Generation: Grudge
Date: 30. June. 2020
Features: Logan, Virgil, (slight) Patton, (slight) Roman, (mentioned) Remus
Word Count: 1,743
AU: Human; psychotic break
Warnings: Mentions blood, psychotic meltdown, mention of suicide, mild description of crime scene, mentions of bullying/purposely being left out, writing style used to [slightly] emphasize main character's mental state (I think that is everything, I apologize sincerely if I missed any)

Important Note: If any of the warning topics make you even slightly unsure about how you will handle reading this oneshot, I do NOT recommend continuing. It is not super graphic, but it is enough that I would rather you keep yourself safe. Your mental health is more important to me than you continuing pass this point.

👓👑🌩👔🐍🐙

Emotions are a fickle thing. They are intangible, yet they can make one's skin crawl and their chest tighten; they can make one sweat profusely or shake and shiver in unexpected ways- they were difficult to keep track of, and harder still to comprehend.

From a completely analytical stand point, though: they were a nuisance.

It is strange how it doesn't take much though, for someone that has remained calm for most of their life to experience one pivotal moment- and suddenly, all bets are off the table! Sure, there was most likely a plethora of things throughout that calm person's life that led to this moment. This, precise moment, where Logan was stood with his chest heaving and eyes wide; his gaze frantically looking for something to hold onto that wouldn't send him spiraling in one direction or another; but nothing came to mind.

It wasn't Roman's fault that he sought romantic affections from Logan's best friend since childhood- that was actually something Logan had encouraged- although he couldn't help but feel like Roman was alienating him. Him, Logan, the person that had it not been for his presence in their friend group Roman most likely would have failed to join Patton in their junior year. Logan though, had single-handedly educated Roman enough to pass his final exams with a high enough mark to allow him to pass through to his junior year of high school. That venture though seemed fruitless, as over the course of the summer break, Patton and Logan had failed to meet up fewer than twice a month- an unheard of fear since Patton had always met up with him a minimum of once a week, family vacations withstanding.

Then, then, school started up again- which was great! Logan was looking forward to starting the year again- and having something worthwhile to fill the seemingly endless chasm of time he had when left to his own devices. Yet the contrast between every other year of Logan's minimal-emotions lifestyle and the beginning of their junior year were severely disorienting. He didn't need to constantly have someone to hang out with after school, so Logan was fine that three months into the year he had seen Patton- and Roman- only a handful of times outside of school hours.

It was the suddenly being alone at lunch that started to eat away at Logan.

Then it was being forced out of the group on projects in their shared classes- instead of Patton, Roman, and Logan it had become Patton, Roman, and Remus. (As far as Logan was aware, Roman despised Remus with his entire being, so when did Logan begin to rate lower than Remus?)

Logan still isn't entirely certain when the snap happened- that what this was classified as, right? A blank in his memory after pulling Roman aside to converse about what had happened to displace their friendship so much, evidence that things had not panned out well, and even more evidence that pointed to Logan being the party responsible for the mess before him. What exchange had taken place? Logan couldn't recall. He felt the muscles in his elbows and shoulders ticking with the tension that aligned them, taking another shuddering breath; Logan forced both of his hands into his hair, grasping the immaculate hairdo, and pulling.

He needed to feel more grounded.

Logan was currently the furthest thing from grounded though; the next idea flooded his brain: 'I have to focus on my breathing.' So he did, the repetition of "in through your nose, out through your mouth" a mantra in his head. That didn't stop the sensation of his skin crawling though; and it wasn't just that sensation either- his chest felt tight, his stomach was unsettled-

Oh, this wasn't just him having snapped; no, Logan had lost himself.

Suddenly the door to the bathroom swung open, and he heard a gasp from behind him. Turning around, Logan's hands pulled from his hair; and it was only then that he noticed the red substance had streaked it's way along his entire arm- and was most likely matting his hair as well now. He now focused in on the hooded figure in front of him- their eyes matching his own.

"Virgil! This- it's- I don't-" Logan couldn't seem to find the proper language or syntax to form a proper sentence. Words were currently not his friend, "Help-?"

Wide eyes stared into Logan's for a minute before the other's low voice came out (steadier than Logan anticipated), "Well, is he still breathing?"

Logan's head snapped back toward Roman's figure that was lying on the floor- uncomfortably splayed with his legs crumpled beneath him. "I don't know..." he finally whispered in response.

Virgil let out a heavy sigh before pressing pass Logan and pressing two fingers to Roman's neck. Silence fell over them for what felt like hours to Logan but was merely seconds in reality, "He has a pulse, so he isn't dead yet."

"Yet?" Logan squeaked out, no sure he wanted to know what the other was going to respond.

"Well Nerd, what are the chances that we take him to a hospital, he remembers what happened in here and chooses to press charges? Are you willing to take that risk?" Virgil questioned, wiping his hands off on his pants as he stood and turned to face Logan, "What chances are you willing to take? Pretend its his life, or yours- which do you value over the other?"

"I- I have to make that kind of choice... now?" Logan questioned softly, clearly shaken as he slowly raised his gaze to meet Virgil's.

Virgil gave a half-smile as he stepped closer to Logan, reaching forward and taking one of the nerd's hands in his own and turning it over, "In today's society, everyone has to do things they aren't proud of," Virgil stated before placing a pen in Logan's upturned palm, "It's dog eat dog, Logan. Are you going to let what I assume was your emotions, run away from you? Are you going to let them take your entire future from you?"

"My future?" Logan echoed, his gaze slowly moving to the pen in his hand, his grip tightening around the smooth cylinder as his mind seemed to click shut again and his thoughts began screaming at him. There were positives- such as this incident not getting out to anyone else. There were also negatives- such as destroying Patton's happiness. Could he do something like this to his best friend? Shaking his head, he looked to Virgil again, "But... Patton?"

~~~

Logan sat leaning against Virgil as he tried to calm himself down. Patton was the furthest from happy that Logan had ever seen him, but Logan didn't know how to help his friend right now. Hell, Logan needed Virgil just to function today. The way the school saw it? Logan was emotionally vulnerable after the death of one of his closest friends.

Suicide.

Roman's body was found at the back of the school building, his favorite jacket on the roof with a suicide note pinned beneath.

The reality was that Logan was still in shock; though Virgil had been quick to put forth the act of being the only brave soul to reach out to Logan and Patton during the roughest time of their high school life. Logan wrote the note and he and Virgil had both carried Roman to the top of the main building. Virgil was the one to suggest leaving the jacket on the roof to pin the note in place before pushing Roman over the edge.

It wasn't a perfect attempt. Roman still had a faint pulse as the ambulance had carted him away. He was stubborn- even in death. It was in the hospital that he flat-lined, and by 6 this following morning, the news had been relayed to Logan by a sobbing Patton over the phone. By 7:30, Logan was at the school, eyes dulled in what most would assume sadness, but was actually just him being stunned at the result of his own emotions. He went to his locker in autopilot and settled into his seat of his first class; and that was where Virgil found him.

Logan's thoughts kept circling back to his actions and the thought that emotions were disgusting. Something that felt so ugly was what led to what was his supposed friend's demise. The worst part was that since he held a grudge toward the other male for so many months, he couldn't find himself feeling guilty. He was in shock, sure; but he wasn't sad to see Roman go. He wished Patton wouldn't be so hurt- he actually didn't understand why his friend was so in love with the dramatic male.

It was the end of the day and Virgil had walked Logan home. The two were in Logan's home alone when Virgil spoke to him in that tone Logan recalled from the previous day. His words were no longer comfortig in the traditional sense. No, Virgil was no longer comforting his distressed classmate who just had a friend commit suicide. Now, Virgil was comforting someone that was in shock from the permanent nature their actions had taken- someone he had helped commit such heinous an act.

Now, Virgil's words spoke of promise for the future; how if Logan played his cards right he would never have to do such a thing again. That Roman was just a stepping stone on Logan's path to success. Somewhere in the echoing silence that followed Virgil's words, Logan began to believe the other. Roman was a stone on his path, and Logan was no longer being held under the thumb of someone who held too much sway in his life just days prior.

Logan had a promising future, and Virgil was willing to help him push forward.

Virgil was willing to help.

Virgil, whom he had never spoken to before yesterday outside of classwork.

Why was Virgil willing to go so far to help?

Airing this final thought to Virgil, Logan looked at the other and was met for the second time in two days with that half-smile. That little smirk was beginning to hold Logan hostage, and he was acutely aware of that; especially as Virgil spoke again, "We all need an accomplice, Logan. I'm willing to be yours, will you be mine?"

At those words, Logan already knew his answer.