Chapter Eighteen

Lucifer had fallen in love.

And he didn't even know it quite yet.

It was amusing, oddly endearing, to watch Delilah interact with him, teaching him the ways of not only her people, but of others. She had a much easier time opening Lucifer up to the variety of cultures that existed beyond his own, and convincing him that what he saw as sin... really wasn't a sin at all.

Indulging in life's pleasures was not a sin. Abusing life's pleasures on the other hand... However, Delilah was careful not to open any doors to negativity where he was concerned. She opened him to a world of possibilities, of love and adventure. She was the perfect addition, an unexpected one, but a welcome one nonetheless and she was more than willing to accompany us as we made our way from the small outpost village to the next leg of our adventure...

"Wait," Lucifer said slowly, a scowl creasing his brow and making Delilah laugh, "I do not understand. Do it again." She flared out a deck of cards and Lucifer studied the knotwork across their backs before he pointed to one. With her eyes closed, Delilah flipped the card up and out to reveal the insignia on the other side, a cross symbol with rings around the center. She turned it to show me, then tucked it back into the deck. She shuffled the deck rapidly, making Lucifer's eyes go on a crazy adventure trying to keep track of his card, but eventually he lost sight and squinted now.

She stopped shuffling abruptly, then waved her hand up and reached toward Lucifer's coat, plucking a card from the collar and showing it to him with a smile.

"This your card?" She asked. His eyes widened.

"Amazing! What sort of spell do you use?" He asked in fascination, taking the deck to study the patterns upon them. Delilah smiled.

"No spell, sugar. It's simply an illusion. I'd show you how to do it, but then I wouldn't be special anymore," she said. Lucifer frowned at her.

"Preposterous. I find you very special even without your witchcraft."

"Not witchcraft, sugar. Illusions. Witchcraft would imply magic."

"Why do you call me that?"

"Sugar?"

"Yes."

"Because you remind me of sugar. You're coarse, yet sweet." Delilah's smile became sly as she averted her eyes and Lucifer blushed pink. He cleared his throat and tugged at the collar of his coat awkwardly as he handed Delilah her cards back. She shuffled them up and tucked them into her satchel before she glanced at me.

"So, I have learned very much of Lucifer. Yet, I know not your real name. Surely it's not really St. John, is it?"

"Tis," I confirmed, making her arch a brow and Lucifer looked at me curiously, "It is the name I prefer currently. And there is not much for me to tell you aside from the fact that I am male. I enjoy fruit and walking and stars. Nothing more, nothing less." Delilah studied me for a while, then sighed.

"A mysterious man, aye? I suppose to each his own."

We continued on for several hours. We paused for rest, making a small camp in the woods with kindling and fallen branches, laid in a triangle around the fire. The sound of the fire crackling, the flames whispering as they danced in the icy cold breeze that curled in. The sound of insects had died down since the cold had come in, so it was an eerie silence, but for the occasional coo of an owl up in the trees.

I stared up through the towering trees, catching glimpses of a sky lit up with millions of shimmering stars, winking and waving at me. I lifted my arm slowly toward the sky, feeling oddly comforted that I could at least grasp them, and it looked as if I truly held them in my palm from this angle. I smiled briefly.

Starkin, if you're watching...

The thought barely crossed my mind when my instincts instantly picked up on something wrong. The coo of the owl came too quickly, too abruptly.

You won't get me this time.

I slowly clenched my fist and lowered it down to my side, narrowing my eyes. I took a deep breath, then yawned as I rose to my feet slowly. I glanced at Lucifer, who was sprawled on his side, blonde hair splayed across his bag that he used as a pillow, his heavy blanket wrapped around him so tight that it would take a giant to pry that thing off him. Meanwhile, Delilah was curled into a tight fetal position, completely encased by her heavy wool blankets.

I moved quietly, leaving the camp. I could hear the owl again up in the trees, a soft coo that droned on for a moment, then faded. It was closer this time. They were following me, or at least, two of them were. I could sense them in the trees, and the softest whisper of sound indicated they were using some sort of rope pulley system to maneuver in the trees above.

Further back, I sensed three more that were also preparing to attack, only waiting for a cue from their leader, who appeared to be tracking me. I had faith in Lucifer's abilities. If he could survive a fall that violent from such a height, he could surely hold his own and Delilah certainly was no pushover. I'd seen her bodyslam a male back at the tavern before we left.

I waited until I'd reached a spacious clearing before I stopped, and I heard the hum of the pulley as the two attackers landed behind me with what they thought was stealthy grace, but the moment I heard their feet touch the ground, I moved.

I spun around with a sidekick so hard that the second figure went flying across the clearing and smashed so hard into the base of a redwood that the whole tree groaned with the effort of the catch. The first figure lunged for me, but I backflipped out of the way and swung my fist for his face, only for him to pull back.

At this angle, the moonlight shone directly down upon us and I had the perfect view of his face as he came back up, baring a set of large nasty fangs. Judging from the golden glow in his eyes and the way his nostrils flared, along with the light hint of wet dog in the air, he was a shapeshifter. A wolf, if I was to be correct. He was massive too, at least two times my weight, but shorter than me. He was decked out in ratty old fighting gear and weapons, but he wasn't reaching for them.

He was trying to catch me, probably all of us, alive.

"Here, kitty, kitty," he growled, reaching for me again, but I spun out of the way and drew my elbow back to slam into his spine, causing him to flop forward onto the ground. Breathing hard with the icy winter air burning my lungs, I went to pin him down, but a pair of massive arms wrapped around me and hoisted me right off my feet.

"Tar, I got--" I cut the assailant off by bashing my head backwards into his nose, causing him to groan and release me. I spun around and worsened the damage by slamming the heel of my palm straight up into his nose, his head snapping back and all his weight throwing him backwards to the ground.

I spun around in time to kick this Tar person right in the face, knocking him clean off his feet and skidding across the ground. I looked back and forth between them when I heard shouting from the campsite. I cursed and sprinted back to the campsite to see that the three other attackers had launched themselves at Lucifer and Delilah, who were now wide awake and struggling against the sudden onslaught.

One of the three, a water demon, lunged at Lucifer's back while he battled with a fully turned shapeshifter that took the form of a wolf and was violently snapping at his face. Thereby occupying his attention completely. I launched myself at the water demon, catching him around the waist and throwing him to the ground, reeling my fist back and suckerpunching him square in the face. His head bounced off my fist and back into the ground, then my fist again before he was out cold.

Sprinting over to my pack, I snatched my swords up from their cradle and swirled them sharply as the one called Tar came running in from where I'd left him. His face bleeding profusely, his eyes were wild with rage as he went after me and I swung the sword up, cutting a clean injury straight from his navel to his throat, blood spraying across my face.

I sucked in a sharp breath as he made a strangled noise and hit the ground. I stepped back, breathing hard as the blood ran down my face and soaked my shirt. Blinking, I looked down at the blood, then over at the attacker's body. When I looked up again, the wolf shifter that had been battling Lucifer had thrown Lucifer across the clearing into Delilah, sending both of them flying into a tree.

The remaining two attackers turned toward me and I quickly found that place again.

The cold, unfeeling place that pumped raw adrenaline through my veins. I turned to face them, and the wolf attacked first. I ducked and swung around, slashing at its throat, but it ducked back and snarled at me. On the recoil of my sword arm, the wolf launched itself at me, locking its jaws around my arm and I cursed as those massive fangs sank right through my flesh, straight into the bone, causing pain to rocket up my arm into my head like an alarm bell.

The other attack took advantage of the distraction to come up behind me and lock his arm around my throat, hauling me up against him as the wolf released its iron grasp on my arm and turned to face Lucifer and Delilah as they recovered slowly from their disorientation. I struggled against the grasp that was crushing my throat. My vision dimmed around the edges, and my nose picked up on that horrid stench from his breath, a combination of rotten meat and old cheese.

Fuck this.

Fed up with trying to be gentle, I closed my eyes and sent a blast of power out, smashing both the other attackers into trees. Lucifer and Delilah both lost their footing for a moment, and Lucifer caught Delilah against him, quickly covering her with his body against the force of air that shot out sharply.

Breathing hard, I scanned the attackers, deeming four dead and one unconscious, but probably destined for death as well considering he had severed an artery. I looked down at the savage bite wound on my arm, the flesh peeled back in several places where the teeth had punctured the skin, the fang ones being the largest. Through the gushing red blood I caught glimpses of bone having been nicked by those teeth.

The pain rushed hot through my arm, boiled in my chest, making my breath ragged and quick. I stared down at my hands, the way they shook as they released the swords to the ground. A strange wave struck me in that moment, a wave I hadn't felt in a very long time and I closed my eyes to savor it for a moment.

Fuck me. That was amazing. That felt amazing.

I blinked my eyes open to stare down at the wound that was already rushing to heal itself of the damage, and the process itself was even more painful than the initial bite. I seethed through clenched teeth, clenching my fist as I watched the bone patch itself up, the skin webbing together slowly as it began to close over.

"St. John! Are you alright? Oh gods, you're bleeding horribly." I looked up as Delilah ran over with Lucifer at her side, both littered with cuts and bruises, such that would not last very long with Lucifer, but would certainly last several days if not weeks for Delilah.

"I'm fine," I replied calmly. And I meant it. I looked back down at my hands, watching them steady themselves. Yet, I couldn't shake this feeling... A wicked rush had sailed through my veins, and it was more than just the pain of the bite. It was more than just almost getting my neck broken. There was a thrill from the fight. The burn of adrenaline. The way my heart slammed hard into my breastbone.

I'd always gotten thrilled after a fight, but during? That had never happened before. The delicious sense of danger. Standing on the edge of death, of ruination. It was like teetering on the edge of an orgasm. So damn close, so close that it was honestly infuriating how quickly it had all ended. The fight had been too easy, too easily resolved.

And now that I stood there with my own thoughts while Lucifer and Delilah gathered up our gear to move on, I felt a wave of guilt for having enjoyed it. Not so much for the attackers. They were stupid to attack us so suddenly without much planning. They had come from nowhere, definitely hadn't scoped us out for hours. They must have just stumbled upon us.

The guilt came from the fact that I was truly enjoying the sense of danger, of adventure, but Lucifer and Delilah certainly had not. Delilah was limping and she favored her right arm, as if it were dislocated, and Lucifer stayed on her to ensure her safety, offering to heal the worst of her wounds, as her pride refused to allow him to heal all of the damage. Still, I hadn't thought of them first. I had only thought of the fight, thought of engaging the enemy on my own.

And worse still, I felt as if I needed more.

I felt like I was going to explode. I needed something more than just fighting bandits and bounty hunters. I needed more than sparring sessions. I needed more than walking and running.

It's a sin.

Life's pleasures are not a sin. Abusing them...

My hypocrisy was beginning to piss me off, and thankfully was just the water I needed to douse my fire.

"We'll head north," I said after a long silence, making Lucifer and Delilah look up, "It's safer. Northeast, preferably. The closer to the shore we get, the less likely we'll run into bandits. They prefer the middle of this realm." Delilah nodded in agreement and Lucifer made no argument. So the decision was made and north we went.

It was a long journey from our place in the southernmost forest, but it proved to me quite educational in all manners of speaking. Lucifer was quickly gaining the ability to understand the world around him, the place to which he came. He was also quickly growing close to Delilah. I was more than certain their relationship had past exceeded friendship. Were it not for the flirtatious banter back and forth, the noises I'd often heard in the night were certainly confirmation. Of course, I didn't meddle. It was not my place, and from the looks of things, they were settling together quite nicely.

I was also quickly learning that with each battle we encountered on our trek to the northeast shore, the more eager I was to battle. Unfortunately, the encounters were really not battles at all. It was groups of bandits, a slave trader, a strange circus of rare creatures, all falling once they had run into me. They lasted no more than a few minutes with me and down they went, either at the tip of my blade or in surrender, neither of which were very thrilling or pleasing. It was like riding closer and closer to that peak, only to have everyone else give up.

And I was left disgruntled, dissatisfied, and to say I was pissed would be an understatement, truly.

"St. John, are you alright?" Lucifer asked one night as we set up a perimeter for our newest campsite. I had just finished constructing our temporary cabin for the night, and had used far more magic than I had hoped to on it, because something told me Delilah was too weak to endure the winter. Her pallor had gone from sickly to sheet white, her walk slower, but when one attempted to help, she would shove us aside and struggle to walk with a confident strut, her chin in the air.

"I am fine. Why do you ask?" I asked as I assembled a locking mechanism for the front entrance. I grimaced as a blast of icy cold wind struck my cheeks, stinging the raw red skin there. Lucifer, too, ducked to avoid the blast of air, pulling the hood buttoned to his coat collar over his head further.

"You have been... I'm unsure how to say it. Anxious, I suppose. You act as if you have something else on your mind. May I inquire?" He asked. I shook my head, finishing the lock and giving the door a good open and close to test it before I allowed Lucifer to enter.

"I am well, Lucifer. You need not worry for me. In fact, it is Delilah whom I hold concern for," I murmured, glancing over at the cot I had made for her. With the fire blazing in the fireplace, the cabin was rather toasty and warm, but Delilah still shivered and she'd gotten up to vomit multiple times. Even with several wool blankets completely encasing her, she still quivered and coughed briefly.

"Tis a cold?" Lucifer asked, changing the subject now that I'd diverted his focus. Delilah sniffled and coughed again, then shrugged. She started to speak, then press the back of her hand to her mouth and rose, quickly sprinting to the connecting room I'd made for the latrine, and there we heard her empty the contents of her stomach.

I frowned now, listening to the retching for a moment before I turned to Lucifer, who looked in her direction worriedly.

"Lucifer. I am going to ask you something and you must answer me in all truth," I said, and Lucifer blinked at me, nodding, and I took a deep breath, "Have you lain with Delilah?" Lucifer blushed right to the tips of his ears and any other time, the blush would've amused me, however, today it did not as he looked away.

"I don't see how that's any of your--"

"Tis, if she is with child," I said. Lucifer froze, then slowly turned his head to stare at me. His mouth opened, then snapped shut. He covered his mouth for a moment, then without another word, he left the cabin. I sighed. I was tempted to follow him, but he appeared to need the time to cope with the news. And judging from his reaction, my instincts were correct, so I went to Delilah, who had fallen back from the chamber pot tucked beneath a wooden stand. She was trembling, so I fetched her a blanket to drape about her shoulders. She went to thank me, then quickly lunged back over the chamber pot, and I took her hair to hold it out of the way, gently rubbing circles upon her back.

"I'm with child, aren't I?" She breathed after a moment, staring at the wall behind the pot. I inclined my head and she squeezed her eyes shut, clenching her fists tight before uncurling one to lay across her stomach. She stroked the space there, then tilted her head to look up at me.

"Can you sense it?" She asked.

"May I?" I asked, reaching for her stomach. She nodded, moving her hand and allowing me to lay my palm across her stomach. Sure enough, I could feel it. She was actually quite far along, and we had only known her for six months... So they must have conceived the day they met, or at least the day after. Inside, I felt the child shifting, flexing. I could hear its heartbeat.

"He's there," I responded softly, and Delilah's eyes met mine.

"It is male?"

"Indeed."

"Is... Is he strong? Can you feel if he is strong?" She asked. I smiled at that, stroking her belly for a moment. How odd that I hadn't even noticed up until now, but I suppose I'd been so engrossed in my own idiotic behavior that I hadn't paid too much attention to her, or Lucifer, now that I thought about it. I closed my eyes, a brief apology lingering on my tongue before I swallowed and answered her question.

"Aye. He is very strong."

"Like his father," she breathed.

"Like his mother," I told her. She smiled slowly, then laid her palm over mine upon her stomach. We sat there in silence before I eventually helped her to her feet, leading her to the cot, which I had layered with more blankets and plush pillows. Had I known she was pregnant for sure to begin with, I probably would've given her a much more lavish cabin, but she appeared to be in heaven the moment I helped her lay down. She sighed and snuggled amongst the blankets until she was nothing more than a mound on the bed with her face peeking out to stare up at me.

"Should I tell Lucifer?" She asked softly. I nodded.

"It would be best. Allow me to fetch him." I turned and left the cabin, double-checking our surroundings to ensure her safety against bandits before I followed Lucifer's footsteps in the freshly fallen snow. They walked in quite a large circle at first before disappearing off to the east and I followed them a bit longer until I came upon a river, as black as the snow was white. A large clearing broke through the trees to the river side, where Lucifer currently had planted himself on a fallen tree, his hands clenched tightly before him and his head bowed in prayer.

I waited until he was finished, until his head lifted, before I approached. He looked up briefly, those celestial blue eyes averting back to the river to stare into its darkness that was so sleek that it reflected the scenery around it. I came forth and sat beside him, staring at the river with him.

"She wishes to see you," I said. Lucifer quivered, clenching his hands tightly together, and I frowned.

"Lucifer--"

"I know," he snapped, then he took a deep breath, raking a gloved hand through his blonde hair before he leaned forward with his arms across his knees, "I know. I just... I didn't want for this to happen. I never meant to hurt her." Curious, I simply tilted my head in question and Lucifer wiped his hands down his face before he rose to his feet, to pace in the snow, as if moving allowed him to clear his mind, and my eyes followed him as he walked.

While I did not delve into his mind, I could see in his eyes that he was thinking frantically about the situation. No, he was thinking of how to explain it to me. The fact that he felt so hesitant, so afraid to do so, meant it was finally coming. The truth behind his fall, the truth to his being here.

And I waited patiently for him to finish pacing. When he finally did, he stood with his back to me, his arms going around himself tightly. Concerned he was thinking of plunging into the river, I rose to my feet and came to his side to see him staring into the river. His skin suddenly appeared chalky, his eyes glossy and his lips parting so soft clouds of breath wafted into the air before him before dissipating.

He shut his eyes.

"St. John, I'm a monster," he whispered at last, and while my first instinct was to disagree with him, I remained silent so he could elaborate, "I'm cursed... No, even before that, I was... different. There was something wrong with me. I didn't dare speak out. I'm a son of God. I am perfection incarnate, and yet, still lingered the thought that I was not the perfection I had been led to believe. I tried so hard to be like the others, to be like my brothers. God's word was law and it should be obeyed, and I knew that." As if he were reliving some kind of horror, he squeezed himself tighter and took a shuddering breath.

"God is creating man. He is making them with an innocence and purity that the other humans created by the other blasphemous gods do not have. But it felt wrong. Something was wrong. I felt it. He was so happy, and I just couldn't keep my mouth shut anymore. I spoke out against His decision. I spoke out against my own Father," he broke off into a dry sob.

I pursed my lips tight, surprised at the amount of pain his misery caused me. I hurt for him, and I wished desperately to take him into my arms and soothe him, but this was no time for comfort. This was a dark secret he was tired of carrying upon his shoulders, and I was more than open to assisting him carry that weight.

"Michael called me blasphemous," he continued again, sobering from his tears that now fell down his cheeks silently, burning through snow flakes that had begun to fall overhead, "My own brother called me blasphemous. He accused me of heresy. When I tried to defend myself, no one heard me. My voice was drowned out by accusations that only mounted further and further. It had only been a simple stupid mistake on my part, and when I had tried to recover with that, it only furthered the accusations. Suddenly, I was questioning God's power. I was questioning my Father's law. If I had made a mistake, then that meant our Father had also made a mistake, but that's impossible, because He makes no mistakes."

"I certainly was not alone in my disagreements regarding the new humans, but no one dared speak up with or for me, for fear of angering my brothers, my Father. And when the drama became too much, when the questions became a mile high, my Father could stand it no longer and ordered Michael to escort me out of Heaven. I refused and Michael sent me out by force. And when he cast me out, he did more than destroy me physically... He cursed me. He cursed me to... to drink the blood... of any and all I felt love for."

My eyes widened. What sort of curse was that. How disgustingly cruel. Who would dare turn Love into such a misery? I briefly thought of Atlan, and wondered if Atlan had come in contact with this Michael, but to be honest, it was about time I quit blaming Atlan for why others were cruel.

In Michael's eyes, what he did was justified. His unwavering loyalty to his Father and his realm was far more important to that of his brother. I was beginning to wonder if brotherhood in general was a curse upon the universe.

"Delilah," Lucifer choked after a moment, making me look back at him to see him covering his mouth with his hand before he drew it away briefly, "I have been feeding from her. Oh God, St. John, I've been feeding from the woman who holds my child. I've been killing her. I've been killing my own child."

"Lucifer--"

"This entire time, I've been killing the woman who has shown me a world far greater, far larger than that I have ever known. I've been killing the innocent child within her--"

"Lucifer, stop--"

"I'm a murderer," Lucifer wept, covering his face with his hands and melting into the snow on his knees, his shoulders trembling, "I'm killing my own lover and my own child and I cannot stop, St. John. Even now, at this distance, my body becomes pained from lack of blood. In her presence, my teeth become fangs and my eyes become the color of blood and the hunger turns my vision red and I can do nothing-- Oh God! I can't stop it, St. John! I can't stop it!"

Unable to stand it any longer, I took Lucifer into my arms and to my surprise, he allowed me. I cradled him as he sobbed, his fists twisting in the back of my jacket, his face pressed hard against my shoulder. I held the back of his head, closing my eyes as I fought tears of my own, empathy for his plight.

For his curse reminded me so much of my brother's. While my brother was not touched by magic to bring about his destructive half, he was cursed by the darkest side of Love. The blinded loyalty. My brother, too, could not control himself once he'd fallen in too deep. His vision became naught, but a field of villains. His instincts became naught, but those Atlan allowed him to have.

And in the end, in that last moment before my brother's eyes closed for the last time, I saw the regret in those eyes the color of a clear summer blue sky. I saw the horror. The pain. The agony. The apology.

And now here was Lucifer, desperately trying to fight something he could no longer battle. If he stayed with Delilah, there was no doubt he would kill her. Looking at her now, I realized why she looked so weak, why I hadn't picked up on her pregnancy right away.

She was already dying.

With each pull from her veins, she was drifting closer and closer to the Source's awaiting arms. And so too, would their child follow. And my heart bled for her, bled for the innocent in her womb, and bled for Lucifer as he sobbed. As he struggled to fight a destiny he could not free himself from.

Destiny. Twas never a kind mistress.