Title: The Undying Virtue of a Painted Man

Genre: Fantasy/Teen-fiction.(It's mostly gen-fix YA with a splash of urban fantasy elements... But that's not exactly a drop down option xD so I currently have it as teen-fic but will probably change it to fantasy.)

Author: Everleigh_

Rating: Hard PG-13. (Maybe PG-15. Idk. Not quite an R but it deals with some tough subjects.)

# of Chapters: 6 (ongoing)

# of Chapter I've read: 2

Summary/Blurb: 

Jasper Faraday was kicked into the foster system at seven years old. At sixteen, he kicked himself back out. And, now, at seventeen, he makes a living on the streets of New York doing whatever it takes. Life isn't much, but he's got a place to live and enough food to survive; he isn't complaining.

However, when he accidentally kills a client through a magical power he didn't know he even had, he's recruited by an eccentric billionaire to attend an elite boarding school to learn to control his powers. The tentative life he'd had set up is ripped out from under him as he's forced to learn not only magic, but love, friendship, and everything in between.

Review:

Cover:

I was mentally out of breath by the time I finished reading your title. I'm joking. It's quirky and unique, and if I had a rating for originality, I'd give it a 10/10. Seriously, I don't think I've ever seen something even remotely similar before. I'd be interested to see what a "painted man" is supposed to be, I'm sure it will be explained in the story.

The cover itself is very...hipster, like something you would find on Tumblr. (Is it a new trend? I'm missing out.) But I like how it actually has something to do with the blurb. The alleyway does look like something you'd find in New York, and I'm assuming the young man smoking the cigarette is Jasper, whilst the guy standing behind him is the eccentric billionaire. It's like he's watching over the kid. I can almost see him shaking his head with disapproval.

The title is in a legible font, and it's out of the way—it doesn't take up most of the image. That would've been even more of a problem in your case, because of how long it is. It looks clean; I hate it when the words are hyphenated, and I'm glad it's not the case with this one.

Overall—Visually pleasant. My eyes thank you for that.

Blurb:

Introduces the character, gives the reader a short glimpse into his past...then things escalate from there. At first, he only seemed like a poor orphan/homeless guy, living day by day and basically doing what he can to survive. But suddenly, in the second paragraph, it opens with: "When he accidentally kills a client through a magical power he didn't even know he even had [...]"

I was like hold up....what? It was so sudden that I'm still processing it. I thought that this would just be a story about getting through hardships and surviving on the streets, but things have gotten a lot more interesting in just a matter of seconds. He has magical powers, gets taken under his wing by a billionaire....what's going on? Are we in a comic book or something?

There are a couple of things that could improve this blurb—I'll start off with some of the wording. In the first paragraph, you list off the ages at which the life events happened. So, at seven, he was kicked out of the foster home, at sixteen back out, etc., but then it was kind of jarring how you opened the third one with "And now, at seventeen, [...]". It just didn't sound right to me starting a sentence with a conjunction. So I would suggest starting that sentence like. "Now, at seventeen [...]"

I also want to know what "whatever it takes" means because apparently he has clients. Does he steal, sell drugs, is he a pimp? I'd like a little more information so that I'm not shellshocked by him killing one of his clients (probably because they were abusing him). The introduction of the billionaire didn't seem right to me either—how is he recruited by him? I can't see it happening in the realm of possibility the way it's written now. You need to introduce him better in this blurb, and also why the heck Jasper would want to go with him. This kid lives on the streets, is independent, doesn't listen to anyone—why would he follow a billionaire into a boarding school just like that?

Finally, I think that there's something missing at the ending like the blurb doesn't sound concluded. It needs a hook, like a question or something.

Overall—*insert shocked emoji here* 

First Impression:

What the fuck?!

As much as I want to talk about the ending, I have to do this chronologically. For the sake of my sanity.

I'm glad that the story didn't open with an alarm-clock scene (frankly, I'm over them), but rather with him walking back to his dingy apartment with a nice wad of cash. How did he get that, I asked myself. Something tells me that it wasn't from stealing, even though it does say, "I'd paid my rent more than a few times by stealing the money right out of someone unsuspecting person's pockets." Plus, it's way to early in the morning (or late at night?) for him to pickpocket people, and breaking into apartments doesn't seem like a thing that happens that late at night (too risky)—the only kind of people that go around in New York City at night are sex workers and drug dealers.

And *rings bell* our main character is a sex worker! But wait, it's a male prostitute (are they called gigolos?), and I never thought I would read about one. It definitely came across as a surprise, because although it's not unheard of, they aren't spoken about very often. It breaks the stereotype that only women work as prostitutes, when in reality, a lot of men are part of that life as well. It's really sad how some people have to resort to doing these things because they pretty much have no other choice—society judges them, but at the same time, does nothing to help them out of it. (Especially in America, where they spend more money on building jails that on integrating rehabilitation programs).

Moving along, the introduction of Sherri was also out of the norm. I hope we get to know a little more about her later on in the story—is she older than Jasper? She's kind of a motherly figure, but at the same time, lives a completely separate life from Jasper. It's like they care about one another, but at the same time, don't give a shit about what the other one does. It's an interesting dynamic.

Now for the ending, the cliffhanger, THE HOOK THAT LEFT ME SCREAMING. Jasper explodes a guy's head with his bare hands. Yes, you read that right. He's a Magi—a guy with magical powers. Duh. But he discovers this power by obliterating a rapist, not in some lame setting. (How do superheroes usually discover their powers? Jumping off buildings?)

The thing is, it's not that Jasper just happened to be a random passerby, going back to his lovely apartment and family. No, he happens to be one of those people that live in the 'dark side' of the city. The shoplifter, the robber, the sex worker, etc., not your typical hero. In a way, he's saving one of his own, and that's amazing to see. In superhero stories, they usually only protect "normal people", and see people who live like this as nothing more than scum. This story is refreshing with its viewpoint, and it's impressive that this is written as part of NaNo camp (aka speed-written). 

Writing Style:

The writing is simple, but it's expected, considering that it's in the first person POV. The narrator is also a 17-year-old kid that lives on the streets (probably with an education that doesn't exceed middle-school) and hence one cannot expect the descriptions to be long and flowery. The writing reflects the voice of the character, and that's all that really counts. There were a couple of grammatical errors throughout the piece, mostly typing errors, but the author hasn't gone through any editing yet (preferring to do so at the end) so that's justifiable. The punctuation was more polished than the grammar, with only a couple of minor slip-ups with regards to the dialogue, so I suggest maybe reading up on it to help refresh your mind. There is a good variety to your sentence structure, as well as your vocabulary, and you're very present-orientated. By this I mean that you don't put in flashbacks, dwell on the past too much, etc.—it's all about now and the future. 

Characters:

Jasper—A 17-year-old orphan who works as a male prostitute in order to survive on the merciless streets of New York City. I feel really bad for him, I really do. He doesn't have a family or friends, the only person he really talks to is his roommate. Despite his terrible living conditions, he seems like a boy with a good heart. I'm sure that if he lived in a better place, he would turn out quite well.

Sherri— Jasper's roommate. She's addicted to hard drugs (she plays with the big boys) but doesn't seem like the type of person to put others in danger to fuel her addiction. I don't know much about her by way of appearance, background, etc., but that's because the protagonist doesn't really care for her. She's really the only human being Jasper has close contact to and is almost like some kind of guardian for him.

Lump-headed rapist—Rest in pieces, shit-head.

Screaming girl—Awfully brave considering that she had been on the verge of being raped. Not so brave when interrogated by the police. I'm glad she didn't throw Jasper under the bus, and that she made it out of her traumatic experience alive (albeit covered in brains). 

Jonathan Teak—Your typical cheap-as-dirt lawyer who gets hired by the police to defend criminals who are unable to afford their own lawyer. Was a bit of a bitch at first, but he gained confidence once he understood that Jasper was telling the truth about the event. 

Dr. LaFayette—The billionaire from the blurb. Is a fellow Magi, and uses his money to help poor magi-children instead of destroying the economy. Good guy LaFayette.

Diamond rating ♢ (1—10): 9

This story is truly a gem. The author isn't afraid to openly touch on issues such as prostitution/drug use/abuse, but the best part is that she doesn't use it as a way to draw sympathy from the reader for the character. Overall, my only suggestion would be to touch up on those errors, and maybe do some research into how the judiciary system works. (I personally have no clue, but Wattpad has a lot of resources you can use.) 

Good job, you've earned your place in the Diamond in the Rough reading list!