❦ ♪

CHAPTER FORTY FIVE : regrets

"i give up."

❦ ♪

— mei pov.

junjun<3

renjun

what

i'm really sorry
like really really really sorry

and what are you sorry for?
just making sure you know yourself

ignoring you

and who else?

your friends

which also includes??

ricky??

omd
don't act dumb

...
okay yeah i get it

he wanted to fucking talk to you
but you just decide to walk away
like we were all nothing???

i don't want to talk to any of them
especially zhanghao

i just don't understand why
you actually don't want to

i just don't want to

wow so valid so top literature
student Loving your reasoning

lol

so you can talk to me but not them

yeah

mei i'm sorry but can you please grow
up and use that supposed massive brain
of yours and fucking communicate instead
of ignoring the people who care about you

why are you deeping it

cause no one is happy about it?

omd it was like one dirty look
they'll live renjun💀💀

are you fucking weird

no you're making it seem like a big deal

well maybe it is!!😝😝

istg no one's going to cry over me
ignoring them once be fr

bye Plz tell me this is a joke
you can't be a bitch for no reason

there's a reason??
can i not adjust to my old life in peace

you can
but making everyone feel hurt was
not the way to go about it

alr

and not to mention the fact you were
with that fucking whore

yunji?

no shit
why are you acting friendly with her

omds it's a long story

what's happened now
cause i hope you're not ignoring
your actual friendgroup just to
be on good terms with her

i just wanted to know more about her

you've known her for ages

yeah but i was curious on what the fuck
her problem was

well it was clear it's because of hao

well yeah but i wanted a clear reason
with an explanation

just get her and her crystal bar
away from you istg😭😭

well i've been trying to get info out of
her about it all and she told me some
thing that really boils my blood

what did she tell you

apparently hao and her KISSED.

HUH WHAT THE FUCK
wait girl i'm supposed to be mad at
you but PLEASE TELL ME?????

IM SAYING LIKE THAT'S SO RANDOM
DID I NOT SAY THAT AGES AGO TOO

NAHHHH WHY'D YOU PREDICT
THAT TOO LMFAOOO😭😭

like she even showed me messages
they actually Had contact on the lips

THIS IS SILLY
and ur mad bc??

HE TOLD ME HE'S NEVER KISSED
ANYONE I WANNA KILL MYSELF

girl you just said you wanted to get
over him😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
then ignore him and made him sad

i know but still
why am i being lied to i thought he
Liked me☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

girl shut up like you're not any worse
but anyways i'll go ask him for you

stfu Xx
BUT THANK YOU PLZ TELL ME

yw i'm still mad at you tho x
i'll tell you when you set your mind
straight bestfriend

❦ ♪

— renjun pov.

hao
@zhangha00

is it true you kissed yunji

LMFAO WHAT

answer me

What!

did i fuck up my korean or what

NO

Sorry that i'm not using GOOGLE
TRANSLATE like your dad

.....!!!!

so did you ever touch lips😘

ok well she kissed me

so you did kiss

she did for like a split second

and when was this !

like a few months ago

what happened

nothing she just liked me idk

okayy and yk mei found out

What. 😁
MEI KNOWS.....!?!?????!?

she feels a bit weird that you kinda
lied to her about but you also kinda
didn't lie but idk

No what
NO
i am not ok
I'm moving to england

??????

IT WASN'T EVEN A PROPER LIE
It was FORCED idk why i'd count that
if there was no meaning behind it

Ok fair enough tbh but i think mei's
starting to feel iffy about you now soo

time to Kill myself🙏

well don't!! cause i don't think it's a
big deal cause everyone knows that
yunji's just an attention seeker x

IT IS SHE'S GONNA HATE ME

she hates everyone at one point
Tbh by next week she'd be back on her
knees asking for forgiveness

TBH LIKE I HOPE SO because
mei😘❤️

she literally said she wanted to get
over you why are you so...!

Idk i'm trying to cope Stop.

you need a therapist and a deleted
wattpad account like rn😭😭😭

pulling a ricky and telling myself i'm
hot everyday so she comes back to me

this is crazy like

like girlll why you trying to play
so hard to get😂😂😂😂😂😂

WHAT THE FUCKKK
ZHANGHAO GET YOURSELF TOGETHER

She hates me omg.....

no she doesn't but Please just stay back
in your "i don't like mei i hate her!!!"
mentality just for a LITTLE BIT

FINE...! (i won't)
OMG OMG NAH GUESS WHAT I
JUST HEARD

what...

i heard youngjae talking about wanting
to talk to mei about something

Ur joe king

❦ ♪

— hao pov.
- 3rd person.

the boy sighs to himself, his energy being drained just by going through emails with professors. all they were about was the fact his progress went down after a certain girl joined for behaviour management.

he does acknowledge that his progress went down after that, but there's never been a time that he's not been first rank – or that's what everyone thinks anyway.

he didn't bother to finish going through the dozens of emails and decides to stretch his arms out and finally listen to whatever his friends were talking about. he had accidentally not said a word throughout the whole hour that the boys were sat down and none of them were slow to notice.

hao looks up to jiwoong who was speaking only to realise everyone was looking at him and no one was talking at all. "hao are you okay? you seem off.." jiwoong asks with scrunched eyebrows.

well no shit. he thought, mentally rolling his eyes at his friends' constant comments that were stating the obvious about he was feeling. "i'm fine, just too many emails haha.." he fakes a smile and indicates the others to carry on with what they were doing.

"anyway.." matthew says hesitantly. "hao did you say you heard youngjae talking about mei earlier?" he averts the attention back to the quiet boy.

hao nods slowly. "he was scolding his little minions and said he wanted to talk to her to 'sort things out' or something.." he shrugs, not really thinking much about it.

"that sounds like bullshit to me." hanbin scoffs. "why would she want to sort things out? he was a dickhead to her."

hao shakes his head. "i mean yeah he was horrible, but she did talk about how they've talked a little before our party.." he plays with his pencil to stay calm as all of his friends were looking at him.

"oh yeah that's true." taerae hums, remembering how youngjae did attend their party without being told to leave at all. "at least he isn't a mentally insane ex boyfriend."

"too bad we have a mentally insane fangirl of zhanghao." ricky snorts, referring to no other than yunji. "she's completely ruined mei, i still can't believe she ignored us like that."

gyuvin rolls his eyes. "well she has control of herself, we can't blame yunji but blame mei instead. we all know mei wouldn't listen to some lowlife like yunji."

the other boys nod. "i think we should just be honest and just acknowledge that she's changed in the span of like three weeks." gunwook says as he turns hao's phone off, noticing how he was staring at his (undeniably adorable) lockscreen. "she's worse than the first time we've met her."

"what? when she shouted at youngjae and his friends on her first lecture?" hanbin snorts. "if we think about it mei was never even that awful or had shitty behaviour. she said her headmaster had a grudge against her right?"

matthew nods. "well it just proves there was no behaviour management in the first place, youngjae's mom just wanted mei out."

"can we stop now?" hao sighs. "i don't like this mei talk anymore, you can carry it on on text without me." he rubs his eyes and the others share looks and nod.

"well let's talk about how our evaluation exam is coming up this week!!" gunwook grins, earning annoyed groans from the others. "studying always matters too, guys."

"wishing i was smart like zhanghao so i don't have to worry." gyuvin sighs, flopping his head down on the table and fake crying. "being half smart is hard."

"shut up and realising what building we're in right now." ricky snorts. "hao's probably as stressed as us."

"the last one was so fucking hard as well." jiwoong crosses his arms. "i heard this will be the exact same difficulty as last month."

matthew covers jiwoong's mouth. "shut up, they only did it once because of mei." he smiles awkwardly to try calm everyone down but the pens and papers were already out. "wow, look at what you've done." he scoffs at jiwoong.

"you even got heard by renjun's friend group." ricky snickers, pointing at the papers flying around the neighbouring table. "i wonder how they're doing with ranks."

i wonder how mei's doing with ranks. hao thinks to himself, not seeming to take his mind off of her no matter how much he tells his friends to stop mentioning her.

❦ ♪

— mei pov.
- 3rd person.

it was mei's early morning music lecture theory and right after this was her first evaluation exam here after such a long time since she was too busy attempting to beat hao at the other university.

mei was say making notes but instead of studying, the other girls were waffling about fuck all, even when most of them should be worrying about passing this year.

"hanbin's a cutie don't you think?" yunji laughs, pointing at one of hanbin's instagram posts as the other many girls in the room agree. "should i text him?"

"do it!" a girl squeals. "he's perfect, better than hao i must say." mei snorts at the comparison of the two boys who she will admit are as good as each other.

"oh no hao is fineee." another girl giggles. "like i'm surprised mei fumbled him." the group of girls turn to mei who now had her attention somewhere else, causing her to not hear what they had said about her.

mei was watching two girls argue over what designer brands were better than other brands. since when were arguments over the bare minimum in the middle of music theory???

so much girl talk was going on since the professor left for a few minutes, and all mei could think to herself while hearing these shitty conversations was i hate this fucking university.

the two arguing-over-brands weren't aggressive or anything, but their loud, high pitched annoying voices rang through mei's ears and she was so close to throwing her water bottle at their faces. this was way worse than the previous swooning over hanbin and zhanghao session.

"can you both shut the fuck up." mei complains aloud, earning some nods of agreement from the other students sat around the area (they were too busy talking about boys). "it's too early to hear your loud ass voices."

one of them scoffs. "and you have a say in what we're talking about? your family's brand is literally flopping." she smirks over at mei who already seemed quite enraged.

"please, try design a whole brand whilst studying in university." mei snaps back, keeping her eyes glued on her pen. "not like you'd even attempt to with that fashion sense." she snorts.

before the girls could argue back, mei places her airpods in. she'd normally enjoy arguing with people but she honestly wasn't in the mood and just wanted to stop before more irking words leave anyone's mouths.

the two girls continue to argue over their shitty brands and the rest of the class continued to talk about the 'hot university boys' that mei was sick of hearing about.

she then smiles at the fact the professor had come back, making everyone shut the fuck up and leave mei in peace as she takes her airpods out, even though no music was playing in the first place.

her peace was cut as a girl taps her on the shoulder. she didn't even know her name but she acknowledged her as her music theory seatmate. "you look really nice today." she smiles at her, "your outfits always look really nice, especially that you design them yourself right?"

"i know." mei replies nonchalantly, making no effort to return the compliment or the energy at all. her words always cut through people recently – even though she really had no meaning behind her words or actions.

the girl nods and tilts her head at the way mei had replied to her compliment. "are you okay? you-"

"yeah, don't ask me anything." she continued to scroll on her phone without looking up at whoever the other student was. "listen to the professor."

"i am but you seem really–"

mei glares at her. "i know what i seem like, stop asking." her voice was still low but it could be heard over the professor's voice on her row.

"but everyone is worried for–" she cuts her own sentence by surprise; mei stands up and slams her phone on the table in irritation. "...you?"

mei scoffs, not realising she accidentally caused a small scene in the lecture hall. "stop lying. i don't need anyone's sympathy. i'm fine, i don't need entitled bitches to pretend they care about me." she snaps, stomping away without another word.

the reaction was overwhelming for the other girls and the professor who just sighs. "leave her, headmaster park will sort it out." he fake smiles before turning back to the screen. "as i was saying.."

❦ ♪

time skip – later.

mei yawns as she sat alone at the campus library, doodling as she blasted her messy emo playlist into her eardrums. despite the loud music (depressing clairo songs), her eyes near to shutting as she felt absolutely exhausted.

she had just sat her monthly evaluation exam a few hours ago, and it was probably the easiest thing she's ever done. but now that she's focused on her own work and made no effort talking to other people, there's no doubt she'd be at the top again.

she glances at the what felt like billions of notes she had made from her recent lectures then glances back at her lockscreen to check the time – which the wallpaper changed from a picture of her, hao and hanbin to a plain black screen. she looks at her reflection in the screen miserably and exhales deeply as she realises it was already late.

the campus was basically empty, and it explains a lot knowing it was a friday night since most girls would be out somewhere hanging out after their exam. that was what mei would usually do, however she felt being alone was much better.

mei felt a presence – xiaoting sits opposite her silently, trying to study mei's face as she tried her hardest to ignore the older's presence. xiaoting almost scoffs at how mei was failing to pretend that she didn't see her. she taps mei's hands gently, receiving no response.

mei began to sweat. it was eight in the evening and she's not in the mood to have a conversation with her bestfriend who she did ignore this whole week. her eyes darted everywhere to ignore the older but the girl already decided to speak. "are you okay?"

mei doesn't answer.

"i don't want you to shout at me but i'm genuinely not impressed with the way you're acting." she says like an older sister. "you were never this bad, what the fuck is going on?"

mei shakes her head, continuing to draw little doodles on her spare paper. she thought xiaoting would just walk away after getting the hint that mei didn't want to speak to her.

"mei." xiaoting says sternly. "why are you shouting at random students again, its weird." she crosses her arms and glances at her doodles. "you're more interested in clothing sketches rather than trying to sort out things with us?"

she still doesn't reply.

she scoffs in utter disbelief. "you're insane." she then stands up, the wooden chair making a loud sound that made mei jump a little. "i'll wait until you feel like being a good friend again, but i swear to god if this lasts any longer.." she then began to walk away, leaving mei back alone.

mei sighs, placing her pen down and looking at xiaoting's back. but another figure comes into mei's sight and she already recognised it to be mrs park.

"hwang mirae, my office." the headmaster says with an angry expression, making the said girl roll her eyes before meeting the adult's. it was the first time mei was going back to sit there. since last time she was there, she was told she was moving.

❦ ♪

time skip — at home.

her ignoring everyone plan was going successfully everywhere except from at home; her parents found out and were anything but happy; it seemed like all of the advice they gave their daughter was just flushed away.

especially from how mrs park had already called her parents about the silly rage she had today in the middle of music lecture.

now mei had to justify herself with horrible points: "it's benefiting me though, and didn't you know ranks were coming out for the whole country and i'm only second??"

"how do you know your rank already?" yuta asks, "no one knows until summer break, which is literally in a few weeks." he squints his eyes, not getting a good impression already.

mei laughs awkwardly. "i was researching and it accidentally just came up!!!!" she fails to lie, already feeling defeated from how her parents cross their arms at the same time.

"okay.. so who's first then?" her mother sighs.

"who do you think?" she asks sarcastically. "won't they feel weird knowing a foreigner is first place?" she shrugs. "i'm not sure if they'll still include international students in the rankings."

yuta snorts. "i'm sure they will, and if you're so keen on getting first then why are you blocking everyone out of your life?"

"what do you mean? isn't this what i should be doing?" she complains, "i do it for a reason, if i'm not at the top after my results come out i swear to god i'm going feral."

her mother sighs, feeling that she forgot everything they told her. "we told you that you need to balance your studies with your social life, but keep school priority."

"i don't need a social life anymore, i'm fine being alone." she scoffs. (sounding a lil emo there love x)

"but when we get several more complaints that you're lashing out on random students again, do you think you'll be able to stay there after being sent away once already – not to mention for like five months." her father tries to knock some common sense into her by reminding her the way she is acting right now is the exact reason she was sent away in the first place.

mei sighs. "but that's just because mrs park fucking hates me and wants me gone all because of youngjae."

"you think headmaster kim of the other university doesn't think so too? you skipped almost every single lecture, and even hao followed along." the woman tuts, shaking her head.

"don't mention his name." she grits her teeth. "i'm trying to forget about him." she hated the topic always creeping back into their family conversations.

"how about this, we'll take your bank card if you don't sort things out with him." her father threatens, cocking his eyebrow knowing mei would hate that.

"take it." she says unexpectedly for her parents before standing up. "i'm going on a walk, bye." she throws her bank card at them before storming out and holding her tears in.

the adults both look at each other helplessly and shake their head. yuta sighs. all three of them knew going after her would do absolutely nothing, so they just decided to leave her be for a bit. even they notice how fast her mood and attitude changes whenever zhanghao was mentioned.

mei turns to her right in a hurry and accidentally bumps into someone who was stood on his phone. mei had clumsily fallen down and she curses aloud. "oh for fucks sake." she almost cries.

"hello mei." she hears a recognisable voice and her eyes widen as she gasps, looking up and meeting eyes with her lovely neighbour. ricky chuckles. "hello mei, how have you been?" he repeats, holding his hand out for the older.

mei clears her throat. "not in the mood haha." she fake laughs with her glassy eyes and ignores the boy's hand, struggling to get up on her own.

ricky frowns, noticing her eyes straight away. "wait are you good?" his eyebrows furrow. "did something happen?"

"i'm not supposed to be speaking to you." she looks up at the boy with an expressionless face. "you're overreacting and i am fine." she gives him a thumbs up and turns on her heel, but immediately gets stopped.

"i don't care if you're supposed to be speaking to me or not, why are you storming out of your house at this hour." he asks, gripping on her arm, trying not to hurt her. it was twelve in the morning after all.

she gulps. "i'm asking you the same thing."

"oh, hanbin just dropped me home." he shrugs. mei was hoping for a little story on what happened today for them to come home so late, but wanted to keep her harsh demeanor and kept quiet. she nods and shakes her arm for ricky to let go of it.

he lets go of her and she walks backwards. "can i leave now?" she fake laughs. "i just wanted to go on a walk.."

ricky shakes his head, opening his gate as they were already at his house. "i know you're putting up an act, you're coming with me." the taller boy pulls mei away. "let's go on a walk together, cause everyone including me misses you."

"i'm not that important to the point i should be missed like that," she scoffs. "i have nothing to talk about either.." she looks away from ricky but shoots her head back to him when she hears him laugh.

"i know you're about to cry, you can cry it out." he pats her back, reassuring her as he wasn't dumb to notice that her tears were still on the verge of falling. "just do it, i won't tell anyone." he smiles at her.

"why do you care?" she chokes on a sob straight after and gets mad at herself for looking so weak after showing a mean facade. "i'm not coming back." she stutters, either from the fact she was nervous from acting so bitchy or that it was fucking freezing.

ricky puts his finger on his chin to fake a thinking stance. "maybeee because someone who i see as my sister figure, and is also my bestfriend's future girlfriend just suddenly went ghost on us."

she sighs. "just leave me be." she walks slowly next to the taller, wanting to go back home already.

but then mei's heart began to pound out of her chest as she feels a car approaching besides her and ricky. she flinches at the sound of a car door opening behind her and she looks up at the younger worriedly. "why aren't you scared?"

"ricky, you forgot your– mei?" she sighs as she hears hanbin's voice. ricky had already turned around and mei stayed facing the opposite way. "is that mei?"

"yep." ricky says, patting her shoulder. "we're going on a neighbourhood walk, right?" he smiles at the girl who rolls her eyes. "you can't tell anyone she was speaking to us, i think she'd kill me."

hanbin nods and hands ricky his phone charger before turning mei around and pulling her into a hug. she was so surprised from the sudden skinship that she continued to cry.

"fucking hell mei i've missed you." hanbin instinctively kisses the top of her head, not exactly thinking straight and she goes stiff in an instant. that gesture was very familiar to mei as it had reminded her of someone again.

mei lets go of the boy when she realises what she was doing with the two people she was supposed to be ignoring. she mutters several curse words and wipes her tears in a hurry. "i'm going, don't tell anyone you saw me." she began to walk away and leave the two boys there without an explanation.

she storms inside, not greeting any of her staff or  parents. she runs up to her bedroom and locks the door and jumps onto her bed. "what is wrong with me?"

she continues to cry and rethink everything that's been going on for the past few weeks and after several breakdowns, she comes to a really stupid conclusion. "i give up." she sobs into her pillow. "i might as well just quit university. this is too much for me."

she thought quitting university would solve all of her problems instead of actually wanting to sort things out with everyone else, and she immediately opens up her phone to write a risky email for her headmaster.

❦ ♪

— mei pov.

jimin

omg i forgot your insta was gone
lol i need to repeat it here

oh hi yeah sorry for the late reply
i was emailing mrs park lol

it's finee

what do you need?

are you sure you still like hao?
or did you really have something with hanbin?

huh wdym

are you sure you like hao

erm i used to why

how come hanbin picked you up
the other night at that bar

he's my friend?

did you have anything between you?

ask him

no i'm asking YOU if you ever had anything
between you two

nothing serious

so you did

idk what you want me to say cause
i don't even know myself

right okay
eitherway i always knew there was
something going on but

ok

so you don't like hanbin anymore right

no why would i

just wondering
cause he's been ignoring me

i haven't even properly spoken to him
so err idk what's going on soz

right okay because i need to know
who he's talking to instead of me

well it's def not me lol but i have
heard yunji's been texting him tho

huh.

❦ ♪

flashback — seven months ago.

— hao pov.
- 3rd person.

hao opens his door in a hurry, taking a glance behind him to make sure no girls were following him home. when he sees nobody he sighs in relief and walks into his house and slams the door behind him.

despite the hurry, his dad was stood in front of him with crossed arms and a disappointed face. "do you want to stay in university or what?" hao was surprised to hear his dad's voice so high.

"what happened..?" he asks confusedly, still out of breath from running home. he was exhausted just by trying to escape the flocks of girls running and following him around. having a pretty face must be so hard.

"you don't know?" his dad scoffs. "why did some girl come up to us and introduce herself as your girlfriend, with a photo of you two kissing." he tilts his head and his eyes darkened. "explain yourself."

"excuse me?" hao also tilts his head. "i don't have a girlfriend and i've never kissed anyone.." he grew anxious just from the topic, knowing he was in fact in love with a boy more than anything.

he laughs at his son in disbelief. "if it was fake i would've known. why do you think having a girlfriend is acceptable? don't your studies matter more??" he shouts this time, walking closer to hao to the point his back hits the door.

"but i really don't have one.." his voice quieting down in fear, feeling belittled just by his dad's presence and voice. "what did she look like?"

"wow you don't even know what your girlfriend looks like?" he ridicules. "she has red hair and she's korean–"

hao's eyes widen by one small description and he immediately recognises who he was talking about. "oh my god.."

"yeah oh my god.." the man rolls his eyes. "i knew you had many girls following you around but i never thought you'd want to date one." he snorts.

hao was confused; obviously the fact he was like a celebrity in the local universities was overwhelming enough, but the fact someone would go so far to tell his own dad that they were dating him was downright embarrassing.

"she's one of the ones that follow me around i promise." he tries to justify himself, almost pleading in case of another stupid lecture. "i actually do care about my career and–"

"well clearly not enough." he cuts the boy off. "you just like all of the attention don't you? you like being all cool and popular yet you don't want to try harder in university? what's his name now, renjun? he's close to beating you."

hao rolls his eyes after being compared to his friend, knowing no matter how smart renjun was, hao would always stay on top. "why are you so bothered anyway?"

"because i don't want you in a relationship during your important years. everything you do at university will contribute to how the rest of your adulthood would be. if you don't do your best, you'll be nothing in the future." he scolds him coldy.

and that one small lecture from his father impacted hao's perspective on his university life greatly, making him more determined than ever.

❦ ♪

— mei pov.

youngjae

hi

what

so um i heard what my friends did
to you the other day and i'm really
sorry about that

mhm

can we talk?

why do we need to talk

i want to sort things out with you

why

wdym why i just said that i want to sort
things out with you

i don't get it

bruh just meet me somewhere soon
because it's really important

but why

were you always this annoying
i want to talk to you about hao and
yunji and everything that happened

why

omfg i'll tell you why if you actually make
an effort to know the truth on how and why
most of the events happened

maybe cause u livestreamed me

mirae istg
fucking listen for once
u won't be getting hao back at this rate

what
wdym by that

oh so NOW you're interested

no i'm just confused

meet me at the cafe opposite my
university tomorrow at 6

alr

❦ ♪

Hi sorry these chapters are so ass because i'm way busier and less motivated than i thought i would be this break LMFAO like i said i'd finish genius by 2024 but i honestly can't so sorry guys xoxo

sorry for how short and shit it is i kinda rushed it IJBOL but MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAVE A CHRISTMAS UPDATE!!! (i updated this at 11pm LOL!)

if there's any mistakes leave me be i lost my glasses again 🤡🤡🤡but the rip zhangmei chapter r making me proper depressed like these are boring but it gets better i promise (i'm lying)