• Due to Wattpad removing my book, "F*ck Me Sideways", I'm uploading each bonus chapter into their respective book. Enjoy •

Why the fuck did he hug her?

After Mia left to go sleep, Eli remained in the living room. He took a seat on the couch and stared at the pizza box for a moment.

Why the fuck did he do it? He didn't even fucking like her, so why should he care? He had shared more than enough with her, no need to get physical with hugs and shit as well. He didn't get close to people unless he was about to fuck them or fuck with them.

He was doing neither to Mia. Hell no.

What she didn't fucking understand was the that he despised people like her. The people who thought they were sofucking smart and could push people like him over and tell them to do what they wanted to. Like slaves. Like bitches.

Like those shithead scientists did to him.

Palming his face, then rubbing it, he leaned back on the couch and closed his eyes.

Not now. He couldn't handle the memories right now. But there they were. They flooded his brain like a tidal wave, hit him like a steel fist.

"What's the answer, Eli?"

"I don't know."

"Yes, you do. Look at the problem and solve t."

"I said I didn't fucking know! I've tried for four hours and I can't solve it! Do it your fucking selves, you motherfucking shitfuckers!"

The two researchers exchanged a look, the second one nodding as if to confirm or permit some action the other wanted to do. And he knew what it was.

"Alright. We will help your brain then."

"Get your fucking hands off me!" He roared as the second scientist strapped him down on the table with the help of his colleague. The plastic strips they used to tie him down with cut into his skin as he thrashed it get out of what would follow next. "Let go of me, you fucking cunts!"

With his face mashed against the steel table, he watched with gritted teeth out of the corner of his eye how the first scientist loaded a needle with a clear drug. Squeezing the syringe and flicking it, a single drop pebbled out from the tip.

"Documenting," The first scientist then said as she came closer with the syringe. "July 23rd, 2011, Saturday at 4.03am, subject Elijah Greyson, age 15 gets injected with trial drug F16 as help to induce brain activity and complete solving mathematical problem 3-0-6."

"Fucking cunts!" He roared as the scientist now approached, leaning in over him as he began thrashing again. "I'm going to fucking beat the shit out of you, bitch! I'll fucking kill you! Fuck oooooff!"

He screamed as the scientist pricked the needle to the back of his head, then pushed it inside in one deep stab. Instantly going stiff as the drug was injected directly into his brain, he felt his body begin to shake violently instead, go into some sort of seizure.

Fire. His brain felt on fire, felt as if acid was burning within his skull, spreading through the blood vessels, throbbing through his nerve system. His eyes stung with tears and his mouth kept on screaming, begging for the pain to stop. For them to stop.

- That was the last time he had ever begged.

Resurfacing from the depths of his past memories, Eli blinked and looked around. He was still in Mia's apartment, still safe. The living room was eerily quiet, making his thoughts so much louder.

Christ, he thought and leaned forward on his elbows, cupping his face again. How could this be his world? He thought when he escaped, his only problem would be to stay hidden. But no problem there. He was smart, he knew how to keep low.

Then he met Caleb. Learned that he was smart as well -or well, in his own way. If C.E.N.T.U.R.I.E.S had discovered him, they would've sunken their teeth into him as well. Caleb was lucky he hadn't been scoped out. Maybe because he had been on the streets longer than Eli had. Better hidden.

He remembered thinking; 'I shouldn't stay with this guy. If they find me, they find him, too. No fucking way am I letting this smartass get dragged into my world.' And he hadn't. He had been prepared to leave his ass behind, but then Caleb made the mistake of introducing him to his little sister.

Elana. Beautiful, innocent, doe-eyed Elana who won him over with her first toothy smile. He had never seen anything so unharmed by the world before, something so... sweet. She'd looked upon him and smiled, even when he had all but glared down at her the first time. She extended his hand up to him, blinked those brown puppy eyes and then he was at her complete mercy. That kid... she could whip him into doing her bidding without even uttering a word.

And that's when he learned she was a deaf-mute. That she couldn't speak. Couldn't hear.

Caleb hadn't been able to communicate with her, he had never learned how to sign. And neither had Elana, of course. Caleb had felt powerless, because even with all his intelligence, he didn't know how to teach his little sister how to communicate.

But Eli did. He knew ASL. Had been taught it while in there. He knew how to teach this little girl, knew how to connect brother to sister.

So he did. He taught them both. Showed Elana different things, like an apple, then a spoon, then showed her the hand sign. After a little while, she learned to associate the two. She was so smart. Probably took after her brother.

The minute she had been able to create sentences on her own, she had looked up at him and signed; Beastie.

At first, he was like, what the hell? He felt hurt and yet strangely proud. Hurt that she would call him that, but proud she had been able to spot one when confronted. It would help her in life. Help her say goodbye to him.

But then she had signed it again and then smiled - as in, ear-to-ear, I love you. She had seen the beast within him and still smiled up at him. Accepted him.

And that's how he fucked it up. He couldn't leave after, the thought of leaving the two that had become his family, the only people who accepted him for what he was, pained him. More than the acid-like drug those shitheads had injected him with.

So he stayed. They were quite the unbreakable trio for a little while there. Then Caleb got the idea to apply for this school-bullshit he had seen an add for. Eli warned him not to. Told him it was crap and that they wouldn't accept someone like him. Like them. They could have all the talent in the world, but if they didn't wipe their asses with green, they weren't welcome.

- Rejects of the world. That was what they were. Caleb didn't want to see that. He went and fucking applied anyway, the gullible fuck. And when the reply came back, guess what it said?

Yeah, go figure the fuckhead went psycho on the school. He was drunk that night, not on alcohol but on justice. How the world could reject him, deny him the chance to prove himself and provide for his sister. He wanted to make it in life while Eli wanted to fake it. He had seen where proving yourself got you, people like them... according to the world, the only place they belonged was in a secured lab where they performed tests on them.

He knew the instant they got caught, Caleb shouldn't take the fall for what the world was responsible for. He told the fucker to run, to go home and take care of his fucking baby sister. And that's what he thought he did. Until he couldn't get a hold of him. Learned that he had just ditched his sister with a kind neighbor.

And just about the same time, a bitch got the hold of him. Some rich blonde chick with green sticking out of her ass, along with that stick she kept shoved up in there. She came all high and mighty to inform Eli of what he was. As if he didn't fucking already know.

What she didn't know - what nobody in her entire pretty pink life had told her - was what she was; a superficial bitch.

He was more than happy to show her just what she was. She kept yapping, didn't shut her fucking mouth. He was pissed at Caleb for not replying to any of his calls, for the shit he had to clean up every day in the hallways of the prissy school, and her... that mouth of hers that kept going off...

Girls like her... they made him want to bend them over a table and fuck some goddamn sense into them. It made him want to fuck that mouth and fuck it good. Until her jaw dislocated. And then he wanted to fuck it some more. And once he had done that, he'd fuck her. Pussy first, then ass. He wanted to fuck her so much, she'd never be able to speak again. Her voice spent from screaming. Her body limp from getting fucked so thoroughly. Yeah. That was the plan.

And then she started poking the beast. Started asking questions about him. She drew false conclusions from the evidence she compiled, kept calling him names. Even after she finally learned the truth, the stupid bitch kept wanting to mess with him. So he kept fucking her.

The only time she wasn't a bitch was when he was fucking her. That was the only time she forgot what society had taught her about people like him.

Maybe if he fucked her enough, she'd stay that way.

Yeah right. Things didn't work that way. He'd end up fucking her up instead. Just like he had done with Caleb.

And just like with Caleb, he found himself unable to leave now. This night... he didn't care shit about the dispute Mia and her friend had had. What Anna had called him. How they argued over him like his dick was a prize to be won. Actually, he found it somewhat entertaining. To hear two girls want it so bad, hear Mia try and defend him, fight for him.

- All so she could keep getting the D from him.

But when the argument had ended with the door getting slammed and Mia looking broken, something inside him had stirred. A uncomfortable ache. Right around... his chest.

And then he had hugged her.

Fuck it. It wasn't love. It was just... oxytocin. A hormone that relieved stress. A hormone that was released when hugging, for example.

Or maybe it was just concern. Concern about whether or not she would kick him out now. Chicks before dicks, or some shit like that, like Anna had said. Whatever. Mia could do what she wanted. He was just staying here with her, living off her warm water and food because she practically begged him. She wanted the D close.

Bullshit, a voice in his head boomed. Stop fucking deceiving yourself, you've seen the look in her eyes. She doesn't want the D. She's falling for it. For you.

His blood pumping, Eli shot up from the couch and started pacing the floor. He ran his hands through what hair he let stay on his head and then yanked at it.

This was a mess. A big fucking chaotic mess and he was just digging the hole deeper by staying. By letting her think they had a chance when they never did. There never was any 'they'. There was him and there was her.

And right now, she was in her room, probably sleeping.

And here he was, pacing the floors with a throbbing head.

He was smart enough to know what he needed to do now. He had ruined Caleb's life, he wasn't going to ruin hers either. He had to go in there right now, wake her up and tell her he was leaving. Out of respect for Elana, he'd wait until the morning so she could sleep, but Mia deserved a heads-up. She would probably be happy about it. After tonight, he was certain she didn't want him here anymore. Because of him, he had ruined her friendship to one of her old friends. What was he going to ruin next?

Determinedly, Eli walked up to her door and quietly twisted the knob, stepping inside her dark room, only to stop dead.

The dim light from the hall struck her sleeping face and that's when he saw dried tracks of tears on her cheekbones. Her eyes were puffy and red, so was her nose. Her skin looked pale, and the expression she had on her face, even in her sleep, was disturbed. Pained.

Had she cried herself to sleep?

Fucking hell, he thought. He stumbled a step back when it hit him. When the beat in his heart hit him.

What the fuck was that? That sensation. That... throb. It ached. Felt heavier than lead. It was like someone put a building on top of his body and told him to get down on the floor and stay there.

Shutting his eyes, Eli stood there for a moment and battled with this new emotion. An emotion he knew, but never had felt so strongly before.

He opened his eyes again and watched Mia's curled-up position. The duvet was wrapped tightly around her body as if to shield it from something that apparently duvets could fight.

What was he supposed to do? He stood frozen just over the threshold of her door, unable to move a muscle.

Did he go? Did he stay? Did he wake her up and tell her what he had arrived at or did he wait until the morning?

Fuck. Since when did making choices become so goddamn difficult for him? He was a genius at solving problems. You just had to calculate all the variables and then conclude which one was the most fitting solution.

But this... there was no equation to this. No numbers to crunch, no data to process. Just the chick on the bed who was nailing him to his spot.

Fuck it, his brain said, making him turn around on his heel, intent on walking out. Don't need this shit. She's not my problem.

But you were never her problem either. And yet she cared.

"Fuck," He now whispered under his breath, freezing up again. He gazed over his shoulder and saw that crease between her brows again.

He didn't like it. That had to go.

Turning around again without really thinking, he closed the door softly and then walked up to the bed. Then walked around it. Then laid down on it.

Gently, without too much difficult maneuvering, he curled up to her body and then, hesitantly, wrapped his arm around her.

Then he laid there for a moment. It felt uncomfortable, but he couldn't get himself to move. The discomfort only extended to his brain, the rest of his body was... oddly relaxed.

His arm tightened around her petite waist without him paying notice to it. He felt the warm of her body press further into his and it made him release the softest of sighs.

That's where she belonged.

And then he frowned.

What the fuck? Why did it feel good? Having the bitch who fucked with him pressed against his own body, her warmth becoming his own. Why?

Don't you fucking dare go there, his brain told him when his thoughts began wandering down fucked-up-I-love-you-alley. It's not love, and you fucking know it. You barely know the chick. Now, you're just going to fucking lie here now, hold her for a little while until the bitch unclenches, and then you're going to go back into your own goddamn bed and sleep like a fucking rock.

That was the plan.

And just like the last plan he made, it didn't happen. 'A little while' turned into the whole night. He drifted in and out of sleep. Every time he woke up, he had to make sure she was still there, within arm's reach. In his hold. And then he could sleep again. His body felt more relaxed than it ever had. He noticed she relaxed, too. The crease was gone. Just a smooth forehead and steady breaths.

It's just oxytocin. Just chemicals releasing.

About an hour before dawn, he climbed out of her bed and walked back to his own bedroom, his body feeling heavy, but a sensation inside him feeling heavier.

- It was just oxytocin.

• • •

The lies we tell ourselves.