Chapter Twenty-One

Boredom.

And only after four days.

I sighed heavily, laying back across the bed and staring up at the ornately painted gold ceiling, stretching my legs out on the satin sheets. I threw an arm over my head, brushing my hair out so it dangled over the edge of the bed and swept to the floor. I closed my eyes, listening to the muffled sound of music wafting up from the tavern across the street, drums beating and a string instrument plucked sharply, a flute humming in time with a smooth relaxed tune.

The heat from the afternoon sun poured in through the windows, streaming across my body through the sheer drapes I'd thrust aside after my last client had left the room. The laughter and chattering of voices came up from the street and from the lobby downstairs, and the sound of a headboard banging against the wall in the room next door grated on my nerves, along with the overly zealous wanton moans of the other employed prostitute.

The first three days had been perfection. I'd found exactly what I needed in each client that had been sent up to me. Bulging with raw muscular power, rough husky growls from thickly corded necks, warrior types that fed on the bloodshed around them. Criminals, mostly, some frustrated soldiers, and other travelers hoping to scratch a biological itch.

It had taken no more than a few minutes to subdue them. From their gruff masculinity to writhing pools of sex on the bed... on the floor... the balcony. Even once in the lobby.

But by day four, it had slowed down from a thrilling sexual expedition to a mere chore. I no longer felt compelled to scream in orgasm, the urge to rake my fingernails down massive backs, pulling hair. It had all drifted away by the fourth day and I was left laying on the bed in bored silence as my clients came one after another, literally expelling their seed, before taking their leave.

I wasn't ashamed for any of it either. I was scratching my own itch, one that was no longer satisfied by their exploits, but I had no problem feeding their hunger for a short time. Most of them couldn't keep up with my stamina anyway. Sooner or later, they were goo on the floor, struggling to pick up their clothes and leave without passing out in the foyer.

Now, I was simply bored.

It had been too easy to tame those beasts. Too easy to take their hands guide them to the bed and figure out exactly what they liked best and what they wanted so much they were afraid to speak it aloud.

Even the soldier I'd run into had finally appeared and he, too, had only brought brief euphoria.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I blinked, then rolled over onto my stomach, propping myself up on my elbows on the edge of the bed as the old man came into view of the room with his two guards behind him.

"Whatever do you mean, sir?" He curled his lip, as if he couldn't stand the sight of me any longer.

"You've been my most popular whore for four days and suddenly you're not into it?" He demanded, making me smile as he quoted my most recent client's complaint. I folded my hands and rested my chin on them as I peered up at the old man, who shuddered, apparently approving of my pretty picture, but he managed to retain his anger.

"I am not going to lie to my clients," I responded calmly lowering my hands now, "If they are not pleasing me, then they are not pleasing me. Besides, it is not my job to enjoy it. It is my job to ensure they enjoy it. And given that the young male who just left here came twice on my stomach, he very much enjoyed himself." The old man sputtered, then marched across the room with an impressive speed, reeling his cane back as if to hit me, but I waved my hand up and froze his actions, making him tremble and gape at me.

"I am here on behalf of your King. Remember, twas you who asked for me in exchange for the succubus. However, I will not allow myself to be abused. Up until this moment, I've truly enjoyed myself. Each client holds a special place in my heart. But I am bored now. If that bothers you, let me know and I will leave. But the deal still holds; your King keeps his new consort," I explained, then waved my hand and the old man stumbled before catching his balance, then thrusting a finger at the door.

"Get out of here! I cannot stand you! Filthy harlot! Go find your deviant sexual exploitations elsewhere!" He snarled, then snapped his fingers and one of the guards came forward with my attire from before my stay here. I smiled as I rose off the bed, taking my time to approach the guard, who had also been my client on my first day. I took my clothing from him, letting my fingers drift over his hands.

His cheeks flushed and he swallowed, bowing his head, as if an instinct embedded into his subconscious desired him to do so. I slid the clothing back on, moving deliberately to give the guard one last show before my departure, and to anger the old man, who watched with a twitching eye that indicated his confusion between anger and desire.

"Good day, sir," I said to the old man, cocking my head in a half nod as I approached the door, then paused and looked back at him fully, "Mind you, judge me not for my deviant sexual exploitations when you are the owner of a brothel and have lain your hands upon my flesh." The old man sputtered, could not find words, and his guard bowed deeply to me now as I left the room, taking my time to leave the brothel before I stepped out into the baking hot sun overhead.

I took a deep breath of the fresh air outside.

A combination of excrement, ale, and sweat, with the slightest hint of blood.

What a boring day.

I closed my eyes and vanished from my place in the village to the castle fortress on the shores of the Black Sea. I appeared upon the balcony of my room that sat in one of the towers branching off from the cliffside. I breathed in again, taking this time the scent of crisp salty ocean air. In the distance, I could make out the faintest twinkle of lights under a blanket of black storm clouds, the place in Hades called Inferi. So close, yet so far away.

I could feel Lucifer's power moving toward me at a rapid pace, and a smile lifted the corners of my lips as I savored the feel of his urgency. Even with the distance between us, the putrid stench of his worry and concern permeated the ocean breeze.

I turned just as the large wooden door to my quarters burst open, and Lucifer revealed himself. What a stunning sight he made with his flowing white robes, a golden hem trailing at the ends of them, and all of which hid his warrior's uniform. His golden blonde hair was windblown and fell in gorgeous waves over the side of his face, those piercing blue eyes wide.

"Lucifer, how nice of you to greet me--" I didn't have a chance to finish those words. Lucifer had strode across the room and grabbed me in his arms. I froze, unable to move both from shock and the fact that his arms went around me like a snake's grasp. His hand cradled the back of my head, sinking into my hair, his other hand supporting my back as he buried his face against my neck, his breathing ragged and hot against my skin.

What was he doing?

He acted as if he had not seen me in ages, or perhaps as if I had died. And I felt suddenly attune to his hold, the heat of his body, the ways his muscles locked. I blinked several times as I struggled to wrap my head around his action.

I wasn't entirely sure what was shocking me the most. I knew Lucifer cared for me. He always had. He'd been my student, my friend, my King. However, our relationship was formal, proper. I had assumed it was what he was most comfortable with, and while I had no problem with touch, certainly not after these past few days, I was still stunned that he would embrace me so.

We never held each other like this. We never spoke to deeply of emotions, at least not my own. My focus was to ensure Lucifer's growth, his life, and his goals. My being with him was for his sake. Yet, as he held me and shook, I suddenly felt a strange warmth in my chest, blooming like a lotus in the black mud of my soul.

I sucked in a deep breath, and it hitched, as if the power in my chest was so much so that my lungs could not contain it. I swallowed, then carefully lifted my arms, waiting for Lucifer to yank back as if he were uncomfortable, but he only squeezed me tighter. I encircled my arms about him, and a moment later, Lucifer wept.

His hot tears soaked my neck, the collar of my top, and his sobs shook his body, trembled in my arms. I held him tighter, terrified he was going to collapse, or fall apart in my arms. I didn't want him to crumble to the floor into a million pieces, not like the way I had found him in the first place.

"I'm so sorry," Lucifer choked at last through his sobs, and I looked at him, confused as he pulled back, but didn't fight my arms around him as he put his hands on my shoulders, "I'm so sorry I put you in that position, St. John. I am so sorry I've hurt you. I'm so sorry--"

"Ssh," I said gently, reaching up a hand to cup his cheek, brushing his tears away with my thumb as I offered him a smile, "Lucifer, I'm safe. I am okay. I am right here." Lucifer blinked as another wave of tears struck him and he bowed his head, pressing himself against me in a hug. He reminded me so much of a child in this moment, clinging to something, anything, to make them feel safe, to comfort them.

I hadn't felt this way in so long. This warm radiance in my chest. This intense emotion that bundled me together with this angel. It was more than seeing Lucifer as my counterpart, more than seeing my King.

A void had filled me for so long. After losing Geara and my brother, nothing else mattered. I felt cold and lost and alone. The universe may have been safe, but my universe ended with my siblings departure. I was nothing, but a shadow lurking in the universe, trying to figure out why I bothered hanging on to my breath.

And then that dream, the warrior and the angel, and then Lucifer had fallen into my life, quite literally. And I realized, in that moment, that Lucifer had begun to mend my shattered heart, my blackened soul. Then we had met Delilah, and she, too, had become a part of my existence, even if for a short while, and then Jaques.

Family.

For the first time in a very long, long time, I had a family again. I could feel Love again, feel it warming my shell, stitching my heart back together, breathing life into my battered soul. After so long, I could feel that gentle comfort of Love cradling me... and I could feel it so intensely for Lucifer, for Jaques. They were more than just King and Prince, more than just counterparts, more than just students.

They were part of my life.

They were my family.

They were my personal saviors.

Before I knew what was happening, tears were pooling in my eyes, blurring my vision. I held Lucifer to me tighter, trying to control the shuddering breathes that expelled from my lungs. Lucifer held to me tighter now.

"St. John, please, forgive me, please forgive my selfishness--"

"Lucifer," I took him by the shoulders and held him back, watching his eyes widen in surprise at seeing the tears that broke free over my lashes, sliding down my cheeks, and I reached my hands up to cup Lucifer's face, "Look at me. Listen to me well. What you have done was in no way wrong. I volunteered for it. You know me. You know that I would not do something without reason. You have with you your love. You have returned to your son and you will do right by him. You are the King of this realm and you will lead these people in the right direction." Lucifer swallowed, reaching up to cover my hands on his face.

"Then why do you weep? Did they harm you there in that place?" He managed. I shook my head and offered him a smile as I swept my thumbs over his cheeks.

"No. I weep because it has taken me so long to find someone like you, Lucifer. I have never told you of my past," I admitted, taking a deep breath and Lucifer blinked widely with interest and confusion, "And I may never be able to tell you. But what I can say is that once long, long ago, when time was still in infancy, I had everything I could have ever wanted. But it was taken from me and I was left alone. Nothing hurt more than having my reasons for living yanked brutally away. And since then, I have been cold and I have been broken and I have been lost. And it was you who reached through the darkness of my world and took my hand and led me to the light."

"Me," Lucifer whispered, blinking back tears, "But it was you who saved me."

"And it was you who saved me," I murmured, "What irony that, without knowing it, we saved each other in more ways than we could ever possibly understand. You are so much more than an angel, Lucifer. You are a savior. You are my savior. You are the savior of your people, your son, and future generations." Lucifer swallowed thickly, then ducked back into my arms again and I held him close, taking a deep breath to steady myself.

The sound of a door cracking open interrupted us just a few moments later, and we quickly broke apart to hide our previous blubbering as the succubus poked her head into the room, then her mouth went into an O of surprise, pink coloring her cheeks.

"Oh, my deepest apologies, my King, my Lord," she bowed her head and Lucifer cleared his throat, waving for her to enter.

"Come, Lillian, there is someone I wish to formally introduce you to," he called. She hesitated a moment before entering, and I smiled at the beautiful picture she made. Her long pale blonde hair was a stream of light down her back, her skin now washed and glowing radiantly in the chandelier overhead, and she wore a gorgeous gown of emerald velvet that pooled around her feet.

She approached Lucifer's side, and Lucifer laid a hand upon her back, turning to me with a smile.

"St. John, this is my soon-to-be wife, and queen, Lillian of Babylon. My Lillian, this is my greatest friend and my dearest brother, St. John," Lucifer introduced. His introduction stole my breath away, that he would, too, see me as so dear to him, and even more so the fact that he had already pledged his loyalty to Lillian.

The succubus bowed her head, curtseyed perfectly, before rising again to meet my eyes. There was a lack of fear I found admirable in those piercing blue eyes. I bowed to her.

She was going to make a great wife and a great queen, a great mother, and a great in-law to the Savior.

"Pardon my state," I told her gently, "I'm afraid I get emotional when it comes to Lucifer. He frightens me so with his gallivanting about in enemy territory." Lillian smiled at that, glancing sideways at Lucifer, who rolled his eyes.

"No pardon necessary," she said, then winked at me, "You and I can have our own sessions of weeping and wailing when he begins yet another campaign to the south." Lucifer sighed, wiping a hand down his face.

"And I will let the servants know to keep buckets on hand," he responded. Lillian elbowed him, but continued to beam, a radiant beam of sunlight in an otherwise dim room.

Finishing introductions, we left my quarters and checked in on Jaques, who was studying avidly with his governess, and enthusiastic to see me once more. He celebrated my homecoming by latching onto my waist, then my shoulders as I hoisted him into my arms and cradled him close. Kissing him upon the head, I returned him to his studies before leaving with Lucifer, allowing Lillian to return to her quarters where her handmaidens were hurrying to prepare her attire for the wedding.

"How fairs this crusade of yours?" I asked as we walked out of the castle's main entrance into the cobblestone streets outside, where soldiers marched by and servants ran to and fro. Lucifer studied them all, frowning as he walked with his hands behind his back.

"Most everything is falling into place appropriately now. There is just one piece that wishes to continue war," he muttered, and at my questioning brow, he sighed, "The land of Duat, to the south." I frowned at that.

Ra's land. The Underworld for the Egyptian pantheon, and so, too, their believers in the mortal realm.

"How so in Duat?" I asked. Lucifer pinched the bridge of his nose before peering up at nothing in particular, though, something told me his irritated expression was directed toward the gods residing in Duat.

"While many of the gods are unconcerned with my current standing in Hell, Duat itself was left splintered due to inner pantheon war. Therefore, the land that touches my own belongs to the God Set, their god of chaos and I can assure you he is aptly titled," he assured. It took me a moment to trace Set's lineage in relation to Ra. But I knew Set well, at least from rumors over the centuries.

Truly a villain in the eyes of all who had the misfortune of encountering him.

He'd slaughtered his own brother out of spite. He attacked the rest of his family on a daily basis, for nothing more than looking at him the wrong way. He'd started several civil wars within the pantheon for the most foolish of reasons. He was a proud and mighty god, one so feared by his own family, that he was isolated even by his own wife.

Intriguing.

"Does he not wish to share a border?" I asked after a moment. Lucifer inclined his head.

"As you know, word of my betrayal of Heaven has spread far and wide. Set does not trust me and believes I will wage war upon his land as I have done in Hell. He also seems to think that he can stretch his territory beyond the mountain range and into Hell. And while the villages in that region certainly vote in his favor, I am positive it is on the basis of fear, not true choice. It is unfair to use such methods to ensure loyalty."

At my questionable stare, Lucifer scowled.

"I am not using fear. My followers come to me by choice. They also seek leadership. I fight only those who are actively attacking my people. I must protect them."

"You make a good point."

"I do. I just need to figure out a way to subdue Set before it becomes a full scale war against the Egyptians. If I touch Set, I am touching the pantheon itself. While Set is simply one god, and not well known for his kindness, the Egyptians highly value their familial ties and they will step in to assist Set." Once again, he was correct. While pantheons tended to wage their own civil wars, as soon as an outside force interfered, a pantheon war was triggered and it was felt like a sonic boom through the rest of the universe, even in the mortal realm. Such things disrupted the balance, shook the foundation of the Source, and tossed things into chaos.

And while a bit of chaos was always necessary, such chaos could lead to massive casualties everywhere. Something Lucifer wanted to avoid.

"Have you called for a meeting to negotiate?" I asked. Lucifer shook his head.

"I was told to wait a month."

"A month? Strangely specific."

"According to the god I spoke to by the name of Thoth, Set has an extremely complicated relationship with his wife. There's been a recent personal issue between the two of them that has Set behaving irrationally. I will do as he recommends and wait a month. Thereafter, I will call a meeting with him and discuss borders and alliances with him." I nodded in understanding.

Our walk lapsed into silence as we checked in on each of the regiments within the fortress, as well as sending out messengers to contact generals that were in the field. It was nightfall by the time we returned to the castle, and we entered a calm and peaceful corridor. Most of the servants had turned in for the night, as well as other workers in the facility. The remaining bodies were just guards on watching, prowling the corridors and standing at protected rooms.

"I suppose I will turn in for the night," I told Lucifer, turning to him as he paused in the hall, "There is much to do tomorrow, especially if we are preparing for your wedding to the Lady Lillian." Lucifer nodded, but his expression told me he wished to say more. I stared at him expectantly and he averted his eyes after a moment, covering his mouth as he debated what to say.

"May we speak in private, if for only a second?" He asked. I nodded. He led the way to his private study.

A massive room with frosted glass windows that looked out over the sea. Just before they sat a large redwood carved throne with sleek gold etchings, and with it came a desk piled high with scrolls and books, several dead quills and a single good one soaking in the glass tray of ink. Rows upon rows of book shelves ran the lengths of the room, save for a space for the large fireplace that hissed and popped with flames. Several other pieces of furniture sat around; a large red brocade sofa, several overstuffed armchairs, a long cherrywood coffee table, matching end tables. Truthfully, he had no need for such things as his study was rarely occupied by anyone other than himself and his son, but given that he took me here to talk, he certainly felt privacy was important.

I watched him walk over to the fire place, peering into the crackling flames. He touched the mantel, built of sleek carved onyx, upon which sat ancient statuary and a mirror that I avoided carefully by standing off to the side.

He wasn't speaking. He appeared somber now. He had a lot on his mind, and I wondered if it had anything to do with the war, but surely he could have discussed such things with me outside of here?

No, he'd taken me here for something far more personal.

And after several long moments of not speaking, I sighed, coming over to take a seat in one of the armchairs facing the fireplace.

"Lucifer, what is it? You can tell me. I will not react with anger, whatever it is that plagues you," I told him, studying his stern expression and the way the flames caused his face to glow. I could've easily just invaded his mind to seek that which he wished to speak of, but it felt like an odd invasion of privacy and I didn't want to hear it from his thoughts, but his lips.

"Something is amiss," Lucifer said after a long time, making me raise an eyebrow, but he refused to turn to me as he studied the flames, as if hoping they held the answers to his thoughts, "When you... When you volunteered, and I mean not to dishonor, please, do not misinterpret my words, but... When you volunteered, to take Lillian's place in the brothel, you were doing it for more than just assisting me with my love... weren't you?" I blinked.

Why should I lie to him? Lucifer has loved me up until now. Surely he would not be swayed from such feelings if I were to tell him the truth? And if he was, then I suppose our relationship was not meant to be.

But how did one put into words the deviancy running thick through my veins? I had once placed the blame upon Atlan. Twas his fault for my vile thoughts. Twas his fault I hungered for a fight, hungered for more than just sex, but a mind-blowing explosion of passion.

Yet, as time wore on, I found the blame game to be both tiring and pointless. Things happened for a reason, and sooner or later, I was bound to have felt this way. It had started in the beginning, even before Atlan's attempt to corrupt the universe, really. I had taken out my frustration and my feelings on running. And while my brother's kisses were but a scratch to the surface of what I truly desired, it was enough to placate me.

Now that I'd been exposed to raw sexual energy, I needed more. First, it had been those years I spent wandering aimlessly through the universe. I'd delved deep into the throes of sexual passion, but I still was not finding what I wanted. No matter the partner. I searched for something to give me meaning, something to give me something that did not linger for moments at a time, but for the rest of eternity. I wanted something more than just sex and affection.

I wanted something raw and hot and dangerous and beautiful. I wanted to lay with a lion, not with a house cat.

And the dream of the angel and the warrior had only fueled that need with the warrior's talk of Love and that I, too, would find a Love like his. Meeting Lucifer, seeing him fall in love. And fighting, gods the fighting had gotten so much more intense since then. Weaponry was skyrocketing in terms of technological advances. Techniques were becoming far more complex, a deadly dance with only one winner.

I wanted to find that. I needed to find that. There was a build up inside me that needed to be let out at its fullest. Yet, no partner I laid with could provide that.

Oh sure, there were plenty of brutes. Plenty of males who sauntered into my quarters with thoughts of dominating me and breaking me, of turning me into a melted puddle of mewling. And plenty of them had emotional troubles that I desperately wanted to soothe. But it was all so easy. Fixing them, making them bend, watching them snap. Watching them smile for the first time in their lives, listening to their thank yous and their whispered romances.

I needed more.

It wasn't enough.

No matter how hard I scratched, I could not ease the itch. It was as if it were deep beneath my skin and no amount of scratching could make it go away. It was yet too far away and I felt impatient. I knew it was coming, the warrior told me so, the angel promised me, yet I did not want to wait.

And, fuck, it was so much more than just sex. I wanted to feel that deep connection. I wanted to feel tethered to another creature so hard that our very souls were one. I wanted to find a broken soul and I wanted to heal it, heal my own. I wasn't asking for perfection, far from. I relished the idea of fighting, relished brutality in its rawest form. I wanted it physically and I wanted it mentally. To absorb the ideas of another creature, to see how deep their intelligence ran, how humble they were in their knowledge. I wanted something intense from the moment our eyes met.

And I had no idea why I wanted these things.

Were it not much easier to settle down for one of the typical creatures. The kind of sweet tender romance, the ones written about in sonnets, the ones who cradled their lovers close and need not for trivial conversation, but mere presence. It would be so simple, as most creatures looked upon me and saw such a fictional protagonist.

Yet, I could not pretend.

I could pretend no longer.

"I wanted to stay," I told Lucifer calmly, watching him blink and look up before turning to stare at me with wide, surprised eyes, "While my intention was certainly to secure your wife, I also must confess that I had ulterior motives in my remaining in the brothel. I will not lie to you, Lucifer, I love you far too much to disrespect you and your intelligence." Lucifer swallowed hard, looking away for a moment, and I swore his face was coloring pink, but it was difficult to tell with the flames casting an orange glow upon his visage.

"Why?" He asked at last. I cocked my head thoughtfully, leaning back against the plush buttoned back of the chair, resting my hands on the arms of the seat, tracing the rough gold designs sewn into the velvet red material.

"I've been asking myself the same questions for years," I murmured, lifting my eyes to stare into the flames, watching orange tongues lick the inside of the sleek fireplace, casting shadows of soot up into the shaft, "Why do I feel like this? Why do I need this? And it's more than a physical need, Lucifer, it runs so much deeper. I have been alive since the beginning of time and still I have not found an answer as to why I feel this way, why anyone would feel this way. Is it foolish to want to be held by another creature? So much so that you're willing to try everyone until you find the right one? I suppose a brothel would be a much more proper place for me than as your adviser."

Lucifer stiffened at that and turned to face me.

"You are not a whore because you want to be loved, St. John."

"Is it love, though?" I asked. Lucifer came over and took a seat in the matching armchair beside me, leaning on the arm so he could look directly at me. I glanced at him out the corner of my eye, watching the fire spark in his eyes.

"It was you who showed me what love is, St. John. Love comes in all shapes and forms. You are not wrong and you are not dirty because you wish to seek it. Carnally or spiritually. This is what I have been taught."

"Such free thinking for an angel of God, is it not?"

"And it is for such thinking that I was banished from my home," Lucifer murmured, sinking back into his seat and staring into the fire, "My question is... is free thinking, free will, a curse or a gift?"

"When I find the answer, I will let you know. In the meantime, I understand if you wish for me to leave the castle--"

"Absolutely not," Lucifer snorted, making me arch a brow, turning to look at him and he tapped his thumb on the arm of his chair, "I have just got you back. You cannot escape me so easily, especially after earlier. We are family. We are kindred spirits. St. John, wherever you go, I shall follow. Wherever I go, you shall follow. It is the way of things, even without our knowing. We are one now... and to be quite frank, I must confess that I understand your needs all too well. Did you think Lillian was the first female I had slept with in that brothel?" I smirked, laying my head back against the seat.

"I should think not. You aren't easily wooed, Lucifer... In fact, I suppose you are like me. We both like those of fiery spirit. Should I be so lucky as to find someone of my own some day."

"Should you be so lucky, St. John. And should whomever you find treat your heart well." And though the words weren't spoken upon his lips, I could hear them in the air as they drifted from his mind.

For your visage may be stone, your heart is glass. You are more fragile than you think, St. John.

Aye, Lucifer. And perhaps that was what kept me from finding the one.