Title: So Far

Author: Makenna Collette (panicking--) 

Genre: Science Fiction 

Rating: PG

# of Chapters: 4 (Ongoing)

# of Chapters I've read: 2

Summary/Blurb: 

Earth isn't such a bad place to be, all things considering. It's safe and familiar, and it's home for fourteen-year-old Tierce Davidson - up until his world abruptly changes for the worse.

Tierce wakes in a shuttle jetting away from Earth with only one piece of information at his disposal: his life as he once knew it is over. Nothing will ever be the same for him. But when he sets out to find the reason for it all, what costs will he be forced to pay as a result?

Review:

Cover:

This is definitely something I haven't seen before. It looks like a movie poster for a science fiction movie (You know how they like huge movie titles). Fitting, really, when we consider that this story revolves around leaving Earth and going on some kind of space voyage.

The reason why this cover works is because the title isn't a mile-long and it basically summarises the plot of the story: so far from home, planet Earth. I also like how" it acts as some kind of window through which you can see space—I, as a potential reader, can easily imagine myself as being on that space shuttle, along with the main character. My only concern for this is the fact that the author's name is stark white, which takes the attention away from the title and puts it on the name (in addition to the title not having borders)

Other than that, it's very creative and definitely attention-grabbing. 

Blurb:

After the cover, the blurb was like a punch in the gut. Frankly, I didn't feel compelled to read this story—nothing about it stands out to me amongst other books written with the same prompt. So, suddenly, the MC wakes up on a space shuttle leaving Earth. This is the introduction of about a hundred other books, and it isn't a climactic moment in the story. You could have intergalactic fight scenes, an exploding star, a human being disguised as a bloodsucking alien—but if none of this stuff is included in the blurb, why would I pick this book over another one?

For some reason, the fact that you've also included the MC's age is a little off-putting. I've read enough Teenfics to be prejudiced against ninth graders, and even the mere thought of having to read the story of another whiny kid makes my skin crawl. I'm pretty sure that the age isn't a vital piece of information (unless that's the magic age to leave the planet?) so that can be removed.

The ending: "But when he sets out to find the reason for it all, what costs will he be forced to pay as a result?" I don't really get it. He's already setting out to leave the planet, where else could he be setting out? Mars? Pluto? Planet XYZ? There's an entire part missing before that telling me about conspiracy theories. Also, I wonder what price a teenager can pay on a shuttle for wanting to know why the hell he's leaving his planet. Getting ejected into the vacuum of space sounds expensive.

Overall—Unimpressed, but I'm sure your story is much better than this. 

First Impression:

he introduction to the story was expected–character wakes up in a pod (but in the blurb it said that he was in a shuttle, so I was expecting it to be an actual NASA-style space shuttle. Those are two very different images in my head)—but then Earth exploding and all that wasn't. At all. They must've ejected him into space right before shit went down. What a lucky bugger he is.

For some reason, the fact that the character is in a pod sounds strangely familiar to the beginning of Superman's life story. Except that the guy isn't a baby, but rather a teenager. It would suddenly become VERY interesting if he happens to develop superpowers on a new planet, just like Superman.

This first chapter was easy to read, but enjoyable because of your use of the first person perspective. I think if it were written in the third person, it would've been hella boring, because I'm pretty sure you would've had to throw in truckloads of background information to justify the scene. But like this, you get away with ambiguity and confusion, because this is the character speaking to us—who also doesn't know what the hell is going on.

There were a lot of plot inconsistencies, however, and I think those are what played it down for me. I'll just go ahead and list them.

—"A pod, I conclude. I'm in a shuttle." I found this a little odd, I mean, my first thought wouldn't have been that. I would've thought that I was kidnapped and in the trunk of someone's car or something, not in a pod. I feel like that notion is too ludicrous, and then you throw in a paragraph of explanation in the attempt to erase that feeling from the reader.

— "A pod with no operations panel can only mean only one thing—and it's nothing good." I'm not told what's 'bad' about a pod with no operations panel. I guess I find out later, but it would've been nice to get that sense of foreboding earlier on. Also, the character was taught everything about spaceships from the age of ten, but was never told how to pull up the controls for a pod like this?

—I like how you introduce some character traits in the first chapter, without resorting to the "let's give them a paragraph of physical description!" Now I know that the character has claustrophobia, but I don't feel like it was represented as well as it could've been—their fear of enclosed spaces is big enough to send the guy into a panic attack, but the character snaps out of it relatively quickly. Also, I'm constantly being told that he's panicking, but you're not showing me how he panics. Everyone panics differently—do his hands start to sweat, does he start pulling at his hair, does he start picking at his nails? Because of his fear of enclosed spaces, was he taught how to get over them?

—"Having never before seen it from such a distance (unless you counted the third-grade field trip we took to the space station), I'm struck speechless for a long moment." The inclusion of his third-grade experience bazooka'd the realism of his reaction. It would've been better if you didn't add that part in—I would've preferred this to be a new experience for the both of us.

—"There's just enough room for me to lie flat, and sit up comfortably without bumping into anything." I felt like I wasn't given enough information to really picture the setting. Because the first chapter takes place in this pod, I need its dimensions as crystal clear in my mind as I can, so I can kind of judge how the character is moving. Maybe include a picture, along with a simile, or a metaphor to aid with the description.

—"How could something that encompasses my whole world look so minuscule and insignificant from this distance?"/ "I'm too far away to make out anything but the vague, fuzzy shapes of continents and oceans." It's unclear to me how close/far the character is to his planet. First, he's far enough to see the Earth has a golfball, then he sees it as a basketball? Then, if the character is close enough to see the continents, why doesn't the massive explosion either a) send his minuscule pod riveting into space or b) disintegrate him?

—The character's reaction to the Earth exploding was also a little off. I wouldn't give a single flying fuck about "how pointless and wasteful" the destruction of humankind is, or how many lives were lost. I'd think: "Fuck, I'm THE LAST HUMAN ALIVE! WHAT WILL I EVER DO???" In that moment, all his reactions have to stem from his emotions, he's just a kid, he won't think rationally at a time like this. Also, who cares who destroyed the Earth? The fact of the matter is: it's gone! It's nothing but speckles of dust in space now! Thinking about who would be evil enough to do such a thing would be something that would come to mind later on—once he calms himself down. Not now. Right now all the character can really do (we're talking about a fourteen-year-old boy here) is rock back and forth, suck on his thumb, and cry for his mommy back.

Overall—I like the voice, but way too many plot holes. Even if you're pantsing this, there has to be consistency. 

Writing Style:

Simplistic, but by this, I don't mean that it sounds as if it were written by a fifth grader. What I like about this is the fact that despite this is a science fiction novel, it doesn't contain complicated tech-y language which would make an insomniac fall asleep just with the first paragraph. I guess this is due to the fact that the speaker is familiar with these things—space travel has been achieved in his time, and he talks about it as easily as we talk about memes in the 21st century. Can you imagine someone from the 19th century talking about memes? Me neither.

Another big thing I noticed is that you like to use onomatopoeias (thump/crash/hush—all words which can also function as verbs). Not a complaint, just an observation. It's a form of showing and not telling *thumbs up* and you do this relatively well with the setting. But when it comes to the character, you tend to "tell" us how he feels, rather than show us. Again, it's probably because you write in the first person, but this is something you need to pay close attention to—it's okay for him to describe his feelings, in fact, this is encouraged for this POV.

No grammatical/punctuational errors so far and your sentence structure contains a lot of variation (You don't fall into the trap of starting every sentence with "I" and at no point did I see you repeating things). You write in the present tense and stick to it (thank the heavens), which gives me that feeling of immediacy, which I think works for this narrative.

The only issue in this story is the "realism" and consistency, as I've said earlier, but it's because you're pantsing the story, and not actually planning it out. This can (will) create problems for you later on as you delve deeper into the plot, and may result in a lot of holes which will be a pain to fill in once you're done and want to go back and edit.

Also, don't include parentheses, use these bad boys: "—" they serve the same purpose.   

Characters:

Tierce— The last human being alive (or so we think). Is fourteen, but surprisingly gutsy for a kid. If I were him, I would've found a way to kill myself. He's claustrophobic, which sucks if you're stuck for months in a tiny-ass pod. Poor baby.

Humankind— Fucked.

Weird alien—Where the heck did he come from? I told you this story would have aliens! 

Diamond rating ♢ (1—10): 7

What lowered your score significantly was the plot holes. These make it hard for a reader to enjoy the story, especially when the entire time you're screaming to yourself, "this isn't realistic!" (Or realistic to the story, not real life) Your blurb also played a part in this, because it doesn't do your story justice, but not as much as my previous point. 

Good work overall, and good luck!