Title: Savior [Lycan Salvation Series 1] 

Genre: Fantasy/ Werewolf

Author: profesionaldreamer

Rating: PG-13

# of Chapters: 7 (Ongoing)

# of Chapters I've read: 2

Summary/Blurb: 

As fallacious as it is, the legendary myth of Lycanthropy is in fact real. Only people chose to believe that it is only a fabrication because of the fact that not for a long time has anyone ever perceived it with their own bare eyes.

The Lycan's are at the top of the food chain, past all beings, as well as werewolves, vampires, witches and much, much more. As they are greater than any thing made to live, the ones below them act upon their deranged instinct, slaughtering each and every Lycan alive, and after many centuries of failure, they were finally able to prosecute the great extinction.

After a great amount of years of hopelessness and discouragement, all changes over a great prophecy, a teenaged girl, a pack of Lycan survivors and a journey, venturing to save themselves and the people of Lycanthrope.

Prepare yourselves for the ride of your lives as you travel through a world of fantasy, action, mystery, adventure and much more.

Review: 

Cover: 

*pensively taps chin with a finger*

Try as I might, I have nothing bad to say about the cover. No frills, no chills. You have the main character on the cover, with her eyes closed, and resting her cheek against something? Is it a wall? The rock-hard chest of a mate? Who knows.

I only have one itty bitty suggestion, regarding the slashes across the image. I read on to the blurb to see whether it connects to the cover, and I just had an idea that would make this look even better.

From what I can see, there is an image in the back, and then you overlaid the gashes/title/author's name. Because the story is talking about the Lycans, which are powerful, demonic beasts that can kill you with their little toe, I think it would be cool to have THREE gashes instead of two, to emulate scratch marks. So like a Lycan scratched away at the white to reveal the image underneath.

The title also really encompasses the overall storyline (basically a Lycan girl is trying to free her people, like Moses) which makes me happy. The genre might be 'werewolf', but at least the title isn't My Alpha Mate Almost Caused My Species To Go Extinct.

Overall— Artsy. No alpha mates. Good.  

Blurb:

Alright, I'm scared about these Lycan beasts, and they're not even real! It reminds me a lot of us human beings, who are on top of the food chain. We may be weak and pathetic in comparison to other animals ( I mean, cats bring us dead mice and birds because they think that we can't provide food for ourselves, which is true) but our intelligence is what has made us dominate over the other species.

This may be the opposite, the Lycans have slain their way to the top, but the bottom line principle is the same. Both humans and Lycans rule by fear, and, eventually, will be wiped out by their mistakes, or angry underlings.

You give out enough information in the blurb to draw in the reader, and from what I can see, the story will definitely not be one of those cliché alpha werewolf stories. It will still include supernatural creatures, so that's something we can all look forward to.

The only thing that was a little off about the blurb was the language. There were some words that were clearly taken out of a thesaurus, and some that didn't fit the context. Now, while it's not a bad thing to use synonyms to avoid repetitive words and phrases (+ appear smarter), the trick is to not make it obvious and/or odd to read.

For example: "As fallacious as it is, the legendary myth of Lycanthropy is in fact, real."

Fallacious is a synonym for 'wrong/erroneous' which doesn't fit this context. Maybe you meant fictitious because at the end of the phrase you say "is, in fact, real."

New sentence: "As fictitious as it may seem, Lycanthropy is, in fact, real."

Second example: "[...] and after many centuries of failure, they were finally able to prosecute the great extinction."

In this case, the word "prosecute" is out of place. Prosecute means condemnation, but this isn't what you meant in this context. I think what you were trying to say was "put in motion" or something along those lines. Maybe 'cause' or 'spur' is the right term?

Overall—Badass idea, not so badass use of synonyms. 

First Impression:

Two words: purple prose. Sometimes, it was hard for me to understand what was going on because of all the unnecessary similes and metaphors, that—rather than enhance the writing—broke the flow and drew excessive attention to themselves. They made the sentences clunky, and often times, I found my eyes glazing over. I had to slap myself to concentrate again.

In addition to that, there was a lot of info-dumping. I skipped over the prologue, but the role of the prologue is to include all the background information (necessary to the story) so that this doesn't have to be done in the main plot. From what I understand, Avory has gotten into a fight in the prologue—it would be more beneficial for you to have the first chapter as the fight scene (and heavens above, without all that description) and the prologue introducing the council, who they are, what they do, and the Lycans. I'm suggesting this, because, the first chapter starts out too slowly, and the reader has to get through blocks of texts before getting to, at least, the dialogue. The second chapter is already a little better, but still—I want to enjoy what I'm reading, not feel like it's a chore.

Writing Style: 

~ A lot of shifts between the past and present tense, which makes me wonder whether the story is being told in past tense, or in the present tense. I'm thinking that the parts in present tense, e.g. "Another one is dead" is meant to be a thought of the main character. I

~ Sometimes you mistake possessives for plural nouns. E.g. "[...] ever since the poor teenager['s] sixteenth birthday." I've noticed this issue in the blurb as well, so I suggest you go back and read over these.

~ As I said earlier, purple prose. A few examples of this:

1. "She remembers that day without any doubt as clearly as a glass chalice that has been polished for hours on end, for many days, weeks and years to come by."

2. "They're all as stubborn as a broken bulldozer reluctant to get back together and function."

~ Info-dumping. When I read "She remembers the day [...]" I was like, here we go. No. 

3. The description itself sometimes has points that contradict itself (logically speaking). For example:

a) It is mentioned that the people in the town seem "carefree" and "content", but Avory gets there past midnight when the place is most likely deserted. It isn't either daytime nor has she been in this town for long, so she can't really make a judgement on the townspeople themselves.

b) "Curiosity, as well as dread and fear, washes off them as they watch her pass by each and every one of them."—> Another contradiction. As I've said earlier, the streets should be deserted, and because it's dark she kind of blends into her surroundings. Plus, she just looks like a hobo, not Jason from Friday the 13th.

c) "[...] as to why this bloodied, grim-covered and dangerously held stranger"—> Yet the decrepit old lady just chucks her a room key without asking questions. If I saw something like this, I'd call the police asap. I'm also surprised that this reaction didn't have any effect on Avory.

I suggest cutting up the chapters into shorter ones because readers on Wattpad tend to like shorter chapters. Also, this gives you a chance to put a greater focus on Avory's character, rather than flowery descriptions. A good description, of a setting, of a situation, etc. is one that helps the reader envisions themselves in it, that catapults them into your world, not pull them out of it. I

It's not something easy to do, I also struggled with over-description when I started writing, but as you continue, and receive more feedback, you'll get a better idea as to what works and what doesn't work. Trust me, you'll get to the end of this book, and you'll read back the first chapter with a raised eyebrow—because even through a single work you go through a lot of changes, and improvements.  

Characters:

Avory— Some kind of shape-shifting critter, that is used to being a lone wolf. Doesn't really care for getting into bed covered in shit, or about what other people think of her. She can survive in a forest for more than a day, without getting mauled by the wildlife, and she doesn't give a single shit about what other people think of her. She says things as they are, a quality which would serve her well. Also hears voices. She's definitely the type of person who would be fun at parties. 

Old Hotel Lady—Probably old as Methuselah himself. Drools in her sleep. Probably beats kittens in time to her Punk Rock music. 

Alden— A werewolf. Super creepy at first, but he kind of reminded me of Andy Dwyer from Parks and Recreation because he seems like a pretty nice guy.

Ama— Don't like her. Too stuck up for my taste—but I guess every story needs someone like that to spice things up. How can there be order in a place without someone like that?

Diamond rating ♢ (1—10): 7

What really killed it for me was the flowery writing and the inconsistencies within the logic of the story. You write very eloquently, and it's clear to me that you have a vivid imagination, but try to cut down the descriptions. What I suggest is—when you finish writing a chapter, go back, and remove all the parts which are unnecessary, or hard to read. It will then read much better for you, and your readers.

Good luck!