(Chapter trigger warning- depictions of panic disorder and anxiety. Read with caution)

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San quietly hummed as he squeezed the shampoo bottle into his hand, feeling the cascade of water against his back.

San was currently at the house of his boyfriend, having come over to help Wooyoung move his furniture after the pair had grabbed donuts.

Moving the dresser turned out to be a rather tedious task, one which left both boys absolutely dazed afterwards.

While Wooyoung went downstairs to grab himself a drink, San opted to retreat to the bathroom and take a shower; he would probably be staying the night anyways.

Thus here he stood, singing the latest Twice song under his breath as he rubbed the shampoo into his hair.

He almost screamed as the door to the bathroom swung open, revealing a shorter boy standing behind it.

"Wooyoung, what the fuck?" San blurted out, hiding behind the shower curtain on instinct as the boy in question waltzed into the room and shut the door behind him.

"Why didn't you lock the door?" Wooyoung said teasingly, making eye contact with San who peeked his head out from behind the curtain.

"Because!! It's just you here, why would I expect anyone to come in?" San tried to defend himself, his tone coming off just a bit exasperated.

Wooyoung pursed his lips, glancing between San and the shower curtain.

"What are you even hiding? I've seen everything," Wooyoung commented, noticing San still obscured from view.

San only rolled his eyes. "It's different, I didn't expect you to... what are you doing?" he paused, seeing Wooyoung pull his hoodie off up and over his head.

"What does it look like?" Wooyoung spoke as he unbuttoned his jeans, quickly pulling them down and tossing them to the side.

San only stared at him like he was crazy as he discarded the last of his clothes, stepping towards the shower and pulling open the curtain.

"Fuck, it's cold—" San flinched as the air hit him. Wooyoung only shook his head, stepping into the shower carefully.

He pulled the curtain shut, enclosing the two of them in the small space.
"Move, let me get in the water," Wooyoung spoke, stepping carefully around San as to wet his hair.

San naturally found himself staring at the younger's bare form as he tested the water, a bit shocked at how natural the situation seemed. If anything, San was scared of how right him being here felt.

"Were you using my shampoo?" Wooyoung questioned, turning back to glance at San.

"Yeah. I know you're fine with it," San didn't bother defending his actions.

Wooyoung only grinned, lightly tugging San by the wrist towards himself.

San felt himself melt as Wooyoung leaned forward to give him the softest peck he'd ever felt.
"Let me rinse your hair," he muttered as he nuzzled against San's cheek.

San quickly nodded, feeling just a bit flushed at the action.
He soon found himself being guided back under the showerhead, the water cascading against him. San turned around as to avoid getting the water in his eyes.

"What should we order for dinner?" Wooyoung made small talk as he reached up to work the shampoo into his boyfriend's hair.

"I could cook something," San suggested, closing his eyes at the relaxing feeling of Wooyoung's hands messaging his scalp.

"But you can't cook," Wooyoung laughed, seeing a small grin form on San's face as well.

"Yeah, well I have to learn at some point," San returned.

Wooyoung only gave him a small kiss on the nose before gently tilting San's head back, leaning it into the water.

"At least you can make good coffee," Wooyoung joked, "I've known that since day one."

San tried not to laugh too hard as his boyfriend rinsed off his hair.
"I never did teach you how to make the drink from that cafe," he recalled.

"It's fine, you've got years to do that," Wooyoung stated. "Besides, keeping it a mystery is kinda fun."

San wiped the water off his face as his boyfriend finished rinsing, greeted with the sight of Wooyoung clicking open the shampoo bottle.

"Wait, I'll do it," San insisted, swiping the bottle from him. Wooyoung watched with an amused expression as San squeezed the shampoo into his hands.

"Come here," San made a grabby motion at the younger, gaining a small giggle from him. Wooyoung eagerly stepped forward, letting San run his fingers through his hair.

San caught Wooyoung's gaze as he lathered the other's hair into a soapy mess, seeing the younger give him a playful look.

"What?" San asked. It had looked like the boy wanted to say something.

Wooyoung gently shook his head. "Nothing," he spoke, a smile tugging at his lips as he watched San's focused expression.

The reality of what he was doing felt like a slap to the face. This was really goddamn intimate, to such a degree that San had never imagined he would find with someone.

He placed Wooyoung under the water as the younger boy had done to him, and began slowly rinsing through the younger's hair. San couldn't bring himself to meet Wooyoung's gaze again. He knew it would catch him with too many feels.

"You're done," San announced after a couple minutes. Wooyoung pushed his hair back, blinking a few times as he glanced around the shower in search of something.

"This will be fun," Wooyoung joked as he grabbed a bottle of body wash from a side shelf. San raised his eyebrows, giving him a look as if to ask if he was serious.

He was dead serious. San almost flinched as Wooyoung poured the soap into his hands, before looking San up and down.

San thought Wooyoung had to know what he was doing when he started with a squeeze to San's waist, spreading the cool lotion over his skin.

Two could play at that game, San thought. He poured the body wash into his hands and spread it over Wooyoung's shoulders, much to the surprise of the younger.

Wooyoung found his hands on San's back, guiding the boy closer to him.

San leaned his forehead against the younger's, suppressing a smile. "We should do this more often," he whispered, gently nudging Wooyoung's nose with his own.

Wooyoung only smirked as he left a kiss at the corner of San's mouth, before pulling away and stepping over to the shower head.

"Hey—" San started as he saw the other begin to spread the soap over his torso, proceeding as in a usual shower.

San couldn't let this fly, and padded over to quickly wrap his arms around Wooyoung's waist from the back.

"Sannn," Wooyoung whined, unable to escape the elder's tight hold. San only laid his head on Wooyoung's shoulder, after leaving a few pecks.

Wooyoung let an evil smile grace his expression before stepping forward, pulling both San and him directly under the shower head.

"Ah, fuck—" San blurted out, being hit in the face with the water. Wooyoung only laughed, despite also struggling to see under the currents.

The two fought for a bit, albeit playfully, shoving each other into the water or dumping soap on the other as a surprise attack. Wooyoung swore he'd won the battle as he'd gotten San's back with the startlingly cold soap, the elder sharply inhaling at the feeling.

And then Wooyoung found himself pinned to the cold shower wall.

The heat of both the warm water and San's chest up against his definitely distracted him from the cold tile, not to mention his gaze that was locked on San's.

San glanced down, seeing the soap bubbles form where their bodies pressed together.

"Heh, bubbles," San snickered, before laughing at his own response.
Wooyoung, taken aback by the sudden change of tone, burst out into giggles as well.

"Oh my god..." Wooyoung got out between scattered laughter, "you were being so hot, and then... bubbles."

San tried to catch his breath, burying his face against the other's neck in an attempt to stop his own laughing.

The distant sound of a light thud, as if from a fallen object, caused the couple to pause.

"You hear that?" San inquired, glancing towards the locked bathroom door.

"Yeah...? Sounds like something fell, I wouldn't worry about it," Wooyoung brushed it off, grabbing San's hand.

San gave him a look.
"Yeah, that's always worked out for us before, right?" San said somewhat sarcastically, desperately hoping his tone wouldn't offend the younger.

Thankfully, it didn't. Wooyoung only sighed. "Babyy, I know you get worried, but..."

The sound of a nearby door slamming shut nearly caused two heart attacks for the couple.

"Fuck no, I'm gonna go see what that is," San decided, stepping into the water and quickly rinsing the soap off of his body.

"Sannn, don't—" Wooyoung whined, the elder ignoring him as he stepped carefully out of the shower onto the tile floor.

"Just finish up, it'll be fine," San reassured him, grabbing a towel off of the countertop and doing a half-decent job of quickly drying himself off.

"Wait, no, I should be the one to check," Wooyoung insisted, beginning to rinse himself off as well.

San, already in his boxers, wrapped a towel over his shoulders. "I'm just gonna go look, okay?" he tried.
He didn't know why he had the overwhelming urge to not let the younger go by himself.

"San, I—"

He ignored the calling of his name as he cracked open the bathroom door, peeking into Wooyoung's bedroom.

San's expression went blank as he scanned over the room he'd been in a mere hour earlier.
An eerie feeling washed over him, and he immediately stepped back into the bathroom and slammed the door shut.

Wooyoung gave San a concerned look as the elder locked the door.

"Um, San, what....?" Wooyoung questioned, holding his boyfriend's gaze.

"Tell me you left all of the drawers in your room open before you came in here," San spoke quietly. Wooyoung's expression changed to one of confusion.

"No? Why would I..." Wooyoung replied, his brain putting the pieces together and shutting him up.

"Great! Amazing. This is terrifying," San said, a forced smile on his face to cover up the sudden panic he felt.

Wooyoung, just finished rinsing off, stepped out of the shower as well and picked up a towel from the rack.

"It'll be fine, don't worry," Wooyoung insisted as he dried himself off.

"You've always been so optimistic," San sighed, giving his boyfriend a small smile despite the nagging feeling he had.

"I've learned to be, I guess," Wooyoung responded, tossing the towel in a hamper and pulling out a loose pair of shorts and a tshirt.

"Should I put on clothes...?" San asked, with Wooyoung only shrugging.

"Here," he said, tossing a grey pair of sweatpants at San. "I don't have any extra shirts but you can deal with it," Wooyoung said.

San shook his head in amusement as he put the loose pants on, tying the string at the front.

Once Wooyoung had put the shorts and tshirt on, he padded over to San, standing next to him at the doorway.

San unlocked the door, before slowly swinging it open.

San hadn't even taken a step forward when he felt Wooyoung gently grabbing at his hand. He firmly took the younger's hand in his, giving it a small squeeze of reassurance as they walked into the bedroom, scanning around the area.

"Damn..." Wooyoung muttered, seeing the state of his room. Sure enough, San hadn't been lying. Almost all of his drawers and cabinets were pulled open, with the items inside moved around.

In addition to this, a trash can in the corner of the room laid on its side. San knew it had been upright when he went in the bathroom.

"My door... I didn't close it when I came in," Wooyoung pointed out. San glanced at the fully shut door, hating how uneasy he felt.

"Alright, you wanna go out there?" San questioned, looking between Wooyoung and the doorway.

Wooyoung took a deep breath. "I guess we have to," he said, despite not sounding too sure of his decision.

The pair hesitantly walked over to the door, and San reached out to turn the door handle and push the door open.

The hallway was empty. After giving each other a glance of mutual agreement, they slipped into the hall, flicking on the light switch.

"Fuck, this is how people die in horror movies," San muttered. Wooyoung gave him a glare for even mentioning the topic.

The two walked along the hallway, still hand in hand. They passed by the mother's room, seeing nothing amiss in the area.

"Wait," Wooyoung commanded, something catching his eye.

Backing up, the two peered into the mother's room through the doorway.

Just as her son's room had been left, the drawers and boxes were left wide open; their contents messy and some even spilled on the floor.

"Oh, shit..." Wooyoung mumbled, gripping San's hand extra tight. "Thank god my mom isn't here," he finished, worry creeping into his voice.

They made their way to the stairs, slowly going down them to the first floor. San, seeing no one present in the area, felt himself relax just a bit.

"They're probably gone, look," San said as they entered the living room. The front door to the house was left wide open, a sight which left Wooyoung staring at it in shock.

San padded over to the front door, closing it, yet glanced back as he felt Wooyoung tug on his hand.

"Oh my god... ah, fuck I need to sit..." Wooyoung suddenly stated, a sense of urgency in his tone as he hurried over to the couch.

"Oh-?" San found himself dragged alongside his boyfriend as the younger plopped down on the couch, hurriedly glancing around him.

"Fuck, god, not again," Wooyoung said, his voice filled with fear.
He let go of San in order to bury his face in his own hands, as if ashamed.

"Wooyoung...?" San whispered, not used to the other's strange behavior.

"Don't worry... I'm just a little dizzy," Wooyoung tried to reassure San, despite not showing his face.

"Baby, really, are you okay?" San spoke seriously.

"Yes, I'm... fine," Wooyoung insisted, his voice muffled through his hands. A moment passed, the younger's shaky voice having startled San.

"Oh no, no no no," Wooyoung began to say, no longer hiding his face as he blindly grabbed for San once again.

San immediately took Wooyoung's hand, grasping it between both of his own. "Wooyoung? Angel, what's going—"

"I can't breathe. Fuck, San, I can't..." Wooyoung stuttered out, squeezing the elder's hand.
"Oh my god please I can't breathe," he rambled, his words almost too fast to be understood.

San forced his mind past a moment of feeling terrified, trying to gather an idea of what exactly was happening.

"Honey, it's okay. You're safe.
Nothing will hurt you. I'm here," San said calmly to the younger, hoping his own fear didn't show through at the moment.
He placed a hand on Wooyoung's shoulder, gently rubbing it with his thumb.

Wooyoung's shallow breaths only quickened, the younger looking around in fear. "I— fuck, I don't..." Wooyoung tried to speak but found himself unable to get a sentence out as he teared up.

"It's okay," San repeated, bringing his hand up to lightly stroke his boyfriend's hair. "I'm here, angel. I love you," San repeated, hoping his chosen method would work.

Wooyoung brought a shaky hand up to his face as he began to cry, unable to hold back the tears from forming.
San continued speaking soft words of reassurance, just in the hope of helping the other calm down.

"It's so blurry," Wooyoung murmured eventually. "Everything..." he trailed off, his voice sounding absolutely broken. San hated that, and hated himself for not being able to do something more.

San opened his arms, and Wooyoung practically sprang into them, hugging San like his life depended on it.
San wrapped his arms around the shaking boy, feeling the younger's warm tears against his shoulder.

It was all that San could do to stroke his back and comfort him, not knowing how long it would take to ride through this.

Twenty minutes passed. Eventually Wooyoung's breath began to even out, and the tears had stopped a while back.

San still held Wooyoung close to himself, both sitting in silence as neither shared a word. San was fine with this. He didn't need words to tell him that Wooyoung was doing better than he had been.

"Can you talk?" San asked quietly after a moment, just as a test.

"...yeah," came the small reply from the other, who also nodded against his shoulder.

"Has this happened before?" San inquired, caressing the back of his boyfriend's head.

Wooyoung sat silently, focusing on taking deep breaths despite feeling his heart rate pounding. Eventually he worked up the nerve to nod, confirming San's suspicions.

San exhaled, leaving a kiss on the top of Wooyoung's head. Wooyoung sat up, now face to face with San.

"There's something wrong with me," Wooyoung whispered, averting his gaze downwards.

"What? No," San immediately returned. "You're fine, it's probably just a panic attack," he spoke, tucking Wooyoung's hair behind his ear.

He shook his head. "Can't be. He said it wasn't," Wooyoung spoke quietly, fidgeting with the strings of San's sweatpants.

"Who said it wasn't?" San interrupted, furrowing his eyebrows at the remark.

"My dad—" Wooyoung started, but immediately clarified as he saw San's expression change. "He's a doctor! He said it wasn't that."

"When did he say this?" San probed. Wooyoung thought for a second.

"This happened once during a fight... he just said I was being too sensitive," Wooyoung admitted.

"And you believed him? Oh my god..." San looked away in disbelief at what he was hearing. "How often does this happen?"

"I dunno. It doesn't really happen when you're around," Wooyoung recounted. "But the last time was—" he stopped his sentence midway, a thought popping into his mind.

San only raised his eyebrows, urging him to continue.

"You remember when I fought with my dad and he..." Wooyoung spoke, not wanting to relive that day.

San nodded.

"Well. This happened when he was yelling at me, so he called me a crybaby and... um, yeah," Wooyoung explained. "I'm used to it though."

"You're not a crybaby. Please, we should go to a doctor and..." San was cut off by Wooyoung avidly shaking his head.

"No doctors. It's okay," Wooyoung stated, not inviting any arguments.

San huffed, clearly not approving of this option yet not wanting to argue.

"Besides, I'll probably get better. Since we started dating, it's kinda gone away," Wooyoung said with just a dose of optimism in his tone.

"God, I'm never leaving you alone again," San buried his face in his hands, too busy with concern to be flattered by the comment.

"If this happens again we're going to a doctor," San said, despite the reluctant look that Wooyoung gave him. "No hiding it from me either."

"San..." Wooyoung tried, wanting to change his set opinion.

"No arguing, you're supposed to at least get diagnosed for this kind of thing," San retorted. "Sometimes if it gets bad enough people get prescriptions, or..."

"Please, don't worry about me, it's not that bad," Wooyoung spoke over him. He genuinely thought the issue wouldn't be this big.

"How can I not worry about you?" San fought back, "Fuck, Wooyoung, I love you so damn much, it's crazy. If it were me would you not be worried?"

Wooyoung stated silent. "Yeah, I would be," he admitted, averting his gaze from San.

"Fine, we can go to a doctor but only if it happens again," Wooyoung agreed reluctantly.

San immediately engulfed him in a hug, startling Wooyoung for just a moment. He slowly hugged back, unsure of what had prompted the gesture.

"Thank you," San whispered to him. Wooyoung almost cried at the comment. If anything, he felt he should be the one thanking San... and yet he couldn't bring himself to do it.

Wooyoung nodded, accepting the sentiment.
"I'm gonna go make us some instant ramen," San said, rubbing Wooyoung on the back before pulling away.

"Okay. I'll be here," Wooyoung murmured in reply, watching as San stood up and stretched.

San leaned down, giving his boyfriend a kiss on the forehead as he ruffled his hair. He wandered off towards the kitchen, leaving Wooyoung to fix his hair on the couch.

Wooyoung stared after San as he disappeared into the kitchen, amazed at the other's concern for him. He'd never had someone care for him so unabashedly before; the concept almost felt alien.

He lied down on the couch, staring up towards the ceiling.

No thoughts were on his numbed mind as he drifted off into daydreams, except the soft couch cushions and the beautiful boy he called his own.