"no." she says immediately.

"i'm offering you help when you need it, especially when it seems like you definitely haven't even tried to sort anything out. they all look so bored without you."

she snorts. "that's on them acting like i would stay there anyway, in a fucking all boys' campus." she rolls her eyes at youngjae and he sighs again.

"i have an idea, why don't you come back for a day? you can talk to hao and sort things out with him and the others." he offers. "you'll be allowed to, even for a few hours."

mei scoffs. "are you crazy?"

"no, you're just not getting what i'm saying." youngjae mocks. "i'm trying to be nice here. i don't know if you're refusing because it's me asking you or if you genuinely don't want to."

"i don't want to talk to them at all. i'm genuinely content with how i am right now." she very obviously lies. her voice was slightly raised from how easily she was getting pissed off and anyone would've given up by now.

"you preached about 'communicating' when we dated so why can't you have a little talk with him?" he complains. "you're acting weird."

"BECAUSE i don't want to." she rolls her eyes, telling herself she will not do anything at all. "are you done now? i'm not convinced and it's funny seeing you try. it's nice that you're trying to help but i just don't think it will do anything."

youngjae sighs. "well even though hao and i don't like each other, i've known him longer than you have and talking to him will definitely help." mei wanted to ignore him but she knows it was true, especially from what people were telling her and how he texted her.

yet she still 'didn't want to'. (a/n why am i hating on my own character) "okay. i'm going. thanks. bye." she fake smiles and stands up, about to storm off until youngjae calls her name.

"wait mirae, don't go out yet. i'm pretty sure hao is ou–" he tries to stop her by holding onto her bag but she scowls and jerks his hand off of her.

"fuck off, i don't want to hear more about him." she scoffs, not listening to anything he said and walking out as she looks down at her phone with boiled blood.

but ignorantly, she didn't care to look in front of her at all. and since she didn't listen to what youngjae had said, she bumps into someone right as she opens the door, making her fall forward.

her eyes shut in embarrassment but she suddenly feels warm arms wrap around her, catching her before she could even hit the ground. her eyes peek open only to see the boy pick up her phone with his arm still around the back of her shoulders.

she felt quite warm and kind of giddy from the small kdrama interaction and decides to fully open her eyes to thank him. "tha–" but she cuts her phrase short as she meets his eyes.

she recognises the face right away. she did forget this was a place where everyone from that university would hang out in. "oh um... thanks.." she goes numb from feeling his touch. the boy was beyond surprised from seeing her and was about to speak to her, but mei panics and takes his hands off of her and begins to walk away.

"what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck. i just saw hao." she repeats to herself as she speed walks in direction to her house. she looks back to see if he was still there and unfortunately, he was also turning back at her.

she darts her head forward and gulps. no one could miss his gaze when they looked back at each other. his expression was hurt and quite miserable, and she didn't bother to check up on him. but her only move was to unblock his number, knowing he would text her.

❦ ♪

she arrives home with a bittersweet feeling in her stomach, and she drags her legs up the stairs downheartedly. mei decides to not talk to anyone in the household and just sit in her room. she locks the door and sighs.

it was bad enough that she was talking to her ex, but it was worse that she bumped into the boy she was just talking about, plus the fact she said she didn't want to see him or talk to him.

as she gets comfortable after jumping on her bed, she picks up her phone and her eyes widen from seeing his notifications, which she expected.

zhanghao

mei i don't want to sound like a beg
but did i actually do something wrong?
seen

i want you to at least tell me in person
not ignore me the one time i see you
seen

please i miss you
delivered

she drops her phone from the last notification with a gasp. actually seeing him say those words to her made her feel a strong pang in her heart, and she already begins to tear up. "what's wrong with me."

"why does he miss me this isn't what i wanted." she frowns, picking up the phone again to make sure what she saw was real. she could barely even see by how her eyes were filled with tears. "oh my days i hate this."

she takes a deep breath and opens the message slowly. as she stared at the three words, she contemplates to say anything back or not. "if i say something i'm going to cry but if i don't say something i'm still going to cry."

she leaves her phone opened on his message and stands up. trying to forget about it by forcing herself not to cry for the millionth time this week (which she always, by the way, inevitably fails). "i should just study." she whispers to herself, walking over to her desk.

the truth is she did write an email to her headmaster, but never sent it just in case she would actually regret all of it. she's made too many mistakes and awful decisions recently and her only way of coping was to cry, which unfortunately happened every night.

she blankly looks at the papers on her desk and sighs. "this is so boring." she complains. usually on a saturday night she'd be out with friends drinking for the fun of it, but instead she was locked in her room crying again.

she looks up and stares at herself in the mirror, and suddenly all of the confidence she had disappeared in a matter of seconds. all she could think about was "what if" questions about her life. if anything she looked really miserable even when most of it was her fault.

"ew why am i so emo." she scoffs. "this is not like me at all." she sighs and turns around to pick up her phone and swipe off hao's message. she notices that there was so many unopened messages and she felt helpless from the looks of it.

"you're so useless mei." she laughs at herself, ruffling her own hair. "i feel stupid. oh my god ew i never feel stupid." she tugs at her hair in frustration.

"why do i have no one to talk to now." she laughs bitterly. "i just ruin everything all of the time." she continues to downgrade herself in the mirror for the funs until it actually felt like she was believing it.

she realises what the fuck she was doing and snorts. "this is the type of shit yunji would call me." she sighs before sitting up from her desk. "i need to stop being emo and sort myself out."

by 'sorting herself out' she means drinking by herself to forget everything. thankfully, this time she was fully alone with a locked door so she wouldn't accidentally try kiss some random person.

she remembered her only resort was to drink straight from the bottle and she opens a cabinet in her room, picking up two bottles of soju. she knew this was a horrible idea, but she was home alone (not staff wise) and thought this would be the best way to go about it all.

she mutters under her breath and decides to take them to her desk. she looked at herself in the mirror again and stares at her phone for a while before typing out a response to hao and chugging a drink to forget it.

zhanghao

same

even with a shitty response, she throws her phone across the room feeling nervous and guilty. but she obviously does want to talk to him and has no other closer friends to talk to.

she has no idea why but her only resort was to seek help from someone she thought she saw a spark of comfort in – but mei would never willingly text that person so easily, so she waited until she felt her head feeling heavy to actually go and text the girl.

❦ ♪

yunji

hikdk

oh hi

i HAT BOYS

😭?
wait are you drinking?

NOG☔️
just Askig quejskton sfor u

oh love that!!! haha
what do you want to ask?

ok
do. yountjink i ruin evrry thing

yeah kind of

oh
csn you tell me how you think anout me
real hone stpls

wellll imo ur a self centered whore

A😜

the world doesn't fucking revolve
around you righttt?

hear tjis one too much LOKLZ

haha i wonder why but yk what i
always think about when i talk to
you..?

Wjay

if it wasn't for ur parents u would
honestly be the biggest nobody

oh tru LMFD

oh andd no offence but ur not as pretty
as you think you are

Goddhh is fhis wha wbeyoen thinsk of me

yeah kinda just trying to be 100%
honest with you rn soooo haha

ohtihjt tjjanksni needed jt

yeahh u need to be humbled icl like
maybe it's just cause ur rich but i js
don't see what everyone else sees

i gt it. tjx quen

oh and i also feel like hao is similar to
youngjae in a sense too you know..

why

i'm sorry that i have to show you like
this when you're already sad but

.
INBPLLLLLLL WHAF

yeahh 😭😭😭 it's kinda sad

I'n nots surpeied 😂😂😂😂
i bot him a RIGNNN

besides the fact u have money idk why
u think everyone likes u too

idnot???

u do tho
youngjae didn't like u clearly
neither did hanbin, he told me

2&-what ro u mena

hanbin's parents just wanted the job

Oh wlel i kner tjat

why else do you think they're never
over and that they're ghosting your
parents???

WLEPPPP
SSUGAR MOMMMMYY

❦ ♪

youngjae

yongj

wtf do you want

do u kno id hao wears arogn
with a dose on it

what
argon with a dosage on it

A RIGN
ROS

whAT

FUCKASS
ROSE TOY

WHAT THE FUCK
TMI???

🌹 💍

OH
👏

IS HAO

rose ring??

WHYE

are you asking me if he has a rose
toy or a rose ring

Are u stipdi
IS JE WEARING ROS RING

OHHHHH
yeah i think he still does

send professors tomorreo

what

PROF
PROFOF

RIGHT OK SEND PROOF
bit weird if i just took a photo of
his hands

I will eat him and his hanfs

it's hard for me to decipher this shit
but how is this the only thing you've
spelled right...

SEND PROF😘😘😘

i said i will
u need to stop drinking btw 🤓

Kys
why we brokup
POOR ASS 💍👏☹️😂😂😂

ok

i willSUEU

no can do🙏

uogn i am saf

omg what now

yujni is making me cr

YUJIN??

NO YIJF
THE VAPER
SLAG

OH YUNJI
what did she say

aHe humbf Me BASSS
sje snai noone lik me🥲🥲🥲🥲

r u crying

Yes

right...

❦ ♪

— youngjae pov.

yunji

you're so fucking odd

what did i do now..

it's obvious she's not okay at all and
you're just talking to her like that?

i didn't even say anything bad

what the fuck have you said to her

nothing offensive

i don't think i've ever seen someone like
her become so emo like it's clear that you
said or did something to make her like this

i didn't even do anything
it's her fault no one likes her

i get that but you're encouraging that in
the way she's going to think like that too

she's drunk i just wanted to be funny
she'll forget in the morning anyway

making her sad is not making zhanghao
any happier to the point he wants you

oh idgaf about hao anymore
i just like talking to her friends

don't forget that the main reason she's not
even trying to sort things out is because of u

how is it my fault that she can't talk
to her little boy friends😭😭

don't think i wouldn't tell mei what
you've done for most of this shit to happen

what did i do

you're not slick inviting yourself to the
meetings anymore, everyone knows

she wouldn't even believe you
you're her ex she hates you

okay so what?? i still think what
you did was wrong

she literally assaulted you and you
wanted her in your school in the first
place to mug her off

at least we've both changed
idk why you still want to do this shit to her

it's just fun

mhm i'll go tell her tomorrow then!

sure you will
she wouldn't believe you

❦ ♪

My speciality is making everything overdramatised and really sad for no reason. anyways sorry this was so ass and short like this is a filler and i didn't know what to write besides the youngjae making up thing x

guys Youngjae is having a redemption arc i am not lying. But Yas yunji manipulate her!!

also if you were reading performer/dare i am SO SORRY i unpublished performer on purpose but not dare (i promise i didn't on purpose cause i saw loads of new readers xx) but i'm planning of rewriting both after my exams along with ENTANGLED xx