When Mia walked in through the door, she had expected a lot of things. But never this. Not him, leaving.

Time had frozen. What a cliché thing to say, but it had. The noises from outside had died down and the silence inside the apartment somehow became the noise that made her ears drum and her head pound.

He had his bag packed, had his feet in his shoes and had his cap on backwards. He didn't meet her eyes. Not yet, but then he did.

He might as well have slapped her. It felt the same way. The coldness. The wall was up. He wasn't here, he had disconnected.

That made her look down, watch her worn out sneakers. He was going to end it. How ironic. She had met with Anna earlier to fix it. And here he was, leaving her, without even saying goodbye, it seemed.

Leaving or running? The voice in her head asked her.

She didn't know and maybe she didn't want to. Either way, it didn't make it hurt any less. It still stung and tasted like gasoline in her mouth. After everything, he was giving up on them.

It was because of last night, wasn't it? He had been able to tell. The tattoo had probably given her away.

"Where will you go?" She heard herself say, but she didn't recognize her voice. It was just a hoarse, crackly sound, weighed with so much pain.

"Don't know yet," He replied tonelessly. "I'll find something."

She just gave a single nod, because she didn't trust her voice again. Those two hours spent at the cafe with Anna suddenly seemed redundant. The speech Anna had helped her learn, the words, they slipped from her mind. She forgot what she was supposed to do. It wasn't crafted for this.

She walked further into the apartment, because she couldn't just stand there in front of the door that was taunting her. Mocking her. As if saying it was the only thing that could stop him from going, and there it was, standing wide open.

She stopped when she found herself standing in front of him, just a mere three feet away. He was glaring at her, but she couldn't look at him. Instead she looked at his hand, the one that had an image of Salvador Dali tatted on it, the same hand that was coiled around the strap of his duffle.

"So this is it?" She found herself speaking again. She didn't know where these words came from. She didn't want an answer to this one.

"I told you, we're not playing house. You're not my girlfriend. I no longer need to hide. I got no reason to stay."

That hurt more than any other thing he could've said. More than when he called her a bitch or empty. Selfish. Judgmental. She wished he would say all that again. Anything but what he just said.

I got no reason to stay.

"You were not going to say goodbye, were you?" Again, she didn't want the answer, but she still found herself asking.

And of course he had to reply. That's what happened when you asked questions. "No. Thought it would be easier for you that way."

She scoffed, because... well, that was just evil. "Easier for me or easier for you?"

"Easier for you, and you know that. Stop acting like this has meant something to me, all we ever did was fuck."

Fuck – was that all this had been to him?

"You once asked me if I wanted you to be a genius or if I wanted you to fuck me." Mia said, her voice finding a glimmer of stealth.

"I did."

"And I replied, I just want you to be you."

"I remember."

"Then how come all you ever did was fuck me?" Mia now looked up, tears in her eyes. "If you're leaving anyway, just answer me that one question."

She saw a muscle in his jaw twitch. Then he squared it. "Because I couldn't give you that, so I gave you the next-best-thing."

"So you'd rather fuck than be smart?"

"Any day. At least when you fuck, you pick it yourself. You avoid getting fucked by smartasses."

She wanted to laugh. Or maybe cry. Or scream. She couldn't tell. It was just so stupid this whole thing.

"Alright," She finally said, her voice much more frail than she would've wanted it to be. Now the speech she had crafted would work anyway. "Then I want to say something."

"The whole point of not saying goodbye was to avoid the talkin'," Eli snapped, hiking up in his bag, before going in a circle around her to the door. "I'm not doing the farewell."

"Eli!" Mia yelled, more powerful than she ever had. Maybe that was what made him stop up and glare over his shoulder.

"What?"

Mia took a deep breath. She'd better not fuck this up now.

Hesitantly and very clumsily, she began signing. That's right, signing. Anna had been helping her for the past two hours, helping her create a speech and then learning it in ASL. Anna had made her realize that Eli didn't like spoken words. They made him growl or yell.

But whenever he had been signing with Elana...

Mia couldn't remember him doing anything but smiling. Genuinely. Perhaps it was because of the funny things the little girl said, or maybe it was because he didn't have to speak the words. Conversation was easier that way. He could say what he wanted to say, without saying it aloud. That was the trick – that was why he smiled with Elana. Because he could express himself without getting caught up in the harshness of the spoken words.

So that's what Mia was doing now. She hoped she remembered and formed all the difficult ASL words correctly with her shaking hands, and by the look on his face, she was.

Eli. I'm sorry for a lot of things. I'm sorry I judged you the first time I saw you. I'm sorry I did a lot since then. I'm sorry I tried to use you, and I'm sorry for everything that's happened to you since. A lot of it was my fault, and I'm just... sorry.

That said, I'm not sorry about what happened between us. You see, I never thought I'd fall for someone like you. As it turned out, I found out that there is no one like you. You made me realize how shallow I was, how judgmental. You shook my very foundation. I think that was what made me angry with you; You broke through to me and helped me, but I couldn't break through to you. I understand now why you couldn't and why you still can't. You were what I needed, but I'm not what you need. I have accepted that.

I don't want to be your enemy, Eli, but I also don't want to just be your friend. I know that you can't handle a relationship right now – neither of us can – so that leaves us with... nothing. I can't be your anything, I can't help you if don't want me to, even though I desperately do want to. Because I do Eli. I do.

And then she signed the words that would've been three short but powerful and scary words, if spoken verbally. But since this was ASL, all the words were were three, simple hand gestures. Yet never had they felt so real to... say.

I love you.

She left out the part where she was supposed to say; 'If you ever decide you do want my help, know I'll always be here. You're welcome to stay with me. I hope you will, despite our differences.' But she didn't want to say that anymore, now that she knew he didn't want her and was leaving.

Eli had watched the whole speech, and he had clearly not expected that to happen – for her to sign. She had seen the flash of surprise on his face before he had flattened his expression again. Now... he just stood there.

Seconds stretched into a full minute. Then, he finally spoke.

"Goodbye, Mia."

And just like that, he left without uttering another word.

He was gone.

~~~

"I'm so sorry, Mia. I should've known he would do this at one point," Caleb sighed and ran a hand over his hair. They sat there on her couch while Elana played on the floor. Zoe had bought her a GI-Joe to go with her Elsa Barbie. She was enjoying it, it seemed. Right now they were on a cruise ship in one of Mia's flower-printed decoration boxes.

"At least he decided to say goodbye anyway," Mia whispered, staring into her empty cup of tea. "That was... nice of him, I suppose."

"When it's Eli, yeah. I can't remember ever getting one from him."

They had been talking for hours now. After Eli walked out the door, Mia had curled herself up on her couch and only after hours of not crying, but being frozen in a state of shock, had she decided to call Caleb and tell him the news.

"He didn't tell you he was leaving today either?" She asked, partially curious to know if she was the only one who didn't get a goodbye.

But Caleb shook his head. "To be honest, I don't even think Eli knew he was leaving today. When he's had enough, he just leaves. He never plans it. Just does it."

She knew that about him. That day in the studio, he hadn't planned on fucking her. It was only because she poked the bear, he did it. And she had gladly let him. And fucked him back.

"Maybe this is for the better," Mia tried, hoping to shape it into sense for her brain, but it didn't work; the truth of him being gone hadn't settled within her yet, it just felt like he was out on a walk. Or something. "I can finally put my focus on school again... finish my exams... do my presentation. Plus, you know... I wasn't right for him. We were too different. Too... opposite."

Caleb raised a brow. "I'm sorry, isn't that the point? To find your opposite? The other side of the coin, the one that balances you out, the Yin to your Yang?"

Mia looked up at Caleb, feeling her heart break by the deep look in his eyes.

"Mia, do you wanna spend the rest of your life with someone who's exactly the same as you? Someone who never challenges you?" He asked.

No, she didn't. "But Caleb, he's gone..."

"He's gone now, yeah, and if Eli wants to stay gone, then not even I can find him. But he'll be back some day. He always comes back. This city is his home and you are, if you ask me, his girl."

And just like that, Mia felt it. The truth that he was really gone. Had left her, rejected her.

Breaking down, sobbing, she curled up to Caleb who wrapped an arm around her and let her cry it all out until she was drained. She didn't know how long she cried, only that when she looked up again, it was dark.

Caleb and Elana stayed for dinner, but then took off. They were staying at Zoe's until Caleb found a job. Thanks to Zoe, who had good connections, it actually looked like he could be getting a good job as a computer expert pretty soon, even without an education. Zoe's word was gold in the tech-circles, so if she recommended him, they knew not to doubt her word that he was good.

After they left, Mia went to her bedroom to go to sleep, but as she was about to flick off the lights, she saw something. Something black stuffed just under the edge of her bed. Something... baggy?

She reached down and pulled out, and found that it was... his hoodie. He must've forgotten it. Or maybe he hadn't been able to find it.

She didn't want to become that kind of girl that sniffed their ex-boyfriend's leftover garments, but then again, he wasn't her ex.

She lifted the hoodie to her chest and then hugged it into her body, before climbing into bed.

He had left and taken her heart with him – and now this shirt was all she had to fill that gaping hole.

• • •

.... Sorry?